D.
Not asking him how life is without me. Not asking how his new place is, if he ever got the view he wanted, what couch he decided to keep, how he is storing all his movies, what car he is driving now(he continually switched from an explorer to an acura) not asking if he likes his new job, or what he thinks of Atlanta, or my outfit. I just stared at him, remembering his face, noticing the things that seemed out of place(possibly a new part?) i wanted to hug him and let his arms fall all over me, and fuck i wish i had kept at least some of our pictures together. I wanted to see if he smelled the same( i would later learn he does) he is still smoking, still drinking. He grabbed me and told me we HAD to talk, i had no choice. K was in the back of the bar with all our friends and wouldn’t come looking for me for a few minutes so I agreed. He got straight to the point, and left out all the small details he knew i would eat up, and told me simply before disappearing into another room of the crowded bar that I was the last girl to kiss his lips. My mind wandered, i wondered if i was the last one to touch his back and feel his body. The dedication dawned on me days later, girls threw themselves at him, i witnessed it when we were dating and after. He is a good looking man, with a reputation, and a hell of a smile. He was probably he most sexual person i knew, and to think of him not kissing another for well over a year. Keeping my name in his mouth and my memory fresh. My mind floated for days, wondering what that meant, wondering if i should leave K and be with him. could he dedicate himself to me like that forever? For life? We broke up because he wouldn’t kiss me in a bar, in front of all out friends who had seen us kiss thousands of times before. I know it wasn’t shame, or embarrassment. I know it was just him, he couldn’t do it and i couldn’t blame him for simply being true to himself. Not lying to me, not kissing me and being uncomfortable, standing firm in his wants. He was stubborn to the core, stubborn sometimes just to spite me but not regularly. And there he was so strong and beautiful and dedicated. After my mind settled I called a reliable source and asked if his story was true. I knew it wasn’t before she finished laughing, she said she could give me details from the day i left Knoxville for good, but she had personally witnessed him kissing numerous girls. That was all i needed. And i left it at that, and i haven’t revisited his memory until just now. This is truly the end.