In This World and the Next Chapter 5
Well, here I am after a longer-than-anticipated break. I chose ITWATN to review because of a recommendation in the comments here, and an initial skim read told me it was bad. This impression turned out to be wrong. It's not just bad, but reaches depths of irredeemable dreadfulness to rival Hogwarts Exposed. At least that had a serviceable (if
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Sirius was struggling to stay upright with all the shocks coming his way, he knew he had to though or they literally would drag him out of here.
thank you for the repetition, author. were not idiots.
They all sat around the kitchen table with only Charlie missing, dragon handlers didn't have the same penalty clauses in their contracts that the goblins insisted on. A wizard working for Gringotts had to be above reproach, the faintest hint of scandal could see you lose your job. Having it splashed all over the front page of the papers that your mother tried to attack the boy who lived was always going to result in an instant dismissal.
im...not sure what this paragraph is trying to say? only bill works at gringotts bank, so how is he relevant to the penalty clauses in goblin contracts? also, are peoples mothers trying to attacking the boy who lived a regular enough occurence that this particular penalty clause is necessary? in this alternate timeline, do people often go around attacking self-centered bellends?
It's worth remembering at such moments that all this is because of something that hasn't happened yet.
indeed. just because harry, hermione, her parents and later sirius know of the time travel thing doesnt mean ron will. theyre basically vindictively destroying a whole familys life for no reason they can fathom. whos the hero of this outfit again?
He was wearing a dark suit Hermione had picked for him and, with a shirt and tie, Harry was dressed as the quintessential Muggle. His wife was also paying no heed to the fact that they were probably going to meet the Minister of Magic today: a pale blue dress with a dark blue jacket was rounded off by matching bag and shoes. Only the wand hidden in a holster on her arm signified she was a witch; they were making no concessions to the magical world, and if they didn't like it, tough!
when i was reading this section, my mind pictured them as adults. either my imagination is defunct, or the author cant write child characters suitably childishly.
"I am Lord Harry James Potter, last scion of the Noble and Ancient House of Potter, banisher of the Dark Lord Voldemort. Who the fuck are you to call me boy?
case in point: what the fuck kind of eleven year old talks like this?! people would suspect something immediately if he knew a big word like scion. hell, im 20 and i dont know what scion means! and wouldnt he be banished immediately for swearing and mouthing off to the court thing?
"Since my godfather is here and still under truth serum, could we ask him what happened that night?"
truth serum is not fucking infallable and never has been. why do so many writers not grasp that concept?
"Harry, this is nuts and I wont allow it."
"Sorry Sirius but only my wife is allowed to tell me that."
#sarcasm oh goody, casual sanist language to top it off. (i have issues with the words "crazy", "nuts", "insane" and the like being casually tossed around, as im sure youre aware.)
It would also look great on her CV.
well, since hexing an adult woman and threatening to hex an ten-year-old girl worked so well for hermione... i hate this fic.
the whole umbridge/dementor segment reminds me of the one-second duel and subsequent "malinga"-induced sexual assault in a very alternate yule ball. both times, the duel ends too quick to be any kind of competition because of cheating on the part of the winner, and the whole thing spirals out of control from there in both cases until it crosses a moral event horizon. the malinga spell was putting an innocent ron through a humiliation conga and pegged hermione as a criminal, but she got punished for that. harry ended up extracting the soul (not killing, its not quite the same thing) from an unsympathetic umbridge by proxy when it wasnt supposed to be a duel to the near-death, and he gets away with it. out of the two scenarios, im struggling to see which one is worse.
You were bloody brilliant though!"
"I'm merely brilliant,
merely brilliant? really? fuck you, new!harry potter.
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Not just that. Because of how time travel has been presented in the fic, he's destroying their lives for something that might not even happen at all in the new timeline. There's some stuff coming up that'll demonstrate even more how much the author hasn't thought through the implications of time travel.
when i was reading this section, my mind pictured them as adults. either my imagination is defunct, or the author cant write child characters suitably childishly.
Well, they actually are adults, but they're adults who are disguised as children so you'd expect them to act accordingly. Unless they're acting how they think kids should act, but they're 18 so it wasn't that long ago that they were kids. You'd think they'd remember. At least it's not Hogwarts Exposed, where the kids all talk like adults because the author can't write distinct character voices.
The only reason I knew "scion" as a kid was because of Birthright. Which is a setting where magical power actually does derive from lines of descent, unlike Harry Potter.
truth serum is not fucking infallable and never has been. why do so many writers not grasp that concept?
Especially as it's stated outright in the books, because Harry asked that exact question (why don't they use it in trials?) when he got an attack of the genre savvy.
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this is one of the things that gets me about this fic the most. i cant remember if ive said this already, but ill repeat it here: time travel in canon is clearly a stable time loop, otherwise who cast the patronus the first time? in this fic, however, the time travel has created a branched universe, and one thing being different potentially means lots of other things will be different. harry and hermione being so close so early on, even taking that on its own could change a multitude of things without their making any extra input on the subject.
Unless they're acting how they think kids should act, but they're 18 so it wasn't that long ago that they were kids.
they were talking when they first got bamfed into their kid bodies about blending in and not ruffling any feathers too soon, ja? i know lots of things have happened since then, but if theyre blending into muggle society in an attempt to troll the ministry, it lends itself to reason theyd try to act like little kids too to further the illusion?
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You'd think an eleven year-old talking like Daenarys Targaryen would be a huge tip-off.
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