jailbird songs, chapter 9 - probably the most epic prison au chapter.
I was going to try and finish all of this AU in December. I'm not sure if I'm able to but hey, will see.
first chapter // second chapter // third chapter // fourth chapter // fifth chapter // sixth chapter // seventh chapter // eighth chapter
jailbird songs, chapter 9 out of 11
fandom: super junior au
rating: r
pairings: ShiHan, KiHae, KangTeuk, YehWook, HyukSu, KyuMin, ShinBoa
word count: ~ 4,000
warnings: Crude things.
disclaimer: Did not happen, obviously. Peculiar and cracky and generally vapid.
notes; All of this AU will eventually be under the tag for prison!au.
“Fucking fuckfucker, piece of ..fuck.”
“Shut the fuck up, is it closed?”
“I don't care, trying to get this to open..”
“Retard, let me do it.”
“I can handle it.”
“You're crap at this, let me..”
“Fuck off, I'm better than-- oh.”
“Told you.”
“Cocksucke---”
**
She slipped her hand into his as they walked the narrow hallway, him behind her as she pulled the door open but didn't let go of his hand as they continued walking. Shindong glanced around nervously, waiting for a guard to appear at any time, seeing them like this, her cheeks still blushed, his lips red from her biting..
“Agasshi,” he pleaded, gesturing their linked hands. “Somebody might see.”
“Nonsense,” Boa said carelessly. “Now where did you need to be?”
“Therapy,” he replied lamely. “Last one before parole hearing.”
She smiled widely. “Oh, Donghee, that's wonderful.”
She leaned in, just before they turned a corner, to give him a kiss on the cheek and let go of his hand. Shindong watched as Boa's whole appearance became serious and her steps faster, he walked next to her down the hall way and didn't look at her as she explained the guard outside Dr Kim's office that she had brought Shindong here for a therapy session. Her voice sounded detached, professional. She was good.
Before leaving, she turned to him and flashed him a grin, just a small one, and left before he could smile back. Sheepishly he entered Dr Kim's office.
“Hello, Shin Donghee,” Kibum greeted him. “I was told Boa-sshi escorted you here. I had no idea you were so friendly with her.”
“What are you implying?” Shindong replied defensively.
Kibum didn't notice his tone. “Well, you know the prison mentality often creates this idea that it's you inmates against us staff. In this mentality it's seen as treason to even as much as be civil with the guards or the rest of us. An inmate says hello to somebody not an inmate and suddenly they're sleeping with the enemy.” Kibum smiled.
“I'm not against her,” Shindong was quick to correct him. “And not sleeping with the enemy. She's not the enemy. And even if she's not, I'm not sleeping with her.”
“Right, well, it's just an expression,” Kibum said, frowning quizzically. “You do know you can tell me anything in confidence, right? If there's anything bothering you.”
Shindong shook his head. “I'm fine, nothing's wrong.”
“Very well, then,” Kibum said, clearly not convinced. “Have you thought of what we last discussed?”
“I've thought of it every breathing minute of my existence,” Shindong replied, rolling his eyes.
Kibum looked at Shindong disapprovingly. “Then you'd remember what I said about sarcasm.”
“Sorry doctor,” Shindong said, dropping his head. “It's just nerves talking.”
“It's okay,” Kibum said warmly. “You have nothing to be nervous about. You're the only parole candidate I'm sure will do well in front of the board.”
Instead of saying what he wanted to say (something along the lines of So compared to a guy who sees aliens and the guy who invented a language of his own, I'm okay? Gee, thanks, doc, that sure as fuck fills me up with optimism), he nodded quietly and Kibum moved on to ramble about something else entirely.
**
“Where the hell have you been?” Heechul asked Hyukjae irritably as the the latter arrived to their cafeteria table.
“I had to go see Father Eric about something,” Hyukjae said, sitting down.
“What do you mean you had to go see him? Nobody has to go see a priest.” Heechul looked at Hyukjae, full of suspicion.
“Well, he asked me to go see him so I went to see him. Case closed,” Hyukjae shrugged and began eating.
“Did Junsu go see Father Eric as well? I don't see him at their table,” Heechul said, continuing to stare at Hyukjae.
“We're not fucking married, how am I to know what he does every second of every day?” Hyukjae asked irritably.
“You're right, how would you know,” Heechul agreed, “you're only his best friend. Oh, look, he just arrived to the table. With his cell mate Yoochun. Surely that isn't a sign of anything.”
Hyukjae dropped his chopsticks. “You're right, it's not a sign of anything,” he then said, coughing and throwing Heechul a death glare.
“But then again, how would you know, you're not fucking married to Junsu or anything,” Heechul said with a grin. “For all you know, they could be--”
“They're not!” Hyukjae exclaimed, face flushed with anger. “So fucking stop it already.”
“Besides,” Donghae said, suddenly looking up from his dinner, “Yoochun has a girlfriend he keeps getting mail from. It's all in English, so he never knows how to respond but he seems to love her a lot.”
“Exactly,” Hyukjae said, visibly pleased. “There! See? Not everybody in this hellhole is doing it with one another.”
“Right,” Heechul said with a nod. “Only most people.”
“Well, I'm not,” Hyukjae replied.
“Believe me, it shows.”
Hyukjae was blushing. “Just shut up.”
Donghae was now staring at him. “Sexual frustration is a serious ailment.”
“No, it's not,” Heechul snorted. “Stop scaring Hyukjae.”
“Well, it can be,” Donghae said, drawing away from the weirded out looking Hyukjae. “There are studies on the subject. I've read them, and tried showing them to Dr Kim but I don't think he's read any of them..”
“Whatever, Pinocchio,” Heechul said. “So how was lovely Father Eric?”
“He's never in when I try to go see him,” Donghae said with a pout.
“He's ..the same as always,” Hyukjae said awkwardly.
“Did he make you rap again?” Donghae asked.
Hyukjae nodded, mouth full of food.
“Did he ask for help at a computer game, again?” Heechul asked.
Hyukjae shook his head. “But he did show me his new high score.”
They ate in silence for a moment or two, after which Hyukjae suddenly stood up. “I have to go now.”
“Father Eric again?” Heechul asked, amused, and Hyukjae shot him a look.
“Library with Junsu,” Hyukjae said. “You can have my leftovers, Donghae. See you at lockdown.”
With those words he left the table and as Donghae began going through Hyukjae's remaining dinner tray, Heechul leaned in closer.
“What do you think?” he asked.
“Total bull,” Donghae replied.
“I agree,” Heechul said.
“I know for a fact Eric is having some sort of mental evaluation thingy with Dr Kim right now,” Donghae said idly.
“What the fuck, have you stalked his calender?” Heechul exclaimed.
Donghae shrugged. “I happened to flip through it once.”
“And memorize entire three weeks of his schedule?”
“Unconsciously perhaps.”
“That is sick,” Heechul said. “And awesome. What's he doing after Father Eric's evaluation?”
“Lunch,” Donghae answered.
“And what does he have for lunch?” Heechul asked.
“How the fuck am I supposed to know,” Donghae said with a sigh. Under his breath, he added, “He's not a very good cook so he usually orders in from the Chinese place nearby.”
“And you've still managed to convince him you're sane?” Heechul asked, raising his eyebrows in disbelief.
“I am sane,” Donghae insisted. “Kibum says my devotion to different causes can be seen as a strength.”
“Great,” Heechul said with a smile. “Then he must not be sane, either.”
**
Siwon stared at the post it taped on his desk lamp. He tapped his fingers against the table a couple of times and then leaned in his chair.
“Magolpy?” he said hesitantly into the intercom.
“Yes, Warden Choi?”
“You're sure this is the right number?”
“Yes, sir, it is the direct one. If you're going to call today, you better call them soon as they close the office at 3 PM.”
“I see. Thank you.”
He stared at the post it, and the digits written on it. His eyes moved to the clock and his hand made a motion towards the receiver.
Okay, Siwon, he told himself, closing one hand into a fist, time to grow a set of balls.
Hastily he picked up the phone and dialed the numbers, and with his heart racing, listened as somebody picked up at the other end.
“Who is this?”
“Choi Siwon speaking,” he replied.
“Didn't think I'd get to hear your voice again,” the voice at the other end of the line said.
Siwon cringed. Were it completely up to him, things would've remained that way.
**
“I don't really see this as a problem,” Han Geng admitted, shrugging.
Eeteuk huffed. “Of course it's a problem. This is hygiene we're talking. This is disease control. This is preventing mass epidemic.”
Han Geng looked at Kangin. “And this is also what you think?”
“Oh yeah, absolutely,” Kangin said rather unconvincingly. Eeteuk glared at him.
“And why exactly are you two here as well?” Han Geng asked, frowning at Heechul and Donghae.
“I'm curious,” Heechul answered.
“I'm bored,” Donghae said, leaning against Heechul's shoulder.
Han Geng sighed. “So let me get this straight. You found a cleaning closet that hasn't been utilized and you feel it ought to be in order to improve the cleanliness of your cell block.”
Eeteuk nodded. “Yes. It's situated right at the corridor that leads from our cell block to the cafeteria.”
Han Geng gave Kangin a look.
“Hey, I had no idea he was this anal about cleanliness, either!” Kangin defended himself, and Eeteuk punched his shoulder.
“There's no reason for all of you to come along,” Han Geng said.
“But we're boooored,” Donghae whined.
“It's a prison, you ought to be used to it by now,” Han Geng replied.
“I tipped Eeteuk about the closet in the first place,” Heechul reasoned.
“Fine, fine,” Han Geng finally relented and gestured a couple of other guards to come along with them.
“You don't need them, Officer Han,” Heechul said, amused. “We're not going to rape you.”
“Or kill you,” Kangin added.
“Like you could,” Han Geng replied with a smile.
“Which one?” Heechul asked, grinning back.
“Either,” Han Geng answered.
“What do you suppose we'll find?” Donghae asked as they walked towards the closet.
“It's not a treasure hunt,” Heechul said.
“Monsters!” Donghae said, sounding way too happy.
“Rats maybe,” Kangin suggested.
“Is this it?” Han Geng asked, gesturing at a door behind one corner.
“Yes,” Eeteuk said.
“If the lock's too rusty it might not open at all,” Han Geng said as he managed to fit his key into the lock anyway.
But the door did open.
**
“You hear that?”
“What?”
“Shh!”
“You're imagining things, come on, let's just--”
“Foot steps!”
“It's a hallway, of course people will walk by.”
“Shut the fuck up already.”
“I'll make you---”
**
At first nobody said anything. The only sounds were from Hyukjae sighing in frustration as he untangled his hand from Junsu's hair, and the awkward clinks of Junsu closing his belt. Hyukjae turned around to close his zipper and ran his hands over his t-shirt to smoothen it. Junsu wiped the sides of his mouth with his thumb.
One of the guards took a picture with their cell phone. Han Geng coughed.
“Fuck ...me,” Kangin was the first to say.
“Um,” Hyukjae managed as he shoved his hands in his pockets, looking down.
“I can't believe there are no cleaning products in there,” Eeteuk said, disappointed.
“This is too good,” Heechul said, grinning wider than ever. “This is simply too fucking good.”
“Right,” Han Geng said to the guards, “please escort these two into solitary confinement immediately. And search them for the keys to this thing.”
“Oh no, please, let's savor the moment,” Heechul pleaded Han Geng, still grinning. “It's only ever so often that somebody comes out of the closet.”
“Literally,” Kangin pointed out with a grin.
“Fuck you both,” Hyukjae told them. “Fuck you both with a pitchfork.”
“Take them away,” Han Geng told the guards. “The rest of you, time for some lovely early lockdown, wouldn't you think?”
“Aww, can we stay up a bit later to mark this amazing occasion?” Heechul asked.
“No, you can't,” Han Geng said indignantly. “I have a shitload of paperwork to do.”
“Because they fucked in the closet?” Donghae asked.
“No, because they broke into said closet to fuck, assumably more than once, and I need to know how it was done.” Han Geng sighed as they arrived to the cell block. “Off you go now.”
“I wish I could break into a closet,” Donghae said as he and Heechul got back in their cells.
“This is the best day ever,” Heechul said. “How long can I tease him about this before it drives him insane?”
“Mental health is not a matter of joke,” Donghae said in all seriousness.
“Wow,” Heechul said, amused. “You should try that line on Dr Kim.”
Donghae sighed and sat down on his bed. “Like I haven't already. A million times.”
**
In an entire universe of bad ideas, this was one of the worst ideas Kibum had ever had so far. First, how foolish of him to even as much as consider Lee Donghae's opinion on such a thing as scientific articles. Kibum did read psychological journals, he read them more than probably healthy. He didn't really need people to tell him to read any more, he did read them, he had read them, and he would continue to do so without further encouragement.
So maybe Donghae hadn't really pushed it onto him, maybe it had simply been a random mention somewhere, Donghae showing his interest in psychology and his interest in not-psychology, and that whole thought made Kibum really uncomfortable. This should've been a sign that he really needn't read articles on the psychological effects of sexual frustration based on the recommendation of an inmate who would very much like to--- but Kibum didn't allow his own thinking to go that far.
The point was, he had read those damned articles and he had done it right before his last session with Lee Donghae as his parole hearing was scheduled tomorrow morning. And none of this had been a very good idea but he wasn't focusing on that right now. It didn't matter. Right. Professional. Right.
“How have you been?” he asked Donghae, sitting on the chair across from Kibum's own. Simple question, no need for his thoughts to get derailed. His or Donghae's - the strange thing was that right now, Kibum wasn't sure who had the bigger problem with control. A tiny panic struck him - maybe he really had turned insane because of Donghae.
“Just fine, just fine. Nervous, a little, naturally,” Donghae said thoughtfully.
“Yes, I can well understand that,” Kibum said and they both stayed silent for a moment. Fucking fantastic, he thought. University educated but he still couldn't come up with anything to say. Time to get that second degree, he supposed. Kibum blamed the articles. And the chairs, for being so close.
“So is there anything, I mean, to help the nervousness so I actually manage to answer the parole board when they ask me stuff?” Donghae asked, and sure, he sounded innocent, but something in his tone was still making Kibum think of a million not-so-innocent things he could do to Donghae to help him with the nerves and---
“Well,” Kibum began, clearing his throat, “there are relaxation exercises I could teach you. If you'd like.”
“I would like that, yes,” Donghae said, but Kibum had the better of him this time.
“Here you go,” Kibum said, handing him a pamphlet. “It has instructions and everything. Very easy and effective.”
“Thanks,” Donghae said, not sounding too thankful. “Can I ask you something? Did you know about Hyukjae and Junsu?”
“I can't really tell you about that, it's confidential between me and them,” Kibum said. So the poor couple had been found out about after all.
“So you did know,” Donghae said, grinning. “Any thoughts on that?”
“Thoughts on what?” Kibum asked quizzically.
“You know,” Donghae said, looking amused. “Closets.”
Kibum felt heat on his cheeks again. “None in particular,” he said. “I mean, it's a personal choice, obviously.”
And he was quite comfortable staying in. Except when he was with Donghae.
This was going nowhere, and the fact frustrated Kibum more than he'd previously realized. He didn't know where it was supposed to go next; he didn't know the answers this time. There was vast improvement, of course, but he wondered if it was really due to the therapy with him or whether Donghae really had just gotten up one day and decided that everything resembling mental instability would no longer be a part of him. On the other hand, he did have that look in his eyes every now and then.. But that was the second part of the problem, really, as Kibum wondered if the way Donghae looked at him scared him, not because Donghae was nuts (though Kibum would never rule out the possibility completely), but because it ---
Well, he wasn't crazy enough to call it love but the fact was he couldn't quite brush it aside any more.
Though he could always try.
“So, let's talk about the parole hearing. The panel will contain five people, each of whom will ask you questions about your life prior to your sentence, your life in prison as well as about how you'd manage to adapt to life outside.”
Donghae nodded. “I see.”
“Any questions?” Kibum asked, eyes going over his papers. God bless the papers. Always there when he needed them.
“You're not wearing a tie again,” Donghae said and Kibum merely blinked in response. “Sorry, I meant to form that into a question.”
Kibum cleared his throat, avoiding Donghae's eyes. “About the parole?”
“Yes?”
“No, I mean, do you have any questions about the parole hearing.”
“Oh,” Donghae said, sitting back in his chair. “Not really, no.”
An awkward silence followed. Kibum didn't dare look at Donghae any more, afraid his thoughts might begin to wander again, and Donghae didn't - to his relief - seem to be looking at him, either, and there they both sat, uncomfortable and unsure where any of this would lead, if anywhere at all.
Kibum thought about the articles again, because he knew there was truth in them, and he knew there was truth in Donghae suggesting he read them, even if a large part of it was simply the fact that Donghae was, well, very open about his own sexual frustration. Was that so crazy? It was a prison.
Kibum's brain wasn't really serving its role as the provider of logic any more, and before it went any further - like suggesting sex as a handy little therapy method - he decided to cut it off.
“I think we're done for now, in that case,” he said and stood up as Donghae nodded, looking disappointed but not staying put all the same.
“Thank you, Dr Kim,” Donghae said, standing up.
Kibum smiled at him, in a hopefully encouraging way as opposed to anything else. Not that he probably knew how to smile flirtily, not that he had ever even tried. “Good luck with the parole hearing.”
Donghae nodded and walked towards the door and before Kibum's brain could even process what he would do next, he opened his mouth. “Wait.”
He got up and walked to Donghae, his heart beats quickening and was he really going to, and no, he wouldn't, he shouldn't, he wasn't going to... And then he was there, standing in front of Donghae and the inmate looked at him quizzically and he wasn't really going to do this because they'd come so far without it but he just, just-- and Donghae said something and Kibum's heart was beating so fast he couldn't even register what Donghae was saying. And he wasn't going to do this, he really wouldn't, but then he leaned in and kissed Donghae.
Well, not really kissed. Their lips pressed together lightly, and he was really nervous and pulled away, hesitating, and then decided not to. He kissed Donghae again, less awkwardly this time, or so he hoped, stepping closer and placing his hand lightly on the back of Donghae's neck. This was a much better kiss, and it lasted a lot longer, too, and even got kind of hot at one point but eventually his glasses fogged so he had to pull away.
“I think I may be in love with you,” he told Donghae as Donghae took off his glasses, and he could see Donghae grinning but the image was blurry. His heart was beating really quickly and Donghae was very close and it was weird and inevitable and he shouldn't love it but he did.
“It's likely,” Donghae replied. “Me too.”
“You're in love with yourself?”
“With you,” Donghae corrected and Kibum noticed his arms were now around Kibum's waist. It was comfortable. “I'm not a narcissist.”
“Actually, you might be, but I left that out from my final report,” Kibum said. Not that it was the time for jokes, Donghae's fingers creeping up under his shirt, cool and tickling against his skin.
“That's pretty biased of you,” Donghae said calmly.
“Perhaps,” Kibum said with a shrug because it was okay for him to be crazy now. He placed his glasses, now clean, back on.
“Though it's not surprising as we're sleeping together,” Donghae said and Kibum could see his grin clearly now.
“We're not sleeping together,” Kibum said, his cheeks feeling warm.
“Not yet,” Donghae said and kissed Kibum and Kibum kissed him back, really kissed him, hands on Donghae's hips pushing them towards whatever surface they could find, as balance was becoming a problem. Donghae's back met the wall, and Kibum's heart was racing under the shirt Donghae was making steady progress at removing.
His own hand slid beneath Donghae's t-shirt, finding skin but not really sure where to go next, awkwardly stroking Donghae's stomach until Donghae moved and Kibum's hand suddenly met with the fabric of Donghae's jeans and then stayed there, as judging from the sounds Donghae made when Kibum moved his hand against the fabric, Donghae certainly mind it being there.
Donghae was busy with Kibum's own trousers.
“Where the fuck did you buy this belt? Chastity Accessories?” Donghae asked, frustrated.
“Never heard of that shop,” Kibum said stupidly, and pushed Donghae's hands away to open it himself. “See, it's easy.”
Donghae's hand found its way inside incredibly fast and for a while Kibum regretted helping him with the belt, and then the next minute didn't regret it at all and soon it was his back against the wall, Donghae's hand stroking him and Donghae's mouth kissing his neck just below his ear.
“Desk,” Donghae said suddenly.
“What,” Kibum said lamely, brain slowly trying to comprehend what Donghae just said. Then, feeling dizzy all of the sudden, he shook his head. “No.”
“Desk,” Donghae repeated and pulled Kibum by his hips towards the desk, and then against it, pushing and Kibum's own palms accidentally shoving some papers and pens off the desk, sending them flying onto the floor.
Fuck, Kibum thought, as he really liked order on his desk, but then Donghae kissed him again and pulled his hips forward and Kibum's underwear off him and then trailed kisses lower and okay, fine, maybe Kibum liked Donghae much better than order on his desk, and the next time he cursed - fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck - inside his head, it wasn't because he was thinking of pencils.
**
A/N: I can't believe this one nearly got to 4,000 words. Holy crap.
So, yeah, Hyuksu and Kihae. Both in one chapter. I'm really worried about how this chapter will be received because it's one thing how I perceive the story, it's a whole other thing how you guys see it, what your expectations are etc. It's the chapter that either makes or break a fic. Here's to hoping the latter won't happen.. (Though I like to think if anybody stopped liking this fic along the way, they'll have stopped reading by now instead of wading through 8 chapters worth of my crack disaster of a fic. :D)
But yeah the whole "Kihae actually doing it", I really worry. Was it too soon? Did it happen in an unbelievable way? this_is_cd has mostly convinced me it's fine but I can't help but worry regardless.
I CANNOT WRITE TEH PR0NZ. Should anybody want to fic what happens between the chapter ending and post-coital KiHae I'll post as an extra soon, feel free to consult me about details. :P
Maybe it would've been original to keep Hyuksu platonic. But eh, they were doing it and everybody knew they were doing it so witness the fact they they were actually doing it all along. Yeah.
EXTRAS HERE: KiHae & HyukSu
So... 10, 11 & epilogue left. Hope you enjoyed this one.
first chapter // second chapter // third chapter // fourth chapter // fifth chapter // sixth chapter // seventh chapter // eighth chapter
jailbird songs, chapter 9 out of 11
fandom: super junior au
rating: r
pairings: ShiHan, KiHae, KangTeuk, YehWook, HyukSu, KyuMin, ShinBoa
word count: ~ 4,000
warnings: Crude things.
disclaimer: Did not happen, obviously. Peculiar and cracky and generally vapid.
notes; All of this AU will eventually be under the tag for prison!au.
“Fucking fuckfucker, piece of ..fuck.”
“Shut the fuck up, is it closed?”
“I don't care, trying to get this to open..”
“Retard, let me do it.”
“I can handle it.”
“You're crap at this, let me..”
“Fuck off, I'm better than-- oh.”
“Told you.”
“Cocksucke---”
**
She slipped her hand into his as they walked the narrow hallway, him behind her as she pulled the door open but didn't let go of his hand as they continued walking. Shindong glanced around nervously, waiting for a guard to appear at any time, seeing them like this, her cheeks still blushed, his lips red from her biting..
“Agasshi,” he pleaded, gesturing their linked hands. “Somebody might see.”
“Nonsense,” Boa said carelessly. “Now where did you need to be?”
“Therapy,” he replied lamely. “Last one before parole hearing.”
She smiled widely. “Oh, Donghee, that's wonderful.”
She leaned in, just before they turned a corner, to give him a kiss on the cheek and let go of his hand. Shindong watched as Boa's whole appearance became serious and her steps faster, he walked next to her down the hall way and didn't look at her as she explained the guard outside Dr Kim's office that she had brought Shindong here for a therapy session. Her voice sounded detached, professional. She was good.
Before leaving, she turned to him and flashed him a grin, just a small one, and left before he could smile back. Sheepishly he entered Dr Kim's office.
“Hello, Shin Donghee,” Kibum greeted him. “I was told Boa-sshi escorted you here. I had no idea you were so friendly with her.”
“What are you implying?” Shindong replied defensively.
Kibum didn't notice his tone. “Well, you know the prison mentality often creates this idea that it's you inmates against us staff. In this mentality it's seen as treason to even as much as be civil with the guards or the rest of us. An inmate says hello to somebody not an inmate and suddenly they're sleeping with the enemy.” Kibum smiled.
“I'm not against her,” Shindong was quick to correct him. “And not sleeping with the enemy. She's not the enemy. And even if she's not, I'm not sleeping with her.”
“Right, well, it's just an expression,” Kibum said, frowning quizzically. “You do know you can tell me anything in confidence, right? If there's anything bothering you.”
Shindong shook his head. “I'm fine, nothing's wrong.”
“Very well, then,” Kibum said, clearly not convinced. “Have you thought of what we last discussed?”
“I've thought of it every breathing minute of my existence,” Shindong replied, rolling his eyes.
Kibum looked at Shindong disapprovingly. “Then you'd remember what I said about sarcasm.”
“Sorry doctor,” Shindong said, dropping his head. “It's just nerves talking.”
“It's okay,” Kibum said warmly. “You have nothing to be nervous about. You're the only parole candidate I'm sure will do well in front of the board.”
Instead of saying what he wanted to say (something along the lines of So compared to a guy who sees aliens and the guy who invented a language of his own, I'm okay? Gee, thanks, doc, that sure as fuck fills me up with optimism), he nodded quietly and Kibum moved on to ramble about something else entirely.
**
“Where the hell have you been?” Heechul asked Hyukjae irritably as the the latter arrived to their cafeteria table.
“I had to go see Father Eric about something,” Hyukjae said, sitting down.
“What do you mean you had to go see him? Nobody has to go see a priest.” Heechul looked at Hyukjae, full of suspicion.
“Well, he asked me to go see him so I went to see him. Case closed,” Hyukjae shrugged and began eating.
“Did Junsu go see Father Eric as well? I don't see him at their table,” Heechul said, continuing to stare at Hyukjae.
“We're not fucking married, how am I to know what he does every second of every day?” Hyukjae asked irritably.
“You're right, how would you know,” Heechul agreed, “you're only his best friend. Oh, look, he just arrived to the table. With his cell mate Yoochun. Surely that isn't a sign of anything.”
Hyukjae dropped his chopsticks. “You're right, it's not a sign of anything,” he then said, coughing and throwing Heechul a death glare.
“But then again, how would you know, you're not fucking married to Junsu or anything,” Heechul said with a grin. “For all you know, they could be--”
“They're not!” Hyukjae exclaimed, face flushed with anger. “So fucking stop it already.”
“Besides,” Donghae said, suddenly looking up from his dinner, “Yoochun has a girlfriend he keeps getting mail from. It's all in English, so he never knows how to respond but he seems to love her a lot.”
“Exactly,” Hyukjae said, visibly pleased. “There! See? Not everybody in this hellhole is doing it with one another.”
“Right,” Heechul said with a nod. “Only most people.”
“Well, I'm not,” Hyukjae replied.
“Believe me, it shows.”
Hyukjae was blushing. “Just shut up.”
Donghae was now staring at him. “Sexual frustration is a serious ailment.”
“No, it's not,” Heechul snorted. “Stop scaring Hyukjae.”
“Well, it can be,” Donghae said, drawing away from the weirded out looking Hyukjae. “There are studies on the subject. I've read them, and tried showing them to Dr Kim but I don't think he's read any of them..”
“Whatever, Pinocchio,” Heechul said. “So how was lovely Father Eric?”
“He's never in when I try to go see him,” Donghae said with a pout.
“He's ..the same as always,” Hyukjae said awkwardly.
“Did he make you rap again?” Donghae asked.
Hyukjae nodded, mouth full of food.
“Did he ask for help at a computer game, again?” Heechul asked.
Hyukjae shook his head. “But he did show me his new high score.”
They ate in silence for a moment or two, after which Hyukjae suddenly stood up. “I have to go now.”
“Father Eric again?” Heechul asked, amused, and Hyukjae shot him a look.
“Library with Junsu,” Hyukjae said. “You can have my leftovers, Donghae. See you at lockdown.”
With those words he left the table and as Donghae began going through Hyukjae's remaining dinner tray, Heechul leaned in closer.
“What do you think?” he asked.
“Total bull,” Donghae replied.
“I agree,” Heechul said.
“I know for a fact Eric is having some sort of mental evaluation thingy with Dr Kim right now,” Donghae said idly.
“What the fuck, have you stalked his calender?” Heechul exclaimed.
Donghae shrugged. “I happened to flip through it once.”
“And memorize entire three weeks of his schedule?”
“Unconsciously perhaps.”
“That is sick,” Heechul said. “And awesome. What's he doing after Father Eric's evaluation?”
“Lunch,” Donghae answered.
“And what does he have for lunch?” Heechul asked.
“How the fuck am I supposed to know,” Donghae said with a sigh. Under his breath, he added, “He's not a very good cook so he usually orders in from the Chinese place nearby.”
“And you've still managed to convince him you're sane?” Heechul asked, raising his eyebrows in disbelief.
“I am sane,” Donghae insisted. “Kibum says my devotion to different causes can be seen as a strength.”
“Great,” Heechul said with a smile. “Then he must not be sane, either.”
**
Siwon stared at the post it taped on his desk lamp. He tapped his fingers against the table a couple of times and then leaned in his chair.
“Magolpy?” he said hesitantly into the intercom.
“Yes, Warden Choi?”
“You're sure this is the right number?”
“Yes, sir, it is the direct one. If you're going to call today, you better call them soon as they close the office at 3 PM.”
“I see. Thank you.”
He stared at the post it, and the digits written on it. His eyes moved to the clock and his hand made a motion towards the receiver.
Okay, Siwon, he told himself, closing one hand into a fist, time to grow a set of balls.
Hastily he picked up the phone and dialed the numbers, and with his heart racing, listened as somebody picked up at the other end.
“Who is this?”
“Choi Siwon speaking,” he replied.
“Didn't think I'd get to hear your voice again,” the voice at the other end of the line said.
Siwon cringed. Were it completely up to him, things would've remained that way.
**
“I don't really see this as a problem,” Han Geng admitted, shrugging.
Eeteuk huffed. “Of course it's a problem. This is hygiene we're talking. This is disease control. This is preventing mass epidemic.”
Han Geng looked at Kangin. “And this is also what you think?”
“Oh yeah, absolutely,” Kangin said rather unconvincingly. Eeteuk glared at him.
“And why exactly are you two here as well?” Han Geng asked, frowning at Heechul and Donghae.
“I'm curious,” Heechul answered.
“I'm bored,” Donghae said, leaning against Heechul's shoulder.
Han Geng sighed. “So let me get this straight. You found a cleaning closet that hasn't been utilized and you feel it ought to be in order to improve the cleanliness of your cell block.”
Eeteuk nodded. “Yes. It's situated right at the corridor that leads from our cell block to the cafeteria.”
Han Geng gave Kangin a look.
“Hey, I had no idea he was this anal about cleanliness, either!” Kangin defended himself, and Eeteuk punched his shoulder.
“There's no reason for all of you to come along,” Han Geng said.
“But we're boooored,” Donghae whined.
“It's a prison, you ought to be used to it by now,” Han Geng replied.
“I tipped Eeteuk about the closet in the first place,” Heechul reasoned.
“Fine, fine,” Han Geng finally relented and gestured a couple of other guards to come along with them.
“You don't need them, Officer Han,” Heechul said, amused. “We're not going to rape you.”
“Or kill you,” Kangin added.
“Like you could,” Han Geng replied with a smile.
“Which one?” Heechul asked, grinning back.
“Either,” Han Geng answered.
“What do you suppose we'll find?” Donghae asked as they walked towards the closet.
“It's not a treasure hunt,” Heechul said.
“Monsters!” Donghae said, sounding way too happy.
“Rats maybe,” Kangin suggested.
“Is this it?” Han Geng asked, gesturing at a door behind one corner.
“Yes,” Eeteuk said.
“If the lock's too rusty it might not open at all,” Han Geng said as he managed to fit his key into the lock anyway.
But the door did open.
**
“You hear that?”
“What?”
“Shh!”
“You're imagining things, come on, let's just--”
“Foot steps!”
“It's a hallway, of course people will walk by.”
“Shut the fuck up already.”
“I'll make you---”
**
At first nobody said anything. The only sounds were from Hyukjae sighing in frustration as he untangled his hand from Junsu's hair, and the awkward clinks of Junsu closing his belt. Hyukjae turned around to close his zipper and ran his hands over his t-shirt to smoothen it. Junsu wiped the sides of his mouth with his thumb.
One of the guards took a picture with their cell phone. Han Geng coughed.
“Fuck ...me,” Kangin was the first to say.
“Um,” Hyukjae managed as he shoved his hands in his pockets, looking down.
“I can't believe there are no cleaning products in there,” Eeteuk said, disappointed.
“This is too good,” Heechul said, grinning wider than ever. “This is simply too fucking good.”
“Right,” Han Geng said to the guards, “please escort these two into solitary confinement immediately. And search them for the keys to this thing.”
“Oh no, please, let's savor the moment,” Heechul pleaded Han Geng, still grinning. “It's only ever so often that somebody comes out of the closet.”
“Literally,” Kangin pointed out with a grin.
“Fuck you both,” Hyukjae told them. “Fuck you both with a pitchfork.”
“Take them away,” Han Geng told the guards. “The rest of you, time for some lovely early lockdown, wouldn't you think?”
“Aww, can we stay up a bit later to mark this amazing occasion?” Heechul asked.
“No, you can't,” Han Geng said indignantly. “I have a shitload of paperwork to do.”
“Because they fucked in the closet?” Donghae asked.
“No, because they broke into said closet to fuck, assumably more than once, and I need to know how it was done.” Han Geng sighed as they arrived to the cell block. “Off you go now.”
“I wish I could break into a closet,” Donghae said as he and Heechul got back in their cells.
“This is the best day ever,” Heechul said. “How long can I tease him about this before it drives him insane?”
“Mental health is not a matter of joke,” Donghae said in all seriousness.
“Wow,” Heechul said, amused. “You should try that line on Dr Kim.”
Donghae sighed and sat down on his bed. “Like I haven't already. A million times.”
**
In an entire universe of bad ideas, this was one of the worst ideas Kibum had ever had so far. First, how foolish of him to even as much as consider Lee Donghae's opinion on such a thing as scientific articles. Kibum did read psychological journals, he read them more than probably healthy. He didn't really need people to tell him to read any more, he did read them, he had read them, and he would continue to do so without further encouragement.
So maybe Donghae hadn't really pushed it onto him, maybe it had simply been a random mention somewhere, Donghae showing his interest in psychology and his interest in not-psychology, and that whole thought made Kibum really uncomfortable. This should've been a sign that he really needn't read articles on the psychological effects of sexual frustration based on the recommendation of an inmate who would very much like to--- but Kibum didn't allow his own thinking to go that far.
The point was, he had read those damned articles and he had done it right before his last session with Lee Donghae as his parole hearing was scheduled tomorrow morning. And none of this had been a very good idea but he wasn't focusing on that right now. It didn't matter. Right. Professional. Right.
“How have you been?” he asked Donghae, sitting on the chair across from Kibum's own. Simple question, no need for his thoughts to get derailed. His or Donghae's - the strange thing was that right now, Kibum wasn't sure who had the bigger problem with control. A tiny panic struck him - maybe he really had turned insane because of Donghae.
“Just fine, just fine. Nervous, a little, naturally,” Donghae said thoughtfully.
“Yes, I can well understand that,” Kibum said and they both stayed silent for a moment. Fucking fantastic, he thought. University educated but he still couldn't come up with anything to say. Time to get that second degree, he supposed. Kibum blamed the articles. And the chairs, for being so close.
“So is there anything, I mean, to help the nervousness so I actually manage to answer the parole board when they ask me stuff?” Donghae asked, and sure, he sounded innocent, but something in his tone was still making Kibum think of a million not-so-innocent things he could do to Donghae to help him with the nerves and---
“Well,” Kibum began, clearing his throat, “there are relaxation exercises I could teach you. If you'd like.”
“I would like that, yes,” Donghae said, but Kibum had the better of him this time.
“Here you go,” Kibum said, handing him a pamphlet. “It has instructions and everything. Very easy and effective.”
“Thanks,” Donghae said, not sounding too thankful. “Can I ask you something? Did you know about Hyukjae and Junsu?”
“I can't really tell you about that, it's confidential between me and them,” Kibum said. So the poor couple had been found out about after all.
“So you did know,” Donghae said, grinning. “Any thoughts on that?”
“Thoughts on what?” Kibum asked quizzically.
“You know,” Donghae said, looking amused. “Closets.”
Kibum felt heat on his cheeks again. “None in particular,” he said. “I mean, it's a personal choice, obviously.”
And he was quite comfortable staying in. Except when he was with Donghae.
This was going nowhere, and the fact frustrated Kibum more than he'd previously realized. He didn't know where it was supposed to go next; he didn't know the answers this time. There was vast improvement, of course, but he wondered if it was really due to the therapy with him or whether Donghae really had just gotten up one day and decided that everything resembling mental instability would no longer be a part of him. On the other hand, he did have that look in his eyes every now and then.. But that was the second part of the problem, really, as Kibum wondered if the way Donghae looked at him scared him, not because Donghae was nuts (though Kibum would never rule out the possibility completely), but because it ---
Well, he wasn't crazy enough to call it love but the fact was he couldn't quite brush it aside any more.
Though he could always try.
“So, let's talk about the parole hearing. The panel will contain five people, each of whom will ask you questions about your life prior to your sentence, your life in prison as well as about how you'd manage to adapt to life outside.”
Donghae nodded. “I see.”
“Any questions?” Kibum asked, eyes going over his papers. God bless the papers. Always there when he needed them.
“You're not wearing a tie again,” Donghae said and Kibum merely blinked in response. “Sorry, I meant to form that into a question.”
Kibum cleared his throat, avoiding Donghae's eyes. “About the parole?”
“Yes?”
“No, I mean, do you have any questions about the parole hearing.”
“Oh,” Donghae said, sitting back in his chair. “Not really, no.”
An awkward silence followed. Kibum didn't dare look at Donghae any more, afraid his thoughts might begin to wander again, and Donghae didn't - to his relief - seem to be looking at him, either, and there they both sat, uncomfortable and unsure where any of this would lead, if anywhere at all.
Kibum thought about the articles again, because he knew there was truth in them, and he knew there was truth in Donghae suggesting he read them, even if a large part of it was simply the fact that Donghae was, well, very open about his own sexual frustration. Was that so crazy? It was a prison.
Kibum's brain wasn't really serving its role as the provider of logic any more, and before it went any further - like suggesting sex as a handy little therapy method - he decided to cut it off.
“I think we're done for now, in that case,” he said and stood up as Donghae nodded, looking disappointed but not staying put all the same.
“Thank you, Dr Kim,” Donghae said, standing up.
Kibum smiled at him, in a hopefully encouraging way as opposed to anything else. Not that he probably knew how to smile flirtily, not that he had ever even tried. “Good luck with the parole hearing.”
Donghae nodded and walked towards the door and before Kibum's brain could even process what he would do next, he opened his mouth. “Wait.”
He got up and walked to Donghae, his heart beats quickening and was he really going to, and no, he wouldn't, he shouldn't, he wasn't going to... And then he was there, standing in front of Donghae and the inmate looked at him quizzically and he wasn't really going to do this because they'd come so far without it but he just, just-- and Donghae said something and Kibum's heart was beating so fast he couldn't even register what Donghae was saying. And he wasn't going to do this, he really wouldn't, but then he leaned in and kissed Donghae.
Well, not really kissed. Their lips pressed together lightly, and he was really nervous and pulled away, hesitating, and then decided not to. He kissed Donghae again, less awkwardly this time, or so he hoped, stepping closer and placing his hand lightly on the back of Donghae's neck. This was a much better kiss, and it lasted a lot longer, too, and even got kind of hot at one point but eventually his glasses fogged so he had to pull away.
“I think I may be in love with you,” he told Donghae as Donghae took off his glasses, and he could see Donghae grinning but the image was blurry. His heart was beating really quickly and Donghae was very close and it was weird and inevitable and he shouldn't love it but he did.
“It's likely,” Donghae replied. “Me too.”
“You're in love with yourself?”
“With you,” Donghae corrected and Kibum noticed his arms were now around Kibum's waist. It was comfortable. “I'm not a narcissist.”
“Actually, you might be, but I left that out from my final report,” Kibum said. Not that it was the time for jokes, Donghae's fingers creeping up under his shirt, cool and tickling against his skin.
“That's pretty biased of you,” Donghae said calmly.
“Perhaps,” Kibum said with a shrug because it was okay for him to be crazy now. He placed his glasses, now clean, back on.
“Though it's not surprising as we're sleeping together,” Donghae said and Kibum could see his grin clearly now.
“We're not sleeping together,” Kibum said, his cheeks feeling warm.
“Not yet,” Donghae said and kissed Kibum and Kibum kissed him back, really kissed him, hands on Donghae's hips pushing them towards whatever surface they could find, as balance was becoming a problem. Donghae's back met the wall, and Kibum's heart was racing under the shirt Donghae was making steady progress at removing.
His own hand slid beneath Donghae's t-shirt, finding skin but not really sure where to go next, awkwardly stroking Donghae's stomach until Donghae moved and Kibum's hand suddenly met with the fabric of Donghae's jeans and then stayed there, as judging from the sounds Donghae made when Kibum moved his hand against the fabric, Donghae certainly mind it being there.
Donghae was busy with Kibum's own trousers.
“Where the fuck did you buy this belt? Chastity Accessories?” Donghae asked, frustrated.
“Never heard of that shop,” Kibum said stupidly, and pushed Donghae's hands away to open it himself. “See, it's easy.”
Donghae's hand found its way inside incredibly fast and for a while Kibum regretted helping him with the belt, and then the next minute didn't regret it at all and soon it was his back against the wall, Donghae's hand stroking him and Donghae's mouth kissing his neck just below his ear.
“Desk,” Donghae said suddenly.
“What,” Kibum said lamely, brain slowly trying to comprehend what Donghae just said. Then, feeling dizzy all of the sudden, he shook his head. “No.”
“Desk,” Donghae repeated and pulled Kibum by his hips towards the desk, and then against it, pushing and Kibum's own palms accidentally shoving some papers and pens off the desk, sending them flying onto the floor.
Fuck, Kibum thought, as he really liked order on his desk, but then Donghae kissed him again and pulled his hips forward and Kibum's underwear off him and then trailed kisses lower and okay, fine, maybe Kibum liked Donghae much better than order on his desk, and the next time he cursed - fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck - inside his head, it wasn't because he was thinking of pencils.
**
A/N: I can't believe this one nearly got to 4,000 words. Holy crap.
So, yeah, Hyuksu and Kihae. Both in one chapter. I'm really worried about how this chapter will be received because it's one thing how I perceive the story, it's a whole other thing how you guys see it, what your expectations are etc. It's the chapter that either makes or break a fic. Here's to hoping the latter won't happen.. (Though I like to think if anybody stopped liking this fic along the way, they'll have stopped reading by now instead of wading through 8 chapters worth of my crack disaster of a fic. :D)
But yeah the whole "Kihae actually doing it", I really worry. Was it too soon? Did it happen in an unbelievable way? this_is_cd has mostly convinced me it's fine but I can't help but worry regardless.
I CANNOT WRITE TEH PR0NZ. Should anybody want to fic what happens between the chapter ending and post-coital KiHae I'll post as an extra soon, feel free to consult me about details. :P
Maybe it would've been original to keep Hyuksu platonic. But eh, they were doing it and everybody knew they were doing it so witness the fact they they were actually doing it all along. Yeah.
EXTRAS HERE: KiHae & HyukSu
So... 10, 11 & epilogue left. Hope you enjoyed this one.