(Put Me Back Together) Please (20/?)
Title: Put Me Back Together
Part: Chapter 20: Please
Author: Squeeka Cuomo
Rating: PG
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Kurt/Puck, Burt Hummel, Mercedes Jones, Finn Hudson, Quinn Fabray, Emma Pillsbury, Will Schuester, Tina Cohen-Chang, Artie Abrams, Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez, Brittany, Mike Chang, Matt Rutherford
Author’s Note: The title and opening quote for this fic come from the beautiful Weezer song, “Put Me Back Together.” You can find it here.
- I know there are tons of spoilers out for the upcoming episodes. Please don’t post them in the comments.
Warning: This takes place directly after “Sectionals.” Everything up to that point is considered fair game. There are spoilers if you haven’t seen the first 13 episodes.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: All it takes is one moment to break Kurt apart. How many will it take to put not only himself but Puck back together?
Put Me Back TogetherChapter 20: Please
“You look terrible.” The concern all but oozed out of Mercedes’ soft voice.
And even though Kurt knew she wasn’t trying to insult him, he was still irritated by her comment. He knew how bad he looked today. He didn’t need anyone else, especially his best friend to point it out to him.
After all, weren’t the ones who loved you the most supposed to tell you that you looked fabulous no matter what?
Apparently, Mercedes didn’t understand that. If she did, she never would have pointed out just how awful Kurt looked.
With his face buried in his locker, Kurt took a deep breath, swallowing as much of his anger as possible. Unfortunately, it was too big a gulp for him to be able to get rid of it all. And before he could stop himself, Kurt slammed his locker door shut. “Thank you so much, Mercedes.” He took a moment to pointedly appraise the girl’s outfit - a black sparkly sweater and hot pink, leopard print skinny jeans. It was positively atrocious. “Still favoring tacky neon animal prints, I see.”
“Ok, that was just mean.” The hurt was apparent in Mercedes’ brown eyes, and Kurt felt instantly guilty.
“I’m sorry.” And he was. “It’s just that…” Kurt looked away from Mercedes and sighed. The exhalation of breath caused what was left of his headache to flare painfully for a few seconds before dying back down. “I know that I look less than presentable today, and it’s embarrassing.”
Mercedes reached out and placed her hand on Kurt’s arm. The simple touch pulled his focus away from the crowded hallway and back to her. “You don’t really look that bad. Just like you don’t feel well.” She smiled at him kindly before pulling her hand back.
Deep down, Kurt knew she was right. Well, not right that he didn’t look that bad, because he did. But right about the fact that he looked like he’d come down with some bug or other. Because despite his perfect ensemble and carefully coifed hair, Kurt was paler than normal, and there was a deep purplish tinge around his light blue eyes. He’d tried a touch of the concealer that all of the boys in glee wore when they performed, but it hadn’t helped much.
“What happened to you yesterday? I called the night before and left you a couple of messages and a text. But you didn’t get back to me.” Mercedes linked her arm though Kurt’s, and together they headed towards their first period classes. They didn’t have the same one, but they were right across the hall from each other.
“Oh, really?” Kurt tried to sound innocent. “I didn’t receive any of them. My phone has been acting strange here lately though.” He hated lying to Mercedes, but Kurt didn’t feel like explaining why he’d deleted all of his texts and voicemails from Thursday.
“Huh. You should have your dad get you a new one then.” From her tone, Kurt was pretty sure that she’d believed him. But the fact that his lie had been convincing didn’t make him feel any better.
In fact, it made him feel worse.
“I’ll… I’ll have to do that.” His voice was low, and Kurt was positive that he sounded just as guilty as he felt. But thankfully, Mercedes didn’t seem to notice. That or she just didn’t mention it. But he’d never known her to not call him on something.
“You better!” Mercedes nudged his shoulder a little bit and made a show of smiling up at Kurt expectantly. And Kurt couldn’t help but smile a little himself. “If you don’t, how else will I get the down low on what’s happening between you and -” The smile that was on Mercedes face fell as she caught sight of something over Kurt’s shoulder. “Puck.”
Kurt turned a little to see what his best friend was looking at. But the moment she said “Puck” and Kurt saw him walking towards them, Kurt wished he hadn’t. Just seeing Puck striding towards him, eyes focused and intent, made Kurt’s stomach clench painfully.
His first instinct was to turn and run the other way, but Mercedes’ arm was still threaded through his, effectively holding him in place. And his best friend must have sensed his anxiety, because the arm through his tensed slightly. She also looked up at him with uncertainty in her eyes.
But before she could say anything, Puck was standing in front of them.
“Hey, Mercedes.” Puck looked directly at the girl, purposely ignoring Kurt. “Could Hummel and I talk alone?” He started at her intently, his eyes pleading and pathetic.
“I…” Mercedes looked up at Kurt, silently asking him what to do. And Kurt did his very best to convey to the girl that he didn’t want to be left alone with Puck. Which she seemed to understand, because her kind eyes hardened slightly as she turned back to the other boy. “I don’t think -”
“Please.” There was so much desperation in the word that Kurt swore he could feel it seep through his body. As they stood there, Puck still didn’t look over, and Kurt knew that Puck was doing his best to soften up Mercedes. “Please.” This time Puck’s voice was a whisper so low that Kurt couldn’t even really be sure that the other boy had actually spoken.
“I…” Mercedes sighed deeply, and Kurt could feel the resignation and apology fill her body through their still linked arms. “Fine.”
“Fine?” Kurt had known it was coming, but it still irritated him to hear his best friend hand him over so easily. “Since when do you care if Noah Puckerman says please?” Upset, Kurt pulled his arm out of Mercedes and crossed it over his chest.
Mercedes looked apologetic as she pulled her own arm back. “Since I feel really bad about siding with Finn the other day.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Kurt noticed a small smile tugging at the corner of Puck’s mouth. It was slight, but it was definitely there. And its smugness irritated Kurt more than a mismatched ensemble.
Kurt was just about to tell the other boy off for it when Mercedes spoke again. “And you know that I -”
“Don’t.” Kurt’s voice was full of warning. He knew exactly what she thought of him and Puck. And Kurt did not want her to voice said opinions around the other boy. Especially not when it seemed like Mercedes was all too willing to be sympathetic towards him.
“Fine.” Her eyes met Kurt’s, letting him know silently that she still felt there was something going on between the two of them. Even if she couldn’t say it out loud. “But I’m still going.”
“Thanks, Mercedes.” It was clear from Puck’s tone that he really did appreciate her gesture. The grin from a moment before was gone from his face, and now he looked… Well, Kurt didn’t really know how he looked.
Nervous, perhaps?
Maybe resolute?
A little worried?
Nothing really seemed to fit.
“Yeah, well…” Mercedes looked Puck up and down as if seeing him for the first time. “Don’t expect me to do it again.” Apparently she didn’t feel that guilty after all.
Puck pressed his lips together and nodded like he understood that she was going to give him one (and only one) chance. And if he were to mess it up…
Well, Kurt was sure that Mercedes would come up with some suitable punishment for him.
“Don’t screw this up, Puckerman.” Mercedes’ eyes flickered from Puck, who was still unreadable, to a murderous looking Kurt. “Whatever this is…”
“It’s nothing. That is what this is.” Even though Kurt was trying to control his anger, he could hear his voice shaking. And out of the corner of his eyes, he noticed Puck staring at him, his jaw noticeably clenching and unclenching.
“I’ll see you at lunch, Kurt.” Surprisingly, Mercedes’ voice was light, like nothing had happened, like she hadn’t just sold him out to Puck.
“No, you won’t.” Kurt knew he sounded petulant, but he didn’t care. He was angry at Puck, and he was angry at Mercedes. And he wanted nothing more than to go home and crawl back into bed. But no, that just wasn’t going to happen.
And now, thanks to his best friend, he was stuck with Puck.
Alone.
“Yes, I will.” Mercedes reached out and squeezed Kurt’s arm. It took all of the willpower he possessed to keep from pulling his arm out of her grasp. Before walking away, she gave him one last look that said, “It’s for the best.” Though, how she could know what was for the best for him was beyond Kurt considering that she didn’t know what had happened.
Kurt just sighed and said, “Whatever.” However, she was long gone by the time the word was out. But Kurt didn’t care. He was tired of her all-knowing sympathy. And he could just imagine the look she would have given him if she’d heard what he’d just said.
As he watched his best friend retreating down the hall, Kurt crossed his other arm over his chest. And for just a second, a short blissful moment, Kurt forgot about the fact that Puck was standing there waiting for him.
In that short time, everything seemed ok again.
He wasn’t recovering from a hangover, and Quinn hadn’t miscarried.
Puck hadn’t kissed Kurt, and Finn had never used him.
Standing there, he was just Kurt Hummel. A sixteen year old soprano who was in love with a boy he could never have.
And all it took to ruin Kurt’s reverie was one word, spoken lowly and carefully. “Hummel.”
When that one word, his own name, met Kurt’s ears, he felt his world burst like a balloon. And just as quickly as the reality of his situation came rushing back once again, he felt the misery settle back into his shoulders. “What do you want?” His response came out sounding short and angry, both of which, Kurt was.
Amazingly enough, Puck didn’t recoil or even flinch. Instead, he took a step closer to Kurt, ignoring the fact that Kurt visibly tensed as he did so. “We need to talk.”
“I believe we’ve said everything that needs to be said already, Puckerman.” Kurt tossed his head back a little even though it caused his still aching head to pound a little more.
“No, we haven’t.” There was barely any space between them now, and Puck was looking down at Kurt. His brown eyes were narrowed angrily, and Kurt wished he could take a step backwards, to put a little space between them. But with the lockers behind him, there wasn’t any room. “You got to talk. But I didn’t remember? You didn’t want to hear me.”
“And I still don’t.” And he didn’t. Kurt knew that his dad had told him to hear Puck out, to find out what Puck’s reason for… For what?
Seducing him?
Buddying up to him?
Getting close enough to able to hurt him?
Really, it didn’t matter just what Puck had done… All that mattered was that Kurt did not want to hear another word out of Noah Puckerman’s mouth.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have…” Kurt pointedly tried to step around Puck.
But Puck matched his move, keeping him trapped against the lockers. “No, I won’t.”
Kurt felt his eyes narrow in anger, but his heart sped up in fear. It had been such a long time since Kurt had felt trapped by Puck that he could barely stand it now. “Get out of my way.”
“Did you even listen to my messages or read my texts?” Puck completely ignored Kurt’s demand, and Kurt could tell that there was no way he was going to be able to escape. That knowledge caused his heartbeat to speed up even more, causing it to beat painfully against his ribs.
And that angered him. He was tired of feeling useless, helpless. Kurt was tired of not standing up to the bullies in his life. That wasn’t to say that he never defended himself. But more often than not, Kurt chose to sit back and just deal with whatever was coming his way.
But those days were over…
“No, Puck.” With a new sense of anger, Kurt straightened his spine, unconsciously moving towards Puck. “I deleted them all.”
Puck laughed, but rather than sounding amused, it was laced with sarcasm. And when he spoke, Puck sounded defeated. “Of course.”
The response was simple, and yet it implied so much.
It was almost as if Puck had known Kurt wouldn’t read or listen to any of his messages, but he’d tried anyway.
It was almost as if Puck knew he’d screwed up but wanted to be able to redeem himself.
It was almost as if Puck wanted, needed, to make things right between them.
And that thought, that possibility…
It caused Kurt’s anger to slip away ever so slightly.
He could feel the tension leaving his body, and he found himself wanting to reach out, to place his hand on Puck’s arm.
But he couldn’t.
He wouldn’t. Puck had hurt him so deeply, and Kurt wasn’t about to let that slide just because of a pair of puppy dog eyes.
So, Kurt tried to hold onto his anger, reminding himself of just how awful he’d felt after Puck’s confession. And while it worked some, Kurt couldn’t fully erase the moment of sympathy he’d just felt for the other boy.
“What can I say?” Kurt’s voice was low as he spat out the words. It was taking every last ounce of self-control he possessed to say them at all. “I wasn’t interested in any more of your lies.” The words seemed to hang in the air between them, and Kurt had to force himself not to look away from Puck.
“I never lied to you.” There was so much anger in Puck’s words that Kurt could hardly believe it. But there was also an underlying layer of gut wrenching honesty that Kurt couldn’t ignore. “You asked why I kissed you, and I gave you an honest answer.”
Unable to stand it any longer, Kurt looked away from Puck. The once crowded hallway was now completely empty, and Kurt realized that he hadn’t even noticed the bell for first period. He was late for Spanish (again) which, oddly enough, didn’t seem to bother him. All that mattered was the boy before him.
“And you want to talk about lying?” Puck’s voice was venomous, and it pulled Kurt’s attention back to him instantly. “Why’d you kiss me, huh? Did you think I was Finn? Or maybe you were pretending I was him?” His eyes narrowed as he viciously hurled the words at Kurt.
Kurt’s breath caught in his throat as he stared at Puck. He wanted to deny the accusations, to say that Puck was wrong, but he couldn’t. Because when it came down to it, Puck was right. Kurt had been wishing that Finn was the one kissing him. Even when he knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that it wasn’t Finn, Kurt had still hoped.
With the truth of that staring both of them in the face, Kurt frantically searched for something to say. But there was nothing. He couldn’t deny what Puck said, because it was the truth. And they both knew it. But Kurt also couldn’t bring himself to confirm it either. And as he desperately tried to come up with something, Kurt’s mouth opened and closed soundlessly like a fish out of water.
Kurt’s silence seemed to be the only confirmation Puck needed, and as he watched Kurt struggle, he smirked a little. “Yeah. That’s what I thought.” The sarcastic smile faded from Puck’s face as he took a few steps back. He barely moved six inches away, but the space between them felt infinite. “But unlike you, I don’t care. That doesn’t even matter anymore.”
“I…” Kurt’s voice trailed off. He had nothing to say. Or really, there was nothing he could say. The anger he’d been clinging to was slipping away more and more, even as he tried to hold on. And in its place, Kurt was left with a heartbreaking sense of loneliness and longing. His knees were trembling, the palms of his hands sweating, and Kurt had to force himself not to scream at Puck, “Then what does matter?”
Because if the kiss they’d shared didn’t matter…
If the reason behind the kiss didn’t matter…
Then what did?
Why wouldn’t Puck just leave him alone?
“You know what?” Puck tore his eyes away from Kurt and looked down the deserted hallway for a moment. When he turned back, Kurt was shocked by the fierce determination in his eyes. “I don’t wanna hear it.” Kurt knew that Puck had purposely chosen those words, but he couldn’t find it in himself to be offended. “But I’ll tell you this…” He paused and Kurt felt himself tense in anticipation. “This,” Puck gestured at the space between them. “It ain’t over.”
Even as Kurt’s heart thudded in response, a tiny part of him still wanted to fight back. And before Kurt could stop himself, that part spoke up. “There is no this.” It sounded weak even to his own ears, and Kurt instantly wished he could take it back.
Puck stared at him, his deep brown eyes reaching into the depths of Kurt’s soul. The silence between them was laden with all that had been said and left unsaid. And though Kurt could barely stand it, he couldn’t move or even speak.
In fact, he could barely breathe.
Across from him, Puck was nodding ever so slightly, his lips pursed together. When he spoke, Puck’s voice was nothing more than a whisper. “Yeah, there is.”
Without waiting for a response, Puck turned and walked down the hall, leaving Kurt there to stare after him.
Squeeka Cuomo’s Notes
- The title and opening quote for this fic come from the beautiful Weezer song, “Put Me Back Together.” You can find it here.
- Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. From just reading to reviewing every chapter (and everything in between)… THANK YOU. Your support means more than I can say.
- Quack: Thank you so much for all of your help and support. I really appreciate it. :duck:
- Reviews are love.
Put Me Back Together
Chapter 1: Kiss Me Goodbye
Chapter 2: Of Soirees and Sarongs
Chapter 3: Not So Subtle
Chapter 4: Late Arrivals
Chapter 5: Breaking Point
Chapter 6: Empty Hallway
Chapter 7: Cleaning up the Mess
Chapter 8: Dirty Laundry
Chapter 9: Gossip Mongers
Chapter 10: Just Breathe
Chapter 11: Damon Salvatore vs. Dexter Morgan
Chapter 12: Cloudy - Chance of Tension
Chapter 13: Pocket Squares
Chapter 14: All Apologies
Chapter 15: The “F” Word
Chapter 16: I’ve Come Undone
Chapter 17: Not So Blissfully Numb
Chapter 18: Drunken Lullabies
Chapter 19: Unwanted Visitor
Part: Chapter 20: Please
Author: Squeeka Cuomo
Rating: PG
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Kurt/Puck, Burt Hummel, Mercedes Jones, Finn Hudson, Quinn Fabray, Emma Pillsbury, Will Schuester, Tina Cohen-Chang, Artie Abrams, Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez, Brittany, Mike Chang, Matt Rutherford
Author’s Note: The title and opening quote for this fic come from the beautiful Weezer song, “Put Me Back Together.” You can find it here.
- I know there are tons of spoilers out for the upcoming episodes. Please don’t post them in the comments.
Warning: This takes place directly after “Sectionals.” Everything up to that point is considered fair game. There are spoilers if you haven’t seen the first 13 episodes.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: All it takes is one moment to break Kurt apart. How many will it take to put not only himself but Puck back together?
Put Me Back TogetherChapter 20: Please
“You look terrible.” The concern all but oozed out of Mercedes’ soft voice.
And even though Kurt knew she wasn’t trying to insult him, he was still irritated by her comment. He knew how bad he looked today. He didn’t need anyone else, especially his best friend to point it out to him.
After all, weren’t the ones who loved you the most supposed to tell you that you looked fabulous no matter what?
Apparently, Mercedes didn’t understand that. If she did, she never would have pointed out just how awful Kurt looked.
With his face buried in his locker, Kurt took a deep breath, swallowing as much of his anger as possible. Unfortunately, it was too big a gulp for him to be able to get rid of it all. And before he could stop himself, Kurt slammed his locker door shut. “Thank you so much, Mercedes.” He took a moment to pointedly appraise the girl’s outfit - a black sparkly sweater and hot pink, leopard print skinny jeans. It was positively atrocious. “Still favoring tacky neon animal prints, I see.”
“Ok, that was just mean.” The hurt was apparent in Mercedes’ brown eyes, and Kurt felt instantly guilty.
“I’m sorry.” And he was. “It’s just that…” Kurt looked away from Mercedes and sighed. The exhalation of breath caused what was left of his headache to flare painfully for a few seconds before dying back down. “I know that I look less than presentable today, and it’s embarrassing.”
Mercedes reached out and placed her hand on Kurt’s arm. The simple touch pulled his focus away from the crowded hallway and back to her. “You don’t really look that bad. Just like you don’t feel well.” She smiled at him kindly before pulling her hand back.
Deep down, Kurt knew she was right. Well, not right that he didn’t look that bad, because he did. But right about the fact that he looked like he’d come down with some bug or other. Because despite his perfect ensemble and carefully coifed hair, Kurt was paler than normal, and there was a deep purplish tinge around his light blue eyes. He’d tried a touch of the concealer that all of the boys in glee wore when they performed, but it hadn’t helped much.
“What happened to you yesterday? I called the night before and left you a couple of messages and a text. But you didn’t get back to me.” Mercedes linked her arm though Kurt’s, and together they headed towards their first period classes. They didn’t have the same one, but they were right across the hall from each other.
“Oh, really?” Kurt tried to sound innocent. “I didn’t receive any of them. My phone has been acting strange here lately though.” He hated lying to Mercedes, but Kurt didn’t feel like explaining why he’d deleted all of his texts and voicemails from Thursday.
“Huh. You should have your dad get you a new one then.” From her tone, Kurt was pretty sure that she’d believed him. But the fact that his lie had been convincing didn’t make him feel any better.
In fact, it made him feel worse.
“I’ll… I’ll have to do that.” His voice was low, and Kurt was positive that he sounded just as guilty as he felt. But thankfully, Mercedes didn’t seem to notice. That or she just didn’t mention it. But he’d never known her to not call him on something.
“You better!” Mercedes nudged his shoulder a little bit and made a show of smiling up at Kurt expectantly. And Kurt couldn’t help but smile a little himself. “If you don’t, how else will I get the down low on what’s happening between you and -” The smile that was on Mercedes face fell as she caught sight of something over Kurt’s shoulder. “Puck.”
Kurt turned a little to see what his best friend was looking at. But the moment she said “Puck” and Kurt saw him walking towards them, Kurt wished he hadn’t. Just seeing Puck striding towards him, eyes focused and intent, made Kurt’s stomach clench painfully.
His first instinct was to turn and run the other way, but Mercedes’ arm was still threaded through his, effectively holding him in place. And his best friend must have sensed his anxiety, because the arm through his tensed slightly. She also looked up at him with uncertainty in her eyes.
But before she could say anything, Puck was standing in front of them.
“Hey, Mercedes.” Puck looked directly at the girl, purposely ignoring Kurt. “Could Hummel and I talk alone?” He started at her intently, his eyes pleading and pathetic.
“I…” Mercedes looked up at Kurt, silently asking him what to do. And Kurt did his very best to convey to the girl that he didn’t want to be left alone with Puck. Which she seemed to understand, because her kind eyes hardened slightly as she turned back to the other boy. “I don’t think -”
“Please.” There was so much desperation in the word that Kurt swore he could feel it seep through his body. As they stood there, Puck still didn’t look over, and Kurt knew that Puck was doing his best to soften up Mercedes. “Please.” This time Puck’s voice was a whisper so low that Kurt couldn’t even really be sure that the other boy had actually spoken.
“I…” Mercedes sighed deeply, and Kurt could feel the resignation and apology fill her body through their still linked arms. “Fine.”
“Fine?” Kurt had known it was coming, but it still irritated him to hear his best friend hand him over so easily. “Since when do you care if Noah Puckerman says please?” Upset, Kurt pulled his arm out of Mercedes and crossed it over his chest.
Mercedes looked apologetic as she pulled her own arm back. “Since I feel really bad about siding with Finn the other day.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Kurt noticed a small smile tugging at the corner of Puck’s mouth. It was slight, but it was definitely there. And its smugness irritated Kurt more than a mismatched ensemble.
Kurt was just about to tell the other boy off for it when Mercedes spoke again. “And you know that I -”
“Don’t.” Kurt’s voice was full of warning. He knew exactly what she thought of him and Puck. And Kurt did not want her to voice said opinions around the other boy. Especially not when it seemed like Mercedes was all too willing to be sympathetic towards him.
“Fine.” Her eyes met Kurt’s, letting him know silently that she still felt there was something going on between the two of them. Even if she couldn’t say it out loud. “But I’m still going.”
“Thanks, Mercedes.” It was clear from Puck’s tone that he really did appreciate her gesture. The grin from a moment before was gone from his face, and now he looked… Well, Kurt didn’t really know how he looked.
Nervous, perhaps?
Maybe resolute?
A little worried?
Nothing really seemed to fit.
“Yeah, well…” Mercedes looked Puck up and down as if seeing him for the first time. “Don’t expect me to do it again.” Apparently she didn’t feel that guilty after all.
Puck pressed his lips together and nodded like he understood that she was going to give him one (and only one) chance. And if he were to mess it up…
Well, Kurt was sure that Mercedes would come up with some suitable punishment for him.
“Don’t screw this up, Puckerman.” Mercedes’ eyes flickered from Puck, who was still unreadable, to a murderous looking Kurt. “Whatever this is…”
“It’s nothing. That is what this is.” Even though Kurt was trying to control his anger, he could hear his voice shaking. And out of the corner of his eyes, he noticed Puck staring at him, his jaw noticeably clenching and unclenching.
“I’ll see you at lunch, Kurt.” Surprisingly, Mercedes’ voice was light, like nothing had happened, like she hadn’t just sold him out to Puck.
“No, you won’t.” Kurt knew he sounded petulant, but he didn’t care. He was angry at Puck, and he was angry at Mercedes. And he wanted nothing more than to go home and crawl back into bed. But no, that just wasn’t going to happen.
And now, thanks to his best friend, he was stuck with Puck.
Alone.
“Yes, I will.” Mercedes reached out and squeezed Kurt’s arm. It took all of the willpower he possessed to keep from pulling his arm out of her grasp. Before walking away, she gave him one last look that said, “It’s for the best.” Though, how she could know what was for the best for him was beyond Kurt considering that she didn’t know what had happened.
Kurt just sighed and said, “Whatever.” However, she was long gone by the time the word was out. But Kurt didn’t care. He was tired of her all-knowing sympathy. And he could just imagine the look she would have given him if she’d heard what he’d just said.
As he watched his best friend retreating down the hall, Kurt crossed his other arm over his chest. And for just a second, a short blissful moment, Kurt forgot about the fact that Puck was standing there waiting for him.
In that short time, everything seemed ok again.
He wasn’t recovering from a hangover, and Quinn hadn’t miscarried.
Puck hadn’t kissed Kurt, and Finn had never used him.
Standing there, he was just Kurt Hummel. A sixteen year old soprano who was in love with a boy he could never have.
And all it took to ruin Kurt’s reverie was one word, spoken lowly and carefully. “Hummel.”
When that one word, his own name, met Kurt’s ears, he felt his world burst like a balloon. And just as quickly as the reality of his situation came rushing back once again, he felt the misery settle back into his shoulders. “What do you want?” His response came out sounding short and angry, both of which, Kurt was.
Amazingly enough, Puck didn’t recoil or even flinch. Instead, he took a step closer to Kurt, ignoring the fact that Kurt visibly tensed as he did so. “We need to talk.”
“I believe we’ve said everything that needs to be said already, Puckerman.” Kurt tossed his head back a little even though it caused his still aching head to pound a little more.
“No, we haven’t.” There was barely any space between them now, and Puck was looking down at Kurt. His brown eyes were narrowed angrily, and Kurt wished he could take a step backwards, to put a little space between them. But with the lockers behind him, there wasn’t any room. “You got to talk. But I didn’t remember? You didn’t want to hear me.”
“And I still don’t.” And he didn’t. Kurt knew that his dad had told him to hear Puck out, to find out what Puck’s reason for… For what?
Seducing him?
Buddying up to him?
Getting close enough to able to hurt him?
Really, it didn’t matter just what Puck had done… All that mattered was that Kurt did not want to hear another word out of Noah Puckerman’s mouth.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have…” Kurt pointedly tried to step around Puck.
But Puck matched his move, keeping him trapped against the lockers. “No, I won’t.”
Kurt felt his eyes narrow in anger, but his heart sped up in fear. It had been such a long time since Kurt had felt trapped by Puck that he could barely stand it now. “Get out of my way.”
“Did you even listen to my messages or read my texts?” Puck completely ignored Kurt’s demand, and Kurt could tell that there was no way he was going to be able to escape. That knowledge caused his heartbeat to speed up even more, causing it to beat painfully against his ribs.
And that angered him. He was tired of feeling useless, helpless. Kurt was tired of not standing up to the bullies in his life. That wasn’t to say that he never defended himself. But more often than not, Kurt chose to sit back and just deal with whatever was coming his way.
But those days were over…
“No, Puck.” With a new sense of anger, Kurt straightened his spine, unconsciously moving towards Puck. “I deleted them all.”
Puck laughed, but rather than sounding amused, it was laced with sarcasm. And when he spoke, Puck sounded defeated. “Of course.”
The response was simple, and yet it implied so much.
It was almost as if Puck had known Kurt wouldn’t read or listen to any of his messages, but he’d tried anyway.
It was almost as if Puck knew he’d screwed up but wanted to be able to redeem himself.
It was almost as if Puck wanted, needed, to make things right between them.
And that thought, that possibility…
It caused Kurt’s anger to slip away ever so slightly.
He could feel the tension leaving his body, and he found himself wanting to reach out, to place his hand on Puck’s arm.
But he couldn’t.
He wouldn’t. Puck had hurt him so deeply, and Kurt wasn’t about to let that slide just because of a pair of puppy dog eyes.
So, Kurt tried to hold onto his anger, reminding himself of just how awful he’d felt after Puck’s confession. And while it worked some, Kurt couldn’t fully erase the moment of sympathy he’d just felt for the other boy.
“What can I say?” Kurt’s voice was low as he spat out the words. It was taking every last ounce of self-control he possessed to say them at all. “I wasn’t interested in any more of your lies.” The words seemed to hang in the air between them, and Kurt had to force himself not to look away from Puck.
“I never lied to you.” There was so much anger in Puck’s words that Kurt could hardly believe it. But there was also an underlying layer of gut wrenching honesty that Kurt couldn’t ignore. “You asked why I kissed you, and I gave you an honest answer.”
Unable to stand it any longer, Kurt looked away from Puck. The once crowded hallway was now completely empty, and Kurt realized that he hadn’t even noticed the bell for first period. He was late for Spanish (again) which, oddly enough, didn’t seem to bother him. All that mattered was the boy before him.
“And you want to talk about lying?” Puck’s voice was venomous, and it pulled Kurt’s attention back to him instantly. “Why’d you kiss me, huh? Did you think I was Finn? Or maybe you were pretending I was him?” His eyes narrowed as he viciously hurled the words at Kurt.
Kurt’s breath caught in his throat as he stared at Puck. He wanted to deny the accusations, to say that Puck was wrong, but he couldn’t. Because when it came down to it, Puck was right. Kurt had been wishing that Finn was the one kissing him. Even when he knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that it wasn’t Finn, Kurt had still hoped.
With the truth of that staring both of them in the face, Kurt frantically searched for something to say. But there was nothing. He couldn’t deny what Puck said, because it was the truth. And they both knew it. But Kurt also couldn’t bring himself to confirm it either. And as he desperately tried to come up with something, Kurt’s mouth opened and closed soundlessly like a fish out of water.
Kurt’s silence seemed to be the only confirmation Puck needed, and as he watched Kurt struggle, he smirked a little. “Yeah. That’s what I thought.” The sarcastic smile faded from Puck’s face as he took a few steps back. He barely moved six inches away, but the space between them felt infinite. “But unlike you, I don’t care. That doesn’t even matter anymore.”
“I…” Kurt’s voice trailed off. He had nothing to say. Or really, there was nothing he could say. The anger he’d been clinging to was slipping away more and more, even as he tried to hold on. And in its place, Kurt was left with a heartbreaking sense of loneliness and longing. His knees were trembling, the palms of his hands sweating, and Kurt had to force himself not to scream at Puck, “Then what does matter?”
Because if the kiss they’d shared didn’t matter…
If the reason behind the kiss didn’t matter…
Then what did?
Why wouldn’t Puck just leave him alone?
“You know what?” Puck tore his eyes away from Kurt and looked down the deserted hallway for a moment. When he turned back, Kurt was shocked by the fierce determination in his eyes. “I don’t wanna hear it.” Kurt knew that Puck had purposely chosen those words, but he couldn’t find it in himself to be offended. “But I’ll tell you this…” He paused and Kurt felt himself tense in anticipation. “This,” Puck gestured at the space between them. “It ain’t over.”
Even as Kurt’s heart thudded in response, a tiny part of him still wanted to fight back. And before Kurt could stop himself, that part spoke up. “There is no this.” It sounded weak even to his own ears, and Kurt instantly wished he could take it back.
Puck stared at him, his deep brown eyes reaching into the depths of Kurt’s soul. The silence between them was laden with all that had been said and left unsaid. And though Kurt could barely stand it, he couldn’t move or even speak.
In fact, he could barely breathe.
Across from him, Puck was nodding ever so slightly, his lips pursed together. When he spoke, Puck’s voice was nothing more than a whisper. “Yeah, there is.”
Without waiting for a response, Puck turned and walked down the hall, leaving Kurt there to stare after him.
Squeeka Cuomo’s Notes
- The title and opening quote for this fic come from the beautiful Weezer song, “Put Me Back Together.” You can find it here.
- Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. From just reading to reviewing every chapter (and everything in between)… THANK YOU. Your support means more than I can say.
- Quack: Thank you so much for all of your help and support. I really appreciate it. :duck:
- Reviews are love.
Put Me Back Together
Chapter 1: Kiss Me Goodbye
Chapter 2: Of Soirees and Sarongs
Chapter 3: Not So Subtle
Chapter 4: Late Arrivals
Chapter 5: Breaking Point
Chapter 6: Empty Hallway
Chapter 7: Cleaning up the Mess
Chapter 8: Dirty Laundry
Chapter 9: Gossip Mongers
Chapter 10: Just Breathe
Chapter 11: Damon Salvatore vs. Dexter Morgan
Chapter 12: Cloudy - Chance of Tension
Chapter 13: Pocket Squares
Chapter 14: All Apologies
Chapter 15: The “F” Word
Chapter 16: I’ve Come Undone
Chapter 17: Not So Blissfully Numb
Chapter 18: Drunken Lullabies
Chapter 19: Unwanted Visitor