Some days it takes everything in me to not ask "why me?". And i get it. Worse things happen to better people, still I've had my share of pain and loss. Why Steven? Why my rock? Why the light at the end of my dark tunnel? After the people I've lost wasn't he supposed to be my happy ever after? Finally?

Steven. Just. Come. Back.

Don't be dead. We should have had a lifetime.

I'm here again. Writing to you now because i don't know where else to get things out. Last post was 7 years ago. Right when we started dating and the irony of it all is appaling. Like life's way of laughing at me one more time.

I read this quote today that said "At some point you just have to let go of what you thought should happen and live in ( Read more... )

sometimes when i see a picture of CJ i am filled with sadness and anger. in all parts of my life i am able to avoid the things that i feel until i see a picture of HIM. the way he was the way he used to be. it is so hard to picture him alive. it's like torture to imagine him here living his life and enjoying every aspect of it the way he used to. ( Read more... )

i am so confused and hurt about how i feel for alex. i always thought in the end if i didn't end up with CJ i'd end up with alex. and i still find myself wondering what things he says mean and why he does certain things.. or what his friends are implying.. so if i don't care at all about him why do i concern myself with that stuff. i can't share ( Read more... )

i feel so lost right now. so confused. i don't understand anything. i saw alex the other night and it makes me want to cry that i don't have any feelings for him anymore. all my friends and my mom they are all telling me how proud they are and happy for me and i don't feel those emotions at all... i don't understand it. how have i liked someone for ( Read more... )

as the people of my life move on i find how alone i really am. i rely on my friends to stay single because i fear that i will be alone forever. but each one of them has found their happiness, their bliss. i feel happy for them, genuinely. they deserve it. they are good people who have been thru their fair share of heartache and deserve something ( Read more... )

oh here's another thing i never mentioned.. i'm not looking for sympathy and i dont want to be comforted by my friends, or by my family. all i want is for you to show up sometimes. show up in my dreams, in my memory. i want to just feel you, i want to see you. i want to breathe you in and feel alive, so alive... the way i used to feel when we were ( Read more... )

you know what never goes away? the overwhelming feeling that everything in your life goes wrong because that person is gone. i know it makes no sense and it's not his fault but i blame all my heartache on CJ being gone. it's something that never leaves you, something you never forget and it becomes an easy out for your sadness. every SINGLE time i ( Read more... )

just thinking about you so much right now. how hopelessly in love with you i still am. it's so crazy because i know we will never be but i also know i could never love again the way i love you. it's complicated. it's like i'm just wrapped around what we used to be. it's twisted and unfair that you were taken from me. i'm still after all this time ( Read more... )