In This World and the Next Chapter 5

Nov 12, 2012 15:10

Well, here I am after a longer-than-anticipated break. I chose ITWATN to review because of a recommendation in the comments here, and an initial skim read told me it was bad. This impression turned out to be wrong. It's not just bad, but reaches depths of irredeemable dreadfulness to rival Hogwarts Exposed. At least that had a serviceable (if ( Read more... )

that's why commas matter, epic fail, hollywood law, everyone is evil, moustache twirling, conflict be damned, not simultaneous, it's contrived excuse time!, informed wrongness, my argument is pastede on yay, i can has characterisation, reading the books is a good idea, sexism, badfic:in this world and the next, priorities be damned, the lowercase wizarding world, mary sue and gary stu, hermione in name only, scraping the comedy barrel, madam malkin's mugglewear, ineffectual villainy, epithet overload, harry potter, idiot balls for everyone, dumbledore is evil, continuity isn't optional, singularity of fail, wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff

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taekarado November 12 2012, 22:28:51 UTC
"Ok Black, you're coming with us. No funny business or we'll just knock you out and drag your worthless arse out of here."
(...)
Sirius was struggling to stay upright with all the shocks coming his way, he knew he had to though or they literally would drag him out of here.
thank you for the repetition, author. were not idiots.

They all sat around the kitchen table with only Charlie missing, dragon handlers didn't have the same penalty clauses in their contracts that the goblins insisted on. A wizard working for Gringotts had to be above reproach, the faintest hint of scandal could see you lose your job. Having it splashed all over the front page of the papers that your mother tried to attack the boy who lived was always going to result in an instant dismissal.im...not sure what this paragraph is trying to say? only bill works at gringotts bank, so how is he relevant to the penalty clauses in goblin contracts? also, are peoples mothers trying to attacking the boy who lived a regular enough occurence that this particular penalty clause ( ... )

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szaleniec1000 November 12 2012, 23:41:37 UTC
indeed. just because harry, hermione, her parents and later sirius know of the time travel thing doesnt mean ron will. theyre basically vindictively destroying a whole familys life for no reason they can fathom. whos the hero of this outfit again?

Not just that. Because of how time travel has been presented in the fic, he's destroying their lives for something that might not even happen at all in the new timeline. There's some stuff coming up that'll demonstrate even more how much the author hasn't thought through the implications of time travel.

when i was reading this section, my mind pictured them as adults. either my imagination is defunct, or the author cant write child characters suitably childishly.

Well, they actually are adults, but they're adults who are disguised as children so you'd expect them to act accordingly. Unless they're acting how they think kids should act, but they're 18 so it wasn't that long ago that they were kids. You'd think they'd remember. At least it's not Hogwarts Exposed, where the kids all talk ( ... )

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taekarado November 13 2012, 00:04:07 UTC
Because of how time travel has been presented in the fic, he's destroying their lives for something that might not even happen at all in the new timeline.
this is one of the things that gets me about this fic the most. i cant remember if ive said this already, but ill repeat it here: time travel in canon is clearly a stable time loop, otherwise who cast the patronus the first time? in this fic, however, the time travel has created a branched universe, and one thing being different potentially means lots of other things will be different. harry and hermione being so close so early on, even taking that on its own could change a multitude of things without their making any extra input on the subject.

Unless they're acting how they think kids should act, but they're 18 so it wasn't that long ago that they were kids.they were talking when they first got bamfed into their kid bodies about blending in and not ruffling any feathers too soon, ja? i know lots of things have happened since then, but if theyre blending into muggle society in an ( ... )

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szaleniec1000 November 13 2012, 00:22:51 UTC
Indeed. They're like "let's blend in and subtly scheme to do whatever it is we're meant to be doing" at first, but then completely lose sight of this. Probably because the author realised he couldn't do subtle.

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szaleniec1000 November 13 2012, 03:08:39 UTC
Oh, and the most egregious consequence of the author abandoning the stable time loop has yet to come. It's a real "how the hell did the author not see this?" thing that's up there with the "nudity is completely nonsexual, oh, wait, no it isn't" from HTE Chapter 8.

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sickbritkid2 November 13 2012, 04:06:49 UTC
case in point: what the fuck kind of eleven year old talks like this?! people would suspect something immediately if he knew a big word like scion.

You'd think an eleven year-old talking like Daenarys Targaryen would be a huge tip-off.

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