The need to call out homophobia

[sparkindarkness]

One of the many many things about homophobia that make me rage is how readily tolerated it is - and how ready people are to excuse it, defend it and deny it.

It saddens me that I need to repeat this  - but, if you think gay people are worth less than straight people, if you think we deserve less than straight people, if you think we don’t have the

Comments

[masterde]

Preach it! You must be one hell of a criminal defense attorney!

[sparkindarkness]

Thank you. I wish I had the opportunity to pull this out in the court room more often. Alas, eloquence and rhetoric isn't used nearly as much as I'd like

[beauty_forashes]

Stop dancing for fear you may offend the bigots.

I heartily agree with you, however from conversations with straight allies, I get the impression that many of them are dancing for fear they may offend us, if they don't weigh every word with a feather and step on egg shells, and end up unintentionally saying a single thing that could possibly be construed as homophobic when it is not. Case in point: a friend of mine recently raised a point on LJ, one that I happened to agree with. She was immediately chastised in the most rude and over-the-top way by a person accusing her of being "trans-phobic", because, if you took a mental detour around several corners, one part of her statement could be construed to be such. Heaven forbid! Yes, I am against homophobia, but where do we draw the line so that we don't end up being opponents to our own allies, and keep the scales from tipping into the raging waters of blind fanaticism? I'm not referring to you, but I've seen friends silenced and discouraged from attempting any sort of exchange with a

[beauty_forashes]

I fail to see how that example is "case in point," being that you did not articulate what your friend said and it could have very well been transphobic.

Look: In my mind, any good ally understands that being called out on misconceptions is a thousand times LESS difficult than living in a world where lots of people hate you. A good ally would, in the situation you mention, think: "Hmm, this person is ANGRY, perhaps there is a reason for his or her anger. Perhaps this person is expressing it online because he or she fears to express it in life and it triggered something. Hmm maybe I should shut up and THINK about this person's anger a bit." A real ally doesn't become an ally to get stickers and cookies. Anyone really committed to ending an "ism" that doesn't hold that marginalization EXPECTS to be called the fuck out on their shit A LOT.

-Leah

[beauty_forashes]

I fail to see how that example is "case in point," being that you did not articulate what your friend said and it could have very well been transphobic.

I didn't, because it's not my business to repeat comments others have left elsewhere on LJ. If she wants it posted here, that's up to her. I would be overstepping a bounds if I did that.

In my mind, any good ally understands that being called out on misconceptions is a thousand times LESS difficult than living in a world where lots of people hate you.True, but that's no reason to be hateful and rude to a person who honestly means no offense. Then you're not coming across as a good representative of the GLBT community, you're just coming across as hateful and rude. Period. People are more apt to listen to us if we maintanin some level of respect and common decency, and don't vent the same disrespect at them we complain about getting from homophobes. This encourages the exchange we're looking for. Rudeness and hatefulness where it's uncalled for does not, and it's not our right to

[sparkindarkness]

Well there are some major points on this. First of all - anyone doing the above mentioned (trating GBLT people as less for whatever reason, making sweeping statements, stereotyping etc), frankly doesn't get the benefit of the doubt.

I've always said there is a difference between ignorance and willful ignorance. And the things I've mentioned? I'd put them waaaaay on the side of willfull ignorance.

Now as to the slips and errors and missteps that any privileged person may make - because privileged DOES mean ignorant and even an ally who has made an effort to educate themselves (and that is step one of being an ally, so if they make a mistake that they could have avoided with basic 101 training, weeeelll again, benefit of the doubt is pretty thin on the ground there) will occasionally stick foot in mouth.

Now, ideally the ally will have a sufficient reputation and history that the people they have just trodden all over will give them the benefit of the doube. Sometimes that won't be the case. And, as I've said before sometimes a

[girlofavalon]

Very well said, Sparky. I have to agree with some of what ashmedai points out. Whereas it is vital to call homophobia and bigotry for what they are, for how wrong they are, it's sad to see real allies being discouraged for being met by over the top rage. It happens too.

[sparkindarkness]

It happens, but I think there are ways and degress round that

[aviv_b]

You are 100% correct in your statements. I also agree with ashmedai and girlofavalon. That's why I asked if your comment in the last post was meant in a personal manner, particularly when you edited it to include a generalized statement about straight people.

I can certainly understand the frustration of having to deal with the nutfuckery of 'I don't hate gays but...' and the constant expectation that you'll be happy take any scraps that straight people are willing to let you have.

But over the top rage is an inappropriate response. And as I think this has been mentioned at least one other time on your journal that anger if used productively is a good thing but out of control rage is dangerous,more so for the rager than the target of the attack.

[sparkindarkness]

I think there are ways and degreses (I posted a huge arse comment to ashemadi with links and stuff to make for easy reading :))

On referring to straight people there's a multi-faceted point here, methinks:

On black blogs you will often see references to "whiteness". On some feminist blogs you may see references to "patriarchy" or even "men/maleness". And on gay blogs you may see references to "straights/straightness". In general this refers to a force in general (the general force that is privilege of that group) rather than a reference to every member within that group

There is also a degree of ignorance that privilege will always preserve simply by fact of not having the lived experience, and while that is not a bad thing, it is always something that needs remembering methinks

[aviv_b]

I've read all your responses and as always you have good things to say. One funny (ironic) thing I've noticed, is I've never, ever, seen any reference to 'gentile privilege' on a Jewish blog. Perhaps because hatred against us is so pervasive that we assume that everyone hates us. And this is a problem because here's what I do see

[sparkindarkness]

While there will be people who do react in that equivalent manner, they are generally few and far between. I think there is a lot of anger that non-GBLTs don't get and don't see the depth of it - or the depth of the hurt and it can be seen that way. But the number opf GBLTs who rush off in fury over very very slight things? Aren't all that common. It's unfortunate that they exiost, that they have been hurt and scarred so much that they resort to this - but I am far more leery of policing already marginalised people about reigning in anger and expresson in the face of offence and pain

[alt_universe_me]

Wow. As someone who is only recently coming to terms with my own sexuality, I really needed to hear this. Thank you.

[sparkindarkness]

Thank you :)