One of my recurring dreams is that I'm still 'with' Eric somehow and it's a nightmare. It's my own feeling of feeling trapped and helpless I think because i know how it feels now and how it would feel if i were still in that place. Words can't describe how relieved it feels waking up except just that weightless or a weight lifted.

In my dream, he ( Read more... )

ooo, foreshadowing? i just remembered last night i dreamt that eric had a little boy, a cute lil white slightly red head. he was presented on the shoulders of the priest at church. everyone clapped. viendi held the baby. there was purple. i smiled and clapped and was genuinely happy for their fam in my dream. i wonder if it's true!!

Particle wave duality, aka the cornerstone of quantum physics. I do miss talking about science with Eric, something that he trusted to share with me either because I could understand it, or because he explained it really well. I'll always remember his compliments about being able to geek out with me. I enjoyed that trust, and trust for me to show ( Read more... )

"Valley girls giving blow jobs for Louboutins. What you call that? Head over heels." ha ha ha
Quote from yesterday ( Read more... )

The last Girls episode kind of hit home. Dysfunctional inter-family conflicts were depicted too well. It made me miss Eric's family. Almost a year ago, we were in Milbrae at his grandma's house for his sister's wedding. I met his entire family, and was really included and a part of everything, and comfortable. It was amazing seeing generations all ( Read more... )

Alas, Fall semester has begun. I feel the change too. I feel the tension, stress (wait, is tension a type of stress or strain...I forgot), and most notably I feel the routine. I wouldn't say I'm sad, nor am I happy. I guess I really do just go with the flow...the ebb and flow that is life blahblahblah ( Read more... )

I'm telecommuting today because I woke up with demonic red eyes. Why purple eyeliner, why ( Read more... )

I haven't written about Eric in a while. I still expect the worst outcome, but I'm still hopeful, even though I shouldn't be.  Sometimes I'll catch him saying little things that he doesn't even notice, or maybe he does, like "when I have kids I'm gonna do that." When? Or stuff like "I'd do that for you if I were your husband, but not a boyfriend." ( Read more... )

wedding so fun ( Read more... )

BF has been SO nice to me lately! I say that as if he wasn't nice before, but right now is super, extra nice. He went on vacation and everyday texted or called me a ton, and made time for me, and sent me pictures. When he came back, I thought maybe it would go away but it continued! He opens my door for me, holds me when we go out, holds my hand in ( Read more... )