(Put Me Back Together) Free For All (21/?)
Title: Put Me Back Together
Part: Chapter 21: Free For All
Author: Squeeka Cuomo
Rating: PG
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Kurt/Puck, Burt Hummel, Mercedes Jones, Finn Hudson, Quinn Fabray, Emma Pillsbury, Will Schuester, Tina Cohen-Chang, Artie Abrams, Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez, Brittany, Mike Chang, Matt Rutherford
Author’s Note: The title and opening quote for this fic come from the beautiful Weezer song, “Put Me Back Together.” You can find it here.
- I know there are tons of spoilers out for the upcoming episodes. Please don’t post them in the comments.
- This fic was nominated for “Best WIP” and I was nominated for “Best Overall Author” over at glee_fic_awards. Head on over and vote for your favorites! :)
Warning: This takes place directly after “Sectionals.” Everything up to that point is considered fair game. There are spoilers if you haven’t seen the first 13 episodes.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: All it takes is one moment to break Kurt apart. How many will it take to put not only himself but Puck back together?
Put Me Back TogetherChapter 21: Free For All
Kurt’s head was throbbing.
Not because of the lingering remnants of his hangover, but because of Puck. Of that Kurt was absolutely certain. It certainly wasn’t because of his hangover. After all, that was gone now. But the more he thought about what had happened that morning, the worse his head felt.
Unable to stand it any longer, Kurt leaned over and plucked a small bottle of Excedrin out of his bag. Twisting off the cap, he shook two of the little white pills into the palm of his hand. But before putting the lid back on the bottle, he popped the painkillers into his mouth. And cringing as the awful taste of the pills assailed his tongue, he downed half of his water bottle.
With the pills sliding down his throat, Kurt pushed the green jar back into his bag, praying that none of the teachers patrolling the cafeteria had seen it. He really didn’t feel like being stuck in detention just because he hadn’t gone to the nurse’s office for a couple of aspirin.
As he waited for the pills to take effect, Kurt picked up his fork and stabbed at the wilted lettuce McKinley tried to pass off as salad. Despite a strong desire to prove Mercedes wrong, Kurt had taken up his customary seat next to her at lunch. And amazingly enough, she’d refrained from saying anything along the lines of: “I told you so!” or “I knew you’d show up.”
But even though she hadn’t said anything, Kurt was positive that that was only because she wanted details about what had happened that morning after she’d left. Kurt had known that the instant he’d sat down at the lunch table and she’d turned her beaming, expectant face on him.
Kurt, however, had only glared at her.
He wasn’t about to tell her one single thing right then and there. As far as he was concerned, Mercedes didn’t deserve to know any details after selling him out. And anyways, he was too busy thinking about the fight he’d had with Puck.
In fact, he’d spent all morning playing and re-playing the scene with Puck in his head. And each repetition had only served to make Kurt feel worse. Because as much as he hated to admit it, (and he really hated to admit it), Puck had been right.
He was just as guilty as Puck.
The only difference was that Puck didn’t care why Kurt had kissed him back.
In fact, to Puck, their kiss didn’t seem to matter at all.
And Kurt, no matter how hard he tried, just couldn’t seem to get past the fact that Puck didn’t care about why he had kissed him back. Because when he’d found out that Puck had originally been looking for Quinn and that their kiss had been nothing more than a shot in the dark… Well, that became all Kurt cared about. And in Kurt’s opinion, that knowledge had destroyed whatever had been growing between them.
But Puck…
Puck acted as if they still had something, as if there was still something pulling them together.
And as much as Kurt tried to ignore it, knowing that Puck didn’t care, that he still wanted…
It touched a tiny spot deep within Kurt’s heart. But he wasn’t ready to let go of his anger. So he ignored the small part of himself that was whispering about how Puck was right.
Because he couldn’t handle the fact that maybe Puck had had a point. It just didn’t seem fair. After all, Puck had hurt him. Not the other way around. And Kurt couldn’t help but hope that if he ignored the internal niggling long enough, it would go away.
“Oh, come on, Kurt.” Mercedes voice was so close to a whine that Kurt couldn’t help but look over at her. The little voice was still whispering to him about Puck, but it was becoming more and more faint. “You can’t still be mad at me.”
Kurt stabbed at his lettuce again. He was just about to snap back, to say, “Yes, I can.” But a familiar, dreamy voice caught his attention instead.
“So… have you like, “ Brittany paused a foot away from Kurt to look over her shoulder. She had a lunch tray in hand that looked dangerously close to spilling on the floor. Quinn was right behind her, and she was staring down at her own tray, clearly unhappy about what she saw there. “Talked to Puck yet?”
“Kurt -” Mercedes sounded irritated, but Kurt didn’t care. He wanted to hear Quinn’s response to Brittany’s question.
“Shhhh…” His voice was low, but he could tell by the look on Mercedes’ face that she’d gotten the point. As Kurt strained to listen, he tried not to move or call any attention to himself. From what he could see, Quinn was looking at Brittany, obviously wishing she’d start walking. But Brittany was staring at her expectantly, totally unaware of Quinn’s growing irritation. For once, however, Kurt found himself grateful for Brittany’s absentmindedness.
“A little.” Quinn lifted her gaze from the tray in her small hands. From where Kurt was, he could see her delicate fingers clenching and unclenching on the edges of the tray nervously. “He came by the hospital a few times, but…”
As Quinn’s voice trailed off, Kurt felt his breath hitch. He’d heard horrible rumors about Puck going to the hospital and threatening the doctors and nurses, but he hadn’t wanted to believe them. But now, he couldn’t help but wonder just how much of the rumors were true.
And if Puck and Quinn had been talking…
Before Kurt could stop it, he felt a jolt of jealousy shoot through his body. And even though it lasted only a second, the feeling lingered painfully in his nerves. He felt jolted, rattled to core. However, before he realized just exactly what that meant, Quinn spoke again.
“We’ve talked on the phone a little too.” Quinn turned her face away from Brittany. As she did, the loose pony tail at the base of her skull swayed with her. When she looked back, Kurt could practically feel the exhaustion that had just taken over her petite frame. “Look, can we go sit down now?”
“Oh, right.” Brittany gave a little start as if just realizing that she wasn’t still walking. “Do you think you two will…” The rest of her sentence was lost to Kurt, her airy voice being drowned out by the noisy lunch room as they walked away.
Kurt couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. Over the past few weeks he’d never once thought about Quinn and Puck’s relationship. After her refusal to see him at the hospital, Kurt had though that that was it and that anything the two of them had was gone. But as it turned out, Kurt was wrong, and they’d talked “a little.” And if Quinn was willing to talk with Puck, what else might she, might they want?
After all, Puck had admitted it. He’d only kissed Kurt, because he’d thought he was Quinn.
And Kurt couldn’t help but wonder if, given the chance, Puck would get back together with her.
The part of Kurt that was mad at Puck said he didn’t care one way or the other, that Quinn could have him. Because as far as Kurt was concerned, there was nothing between himself and Puck anymore. (Contrary to what Puck seemed to believe.) But the small part of Kurt that had wanted to reach out to Puck that morning…
That part of him was worried.
“Kurt -” Mercedes’s voice was a low whisper, but it was loud enough to catch Kurt’s attention. And when he looked over at his best friend, Kurt was surprised to see that she looked just as worried as he felt.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
“Hey, guys!” Mr. Schuster clapped his hands together once before spreading his arms out wide. “Welcome to the first New Directions Free For All!” There was a small smattering of applause mixed with some hooting and hollering around the room, but Kurt couldn’t bring himself to join in. Next to him, Mercedes reached over and slipped her arm through his. They hadn’t talked about the conversation they’d overheard at lunch, but Mercedes seemed to understand what it meant.
Even if she didn’t know the full story yet.
“I can’t wait to see what you’ve picked!” The applause grew a little, mostly because of Rachel. The growing enthusiasm, no matter how slight, seemed to be fueling Schu’s excitement. “So…” He scanned the room, pointedly making eye contact with each and every one of them. “Who’s first?”
“Mr. Schuster,” Rachel jumped primly out of her seat and approached the piano. “Since I’m the captain of this club, however unofficial that title may be, I think it’s only right that I kick things off.” Spinning around to face the group, Rachel didn’t even wait for Schuster to reply before giving Tinkles a cue.
As Rachel launched into some random pop song, Kurt sank into his seat a little and tuned her out. For the most part, it worked, and all Kurt heard was a muffled assortment of tones, much like Charlie Brown’s squawking teacher. And before he knew it, Rachel was performing a curtsey as a small wave of applause broke through Kurt’s concentration.
After her, Finn stepped up to the piano, patting Rachel awkwardly on the shoulder as he passed her. Kurt eyed them both, trying to decide if it looked like they’d reconciled or not. But try as he might, he couldn’t really tell.
Finn was standing in front of the room looking nervous as Tinkles began to play Queen’s “Under Pressure.” And Kurt couldn’t decide if Finn was trying to ignore Rachel or catch her gaze, because he kept looking at her, then away and then back again. It would have been comical if Kurt hadn’t been in such a foul mood.
Rachel was just as confusing. She was, as usual, sitting in the middle of the front row. Her hands were folded on her lap, and her legs were crossed at the ankles. As Finn sang, she would alternate between looking up at him and studying her knees.
Based on Finn’s rendition of Queen’s song, Kurt guessed that Rachel hadn’t helped him after all. It was obvious that Finn had practiced, but his performance lacked any real polish or finesse. And as much as Kurt couldn’t stand Rachel, he couldn’t deny that she knew how to perform and how to bring that out in others. There was no way she would have allowed Finn to settle for a lackluster showing in front of the glee club. Of that, Kurt was absolutely certain.
When Finn’s solo came to an end, Kurt felt the pit of his stomach clench in anticipation. He couldn’t, wouldn’t wait any longer to perform his solo. Originally, he’d planned on doing something by Lady Gaga. But after Puck’s confession and a day hungover in front of the TV, he’d changed his mind. Kurt was sure that Schuster wouldn’t think his choice was appropriate for Regionals, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t singing for Mr. Schuster.
Kurt was singing for himself.
Without a word, Kurt took the floor, whispering a few instructions to Tinkles as he did so. And as the opening notes of the somber ballad filled the room, Kurt was overcome with a wave of emotion. It was so intense, so strong that Kurt wasn’t able to make eye contact with anyone in the room. Instead, he tried to focus on an invisible spot off in the distance as he sang. “Love, you didn’t do right by me…”
Out of the corner of his eye, Kurt caught sight of Puck sitting in the back row and staring directly at him. And Kurt couldn’t help but turn his head to look at him fully. Their eyes connected - deep brown and clear blue. “You planned a romance that just hadn’t a chance -”
Kurt felt his breath hitch painfully in his chest. And for just a second, he lost track of time and of the music. All that mattered was Puck’s eyes staring into his own. It had been so long since they’d just looked at one another like that. There were no words, no touches, just the connection that they’d begun to share. And it wasn’t until then that Kurt realized just how much he missed that unspoken bond.
Wishing he could get rid of that feeling, Kurt pulled his attention away from Puck. And when he finally recovered himself, Kurt ignored the sound of the piano, choosing instead to pick up where he’d left off with the lyrics. “And I’m through.”
The look on Puck’s face darkened, but he didn’t look away. Kurt, however, couldn’t stand the intensity of the other boy’s gaze any longer. It hurt too much. So as he continued to sing, Kurt looked away and imagined that he was in the Carousel Club from White Christmas instead of McKinley High’s choir room.
In his fantasy, Kurt was dressed in a black velvet suit and long white sequined gloves mirroring Rosemary Clooney’s classic ensemble. The room around him became a smoky white and black club with bright red curtains. And lining the walls were black and white carousel horses.
As he sang, the four boys from the film, with their tight turtle necks and sleek shiny black hair danced around him. He was lost, caught up in the moment, singing about a terrible betrayal. But as the song and his dream continued, Kurt couldn’t help but remember why Rosemary’s Betty had sung the song in the first place.
She’d thought she’d been betrayed by Bing Crosby’s Bob.
When in reality, she hadn’t.
It had been a misunderstanding, and she’d ended up apologizing to him.
As that realization filled his brain, Kurt felt the fantasy slip away even as it mixed with his reality. The nondescript boys, the pink, black, and white club, the sparkling white gloves, they all drifted away slowly, turning back into the McKinley High choir room.
The song drew to a close just as the remaining remnants of his fantasy evaporated. And even though he knew the last line was supposed to be a strong proclamation, Kurt couldn’t summon up the emotion for it.
He’d chosen this particular song as a way to finally expel any lingering feelings he had for Puck, but instead Betty and Bob had shown him a very different reality. And it was one that Kurt wasn’t too sure he liked.
When he sang the last line, it came out as nothing more than a painful whisper. “You done me wrong.”
Without waiting for the last few notes of the song to finish, Kurt ducked his head slightly and walked back to his seat. He couldn’t look at anyone but especially not Puck. His performance had left him feeling unsteady rather than assured. And Kurt didn’t need to look up to know Puck was still watching him. He could feel it. And as Kurt sank down into his seat, he wished that he could hide from the other boy’s gaze. But unfortunately, there was nowhere to hide. And Kurt felt so exposed that he didn’t even care about the polite applause coming from his peers.
And that was a first.
Normally, Kurt thrived on applause. Oh, he didn’t live for it like Rachel did. He wasn’t going to die if people didn’t given him a standing ovation every time he so much as sighed in pitch. But when he heard people cheering for him… Kurt couldn’t help but feeling incredible. But now, he just wished it would stop.
Next to him, Mercedes was looking over at Puck. He couldn’t see her face, but he knew it couldn’t be good. After all, Mercedes had said she’d only give Puck one chance, and he’d had it. So there was no telling what she would do next. And in an effort to pull her attention away from Puck, Kurt reached over and grabbed her hand. Thankfully, it worked. And as Mercedes turned back towards Kurt, Kurt desperately tried to smile. He didn’t think he’d been all that successful, but she smiled back.
Just as Mercedes looked away again, Tina stood up to sing her song. The tempo was fast, and there was a rock edge to the song. But no matter how hard Kurt tried, he just couldn’t pay attention. As it was, it took all of his self-control to not turn around and look at Puck.
And so caught up in his thoughts, Kurt didn’t notice what song she sang or who came after. Or care. All he knew was that a while later, Mr. Schuster’s voice was echoing through the room.
“Ok, guys. Great job so far!” Schu was standing up and smiling at them all. “Now, I know that a few of you haven’t gone yet, but we’ve only got time for one more. So… Who’s next?” He looked around the room but stopped on someone towards the back of the room. “Ok, Puck. What have you got for us?”
Kurt froze as he waited for… something. What he was waiting for, Kurt didn’t know. But he was waiting nonetheless.
When he finally heard Puck’s voice coming from behind him, Kurt let out a slow exhale. “I Don’t Want To Let You Go.” Puck grabbed a chair as he passed by the first row, his guitar in hand. “The Rivers Cuomo version. No the Raditude one.” Once he reached the center of the makeshift stage, Puck set the chair down and took a seat.
Instead of waiting for Mr. Schuster to comment, Puck swung his guitar onto his lap and began strumming it. The song wasn’t fast, but it wasn’t slow either, and it had a subtle driven quality about it that seemed to hum through Kurt’s body. It was almost like the song was calling him, begging him to listen.
But after his own performance and the realization it had brought, Kurt didn’t think he could handle listening to whatever Puck was about to sing. So he tried to block his mind, focus on other things. But no matter how hard he tried, the song kept pulling him back in…
It was almost as if the gentle chords of the guitar were swirling around him and tickling his senses in hopes that he’d pay attention. And then, there was Puck’s voice. So far, Kurt had been able to tune out the song’s words, but he hadn’t been able to block out the tone the words that were being sung in. Puck sounded so… Not sad. But not upset either. The more Kurt thought about it, he realized that Puck’s voice was a painful mixture of resolution and desperation.
Eventually, Kurt could no longer stand to ignore the gentle call of the music, and he finally gave in. And what he heard, took his breath away.
“I remember the days when I was stronger than a wall. Try as anybody might they couldn’t move me at all.” Puck’s voice was soft, almost pleading, and Kurt couldn’t help but stare at him afraid that, if he looked away, he’d missed something.
Puck, however, didn’t seem to notice.
He was slightly hunched over the guitar and looking towards the floor as he sang, his foot tapping out a steady rhythm. “Now I fall to pieces,” Puck lifted his eyes just enough to meet Kurt’s hungry gaze, “when you softly call my name. Going up in smoke rings like a moth within your flame.”
Puck dropped his gaze once again as he continued on, and Kurt felt himself shift forward slightly. He needed to see Puck’s eyes again, and he silently willed Puck to look back up. Kurt was desperate to feel that connection once again, if only for a few seconds. But Puck didn’t look back up. Instead he continued on with his song. “I have lost all hope of being normal once again. I will be a slave to you until the bitter end.” Puck’s shoulders seemed to hunch a little more as if it was difficult for him to sing the lyrics. “Even if it’s a hundred years before you change your mind. I will be here waiting girl until the end of time.”
The words continued to flow from Puck, but Kurt was too focused on the other boy to care what he was singing. Sure, Puck had said “girl,” but Kurt didn’t care. He knew, without a doubt, that Puck was singing to him, for him. And the lyrics, so simple, yet so full of emotion, had melted the away the last of Kurt’s anger. With that anger gone, Kurt felt empty.
Like he was missing something.
Or someone.
As Puck’s song came to a close, Kurt felt his heartbeat speed up painfully. The song was almost over, and Kurt had nothing. No ideas. No plan of attack. All he knew was that he had to get to Puck.
However, right after slipping his fingers over the guitar strings one last time, Puck stood up and walked out of the classroom. He didn’t wait for Mr. Schuster to dismiss them or for anyone to applaud.
He just left without a backward glance.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
“Puck!” Kurt’s footsteps pounded against the pavement as he ran across the William McKinley parking lot. Puck was standing next to his truck, securing his guitar in its case. And just as Puck was snapping the last latch shut, Kurt came to a halting stop next to him. He was slightly out of breath, and the cool November air burned Kurt’s lungs. “I -”
“Come with me.” It wasn’t a question. But even if it had been, Kurt wouldn’t have been able to say no. It just felt so right to be there with him. And for the first time in days, Kurt felt as things were ok. Or… like they were going to be ok anyway.
And without saying another word, Kurt climbed into the passenger side of Puck’s truck.
Squeeka Cuomo’s Notes
- The title and opening quote for this fic come from the beautiful Weezer song, “Put Me Back Together.” You can find it here.
- In case you’re curious, here are the songs that were featured in the Free For All: Love, You Didn’t Do Right By Me from White Christmas. And I Don’t Want To Let You Go from Alone II: the Home Recordings of Rivers Cuomo. (And in case you’re wondering what the difference is, here is the Raditude version.)
- To everyone who has stuck by this story… THANK YOU. I truly appreciate all of your support.
- Quack: This story (or any of mine for that matter) would not be possible without you. Thank you so much. :duck:
- Reviews are love.
Put Me Back Together
Chapter 1: Kiss Me Goodbye
Chapter 2: Of Soirees and Sarongs
Chapter 3: Not So Subtle
Chapter 4: Late Arrivals
Chapter 5: Breaking Point
Chapter 6: Empty Hallway
Chapter 7: Cleaning up the Mess
Chapter 8: Dirty Laundry
Chapter 9: Gossip Mongers
Chapter 10: Just Breathe
Chapter 11: Damon Salvatore vs. Dexter Morgan
Chapter 12: Cloudy - Chance of Tension
Chapter 13: Pocket Squares
Chapter 14: All Apologies
Chapter 15: The “F” Word
Chapter 16: I’ve Come Undone
Chapter 17: Not So Blissfully Numb
Chapter 18: Drunken Lullabies
Chapter 19: Unwanted Visitor
Chapter 20: Please
Part: Chapter 21: Free For All
Author: Squeeka Cuomo
Rating: PG
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Kurt/Puck, Burt Hummel, Mercedes Jones, Finn Hudson, Quinn Fabray, Emma Pillsbury, Will Schuester, Tina Cohen-Chang, Artie Abrams, Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez, Brittany, Mike Chang, Matt Rutherford
Author’s Note: The title and opening quote for this fic come from the beautiful Weezer song, “Put Me Back Together.” You can find it here.
- I know there are tons of spoilers out for the upcoming episodes. Please don’t post them in the comments.
- This fic was nominated for “Best WIP” and I was nominated for “Best Overall Author” over at glee_fic_awards. Head on over and vote for your favorites! :)
Warning: This takes place directly after “Sectionals.” Everything up to that point is considered fair game. There are spoilers if you haven’t seen the first 13 episodes.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: All it takes is one moment to break Kurt apart. How many will it take to put not only himself but Puck back together?
Put Me Back TogetherChapter 21: Free For All
Kurt’s head was throbbing.
Not because of the lingering remnants of his hangover, but because of Puck. Of that Kurt was absolutely certain. It certainly wasn’t because of his hangover. After all, that was gone now. But the more he thought about what had happened that morning, the worse his head felt.
Unable to stand it any longer, Kurt leaned over and plucked a small bottle of Excedrin out of his bag. Twisting off the cap, he shook two of the little white pills into the palm of his hand. But before putting the lid back on the bottle, he popped the painkillers into his mouth. And cringing as the awful taste of the pills assailed his tongue, he downed half of his water bottle.
With the pills sliding down his throat, Kurt pushed the green jar back into his bag, praying that none of the teachers patrolling the cafeteria had seen it. He really didn’t feel like being stuck in detention just because he hadn’t gone to the nurse’s office for a couple of aspirin.
As he waited for the pills to take effect, Kurt picked up his fork and stabbed at the wilted lettuce McKinley tried to pass off as salad. Despite a strong desire to prove Mercedes wrong, Kurt had taken up his customary seat next to her at lunch. And amazingly enough, she’d refrained from saying anything along the lines of: “I told you so!” or “I knew you’d show up.”
But even though she hadn’t said anything, Kurt was positive that that was only because she wanted details about what had happened that morning after she’d left. Kurt had known that the instant he’d sat down at the lunch table and she’d turned her beaming, expectant face on him.
Kurt, however, had only glared at her.
He wasn’t about to tell her one single thing right then and there. As far as he was concerned, Mercedes didn’t deserve to know any details after selling him out. And anyways, he was too busy thinking about the fight he’d had with Puck.
In fact, he’d spent all morning playing and re-playing the scene with Puck in his head. And each repetition had only served to make Kurt feel worse. Because as much as he hated to admit it, (and he really hated to admit it), Puck had been right.
He was just as guilty as Puck.
The only difference was that Puck didn’t care why Kurt had kissed him back.
In fact, to Puck, their kiss didn’t seem to matter at all.
And Kurt, no matter how hard he tried, just couldn’t seem to get past the fact that Puck didn’t care about why he had kissed him back. Because when he’d found out that Puck had originally been looking for Quinn and that their kiss had been nothing more than a shot in the dark… Well, that became all Kurt cared about. And in Kurt’s opinion, that knowledge had destroyed whatever had been growing between them.
But Puck…
Puck acted as if they still had something, as if there was still something pulling them together.
And as much as Kurt tried to ignore it, knowing that Puck didn’t care, that he still wanted…
It touched a tiny spot deep within Kurt’s heart. But he wasn’t ready to let go of his anger. So he ignored the small part of himself that was whispering about how Puck was right.
Because he couldn’t handle the fact that maybe Puck had had a point. It just didn’t seem fair. After all, Puck had hurt him. Not the other way around. And Kurt couldn’t help but hope that if he ignored the internal niggling long enough, it would go away.
“Oh, come on, Kurt.” Mercedes voice was so close to a whine that Kurt couldn’t help but look over at her. The little voice was still whispering to him about Puck, but it was becoming more and more faint. “You can’t still be mad at me.”
Kurt stabbed at his lettuce again. He was just about to snap back, to say, “Yes, I can.” But a familiar, dreamy voice caught his attention instead.
“So… have you like, “ Brittany paused a foot away from Kurt to look over her shoulder. She had a lunch tray in hand that looked dangerously close to spilling on the floor. Quinn was right behind her, and she was staring down at her own tray, clearly unhappy about what she saw there. “Talked to Puck yet?”
“Kurt -” Mercedes sounded irritated, but Kurt didn’t care. He wanted to hear Quinn’s response to Brittany’s question.
“Shhhh…” His voice was low, but he could tell by the look on Mercedes’ face that she’d gotten the point. As Kurt strained to listen, he tried not to move or call any attention to himself. From what he could see, Quinn was looking at Brittany, obviously wishing she’d start walking. But Brittany was staring at her expectantly, totally unaware of Quinn’s growing irritation. For once, however, Kurt found himself grateful for Brittany’s absentmindedness.
“A little.” Quinn lifted her gaze from the tray in her small hands. From where Kurt was, he could see her delicate fingers clenching and unclenching on the edges of the tray nervously. “He came by the hospital a few times, but…”
As Quinn’s voice trailed off, Kurt felt his breath hitch. He’d heard horrible rumors about Puck going to the hospital and threatening the doctors and nurses, but he hadn’t wanted to believe them. But now, he couldn’t help but wonder just how much of the rumors were true.
And if Puck and Quinn had been talking…
Before Kurt could stop it, he felt a jolt of jealousy shoot through his body. And even though it lasted only a second, the feeling lingered painfully in his nerves. He felt jolted, rattled to core. However, before he realized just exactly what that meant, Quinn spoke again.
“We’ve talked on the phone a little too.” Quinn turned her face away from Brittany. As she did, the loose pony tail at the base of her skull swayed with her. When she looked back, Kurt could practically feel the exhaustion that had just taken over her petite frame. “Look, can we go sit down now?”
“Oh, right.” Brittany gave a little start as if just realizing that she wasn’t still walking. “Do you think you two will…” The rest of her sentence was lost to Kurt, her airy voice being drowned out by the noisy lunch room as they walked away.
Kurt couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. Over the past few weeks he’d never once thought about Quinn and Puck’s relationship. After her refusal to see him at the hospital, Kurt had though that that was it and that anything the two of them had was gone. But as it turned out, Kurt was wrong, and they’d talked “a little.” And if Quinn was willing to talk with Puck, what else might she, might they want?
After all, Puck had admitted it. He’d only kissed Kurt, because he’d thought he was Quinn.
And Kurt couldn’t help but wonder if, given the chance, Puck would get back together with her.
The part of Kurt that was mad at Puck said he didn’t care one way or the other, that Quinn could have him. Because as far as Kurt was concerned, there was nothing between himself and Puck anymore. (Contrary to what Puck seemed to believe.) But the small part of Kurt that had wanted to reach out to Puck that morning…
That part of him was worried.
“Kurt -” Mercedes’s voice was a low whisper, but it was loud enough to catch Kurt’s attention. And when he looked over at his best friend, Kurt was surprised to see that she looked just as worried as he felt.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
“Hey, guys!” Mr. Schuster clapped his hands together once before spreading his arms out wide. “Welcome to the first New Directions Free For All!” There was a small smattering of applause mixed with some hooting and hollering around the room, but Kurt couldn’t bring himself to join in. Next to him, Mercedes reached over and slipped her arm through his. They hadn’t talked about the conversation they’d overheard at lunch, but Mercedes seemed to understand what it meant.
Even if she didn’t know the full story yet.
“I can’t wait to see what you’ve picked!” The applause grew a little, mostly because of Rachel. The growing enthusiasm, no matter how slight, seemed to be fueling Schu’s excitement. “So…” He scanned the room, pointedly making eye contact with each and every one of them. “Who’s first?”
“Mr. Schuster,” Rachel jumped primly out of her seat and approached the piano. “Since I’m the captain of this club, however unofficial that title may be, I think it’s only right that I kick things off.” Spinning around to face the group, Rachel didn’t even wait for Schuster to reply before giving Tinkles a cue.
As Rachel launched into some random pop song, Kurt sank into his seat a little and tuned her out. For the most part, it worked, and all Kurt heard was a muffled assortment of tones, much like Charlie Brown’s squawking teacher. And before he knew it, Rachel was performing a curtsey as a small wave of applause broke through Kurt’s concentration.
After her, Finn stepped up to the piano, patting Rachel awkwardly on the shoulder as he passed her. Kurt eyed them both, trying to decide if it looked like they’d reconciled or not. But try as he might, he couldn’t really tell.
Finn was standing in front of the room looking nervous as Tinkles began to play Queen’s “Under Pressure.” And Kurt couldn’t decide if Finn was trying to ignore Rachel or catch her gaze, because he kept looking at her, then away and then back again. It would have been comical if Kurt hadn’t been in such a foul mood.
Rachel was just as confusing. She was, as usual, sitting in the middle of the front row. Her hands were folded on her lap, and her legs were crossed at the ankles. As Finn sang, she would alternate between looking up at him and studying her knees.
Based on Finn’s rendition of Queen’s song, Kurt guessed that Rachel hadn’t helped him after all. It was obvious that Finn had practiced, but his performance lacked any real polish or finesse. And as much as Kurt couldn’t stand Rachel, he couldn’t deny that she knew how to perform and how to bring that out in others. There was no way she would have allowed Finn to settle for a lackluster showing in front of the glee club. Of that, Kurt was absolutely certain.
When Finn’s solo came to an end, Kurt felt the pit of his stomach clench in anticipation. He couldn’t, wouldn’t wait any longer to perform his solo. Originally, he’d planned on doing something by Lady Gaga. But after Puck’s confession and a day hungover in front of the TV, he’d changed his mind. Kurt was sure that Schuster wouldn’t think his choice was appropriate for Regionals, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t singing for Mr. Schuster.
Kurt was singing for himself.
Without a word, Kurt took the floor, whispering a few instructions to Tinkles as he did so. And as the opening notes of the somber ballad filled the room, Kurt was overcome with a wave of emotion. It was so intense, so strong that Kurt wasn’t able to make eye contact with anyone in the room. Instead, he tried to focus on an invisible spot off in the distance as he sang. “Love, you didn’t do right by me…”
Out of the corner of his eye, Kurt caught sight of Puck sitting in the back row and staring directly at him. And Kurt couldn’t help but turn his head to look at him fully. Their eyes connected - deep brown and clear blue. “You planned a romance that just hadn’t a chance -”
Kurt felt his breath hitch painfully in his chest. And for just a second, he lost track of time and of the music. All that mattered was Puck’s eyes staring into his own. It had been so long since they’d just looked at one another like that. There were no words, no touches, just the connection that they’d begun to share. And it wasn’t until then that Kurt realized just how much he missed that unspoken bond.
Wishing he could get rid of that feeling, Kurt pulled his attention away from Puck. And when he finally recovered himself, Kurt ignored the sound of the piano, choosing instead to pick up where he’d left off with the lyrics. “And I’m through.”
The look on Puck’s face darkened, but he didn’t look away. Kurt, however, couldn’t stand the intensity of the other boy’s gaze any longer. It hurt too much. So as he continued to sing, Kurt looked away and imagined that he was in the Carousel Club from White Christmas instead of McKinley High’s choir room.
In his fantasy, Kurt was dressed in a black velvet suit and long white sequined gloves mirroring Rosemary Clooney’s classic ensemble. The room around him became a smoky white and black club with bright red curtains. And lining the walls were black and white carousel horses.
As he sang, the four boys from the film, with their tight turtle necks and sleek shiny black hair danced around him. He was lost, caught up in the moment, singing about a terrible betrayal. But as the song and his dream continued, Kurt couldn’t help but remember why Rosemary’s Betty had sung the song in the first place.
She’d thought she’d been betrayed by Bing Crosby’s Bob.
When in reality, she hadn’t.
It had been a misunderstanding, and she’d ended up apologizing to him.
As that realization filled his brain, Kurt felt the fantasy slip away even as it mixed with his reality. The nondescript boys, the pink, black, and white club, the sparkling white gloves, they all drifted away slowly, turning back into the McKinley High choir room.
The song drew to a close just as the remaining remnants of his fantasy evaporated. And even though he knew the last line was supposed to be a strong proclamation, Kurt couldn’t summon up the emotion for it.
He’d chosen this particular song as a way to finally expel any lingering feelings he had for Puck, but instead Betty and Bob had shown him a very different reality. And it was one that Kurt wasn’t too sure he liked.
When he sang the last line, it came out as nothing more than a painful whisper. “You done me wrong.”
Without waiting for the last few notes of the song to finish, Kurt ducked his head slightly and walked back to his seat. He couldn’t look at anyone but especially not Puck. His performance had left him feeling unsteady rather than assured. And Kurt didn’t need to look up to know Puck was still watching him. He could feel it. And as Kurt sank down into his seat, he wished that he could hide from the other boy’s gaze. But unfortunately, there was nowhere to hide. And Kurt felt so exposed that he didn’t even care about the polite applause coming from his peers.
And that was a first.
Normally, Kurt thrived on applause. Oh, he didn’t live for it like Rachel did. He wasn’t going to die if people didn’t given him a standing ovation every time he so much as sighed in pitch. But when he heard people cheering for him… Kurt couldn’t help but feeling incredible. But now, he just wished it would stop.
Next to him, Mercedes was looking over at Puck. He couldn’t see her face, but he knew it couldn’t be good. After all, Mercedes had said she’d only give Puck one chance, and he’d had it. So there was no telling what she would do next. And in an effort to pull her attention away from Puck, Kurt reached over and grabbed her hand. Thankfully, it worked. And as Mercedes turned back towards Kurt, Kurt desperately tried to smile. He didn’t think he’d been all that successful, but she smiled back.
Just as Mercedes looked away again, Tina stood up to sing her song. The tempo was fast, and there was a rock edge to the song. But no matter how hard Kurt tried, he just couldn’t pay attention. As it was, it took all of his self-control to not turn around and look at Puck.
And so caught up in his thoughts, Kurt didn’t notice what song she sang or who came after. Or care. All he knew was that a while later, Mr. Schuster’s voice was echoing through the room.
“Ok, guys. Great job so far!” Schu was standing up and smiling at them all. “Now, I know that a few of you haven’t gone yet, but we’ve only got time for one more. So… Who’s next?” He looked around the room but stopped on someone towards the back of the room. “Ok, Puck. What have you got for us?”
Kurt froze as he waited for… something. What he was waiting for, Kurt didn’t know. But he was waiting nonetheless.
When he finally heard Puck’s voice coming from behind him, Kurt let out a slow exhale. “I Don’t Want To Let You Go.” Puck grabbed a chair as he passed by the first row, his guitar in hand. “The Rivers Cuomo version. No the Raditude one.” Once he reached the center of the makeshift stage, Puck set the chair down and took a seat.
Instead of waiting for Mr. Schuster to comment, Puck swung his guitar onto his lap and began strumming it. The song wasn’t fast, but it wasn’t slow either, and it had a subtle driven quality about it that seemed to hum through Kurt’s body. It was almost like the song was calling him, begging him to listen.
But after his own performance and the realization it had brought, Kurt didn’t think he could handle listening to whatever Puck was about to sing. So he tried to block his mind, focus on other things. But no matter how hard he tried, the song kept pulling him back in…
It was almost as if the gentle chords of the guitar were swirling around him and tickling his senses in hopes that he’d pay attention. And then, there was Puck’s voice. So far, Kurt had been able to tune out the song’s words, but he hadn’t been able to block out the tone the words that were being sung in. Puck sounded so… Not sad. But not upset either. The more Kurt thought about it, he realized that Puck’s voice was a painful mixture of resolution and desperation.
Eventually, Kurt could no longer stand to ignore the gentle call of the music, and he finally gave in. And what he heard, took his breath away.
“I remember the days when I was stronger than a wall. Try as anybody might they couldn’t move me at all.” Puck’s voice was soft, almost pleading, and Kurt couldn’t help but stare at him afraid that, if he looked away, he’d missed something.
Puck, however, didn’t seem to notice.
He was slightly hunched over the guitar and looking towards the floor as he sang, his foot tapping out a steady rhythm. “Now I fall to pieces,” Puck lifted his eyes just enough to meet Kurt’s hungry gaze, “when you softly call my name. Going up in smoke rings like a moth within your flame.”
Puck dropped his gaze once again as he continued on, and Kurt felt himself shift forward slightly. He needed to see Puck’s eyes again, and he silently willed Puck to look back up. Kurt was desperate to feel that connection once again, if only for a few seconds. But Puck didn’t look back up. Instead he continued on with his song. “I have lost all hope of being normal once again. I will be a slave to you until the bitter end.” Puck’s shoulders seemed to hunch a little more as if it was difficult for him to sing the lyrics. “Even if it’s a hundred years before you change your mind. I will be here waiting girl until the end of time.”
The words continued to flow from Puck, but Kurt was too focused on the other boy to care what he was singing. Sure, Puck had said “girl,” but Kurt didn’t care. He knew, without a doubt, that Puck was singing to him, for him. And the lyrics, so simple, yet so full of emotion, had melted the away the last of Kurt’s anger. With that anger gone, Kurt felt empty.
Like he was missing something.
Or someone.
As Puck’s song came to a close, Kurt felt his heartbeat speed up painfully. The song was almost over, and Kurt had nothing. No ideas. No plan of attack. All he knew was that he had to get to Puck.
However, right after slipping his fingers over the guitar strings one last time, Puck stood up and walked out of the classroom. He didn’t wait for Mr. Schuster to dismiss them or for anyone to applaud.
He just left without a backward glance.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
“Puck!” Kurt’s footsteps pounded against the pavement as he ran across the William McKinley parking lot. Puck was standing next to his truck, securing his guitar in its case. And just as Puck was snapping the last latch shut, Kurt came to a halting stop next to him. He was slightly out of breath, and the cool November air burned Kurt’s lungs. “I -”
“Come with me.” It wasn’t a question. But even if it had been, Kurt wouldn’t have been able to say no. It just felt so right to be there with him. And for the first time in days, Kurt felt as things were ok. Or… like they were going to be ok anyway.
And without saying another word, Kurt climbed into the passenger side of Puck’s truck.
Squeeka Cuomo’s Notes
- The title and opening quote for this fic come from the beautiful Weezer song, “Put Me Back Together.” You can find it here.
- In case you’re curious, here are the songs that were featured in the Free For All: Love, You Didn’t Do Right By Me from White Christmas. And I Don’t Want To Let You Go from Alone II: the Home Recordings of Rivers Cuomo. (And in case you’re wondering what the difference is, here is the Raditude version.)
- To everyone who has stuck by this story… THANK YOU. I truly appreciate all of your support.
- Quack: This story (or any of mine for that matter) would not be possible without you. Thank you so much. :duck:
- Reviews are love.
Put Me Back Together
Chapter 1: Kiss Me Goodbye
Chapter 2: Of Soirees and Sarongs
Chapter 3: Not So Subtle
Chapter 4: Late Arrivals
Chapter 5: Breaking Point
Chapter 6: Empty Hallway
Chapter 7: Cleaning up the Mess
Chapter 8: Dirty Laundry
Chapter 9: Gossip Mongers
Chapter 10: Just Breathe
Chapter 11: Damon Salvatore vs. Dexter Morgan
Chapter 12: Cloudy - Chance of Tension
Chapter 13: Pocket Squares
Chapter 14: All Apologies
Chapter 15: The “F” Word
Chapter 16: I’ve Come Undone
Chapter 17: Not So Blissfully Numb
Chapter 18: Drunken Lullabies
Chapter 19: Unwanted Visitor
Chapter 20: Please