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"A year ago..."
A text of reassurance from her: "I think it’s fair to say my message early was one of the hardest things I have said in a very very long time."
Am I supposed to find comfort in that statement? To read that and say, oh good, it hurts her to do this. Or is it supposed to be some sort of empathic statement to soften the blow...for yourself, because I ( Read more... ) -
Oh, one more thing.
On October 26th I weighed in at 165 at my docs; on Thanksgiving I was 162. One week later and I'm 146.
Damn. Not what I would recommend for weight loss planning.
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Attachment Theory and unorganized rambling of experiences.
This has been a hot topic floating around the interwebs for a while now, but I never bothered to look into it. I rolled my eyes each time it would appear because I considered it like astrology or numerology; informative in the curious fashion, but no significance to real life.
Until this week. I fell down a rabbit hole and spiraled through all I ( Read more... ) -
Bullet points post-breakup.
I know, I look really desperate and part of me is, but a huge part of me is using this level of reflection to help shut that desperate side up. So much of the great memories are cherished, but damn, if you didn't carry your own red flag manufacturing company.
I would have responded better in conflict and opened up more to you if I felt my feelings ( Read more... ) -
I wish you would've left me.
I wish you would've left me back in February. With that beautiful goodbye kiss and tears that meant something more than the future grief I would later cause you ( Read more... ) -
Words you'll likely never read, and if you do, words you'll likely never choose to hear.
A year ago, 'Us' was full of uncertainty. You were beginning to push me away and shut down about this time. In February, you succeeded. You ended things with us then, and suddenly through March into April, I was your girlfriend again. We never talked about what happened and I feel like I was supposed to accept the "I don't know what was wrong with ( Read more... ) -
"Us a year ago..."
"I think it’s fair to say my message earlier was one of the hardest things I have said in a very very long time. And I’m sorry if this doesn’t seem fair but I long for the year ago us and to just pull us into each other. I miss that security."
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A year ago 'Us' was called limerence. That high you ride on oxytocin release and waves of dopamine ( Read more... ) -
Holy shit.
I just noticed, that come October, I'll've had this intermittent online memory bank for 20 years.
Damn.
I was 22 when I started this. One day I'll go back and read some old things. -
The element of temporary.
I'm starting therapy for the umpteenth time in my 42 years of life. Granted, I didn't start therapy sessions until I was about 25 years old, and that was to focus more on the marriage I was in while he was deployed to Iraq than really face the consequences of childhood with abusive parents. Tonight was my intake process with a new shrink. He's a ( Read more... ) -
Scene. Cut. End scene.
First take.
I can only speak for me here, but I don't feel I'm spiraling into worse. But I can see that when I do spiral, how it affects us. I wish I knew all that was going on inside your mind regarding me and us, so that I can openly talk about it with you, and to also openly share how I'm feeling. So that we can at least have that part of our ( Read more... )