(no subject)
i awoke from the dream longing for him. thinking of him, remembering the way it felt to kiss his neck. the most outrageous of memories . and that is all we have left between us is memories. night lying in my bed and laughing, time spent on our porch. when we broke up he would drive by my porch every monday and wednesday at 4PM. MK and i would be out there smoking(we both got home at 330 so it was natural) I never asked him if he would look up, and it didn't matter. He asked me to go to Nashville and I said no. I said no and i knew then what that meant, i knew that i would long for him. I did this winter and the summer and now again in the spring and i knew that no matter what that longing would be met with nothing. My new saudade. knowing he is out there, having the smallest bit of hope for him still. but knowing that he asked, that he put his heart out there for me and I said no. I said no and there was no going back.