In This World and the Next Chapter 5

[szaleniec1000]

Well, here I am after a longer-than-anticipated break. I chose ITWATN to review because of a recommendation in the comments here, and an initial skim read told me it was bad. This impression turned out to be wrong. It's not just bad, but reaches depths of irredeemable dreadfulness to rival Hogwarts Exposed. At least that had a serviceable (if

Comments

[fly_buggy_fly]

I completely forgot about this godawful story. Thanks for picking it back up; it always gives me a good laugh to read this kind of stuff!

[szaleniec1000]

I got a bit bogged down and lost my momentum. It's good to be back. Cheers for the welcome. :)

[sickbritkid2]

I've missed ya, mate.

[warlock_female]

Yaaaay! The Potters managed to get an entire family with lots of children thrown out of their house, made most of them lose their jobs, and are now suing them! What heros!

I'm guessing it's too much to ask that Sirus finds out something is wrong with Harry and ends up saving the world from him and 'Mione'?

[szaleniec1000]

The author said "not for Weasley fans", but I don't see how it's for Harry or Hermione things anyway. What with him being a jackass and her being a horribly sexist vision of what the author thinks a strong female character should look like.

[sickbritkid2]

I'm not even sure LoPEF would like the treatment of the Weasleys in this story.

[taekarado]

"Ok Black, you're coming with us. No funny business or we'll just knock you out and drag your worthless arse out of here."
(...)
Sirius was struggling to stay upright with all the shocks coming his way, he knew he had to though or they literally would drag him out of here.
thank you for the repetition, author. were not idiots.

They all sat around the kitchen table with only Charlie missing, dragon handlers didn't have the same penalty clauses in their contracts that the goblins insisted on. A wizard working for Gringotts had to be above reproach, the faintest hint of scandal could see you lose your job. Having it splashed all over the front page of the papers that your mother tried to attack the boy who lived was always going to result in an instant dismissal.im...not sure what this paragraph is trying to say? only bill works at gringotts bank, so how is he relevant to the penalty clauses in goblin contracts? also, are peoples mothers trying to attacking the boy who lived a regular enough occurence that this particular penalty clause

[szaleniec1000]

indeed. just because harry, hermione, her parents and later sirius know of the time travel thing doesnt mean ron will. theyre basically vindictively destroying a whole familys life for no reason they can fathom. whos the hero of this outfit again?

Not just that. Because of how time travel has been presented in the fic, he's destroying their lives for something that might not even happen at all in the new timeline. There's some stuff coming up that'll demonstrate even more how much the author hasn't thought through the implications of time travel.

when i was reading this section, my mind pictured them as adults. either my imagination is defunct, or the author cant write child characters suitably childishly.

Well, they actually are adults, but they're adults who are disguised as children so you'd expect them to act accordingly. Unless they're acting how they think kids should act, but they're 18 so it wasn't that long ago that they were kids. You'd think they'd remember. At least it's not Hogwarts Exposed, where the kids all talk

[taekarado]

Because of how time travel has been presented in the fic, he's destroying their lives for something that might not even happen at all in the new timeline.
this is one of the things that gets me about this fic the most. i cant remember if ive said this already, but ill repeat it here: time travel in canon is clearly a stable time loop, otherwise who cast the patronus the first time? in this fic, however, the time travel has created a branched universe, and one thing being different potentially means lots of other things will be different. harry and hermione being so close so early on, even taking that on its own could change a multitude of things without their making any extra input on the subject.

Unless they're acting how they think kids should act, but they're 18 so it wasn't that long ago that they were kids.they were talking when they first got bamfed into their kid bodies about blending in and not ruffling any feathers too soon, ja? i know lots of things have happened since then, but if theyre blending into muggle society in an

[szaleniec1000]

Indeed. They're like "let's blend in and subtly scheme to do whatever it is we're meant to be doing" at first, but then completely lose sight of this. Probably because the author realised he couldn't do subtle.

[szaleniec1000]

I'm not convinced there's ever been a good Lord Potter fic. What with the whole Gary Stu thing, and how as I said it's basically a polished turd, in which the "turd" is Death Eater blood purity.

[sickbritkid2]

And again, the whole "Pureblood Hermione" crap also puzzles me the same way the "Lord Harry Potter" stuff does: What the fuck does it add to the narrative that hasn't already been conveyed or established in canon? Plus, how in the hell is Hermione, born from two gorram Muggles, supposed to be Pureblooded?

[sickbritkid2]

Comma splices aside, this is another decent character moment. Why can't this fic have been about Sirius?

Why couldn't this fic have been a lot of things, like maybe a tasteful exploration of a Peggy Sue-type fic that WASN'T horrible author wankery...

[szaleniec1000]

If you're after that, Harry Potter and the Nightmares of Futures Past is the same premise (Harry goes back in time to stop the grimdark future from coming to pass) done infinitely better. Starting with the fact that the grimdark future isn't Harry's own ridiculous fault to begin with, and then... I could list everything that's better, but that would just be reposting the entire story.