The need to call out homophobia

[sparkindarkness]

One of the many many things about homophobia that make me rage is how readily tolerated it is - and how ready people are to excuse it, defend it and deny it.

It saddens me that I need to repeat this  - but, if you think gay people are worth less than straight people, if you think we deserve less than straight people, if you think we don’t have the

Comments

[bofoddity]

I've been struggling almost for a year with a fact that a person I cared about was a homophobe and that they were homophobic to me, and I wish I hadn't because everything you said here is true. This post is what people should know as a fact, so thank you for writing it.

[sparkindarkness]

Thank you.

There is often so much instinct to downplay even some pretty serious prejudice, so often we feel the need to play nice, make amends, compromise - even when faced with surprisingly virulent bigotry

[lepusdomesticus]

*applauds* :)

"the gays haven't 'reached out' to you enough"
Oh, for pity's sake.
I wonder if there will ever come a day when I cease to be amazed by the stupid things people say. Actually, I hope it won't.

[sparkindarkness]

Thankee

I have seen leaders of progressive organisations use that one. Depressing isn't it?

[citrinesunset]

*here via rm*

Thanks for this. I was just ranting recently about how much it annoys me when I call someone on their homophobia and they retort with "I was just expressing my opinion!" or "How can you expect me to tolerate you if you won't tolerate me?"

I'm a pretty diplomatic person, but lately I've been wary of coming across as *too* diplomatic because I don't want to give the impression that homophobia is just another opinion/belief that someone might express, as though we're talking about what holidays we celebrate, or something. It's not.

[valarltd]

"We are never required to tolerate those who would destroy us." is a quote I find useful.

"You tolerating my existance does you no harm. My tolerance of your hate harms both of us and whoever else you might choose to vent it on." is another.

[citrinesunset]

Those are good quotes.

It seems like the people who need to hear those the most are the ones who have the hardest time grasping them.

[sparkindarkness]

Thank you.

Heh, I've faced that one and I've always said I don't want tolerating I'm not something to tolerate. I'm not an affliction, a disease, a burden or an imposition. I am a person and I will be Accepted. And I won't Accept anything that doesn't accept me as a person :)

I think the media and even many GBLT people allow it - we treat homophobia as a valid position. That's why the BBC got away with the question "Should gays be executed?" because homophobia has been so long presented as a valid position

[twicet]

I agree with what you have said here. I am the friend ashmedai speaks of. I know I may get it wrong at times, I am straight, I can never walk in your shoes therefore I can never completely understand your experiences, and yes I am heartbroken at some of them and those of others I know of. I have said before we have had friends of our children stay with us, after being thrown out of their homes because they were gay, one who was transgendered, I cried with them because I didn’t have answers or solutions, I still won’t be able to completely understand, because it is not my experience

[sparkindarkness]

I've posted a long comment upthread with some musings and some links which I hope helps clarify my position :)

The thing with phobia is, I think, all the cases I've mentioned in the OP are homophobia. Treating gay people as lesser in anyway, stereotyping or sweeping statements - that's homophobia and largely avoidable if people try.

The thing is, I think, not to conflate homophobia/transphobia with heterosexism/cissexism - which is the societal privilege that is imbued in the very fabric of our culture and needs some working through

The problem with overcoming internalised privilege is people will ALWAYS make mistakes, it WILL happen, unfortunately it's as painful as all hell. It's not an easy road to navigate

[twicet]

Thank you for the links, they are good ones.

I totally agree that all the cases mentioned in the OP are homophobic, there is no question about that.

And yes conflating can happen, rather too easily at times, I also know I make mistakes, wish I could know it, before I make them but yes I know that. I think my comment would have been best made to a different post but it wasn't.

I have seen the same folk on different forums and blogs, always question in a way that allows for mistakes to be acknowledged, and hopefully repaired and I appreciate the time and energy that takes. When it happens, the potential for change increases greatly, unfortunately, rightly or wrongly, the opposite is also true. The result of the later is a backing away because of the fear that one may say the wrong thing, this is creating the separation I spoke of.

[phonoirlex]

The thing is, that separation that you're now sensing? It was probably already there, just not so much on your part

[teleens_journal]

I used to be very close to my mother's sister. When I was growing up, I used to wish that she was my mom for a variety of reasons. As an adult in my twenties, I would see her infrequently, but when I did, we would talk for long hours into the night

[sparkindarkness]

By all means link, and thank you :)

It cna be very awkward when it';s our family who are playing the homophobic game. I wish I had an answer for it, but there's no easy path to walk there

On the last I think it's one of the ways that various prejudices are different (not lesser or more severe because I don't play that game) one of the elements of homophobia is how acceptable it is in mainstream society and the media to be openly homophobic without backlash or repercussion. It's one of the unique quirks homophobia and transphobia have (all prejudices have their own unique faces). I think the primary fault of that one is religion.

[teleens_journal]

I wholeheartedly agree and if it's religion it's accorded automatic respect, regardless of how stupid or outright harmful the belief...

[teleens_journal]

PS. I wanted to let you know that while I usually don't get around to linking the ones that I ask about on LJ, I always link them on my facebook page. One of these days I'll do a massive LJ post to all of the stuff that I've asked to link, heh.