jailbirds songs, chapter 3.
Honest to God, I completely forgot I was supposed to post it "early" this week. Whoops. Well, here it is. With KiHae and all.
first chapter // second chapter
jailbird songs, chapter 3
fandom: super junior au
rating: pg-13 for now
pairings: ShiHan, KiHae, KangTeuk, YehWook, HyukSu (HyukMin, KyuMin, ShiChul sort of).
word count: ~ 3,100 words
warnings: Crude things.
disclaimer: Did not happen, obviously. Full disclaimer in first chapter.
notes; All of this AU will eventually be here. Again let me remind people that it's not going for the realism effect. This is so very far from an *actual* prison.
This would be a two-way process, Donghae had decided before he next stepped into Dr Kim's office, early one morning. While Dr Kim Kibum turned Donghae back into his sane self, Donghae would in return cure Dr Kim of whatever ailment he was suffering from. Of course, at this point Donghae didn't know what was wrong with Dr Kim but he assumed he'd come to a diagnosis somewhere during their sessions together, if Dr Kim just shared a little bit of himself more.
Thus far Donghae only knew of one thing that was definitely wrong with Dr Kim. Or at least so he thought, and considering himself an expert of these things, he could only conclude he was right.
Dr Kim wasn't getting laid.
This was something Donghae could very easily fix, and he was already planning how to, when to, how many times, but Dr Kim kept interrupting his thoughts with questions. Donghae didn't like questions as they interfered with his healing process of Dr Kim. If this was going to be a two-way process, he'd need Dr Kim to be more active.
“Lee Donghae, are you listening to me?”
“Of course, Dr Kim.”
“Then could you answer my question?”
“Mmm, butterfly.”
“What?”
Donghae pointed at one of the paintings on the walls of Dr Kim's office. “The ink blot reminds me of a butterfly.”
This made Dr Kim smile. “Very well. Now, what did you say your father does for a living?”
“He drinks and beats me up,” Donghae said and made a pout face.
“I would prefer honest answers, Lee Donghae. My papers say he's a construction worker.”
“Then why'd you even bother to ask?” Donghae was beginning to get frustrated. After a moment of embarrassed silence - mostly from Dr Kim - he asked, “Why haven't you still told me anything about yourself like you promised?”
“I did tell you about myself, right before we began today,” Dr Kim defended himself.
“You gave me your resume,” Donghae said, leaning towards Dr Kim on his seat. “And half of it was in English, I couldn't read it.”
“Well, now you know I've studied in English,” Dr Kim said, attempting a joke while smiling at the corners of his mouth.
“Is this how you shelter yourself from the closeness of others, Dr Kim? Using your professional merits and foreign education as a shield so that people wouldn't get to know the real Kim Kibum?” Donghae asked, leaning even closer on his seat, and he hoped there wasn't a table between them, because now they were finally getting somewhere. He was hoping they could really get somewhere, first kiss, maybe some groping over layers of clothes, get to loosen Dr Kim's tie as they --
“I think we're done for today,” Dr Kim said, visibly flushed, eyes focused on his wrist watch.
“I think we're only getting started,” Donghae said with a grin.
“You know, the point of these sessions is not for you to try to help me, it's quite the opposite,” Dr Kim said, a little angrily perhaps, which Donghae merely found hot.
“Yeah, but maybe you're the one who needs help more than me.”
“I'm not the one seeing aliens.”
“No, you're just deadly afraid of people.”
“I'm not the one in prison,” Dr Kim shot back, really angry now, and Donghae wondered if he would need anger management. On second thought, it was progress as anything, and this could end with Dr Kim punching him or kissing him, and he was for either option.
“I think we're done for today, Dr Kim, though I'd love to stay. Why don't you think about the things we've uncovered today and we'll discuss them in our next session,” Donghae said sympathetically, standing up.
Dr Kim stood up but then sank back into his seat. “You're the first patient who's made me go insane,” he said faintly, and Donghae wanted to touch his face, his hair, wanted to make him feel better. It wouldn't be easy but they had to go through with this. Donghae would make it okay for Dr Kim, he would get to know the real Kim Kibum.
Donghae would (and he hated to sound cliché but looking at Dr Kim slowly rise in his seat, giving Donghae a small, reassuring smile, he knew he would) love Dr Kim, love and support and heal. They could be like one of those couples in dramas, the ones that make each other better as human beings, and maybe Dr Kim needed the therapy more than Donghae did, but maybe that was alright.
**
After breakfast, Kyuhyun saw everybody file out to different directions that weren't laundry room, the gym or back to their cells. He was heading towards the last direction himself until Sungmin pulled at his sleeve and with him elsewhere.
“Where are we going?” Kyuhyun asked.
“Work,” Sungmin answered.
“Why?” Kyuhyun asked, a little confused.
“It's Monday,” Sungmin just said, giving Kyuhyun a weird look. Kyuhyun decided to ignore other questions he had about the matter and just follow Sungmin. It was Day 2 of his 450 day sentence, and he still hadn't stepped on anybody's toes. The last person whose toes he wanted to tread on were Sungmin's.
The sight that faced him in the place Sungmin had led him, however, brought up more questions than it answered.
“Flower installations?” he said and couldn't decide if it was a question or a statement.
“Yep,” Sungmin said. “We used to do woodwork and that type of boring stuff but then Warden decided to give this thing a try and we've been pretty good at it.”
Kyuhyun just stared at the tables filled with flowers, pots, decorative stones and wigs and leaves, and the people on his cell block settling down to them, beginning to work with concentration he hadn't used to seeing them in.
“The other cell blocks mock us and call us Flower Boys but they're just jealous that this crap pays more than the work they have to do - and it's easier.”
“Flower Boys, wasn't that that--”
“That one nonsensical summer movie once, yeah,” Sungmin said, nodding.
“Let me show him the ropes,” Hyukjae said suddenly from Kyuhyun's side, appearing like out of nowhere, grinning.
“No way, Teacher Eunhyuk,” Eeteuk shouted from the other side of the room.
Hyukjae walked off, chuckling to himself, to his place next to Sungmin on the table. Meanwhile Eeteuk made his way to Kyuhyun, a large lavender flower behind one ear, eyes shining with enthusiasm.
“This is so much fun,” Eeteuk told him excitedly as people made room for him to work on the large table. “You're sure to love it.”
“Even if he doesn't, he'll still do it,” they heard a stern female voice from the door say. Somebody next to Kyuhyun cursed under his breath and Kyuhyun's eyes searched for the speaker. An attractive but angry-looking woman stood at the door, her arms folded over her chest.
“Boa, our instructor,” Kangin whispered to Kyuhyun. “She hates us because we're prisoners and criminals. And because we're better at doing these than she ever was.”
Kyuhyun turned away from facing Boa as she was eyeing him with much suspicion. Everybody around the table was ignoring her, apart from Heechul muttering obscenities under his breath while placing stones around a little bonsai tree in a pot. Then Kyuhyun came upon the sight of Shindong, who was smiling widely.
“Boa agasshi!” he greeted her happily.
Her stern expression melted at the sight of his smile. “Donghee,” he said softly, walking over to his seat. “How have you been?”
“Very good, agasshi,” he said. “And how have you been, how's your Japanese boyfriend?”
“He's history,” Boa said, avoiding Shindong's eyes a little. “I got tired of travelling to see him all the time.”
“What a shame,” Shindong said. “I hope you find somebody to love closer.”
She looked at the short distance they had on that moment and took a hesitant step back, blushing just the tiniest. Kyuhyun was staring, he knew it, and when she finally noticed, she gave him a very cold glare and that's when he quickly turned to Eeteuk for more instructions.
**
“It was so ugly,” Heechul said when they had returned to their cells.
Hyukjae sighed loudly. “Give him a break, it was his first time. And he was listening to Eeteuk's directions, you know how easily Eeteuk is distracted by pretty flowers.”
“But still,” Heechul said and then remembered he was supposed to befriend Hyukjae in the lack of his actual best friend being in space again, currently reading a battered copy of Psychology Monthly he had traded for a pack of cigarettes with somebody from another cell block. “So how are you, anyway? How's your boyfriend, what was his name, Xiah something?”
“Xiah ...the fuck?” Hyukjae asked, sitting up. “Kim Junsu.”
“Close enough,” Heechul said.
“And he's not my boyfriend, just a friend,” Hyukjae corrected, avoiding Heechul's eyes. He looked like he didn't know himself what Junsu was to him, and Heechul decided not to pursue the topic. If Hyukjae was a closet case, he'd have fun with him later. Though, he added to himself, looking at Hyukjae's grumpy frowning face, not like that. They'd really just be friends.
“Suit yourself, those TVXQ boys are all pretty weird anyway. Did you know they shower together?”
“You showered with Donghae that one time,” Hyukjae pointed out.
“That was different,” Heechul said nonchalantly. “He was afraid he'd turn into water if any water touched him. It was a weird phase.”
Hyukjae chuckled quietly. “I'm sorry, is it appropriate to laugh at mental illness?”
Heechul turned in his bed. “I don't know. Donghae's not really insane, it's more like he got sick of being sane one day and decided to try out something else entirely. It seems to suit him, you've got to admit.”
“I can hear you, you know,” Donghae commented from behind his magazine.
Heechul ignored this. “Anyway, these periodic crushes he gets on the prison shrinks, no matter what age, color, gender, make me think he's just doing it for attention. But then he freaks about water and starts thinking he's a popstar, and I start to worry again.”
“You haven't seen the fan mail I get because I get so much the prison throws away half of it,” Donghae said.
“He just gets letters from his mother,” Heechul said, to Hyukjae's ears more than anybody else's.
“And some antis,” Donghae said but sounded like his voice was fading. Suddenly the magazine fell on his face.
Hyukjae walked over to pick it up.
“Did he fall asleep?” Heechul asked.
“No,” Hyukjae answered, turning the magazine over while Donghae's hands struggled to keep hold of it. “It's a picture of Dr Kim.”
“Sick,” Heechul said as Hyukjae let Donghae keep the magazine.
Hyukjae rolled his eyes. Heechul grinned.
This was a beginning, Heechul thought, their shared moment of the realization their cell mate was insane, more or less genuinely. This was a wonderful beginning.
**
“So, Boa agasshi is finally available,” Kangin said at dinner.
Shindong didn't lift his head as he knew if he did, everybody would be staring at him and him only.
“I for one await the ShinBoa wedding,” Eeteuk replied.
“We should tell Father Eric to start preparing the ceremonies,” Ryeowook said in all seriousness.
“Nothing like an early autumn prison wedding,” Yesung noted sarcastically. “So romantic, in a very gray sort of way.”
“You guys!” Shindong finally exclaimed, pushing aside his dinner. “It's not like that. We're just--” He trailed off, seeing everybody at the table staring at him. “...Friends.”
“Hmm, sure,” Kangin said, and turned to Eeteuk. “What was that today about dancing?”
“Our Donghee will start dancing with instructor Boa. You know, couple-y dances, tango and so on,” Eeteuk explained.
“They're not couple-y dances!” Shindong defended himself. “She just wants to learn.”
“Touching,” Yesung said.
“I wish I had an excuse to grope instructor Boa, too!” Hyukjae piped up from the other end of the table.
“Shut the fuck up!” Shindong shouted back.
“It's okay,” Eeteuk assured him. “We support your highly inappropriate prison romance. Honestly.”
Next to him, Kangin was trying very hard to keep a straight face. Shindong glared at him when he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder. When he looked up, he saw Donghae's considerate face.
“You're not the only one in love with a member of the prison staff,” Donghae said with a warm tone. Shindong was creeped out.
“Um, thanks, Donghae.”
“You're welcome.” Donghae walked back to his seat, still clutching the copy of the glossy magazine he'd been carrying around all day.
Kangin was laughing on the other side of the table so hard he had trouble staying on his seat, Eeteuk holding onto him and smiling awkwardly at Shindong. Hyukjae was the other person now laughing out loud and all the others were either smiling or trying not to.
“I liked it better when you all joked about my weight,” Shindong said huffily and stared at his dinner quietly for the rest of the meal. He felt the occasional apologetic look from the others on him, but ignored them as his mind was elsewhere.
It was only recently that he had found a mutual fondness with Boa agasshi, and they had become good friends. Was it just a coincidence she had broken up with her Japanese boyfriend now and was arranging a chance for them to spend more time alone? When she had introduced him to the idea of dance classes, he had said yes based on the fact that he liked Boa and knew he'd be good at teaching her dance. She was attractive, no denying it, but he had never even considered she would be interested, or anything like it. And besides, but then his brain couldn't come up with any more excuses. He didn't know where this all would lead but even if it meant listening to the endless jibes from the people in his cell block, he'd follow it through.
**
“Dance lessons?” Choi Siwon asked, and the woman in front of him nodded eagerly.
“I feel it would be very constructive for his psyche, it's what he used to do, you know, before prison.”
“Before prison,” Siwon said tiredly, “Shin Donghee used to laze around and play video games and steal them.”
“Dancing video games,” Boa corrected him and Siwon decided not to argue about this with her.
“I can give you 45 minutes two times a week but no more,” he said. “We're not running a play center, you know,” he added for emphasis as he had initially thought just the flower installations idea was absolutely insane. It had worked out for the best but if he kept this up he would become the butt of every joke at the prison managers' annual meeting. His young age and connections to China were already mocked openly among his colleagues.
“Thank you, Warden,” she said, bowing a little, and exited his office.
He sighed. Between this, Dr Kim's irrational panic about Lee Donghae being his patient and the general hassle of the government wanting to place more prisoners in his prison, he didn't really know what he ought to focus on. Everything had always had a tint of insanity to it at this job, and he had become accustomed to it but now everything was spiralling down into such peculiarity that for once he was doubting being able to perform at his job.
He took out his wallet, trying to get his mind off all things work related, and settled back in his chair - so big against his frame, he always thought, a little too big - while pulling out a photograph from one of the credit card pockets in his wallet. The picture was worn around the edges but still in good shape otherwise, and behind it he had written, “China, summer 2004.” In the picture, Han Geng was looking up at the camera while sitting at a table of some restaurant, a misty bottle of beer at hand. He had the smallest grin on his face, or maybe it was a smile, because Siwon couldn't really tell back then. China, summer 2004, Han Geng had been just been a boy he had met, and talked to in his broken Chinese, a boy who kissed him and who he kissed back. Han Geng had slipped away from him then, as mysteriously as they had bumped into each other in the first place, and Siwon had vowed never to take a holiday in China again.
Year and a half later he had signed up for the job of being the warden of a prison, in the foot steps of his father, in annoying irony, at the same prison, the same desk. He had glanced over the employee list, met them at a lunch, addressed them in a formal speech beginning said lunch, and his eyes had fallen upon the familiar name, and seen the familiar face, and ignored it until he no longer could.
“This is awkward,” Han Geng had said in Chinese, and Siwon had agreed in Korean, as if scared to face the memories by practising his Chinese once again.
“How did you--” Siwon had begun to ask, but then he had realized that he'd been too occupied with being in love with Han Geng to ask about his profession, his parents, his favourite movie. He'd kept asking, 'When will I see you again?', 'Is tomorrow okay?', busy saying 'I love you' and 'I missed you', all these stupid scary binding phrases. No wonder Han Geng had run.
“I hope we can work together despite everything,” Han Geng had said with a polite bow that Siwon had returned, just as politely, only with his heart aching.
He hadn't been able to work with Han Geng, not as he would've liked to. Eventually he hadn't been able to bear it any more, the desire and the heartbreak, the insane need to go back in time and make things right, or just fuck them up more, he hadn't cared. He'd shoved Han Geng, half out of his uniform, half in it, against the staff lockers, kissing desperately. Han Geng had pulled away.
“This isn't smart.”
“You don't understand,” Siwon had said, almost choking on the words.
“You shouldn't fuck this up,” Hang Geng had said, but then Siwon hadn't cared then, and didn't care now, about fucking up this supposed grand opportunity of his entire career, didn't care as long as he could have Han Geng.
After that summer, he hasn't told Hang Geng 'I love you' a single time. But he hoped Han Geng knew it despite.
**
a/n: ShinBoa is where I like that song on the SM summer album WAY too much for my own good. And where I decide, Shindong is the man, he needs the love of a good woman. But where I also realize that I can't write het very well in this universe so it's going to be a tiny small pairing somewhere in the background and I still need to think of an ending for it.
KiHae makes progress in here, which may be somewhat surprising to you guys.. I don't know why the KiHae parts start to live a life of their own, I don't plan them, so then I just write and things happen and the next KiHae session is a weird example of that but also a hot example so .. look forward to it. :D
ShiHan, I loved writing their backstory even if it has pretty much nothing to do with the story in any way. Neither does Siwon angst but I feel compelled to keep it in here anyway.
To anybody who gets who Father Eric is, um, YOU ARE AWESOME.
Next chapter coming ... when I get my writing groove for this universe back. Next week, I guess. I burned out, writing so much of it - including epilogue and future chapters - last week.
----> fourth chapter
first chapter // second chapter
jailbird songs, chapter 3
fandom: super junior au
rating: pg-13 for now
pairings: ShiHan, KiHae, KangTeuk, YehWook, HyukSu (HyukMin, KyuMin, ShiChul sort of).
word count: ~ 3,100 words
warnings: Crude things.
disclaimer: Did not happen, obviously. Full disclaimer in first chapter.
notes; All of this AU will eventually be here. Again let me remind people that it's not going for the realism effect. This is so very far from an *actual* prison.
This would be a two-way process, Donghae had decided before he next stepped into Dr Kim's office, early one morning. While Dr Kim Kibum turned Donghae back into his sane self, Donghae would in return cure Dr Kim of whatever ailment he was suffering from. Of course, at this point Donghae didn't know what was wrong with Dr Kim but he assumed he'd come to a diagnosis somewhere during their sessions together, if Dr Kim just shared a little bit of himself more.
Thus far Donghae only knew of one thing that was definitely wrong with Dr Kim. Or at least so he thought, and considering himself an expert of these things, he could only conclude he was right.
Dr Kim wasn't getting laid.
This was something Donghae could very easily fix, and he was already planning how to, when to, how many times, but Dr Kim kept interrupting his thoughts with questions. Donghae didn't like questions as they interfered with his healing process of Dr Kim. If this was going to be a two-way process, he'd need Dr Kim to be more active.
“Lee Donghae, are you listening to me?”
“Of course, Dr Kim.”
“Then could you answer my question?”
“Mmm, butterfly.”
“What?”
Donghae pointed at one of the paintings on the walls of Dr Kim's office. “The ink blot reminds me of a butterfly.”
This made Dr Kim smile. “Very well. Now, what did you say your father does for a living?”
“He drinks and beats me up,” Donghae said and made a pout face.
“I would prefer honest answers, Lee Donghae. My papers say he's a construction worker.”
“Then why'd you even bother to ask?” Donghae was beginning to get frustrated. After a moment of embarrassed silence - mostly from Dr Kim - he asked, “Why haven't you still told me anything about yourself like you promised?”
“I did tell you about myself, right before we began today,” Dr Kim defended himself.
“You gave me your resume,” Donghae said, leaning towards Dr Kim on his seat. “And half of it was in English, I couldn't read it.”
“Well, now you know I've studied in English,” Dr Kim said, attempting a joke while smiling at the corners of his mouth.
“Is this how you shelter yourself from the closeness of others, Dr Kim? Using your professional merits and foreign education as a shield so that people wouldn't get to know the real Kim Kibum?” Donghae asked, leaning even closer on his seat, and he hoped there wasn't a table between them, because now they were finally getting somewhere. He was hoping they could really get somewhere, first kiss, maybe some groping over layers of clothes, get to loosen Dr Kim's tie as they --
“I think we're done for today,” Dr Kim said, visibly flushed, eyes focused on his wrist watch.
“I think we're only getting started,” Donghae said with a grin.
“You know, the point of these sessions is not for you to try to help me, it's quite the opposite,” Dr Kim said, a little angrily perhaps, which Donghae merely found hot.
“Yeah, but maybe you're the one who needs help more than me.”
“I'm not the one seeing aliens.”
“No, you're just deadly afraid of people.”
“I'm not the one in prison,” Dr Kim shot back, really angry now, and Donghae wondered if he would need anger management. On second thought, it was progress as anything, and this could end with Dr Kim punching him or kissing him, and he was for either option.
“I think we're done for today, Dr Kim, though I'd love to stay. Why don't you think about the things we've uncovered today and we'll discuss them in our next session,” Donghae said sympathetically, standing up.
Dr Kim stood up but then sank back into his seat. “You're the first patient who's made me go insane,” he said faintly, and Donghae wanted to touch his face, his hair, wanted to make him feel better. It wouldn't be easy but they had to go through with this. Donghae would make it okay for Dr Kim, he would get to know the real Kim Kibum.
Donghae would (and he hated to sound cliché but looking at Dr Kim slowly rise in his seat, giving Donghae a small, reassuring smile, he knew he would) love Dr Kim, love and support and heal. They could be like one of those couples in dramas, the ones that make each other better as human beings, and maybe Dr Kim needed the therapy more than Donghae did, but maybe that was alright.
**
After breakfast, Kyuhyun saw everybody file out to different directions that weren't laundry room, the gym or back to their cells. He was heading towards the last direction himself until Sungmin pulled at his sleeve and with him elsewhere.
“Where are we going?” Kyuhyun asked.
“Work,” Sungmin answered.
“Why?” Kyuhyun asked, a little confused.
“It's Monday,” Sungmin just said, giving Kyuhyun a weird look. Kyuhyun decided to ignore other questions he had about the matter and just follow Sungmin. It was Day 2 of his 450 day sentence, and he still hadn't stepped on anybody's toes. The last person whose toes he wanted to tread on were Sungmin's.
The sight that faced him in the place Sungmin had led him, however, brought up more questions than it answered.
“Flower installations?” he said and couldn't decide if it was a question or a statement.
“Yep,” Sungmin said. “We used to do woodwork and that type of boring stuff but then Warden decided to give this thing a try and we've been pretty good at it.”
Kyuhyun just stared at the tables filled with flowers, pots, decorative stones and wigs and leaves, and the people on his cell block settling down to them, beginning to work with concentration he hadn't used to seeing them in.
“The other cell blocks mock us and call us Flower Boys but they're just jealous that this crap pays more than the work they have to do - and it's easier.”
“Flower Boys, wasn't that that--”
“That one nonsensical summer movie once, yeah,” Sungmin said, nodding.
“Let me show him the ropes,” Hyukjae said suddenly from Kyuhyun's side, appearing like out of nowhere, grinning.
“No way, Teacher Eunhyuk,” Eeteuk shouted from the other side of the room.
Hyukjae walked off, chuckling to himself, to his place next to Sungmin on the table. Meanwhile Eeteuk made his way to Kyuhyun, a large lavender flower behind one ear, eyes shining with enthusiasm.
“This is so much fun,” Eeteuk told him excitedly as people made room for him to work on the large table. “You're sure to love it.”
“Even if he doesn't, he'll still do it,” they heard a stern female voice from the door say. Somebody next to Kyuhyun cursed under his breath and Kyuhyun's eyes searched for the speaker. An attractive but angry-looking woman stood at the door, her arms folded over her chest.
“Boa, our instructor,” Kangin whispered to Kyuhyun. “She hates us because we're prisoners and criminals. And because we're better at doing these than she ever was.”
Kyuhyun turned away from facing Boa as she was eyeing him with much suspicion. Everybody around the table was ignoring her, apart from Heechul muttering obscenities under his breath while placing stones around a little bonsai tree in a pot. Then Kyuhyun came upon the sight of Shindong, who was smiling widely.
“Boa agasshi!” he greeted her happily.
Her stern expression melted at the sight of his smile. “Donghee,” he said softly, walking over to his seat. “How have you been?”
“Very good, agasshi,” he said. “And how have you been, how's your Japanese boyfriend?”
“He's history,” Boa said, avoiding Shindong's eyes a little. “I got tired of travelling to see him all the time.”
“What a shame,” Shindong said. “I hope you find somebody to love closer.”
She looked at the short distance they had on that moment and took a hesitant step back, blushing just the tiniest. Kyuhyun was staring, he knew it, and when she finally noticed, she gave him a very cold glare and that's when he quickly turned to Eeteuk for more instructions.
**
“It was so ugly,” Heechul said when they had returned to their cells.
Hyukjae sighed loudly. “Give him a break, it was his first time. And he was listening to Eeteuk's directions, you know how easily Eeteuk is distracted by pretty flowers.”
“But still,” Heechul said and then remembered he was supposed to befriend Hyukjae in the lack of his actual best friend being in space again, currently reading a battered copy of Psychology Monthly he had traded for a pack of cigarettes with somebody from another cell block. “So how are you, anyway? How's your boyfriend, what was his name, Xiah something?”
“Xiah ...the fuck?” Hyukjae asked, sitting up. “Kim Junsu.”
“Close enough,” Heechul said.
“And he's not my boyfriend, just a friend,” Hyukjae corrected, avoiding Heechul's eyes. He looked like he didn't know himself what Junsu was to him, and Heechul decided not to pursue the topic. If Hyukjae was a closet case, he'd have fun with him later. Though, he added to himself, looking at Hyukjae's grumpy frowning face, not like that. They'd really just be friends.
“Suit yourself, those TVXQ boys are all pretty weird anyway. Did you know they shower together?”
“You showered with Donghae that one time,” Hyukjae pointed out.
“That was different,” Heechul said nonchalantly. “He was afraid he'd turn into water if any water touched him. It was a weird phase.”
Hyukjae chuckled quietly. “I'm sorry, is it appropriate to laugh at mental illness?”
Heechul turned in his bed. “I don't know. Donghae's not really insane, it's more like he got sick of being sane one day and decided to try out something else entirely. It seems to suit him, you've got to admit.”
“I can hear you, you know,” Donghae commented from behind his magazine.
Heechul ignored this. “Anyway, these periodic crushes he gets on the prison shrinks, no matter what age, color, gender, make me think he's just doing it for attention. But then he freaks about water and starts thinking he's a popstar, and I start to worry again.”
“You haven't seen the fan mail I get because I get so much the prison throws away half of it,” Donghae said.
“He just gets letters from his mother,” Heechul said, to Hyukjae's ears more than anybody else's.
“And some antis,” Donghae said but sounded like his voice was fading. Suddenly the magazine fell on his face.
Hyukjae walked over to pick it up.
“Did he fall asleep?” Heechul asked.
“No,” Hyukjae answered, turning the magazine over while Donghae's hands struggled to keep hold of it. “It's a picture of Dr Kim.”
“Sick,” Heechul said as Hyukjae let Donghae keep the magazine.
Hyukjae rolled his eyes. Heechul grinned.
This was a beginning, Heechul thought, their shared moment of the realization their cell mate was insane, more or less genuinely. This was a wonderful beginning.
**
“So, Boa agasshi is finally available,” Kangin said at dinner.
Shindong didn't lift his head as he knew if he did, everybody would be staring at him and him only.
“I for one await the ShinBoa wedding,” Eeteuk replied.
“We should tell Father Eric to start preparing the ceremonies,” Ryeowook said in all seriousness.
“Nothing like an early autumn prison wedding,” Yesung noted sarcastically. “So romantic, in a very gray sort of way.”
“You guys!” Shindong finally exclaimed, pushing aside his dinner. “It's not like that. We're just--” He trailed off, seeing everybody at the table staring at him. “...Friends.”
“Hmm, sure,” Kangin said, and turned to Eeteuk. “What was that today about dancing?”
“Our Donghee will start dancing with instructor Boa. You know, couple-y dances, tango and so on,” Eeteuk explained.
“They're not couple-y dances!” Shindong defended himself. “She just wants to learn.”
“Touching,” Yesung said.
“I wish I had an excuse to grope instructor Boa, too!” Hyukjae piped up from the other end of the table.
“Shut the fuck up!” Shindong shouted back.
“It's okay,” Eeteuk assured him. “We support your highly inappropriate prison romance. Honestly.”
Next to him, Kangin was trying very hard to keep a straight face. Shindong glared at him when he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder. When he looked up, he saw Donghae's considerate face.
“You're not the only one in love with a member of the prison staff,” Donghae said with a warm tone. Shindong was creeped out.
“Um, thanks, Donghae.”
“You're welcome.” Donghae walked back to his seat, still clutching the copy of the glossy magazine he'd been carrying around all day.
Kangin was laughing on the other side of the table so hard he had trouble staying on his seat, Eeteuk holding onto him and smiling awkwardly at Shindong. Hyukjae was the other person now laughing out loud and all the others were either smiling or trying not to.
“I liked it better when you all joked about my weight,” Shindong said huffily and stared at his dinner quietly for the rest of the meal. He felt the occasional apologetic look from the others on him, but ignored them as his mind was elsewhere.
It was only recently that he had found a mutual fondness with Boa agasshi, and they had become good friends. Was it just a coincidence she had broken up with her Japanese boyfriend now and was arranging a chance for them to spend more time alone? When she had introduced him to the idea of dance classes, he had said yes based on the fact that he liked Boa and knew he'd be good at teaching her dance. She was attractive, no denying it, but he had never even considered she would be interested, or anything like it. And besides, but then his brain couldn't come up with any more excuses. He didn't know where this all would lead but even if it meant listening to the endless jibes from the people in his cell block, he'd follow it through.
**
“Dance lessons?” Choi Siwon asked, and the woman in front of him nodded eagerly.
“I feel it would be very constructive for his psyche, it's what he used to do, you know, before prison.”
“Before prison,” Siwon said tiredly, “Shin Donghee used to laze around and play video games and steal them.”
“Dancing video games,” Boa corrected him and Siwon decided not to argue about this with her.
“I can give you 45 minutes two times a week but no more,” he said. “We're not running a play center, you know,” he added for emphasis as he had initially thought just the flower installations idea was absolutely insane. It had worked out for the best but if he kept this up he would become the butt of every joke at the prison managers' annual meeting. His young age and connections to China were already mocked openly among his colleagues.
“Thank you, Warden,” she said, bowing a little, and exited his office.
He sighed. Between this, Dr Kim's irrational panic about Lee Donghae being his patient and the general hassle of the government wanting to place more prisoners in his prison, he didn't really know what he ought to focus on. Everything had always had a tint of insanity to it at this job, and he had become accustomed to it but now everything was spiralling down into such peculiarity that for once he was doubting being able to perform at his job.
He took out his wallet, trying to get his mind off all things work related, and settled back in his chair - so big against his frame, he always thought, a little too big - while pulling out a photograph from one of the credit card pockets in his wallet. The picture was worn around the edges but still in good shape otherwise, and behind it he had written, “China, summer 2004.” In the picture, Han Geng was looking up at the camera while sitting at a table of some restaurant, a misty bottle of beer at hand. He had the smallest grin on his face, or maybe it was a smile, because Siwon couldn't really tell back then. China, summer 2004, Han Geng had been just been a boy he had met, and talked to in his broken Chinese, a boy who kissed him and who he kissed back. Han Geng had slipped away from him then, as mysteriously as they had bumped into each other in the first place, and Siwon had vowed never to take a holiday in China again.
Year and a half later he had signed up for the job of being the warden of a prison, in the foot steps of his father, in annoying irony, at the same prison, the same desk. He had glanced over the employee list, met them at a lunch, addressed them in a formal speech beginning said lunch, and his eyes had fallen upon the familiar name, and seen the familiar face, and ignored it until he no longer could.
“This is awkward,” Han Geng had said in Chinese, and Siwon had agreed in Korean, as if scared to face the memories by practising his Chinese once again.
“How did you--” Siwon had begun to ask, but then he had realized that he'd been too occupied with being in love with Han Geng to ask about his profession, his parents, his favourite movie. He'd kept asking, 'When will I see you again?', 'Is tomorrow okay?', busy saying 'I love you' and 'I missed you', all these stupid scary binding phrases. No wonder Han Geng had run.
“I hope we can work together despite everything,” Han Geng had said with a polite bow that Siwon had returned, just as politely, only with his heart aching.
He hadn't been able to work with Han Geng, not as he would've liked to. Eventually he hadn't been able to bear it any more, the desire and the heartbreak, the insane need to go back in time and make things right, or just fuck them up more, he hadn't cared. He'd shoved Han Geng, half out of his uniform, half in it, against the staff lockers, kissing desperately. Han Geng had pulled away.
“This isn't smart.”
“You don't understand,” Siwon had said, almost choking on the words.
“You shouldn't fuck this up,” Hang Geng had said, but then Siwon hadn't cared then, and didn't care now, about fucking up this supposed grand opportunity of his entire career, didn't care as long as he could have Han Geng.
After that summer, he hasn't told Hang Geng 'I love you' a single time. But he hoped Han Geng knew it despite.
**
a/n: ShinBoa is where I like that song on the SM summer album WAY too much for my own good. And where I decide, Shindong is the man, he needs the love of a good woman. But where I also realize that I can't write het very well in this universe so it's going to be a tiny small pairing somewhere in the background and I still need to think of an ending for it.
KiHae makes progress in here, which may be somewhat surprising to you guys.. I don't know why the KiHae parts start to live a life of their own, I don't plan them, so then I just write and things happen and the next KiHae session is a weird example of that but also a hot example so .. look forward to it. :D
ShiHan, I loved writing their backstory even if it has pretty much nothing to do with the story in any way. Neither does Siwon angst but I feel compelled to keep it in here anyway.
To anybody who gets who Father Eric is, um, YOU ARE AWESOME.
Next chapter coming ... when I get my writing groove for this universe back. Next week, I guess. I burned out, writing so much of it - including epilogue and future chapters - last week.
----> fourth chapter