Yes, even I have Lazy Food Days. STFU. It's cold out and I'm tired and hungry.

Winter Slop1 box Velveeta Shells & Cheese ( Read more... )

Been a while since I've passed on a recipe, so here's a particularly appropriate one for today.

Tentacle Monster Takoyaki

• 1 cup flour
• 2 1/2 cups dashi or miso broth
• 2 eggs
• 1/2 lb. boiled tentacle monster chunks
• 1/4 cup chopped green onion

BLASPHEMY

These people should be ASHAMED. ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES for making and selling a soy-based human flesh substitute! It's disgusting!

I mean, shit, they can't even make veggie hot dogs that feel or taste like the real thing! Do they really think they can capture all the subtle notes and nuances of real human flesh with goddamn TOFU?

... ( Read more... )

If you become hungry within the next six to eight hours, please forage for yourself or use that ghastly replicator; I will be in my cabin regenerating my internal organs after ritually disembowling myself and cooking my own liver and offering it to Big Chef as penance for my sins. Don't worry, it'll grow back and I'll be fine in time for breakfast.

Until SOMEONE rebuilds my fucking kitchen, we will be eating MRE's and tuna salad and crackers three times a day. Thank you EVER so fucking much.

AND THEN WE WILL FEAST ON PLUMP, JUICY EXECUTIONER MEAT.

I would like an armed guard on the kitchen, please. Or even an unarmed guard, if he is very large and scary-looking.

Because I am too fuckin' small to actually use the Crimson Scourge as, y'know, a weapon. On things that are already dead and not moving, or things that are hanging from the ceiling and not moving much? We're good. If it's alive, ( Read more... )

Psst. Guys. ...not you, Cliff, just keeeeep eating those cupcakes, that's right...

If your name is not Cliff, DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES EAT THE 500 CUPCAKES THAT JUST CAME OUT OF THE OVEN. SERIOUSLY. I MEAN IT.

Because that baker's chocolate I used for this batch? Was not my usual brand of baker's chocolate. This kind is called "Ex-Lax." ( Read more... )

heheheheheh fumez yay

fud and shit

• 1 bag o floar
• 8 meef quesaritos
• bag of somethinh
• big fuckin spoooon

put shit in teh ovean or something. thorw it away n call pizza. and twinkiies.

In light of ...certain recent events, this recipe seems particularly appropriate. Duke Vox, this one's for you!

Cheese Balls

• 16 oz (2 packages) cream cheese, at room temperature
• 2 cups shredded sharp cheddar
• 1 tsp. pimiento
• 1 tbsp. minced bell pepper
• 1 tbsp. minced onion

Replicators suck. You don't even get to kill the meat yourself. BAH.

I am a small green chef. WITH KNIVES. OH YES THE KNIVES. THE LOVELY STABBITY KNIVES!

I love everyone. Preferably in a mornay sauce.

The Killer Chef's Cheeseburger Soup

• 1 pound freshly slaughtered and ground dragon, Disaster Eye, or long pig flesh (you may substitute cow or ( Read more... )