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And one day if you wake up and realize you left me at the lowest I had ever been and If this day comes, i hope you will look for me. I hope you will look with the kind of conviction. I'd always hoped for, but never had from you. Because I'll always be there hoping you found something to be passionate about in life -
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That's what reminds me of it some days. Not all days. Some, days. You pointed to my freshly manicured hands, where before you would compliment my color choice, grab my hand then probably pull me close while we walk side my side. But now it was concern when you saw some lilac pain on my nails. "You'll have to take that off"
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My first thought is “Where is there cry alone here?” I knew only a bathroom stall most easily accessed in some library. So No I cannot cry. I cannot weep. Sometimes your preparedness for a situation does nothing to keep you intact. If the whole point was for a self implosion, why the fuck is my heart skipping, and tears running uncontrollably down ( Read more... ) -
new.
I don’t think one comes about this naturally. I don’t believe there is a progression, a map, a trail of breadcrumbs that will lead you back. When I think of going back I cannot imagine the path. Sometimes it is marbled with signs, and encouragement, others it is the knotted floor of a forest with roots trying to catch your foot at every lazy-half- ( Read more... ) -
C-II
I have missed you every day. And longed for you. Even when I was so angry at you. Even when you left. You were gone. Gone. Gone. Gone. Stubborn to your goddamn bones. And not mine any longer. There is a hole that is in the chaos of your name that rests in my stomach, near the top, close to my lungs. Bearing down on me. Making the distances hard to ( Read more... ) -
c
my sweet beautiful C. still bringing me to tears. I know we will never cross paths intentionally again. you showed me how alive I really am. I love you. I loved you. I am still in love with you. my sweet beautiful C. -
C
I found myself crying in the most unusual of places. In the spice cabinet looking for toothpicks and then I find my face in the crook of my arm and I am sobbing. Of course sitting at the computer, and in Barnes and Noble, the candy aisle in Whole foods. I sit at the end of my bed, ready to greet the morning sun and I am surprised to find tears ( Read more... ) -
grief
Grief reunites you with what you’ve lost. It’s a merging; you go with the loved thing or person that’s going away. You follow it a far as you can go ( Read more... ) -
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i awoke from the dream longing for him. thinking of him, remembering the way it felt to kiss his neck. the most outrageous of memories . and that is all we have left between us is memories. night lying in my bed and laughing, time spent on our porch. when we broke up he would drive by my porch every monday and wednesday at 4PM. MK and i would be ( Read more... ) -
D.
Not asking him how life is without me. Not asking how his new place is, if he ever got the view he wanted, what couch he decided to keep, how he is storing all his movies, what car he is driving now(he continually switched from an explorer to an acura) not asking if he likes his new job, or what he thinks of Atlanta, or my outfit. I just stared at ( Read more... )