Things with Lindsay have of late been strained and I am struggling to control my temper at times.  My deep need for introspection has once again made things worse then they probably were.  I wonder if she is really the one, if this is what love really is or was I just ready to settle down and she is along for the ride and I would feel the same ( Read more... )

Things have been so busy and stressful and crazy confusion that I haven't had time to post like I have wanted to.  Lindsay has moved in with me and that is going pretty well but I like my emo space sometimes.  I get really lonely sometimes because I have been neglecting my friends.  I haven't seen Crystal in like a month and Rachel too- I miss you ( Read more... )

It is funny how things can change so fast and the things that you thought that you wanted are scary when in your grasp.  Lindsay moved in with me yesterday and I am still processing everything.  Her mom kicked her out of the house which we pretty much figured on happening eventually it was just sooner than I thought.  I feel like I have a ( Read more... )

Totally scrap that last post.  Lindsay decided that if I wanted an open relationship she would leave me, that it was all or nothing.  I am angry, hurt, sad, confused.I don't like ultimatuums and I don't like jealous people which was one of the main reasons Dana and I didn't work.  "Living life like a deer in headlights- terrified, blind, and ( Read more... )

Lindsay and I just got into our first real major fight.  I asked to have an open relationship and she wasn't fond of the idea.  The last week and a half I have just felt on edge and claustrophobic and just fucking crazy.  We yelled and screamed and resolved to try it for 2 weeks and I promised that if she didn't like it I would never bring it up ( Read more... )

It is time once again to use my journal as my shrink and spew forth this word vomit circling my brain.  There are some things that I need to write down just for the catharsis and there are people that I need to thank whether they read this or not it needs to be said.  I have been bothered lately by my lack of self-confidence and self-esteem.  I ( Read more... )

In a less depressing note, happy birthday Jules!

"Failure By Design" Brand new

[Verse 1:]
Watch you on the one's and two's.
Through a window in a well lit room.
Become a recluse.
And I blame myself because I make things hard
and you're just trying to help.
And when I wake up you're the first to call.
This is one more late night basement song.
And I'm so sore ( Read more... )

I am about to make a really childish rant but hell that's what LJ is for right?  I am going to FUCKING KILL DANA!  I don't know how many times we had the conversation for her not to talk, message, comment, ect with Rachel.  It just pisses me off so bad that she holds me to this double standard that I try to live up to not to upset her.  I know I ( Read more... )

I got a letter yesterday that I was medically disqualified from the Marshal's because of my history of depression and anxiety.  Pronounced mentally unfit by someone who has never met me- bullshit.  It's because I am gay and a woman.  I have documentation where they asked me if I have ever had same-sex partners and they never asked the other person ( Read more... )

I don't think I will ever be able to fully process what you did to me.  My brain can't make that connection and that is why my dear on nights when I am filled with liquor and cigarettes I can see your face, I can smell your hair, and it feels like you are here.  You said that you loved me and that meant something to me.  I wasn't lying when I told ( Read more... )