fic: Rapiers at Dawn
Title: Rapiers at Dawn
Author: slacker_d
Pairing/Characters: Rachel/Santana, New Directions
Rating: light R
Summary: Quinn challenges Rachel.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Word Count: ~14,700
Spoilers: Not really.
A/N: Okay, so this took longer than it should have, so for that I apologize. Thanks to everyone who voted, I didn't realize so many people were reading the continued absurdity, but I really appreciate it. I'm sure the results will be fairly obvious in the fic. This directly follows Best Served Cold. Also, all the trivia is as true as anything else you get from Wikipedia.
2nd A/N: Unbeta’ed, so all mistakes are mine.
Flow Charts Are Never Wrong | Revelations and Confrontations | Cuffed | Physics and Golf | The Student Becomes the Master | Breaking Into School is Easy to Do | Keeping Up Appearances | Games People Play | Ink and Gossip | Like That Movie, Open Water | Berry verses Lopez | Playing With Fire | Organized Chaos Abound | Best Served Cold
Rachel spends most Tuesday slightly distracted, wondering what could possibly be on the DVD Tina handed her. The participants are remaining strangely silent about it, including Brittany. That, concerns her slightly. It probably doesn’t help that her imagination is running more wild than usual.
She doesn't really have time until that evening. Instead of starting her homework immediately like usual, she gives in to her curiosity and puts the DVD in her computer.
It starts with what looks like a blurry picture of Noah's basement. Rachel hears familiar voices and muttering off camera. Once the picture is focused, Rachel sees Jesse St. James laying on the floor, tied up.
She actually feels a wave of cold wash over her because she has a feeling that whatever's about to happen isn't particularly nice. And the fact that it's about to be done in her name, feels… she's not sure what she feels, actually.
She watches the whole thing in silence. She sees her friends mock Jesse as he tries to verbally fight back, but really just seals his fate. After seeing Santana kick Jesse in the groin, Rachel knows whatever they ended up doing was very humiliating.
The shaving she's okay with, though shaving everything seems kind of mean. But seeing Brittany pierce various parts of Jesse, Rachel now knows why Noah and Tina have been seemingly avoiding Brittany. Though she actually laughs out loud at Tina's, "There are no words for how I feel about you now."
In Rachel's mind they've gone a bit too far, but she doesn't find it surprising. She knows that Puck, Santana and even Brittany still feel like they have to do penance for their past behavior. Rachel only hopes they didn't seek Jesse out; that it was instead happenstance.
Watching them crucify Jesse is definitely too much. The sign is amusing, especially the addition of the smiley face, though the magnifying glass might just be too malicious. And the fact that they most likely left her there overnight is just too much for Rachel. She doesn't know what to think.
Rachel knows why they did it and she appreciates the sentiment, but she definitely thinks they went too far.
Sighing, she goes downstairs and begins baking. It's her best method for thanking and apologizing to people. Rachel figures tomorrow she'll be trying to apologize to Jesse, if he'll talk to her.
…
The next day when Tina goes downstairs for breakfast she finds a small box on the counter with a note from her mother on it.
Tina, this was on the front step when I went to get this morning. Mom
Curious, but a bit apprehensive, she opens it and finds a plate of cookies inside. On the inner lid of the box is a note.
Tina, I just wanted to say thanks for assistance during the revenge. It's nice to know I have friends willing to go to such lengths for me. Rachel.
The cookies are delicious, but Tina wonders why Rachel didn't just give them to her at school.
…
Santana's getting a little annoyed with her girlfriend. She knows for a fact that Tina gave Rachel the DVD yesterday and she's been waiting for nearly 24 hours for a response to it. Beyond the quick text of thanks and saying she'll watch it after school, there's been no communication from Rachel at all.
It's so out of character, that Santana finds herself a bit paranoid.
Pulling into the school parking lot, Santana braces herself for Rachel's reaction. The lack of immediate response doesn’t bode well and Santana doesn't know what mood Rachel will be in at school today.
Rachel isn't at her locker and so Santana goes to hers. There Brittany is opening Santana's locker instead of her own.
"Morning B," Santana greets. "You do know that that's my locker, right?"
"Of course, silly," Brittany replies. "It's just that Rachel said to make sure you opened your locker this morning."
"Wait, Rachel said? When did you talk to Rachel?"
"I didn't," Brittany says. "She left a plate of cookies for me to say thanks and the note said that yours were in your locker and to make sure you checked. I got tired of waiting for you, so I decided to check for you."
"Oh. And?"
Brittany hands Santana a note while she chews on a cookie.
San, Sorry these weren't at your house like everyone else's, but I ran out of time and I assumed you wouldn't mind. I really appreciate you defending my honor like that, belatedly or otherwise. Though I have major concerns about your methods and we will be talking. That being said, this is just the first part of your thank you, fear not. Use your imagination, but reality will be better. Love, Rachel
"Huh," Santana mutters, accepting a cookie from Brittany.
…
"Cookie?"
Artie looks over at Tina who's holding out a cookie.
"Uh, yeah, thanks."
"They're from Rachel," Tina explains. "She baked them to say thanks for the thing with Jesse and since you helped me with the DVD, I figured you should have some too."
"Oh cool, thanks."
"Yeah."
"So she liked it?"
"I guess so," Tina replies. "I haven't actually spoken to her about it. These were apparently left on our doorstep."
"Weird."
"Kinda. Yeah."
…
By the time first period is over, Puck's already demolished his cookies. His bro makes the best peanut butter chocolate chip cookies ever. He sends a quick text telling her how awesome they were, but doesn't get a response. He just shrugs. She's probably ”thanking” Santana or something.
…
"Where do you guys keep getting cookies?" Kurt asks Tina and Artie.
"Rachel."
"Where are our cookies?" Mercedes asks.
"They're thank you cookies," Tina explains.
"Yeah," Artie continues. "We helped out and so we got thank you cookies."
"Hmph, girl could spread the love a bit," Mercedes mutters.
"You want one?" Tina asks. She hands one to Kurt and one to Mercedes.
Both accept them grudgingly.
"Do I even want to know what favors you performed for Miss Berry?" Kurt questions.
"AV assistance," Artie supplies. "I set up a camera."
"I made a DVD," Tina answers.
"So no cookies for us then," Mercedes says.
…
It's lunchtime and Santana still hasn't heard from Rachel and what's more worrisome is her phone is turned off. It's possible her battery just died, but that still doesn't explain why she wasn't in second period. When Santana stopped by after class, Quinn had very rudely informed her that Rachel hadn't been in class.
Santana's checked in with everyone and no one's seen Rachel yet. Except for the cookies, Rachel's presence hasn't been felt all day.
It's mostly her phone being off that concerns Santana. Usually if Rachel's upset, she'll just ignore her cell, but she never turns it off. Something about always being available. for either emergencies or discoveries.
Santana's also pretty sure she's the only one who's worried. Both Puck and Brittany remind her that Rachel Berry can easily take care of herself. They try distracting her with talk of the revenge on Jesse or the stupid stunt the hockey team attempted earlier, but she's too distracted. All she can think of are various horror movie plots. What if the crazy guy in the sewer got her while she was delivering cookies?
Brittany finally gets fed up and drags Santana to Rachel's locker at the end of lunch. Britt then picks the locker and begins digging in the locker for clues.
Santana's eyes are drawn to the envelope on the top shelf with just an S on it. Grabbing it, she finds it unsealed and pulls out a note.
S, I'm fine. Stop worrying so much. I'll call you this evening. R
"See?" Brittany says, after reading over Santana's shoulder. "I told you there was nothing to worry about."
"How about the fact that she really may be psychic?" Santana counters.
"I'm cool with it."
…
Puck finds it odd that he hasn't actually seen Rachel yet. It's after lunch and he just assumed he'd see her by now. Whether it would be a thank you or a beratement, he hadn't known, but Rachel Berry always makes her presence known.
The super awesome cookies, while to many seem like a thank you, are in fact, just an acknowledgement. Rachel doesn't believe in revenge; she's quite vehement about it, actually. However, she still believes in recognizing gestures even if she doesn't agree with them
Puck figures he'll hear about it eventually. He tries to shrug it off until the inevitable confrontation and just be glad he got cookies.
…
"So how come you're freaking out?" Brittany asks Santana after Cheerios practice.
"Lots of reasons. Rachel doesn't usually skip. If she's not coming to school, she always lets me know the myriad of reasons why. She never turns her phone off."
"Oh."
"But mostly I'm worried about the whole Jesse thing. Rachel doesn't believe in revenge and I kinda think she's pissed, that's why her phone's off. I mean, yeah I guess I could have put a stop to it, but I've been wanting to do something to that douche since last year. And Rachel might have let the shaving part go, but I think we might have went too far."
"You can just say it was all my idea," Brittany supplies.
"We recorded everything, Britt, remember?"
"Dilemma then."
"Yeah, it kinda is."
"It'll be fine, S," Brittany tells her. "She's not going to break up with you for defending her honor. Besides, if she was, why would she give you cookies?"
"Because she's Rachel," Santana replies, sullenly.
"Then she wouldn't have left a note," Brittany tries.
"I guess."
"You worry too much, San," Brittany says.
"I'll just feel better once I talk to her," Santana explains.
…
Rachel spends the morning thinking. She's not angry, just concerned. The fact that they didn't bother hiding their identities, except for Tina, means Jesse knows exactly who tortured him. And while he might not be actively retaliating, he does believe in people getting what's coming to them. She hopes he doesn't call the police.
She's baked him some cookies as well. She hopes they'll at least convince him to talk to her.
She has to knock and ring the doorbell for over five minutes before the door is yanked open.
"I wondered if you'd show up," he sneers.
Rachel holds up the plate of cookies.
"Come in then."
She follows him into the kitchen and sits at the table. He goes the refrigerator and returns with a glass of milk and a bottle of water, which he hands to Rachel. He sits himself, unwraps the chocolate chips cookies and takes a large bite.
Rachel slowly opens her water, trying not to stare. Jeese's wearing a baseball cap, a sight she's never seen and the fact that he's now bald is clearly evident.
"I assume you're here to plead on behalf of your avengers."
"I wanted to apologize for their actions," Rachel explains. "While I don't agree with what they did, I do appreciate it. However, I do believe they went too far; with the piercing for example."
"And the crucification?"
"I haven't decided," Rachel replies. "Though the being left out overnight part is definitely going too far."
"So what?" Jesse asks. "You're dating Puckerman again? And he got his lackeys to revenge his latest play toy?"
"While your anger is justified, I don't appreciate your word choice, Jesse. And no, I'm not dating Noah."
"Then what?"
"We've become… friends this year and so they now feel it's their job to defend me."
"A bit late."
"It's never too late to defend someone's honor."
"You do know it's not the nineteenth century," Jesse says. "Defend your honor?"
"Jesse, I'll be straight with you. After the whole incident, I had no intention of ever willingly interacting with you ever again, but once again, my choices have been taken away from me. That being said, I've forgiven you for your transgressions against me."
"Lucky me," he snarks.
Ignoring him, Rachel continues. "However, I don't feel bad for you if others take actions against you. Something similar, though not as severe, should have been done sooner. Not for the egging, though the fact that you killed all those little chicks to torture me is completely unacceptable, but for the fact that you tried to take my greatest gift from me while following Shelby's orders." Rachel sighs. "Though I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. A performance is a performance. We're too similar for me to not understand that."
"So why the hell are you here?"
"To make sure you're not going to press charges against them."
"They're the morons that didn't bother to disguise themselves or their voices."
"Jesse."
"And why shouldn't I?" he continues. "They kidnapped me. They abused me. They shaved my entire body and then pierced me. If that doesn't deserve criminal charges, I don't know what does."
"You're not pressing charges," Rachel says. "You're going to let it go and we will file it under the whole disaster that was our relationship. We've both been humiliated. Vocal Adrenaline won Regionals and you've moved onto your big next step. There's no need to drag this out. Besides, do you really want more people to know you've been shaved and pierced? And that, more than likely, you were taken out by cheerleaders? Because I promise you that if you pursue this in a legal capacity, I will make sure everyone knows. They'll know everything you don't want people to know."
"You don't scare me."
"I have more dirt on you than you me," Rachel tells him. "And a lot has changed this past year. I've modified my views on the world. You only have yourself to blame for that."
"Oh please," Jesse scoffed.
"For example," Rachel continues. "You've already eaten three of those cookies. Did you ever stop and consider what I might have done to those cookies? As you're aware, I'm a superb baker and an intense researcher. There are a number of things I could have done to those that would make you very unhappy."
Having taken a bite of a fourth cookie, Jesse hurries to the sink and quickly spits the chewed up bits out.
"What the fuck, Rachel?!"
"So maybe you should take me a bit more seriously when I tell you to drop this."
Jesse glances back and forth between Rachel and the plate of cookies. He can only stare at the serene, but eerie look on her face as she waits for his response. At the moment, he almost doesn't recognize her.
"Fine," he says. "I'll drop it, but just this once. If one of your freaks ever lays a hand on me ever again, the consequences will be very harsh."
Rachel nods. "Good. We'll I'll leave you be." She stands. "Don't worry, I can find my way out. Good bye Jesse. And I didn't do anything to the cookies," she tells him before leaving.
…
"Where the hell have you been all day?" Santana exclaims when Rachel shows up at her house later.
"I took a personal day."
"You couldn't have called?"
"Apparently not," Rachel replies wryly.
"You're mad at me," Santana observes. "I was freaked out all morning, and you're mad at me."
"You don't think you went a little too far with the whole Jesse thing."
"We just got caught up in the moment."
"You left him crucified in just boxers over night," Rachel points out.
"He deserved it for egging you," Santana explains. "It isn't just that he egged you, cause that is definitely not cool. But that they maliciously picked something they knew would upset you as a vegan, makes it worse. Plus he spent all that time trying to get into your pants when he was just Corcoran's mole? It was justice. Besides, once B chloroformed him, there was no going back."
"I should have known it was Britt who started the whole thing," Rachel says. "That explains a lot."
"What? So now it's okay that B started it?" Santana questions. "Some days I think you like her better than me.
"Don't be ridiculous," Rachel replies. "Of course I like her better than you. I thought you knew that already."
Santana can only gape.
"Oh don't be like that," Rachel continues. "I was just kidding."
"Well I don't like you anymore," Santana says.
"And it's not okay just because Brittany started it. I just understand things better now."
"So what's the problem?"
"No problem." Rachel sighs. "You're lucky he's not pressing charges."
"He wouldn't dare."
Rachel shakes her head in disbelief. "Sometimes I think you forget that your powers at McKinley don't always extend into the real world."
"Maybe mine don't," Santana agrees. "But Coach's definitely do."
"Perhaps, but that means you would have had to go to her first," Rachel says. "To ask her to confront him."
"What for? He obviously didn't go to the police."
"But he was going to."
"You talked to him?!"
"I visited him, actually," Rachel tells her.
"What the fuck for?"
"To make sure he wasn't going to press charges. And give him some "I'm Sorry" cookies."
"You made him cookies?!"
"How can you possibly be mad about me giving him cookies?" Rachel asks.
"Because he doesn’t deserve an apology. He deserves to get his ass kicked."
"And having his entire body shaved wasn't enough?"
"No."
"And the piercings?"
"Still not enough."
"Well, trust me, they were vital to my case," Rachel says.
"What? You placated him with delicious cookies and begged him not to turn us in?" Santana spits out. "I don't understand you. At all."
"Actually, that's not even near to what happened," Rachel replies.
"You better not have blown him."
"Why would you go there?"
"Why are you being so secretive?"
"Why are you being so defensive?"
"Why shouldn't I?" Santana asks. "It's obvious you're pissed at me."
"When did I say that?"
"Well, I'm pissed at you. For groveling to that bastard."
"Perhaps I'm agitated that you would think that. Rachel Berry does not grovel."
"Then what? You went over there with cookies and then kicked his ass?"
"Don't be absurd."
"Then what?" Santana growls. "What could have possibly happened when you went over there that convinced him not to call the cops?"
"That's none of your business."
"Of course it's my business! You're my girlfriend. Who went over to your douche bag ex's house and gave him cookies. If this was a rom com, he'd be calling you tomorrow to go out."
"Well then thank god it isn't a movie," Rachel replies.
"So you're really not going to tell me?"
"Why is it so important that you know?"
"Why won't you tell me?" Santana counters.
"I'd just rather not talk about it."
Santana growls in frustration. "See it's statements like that, that make me suspicious."
Rachel sighs. "I realize the implications of the statement, but I had hoped that our history and the trust you have in me would be enough, that maybe we wouldn't have to talk about this right now."
"Well, apparently you were wrong."
"Then maybe I should go."
"Maybe you should."
Rachel shoots Santana a longing look for a moment and then stomps out.
…
On the way back to her house, Rachel acknowledges to herself that she may have over reacted. She does have a tendency to do that, especially in relationships. In a lot of ways, she and Santana are too similar; ruthless tenacity being the most obvious at the moment.
The truth is, Rachel isn't entirely comfortable with the fact that she deceived Jesse into thinking she might have poisoned him. She knows she's capable, earlier actions aside, she's always known. But she's still bothered by this knowledge. In addition, keeping up her bravado in front of Jesse when all she really wanted to do was tearfully ask him why and possibly hit him was draining. However, she knows that it would not have ended well and protecting her friends would have been less likely.
Afterwards all she had wanted to do was be with her girlfriend. She certainly hadn't been prepared for a fight, though perhaps she should have been. Santana lashes out when she feels threatened and Rachel can see how her actions would affect her girlfriend. It's just unfortunate, because Rachel really needs some time to process before she explains to Santana what she did to ensure there isn't any police involvement. Seeing Jesse just brought up too many memories and the emotion related.
Making it home and flopping onto her bed, Rachel realizes she's exhausted; so much for the personal day. It certainly didn't relax her; if anything, it had the opposite effect. If she wasn't so committed to her academic endeavors, she would skip tomorrow as well. McKinley doesn't require a note from a parent until the fourth day, so she'd be safe in that respect. Still, it galls her to skip school, so she resigns herself to going.
…
Santana paces her room for almost five minutes after Rachel leaves; that in itself being a surprise. She hadn't expected Rachel to walk out. They've said similar things to each other before, but usually the other person just ignores it and keeps pushing until the issue is resolved. It's probably why, despite their matched levels of stubbornness, they're still together.
This is the first time she's doubted that fact, though. Maybe because Rachel walked out.
She wishes she knew what caused her, admittedly, slight overreaction. Jealousy probably. She's a possessive person. Everyone knows that. Rachel knows that more than most. If she would have just told Santana what happened, they could be doing any number of more pleasurable things, instead of sulking separately.
Fed up with the situation, Santana grabs her cell phone and stares at it for a long moment before dialing.
…
Rachel is laying on her bed, eyes closed when her bedroom door opens. She assumes it's one of her fathers, though neither is due home for hours. She keeps her eyes closed and waits for him to speak.
Instead, there's the quiet hum of movement and a weight joins her on the bed.
"I know you're not sleeping, Rach," Brittany says.
Rachel doesn’t open her eyes. "How'd you get in?"
"I picked the lock, silly," Brittany tells her.
"It's very reassuring that our neighbors might have possibly seen you do that and did nothing to assist," Rachel comments.
"It's the cheerleading outfit," Brittany replies. "I’m very non threatening."
"Looks can be deceiving. Not that I'm complaining, but what are you doing here?"
"Santana called me--"
"Did she?"
"--and once she was done ranting, I decided to come over and see you."
"Thanks, I guess."
Brittany lays down next to Rachel. "I was worried you were mad at us when you didn't show up at school today."
"Not mad, exactly. I suppose I just needed some time to process."
"And stop Jesse from calling the police."
"That too."
"That was really nice, but you didn't have to," Brittany replies. "I had a plan if we got in trouble."
"Oh?"
"Yes. I was going to take full credit and play the dumb blond card. Tina never spoke, Jesse didn't know we filmed it and I'd just claim Puck and Santana were just there to scare him. That they left before anything else happened and they assumed I'd just let him sleep it off and let him go."
"You don't think your apparent ability to shave and pierce someone would counter that? Not to mention your skill at crucifying."
"I figured between being blond, the Cheerios outfit and Coach Sylvester I'd be fine," Brittany replies.
Rachel stares at Brittany for a full minute. The blonde knows because she counts. She braces herself for judgments.
"We should definitely pull a prank together, sometime," Rachel says.
"Awesome."
…
Santana feels slightly better after she talks with Brittany. She owes her girl an apology. Hopefully Rachel will hear her out. She also wonders when Brittany became so insightful. Probably Rachel. It's certainly the reason Brittany used the word laconic the other day.
The entire situation is fucked up; the revenge felt great, but it wasn't worth all this. The sooner it's over, the better Santana will feel. She'd try apologizing tonight, but Santana's not sure if she'd be well received. She'll just stop by before school and try then.
…
Santana couldn't sleep any longer, so even though it's only five in the morning, she's dressed and heading over to the Berry house. She hopes they'll have enough time to fight, apologize and have make up sex before school. Rachel will try to argue she needs to exercise and Santana will counter that sex is definitely an aerobic activity and they'll banter back and forth until Rachel feigns reluctance and gives in.
Except when she gets there, Santana finds Rachel isn't alone in bed. She can't tell who it is exactly, because the pair is buried under the blankets, but it is definitely obvious that there are two people in bed.
Beyond angry, Santana stalks over to the bed and rips the covers off.
Only to find Rachel and Brittany, adorably intertwined and blinkingly looking up at her.
"San?" Brittany asks. "What's going on?"
"You're rather early," Rachel manages, yawning.
"How do you figure that? Maybe you two just overslept."
"I have an excellent internal clock, Santana, you know that," Rachel says. "Also? It's still kind of dark out."
"Rach's alarm isn't going off for a while yet," Brittany yawns. She then tugs Santana until she falls on the bed and begins stripping her.
"She's right," Rachel adds, yanking off a shoe. "Might as well join the party."
"Fine." Santana shrugs them off and stands. She strips down to her underwear and slips in behind Rachel. "Aren't you mad at me?"
"Sleep," Rachel replies. "Cuddle now. Fight later."
…
When Rachel's alarm goes off almost two hours later, Rachel coaxes the other two out of bed and downstairs for some breakfast. All three munch on fruit and sip coffee, still not really speaking.
Brittany is waiting for the fighting to start; she knows it will, it's just a matter of when.
Santana is wary. While she's not glad that Rachel is completely ignoring her, she's still bracing herself for a fight. Though she can admit that the blame is evenly split this time; having time to cool off helps make some things more clear.
Rachel know she'll have to explain everything soon. She hopes Santana understands her reluctance, especially since now that she's had time to ponder everything, she feels that her actions were acceptable in the situation.
The trio leave for school in Santana's car, still relatively quiet. The drive there is spent listening to music Brittany has chosen and even though there's tension in the car, no one mentions it.
Before Santana and Brittany link pinkies and disappear on her, Rachel intertwines her fingers with Santana's and pulls her close.
"We'll talk over lunch?"
Santana nods.
"Good," Rachel says. She chastely kisses her and the gives Brittany a peck on the cheek before skipping into McKinley.
…
Rachel finds Noah and Tina, separately and thanks them in person. Both comment on her absence the day before, but she simply brushes it off as being sick. She's not sure if any of them believe her, but they let it go.
She's glad for this because she wants to put the entire incident behind them and possibly pretend like it never happened.
As soon as her discussion with Santana about it is over, she's never going to think about it again.
…
They decide to meet in Santana's car because it will afford them the most privacy.
Santana, to both their surprises, starts first.
"I might have over reacted yesterday," she admits. "It's just… I’m still so pissed off about what he did. Even back then, I was; I just didn't fully understand why. And thinking that you were over there, making nice with him, was just too much for me."
"I should have explained everything more clearly," Rachel replies. "I felt guilty about the means I used to ensure Jesse wouldn't call the police. And I wasn't ready to talk about it."
"Why would you feel guilty?"
"Because I told him I poisoned the cookies," Rachel says. "He ate several right away just as I assumed he would. And then, when he wouldn't listen to reason, I threw some crazy in there. It worked, but I'm not particularly proud of what I did."
"Oh."
"Most of the time, I love being a secretive badass, your secretive badass, but this time, I was worried I went too far. Protecting you, Noah and Brittany is definitely a valid reason, but I was just afraid I crossed a line."
"And you needed time to think about it," Santana finishes.
"I did," Rachel nods.
"Not to be critical, but then why did you come over? Why didn't you just go home and crash?"
"I wanted to see you," Rachel replies. "I hadn't seen you all day and I guess I missed you."
"Awww."
"It's so stupid," Rachel sulks. "I should be able to go a whole day without seeing you."
"But what if I don't want you to?"
"I don't want to either," Rachel says. "But I should be able to."
"What happened to us making it up as we go along?" Santana asks. "If you wanna see me, then you see me. It should be that simple."
"I thought we didn't want to become too codependent," Rachel points out.
"Maybe not," Santana shrugs. "But it's already happened, so might as well embrace it. Right?"
"I guess."
"So are we done fighting?" Santana asks. "Can we move on to the hot make up sex?
Rachel chuckles. "Do we have enough time?" They both check the dashboard clock.
"We'll make time," Santana says.
"I cannot miss anymore classes due to your sexual needs."
"Hey, you started it."
"You started it."
"I'm pretty sure it was you, Berry."
"Keep this up and I'm exiting this car immediately."
"No way," Santana replies. "You want it as bad as me."
"Shut up and kiss me already."
…
Friday night Puck drags Rachel to a party. He tells her it's been way too long since they've truly partied together. Rachel points out they've never really partied together.
"Then that's something we've got to change, bro," Puck replies. "I got some excellent booze and it's super close to your house so we can just walk back. We both can totally get our drink on."
"You know I'm not an enthusiastic beer drinker, Noah."
"I've got you covered bro. Trust me."
"Did you seduce the woman at the liquor store?"
"No. But I did bang the sister of a guy who works at the liquor store," Puck answers.
"Never change, Noah."
…
Noah drags Rachel into the kitchen when they arrive. He mixes her a drink and opens an expensive looking bottle of beer and stashes the rest deep in the refrigerator.
"Just try it," he shouts over the music.
Tentatively she takes a sip. It's not bad.
"Well?"
"It's drinkable."
"That'a girl," Noah says, dragging her into the living room.
"What is this?"
"The chick called it After Five," Noah shouts. "She said it was good for people who don't drink much."
Noah sees some jocks he has to carouse with and so Rachel sinks onto the couch. Sipping her drink, she looks around. Mike catches her eye and waves. She waves back. It isn't too long before she, Mike, Artie and Tina are conversing, taking up the whole couch.
Maybe it's the liquor talking, but Rachel's having a good time. Sure she's not necessarily talking to anyone new, but no one's tried to bully her or anything, so she's considering that progress.
"Treasure Trail!"
It seems she spoke too soon, or whatever.
Rachel, Mike, Tina and Artie look up at an irate Quinn Fabray.
"Yes Quinn?"
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"In attempt to avoid stating the obvious, what does it look like?"
"You know what?" Quinn says. "I’m sick of you and your attitude."
"You're allowed your opinion Quinn."
"Just because you're willing to let Santana do whatever the hell she wants to you in bed, you think you have all the power at school?"
"Uh…"
"No fucking way, Stubbles," Quinn continues. "I rule McKinley. And I will until the day I graduate. I had a fucking baby and I'm still top dog. You date a multitude of popular people and you're still just one step up from JewFro."
"Once again, Quinn, you're allowed your opinion."
"No. No more of that patronizing BS you've been giving me. You and me are throwing down."
"We're what?"
"She's challenging you," Artie whispers.
"Oooh, like a duel?" Rachel whispers back. "How very--"
"Pay attention Midget," Quinn interrupts. "So are we doing this?"
"Of course."
"Good."
"With conditions," Rachel says.
"What? No way in hell--"
"Then I won't participate, Quinn," Rachel replies. "It doesn't matter to me. This is only important to you."
"You're a manipulative little bitch, you know that, right?"
"Hey kettle? This is the pot. You're black."
"So what's the challenge going to be?" Tina interrupts before Quinn strangles Rachel.
"Rapiers at dawn?" Rachel suggests.
"Don’t be ridiculous, Johnny 5. With your knowledge of most things sharp, I'm not letting you near me with a sword."
Well, I'm sure we can come up with something appropriate that we can execute Monday," Rachel says.
"No way, we're doing this here and now," Quinn snaps.
"We're at a party. What would you suggest Quinn?"
The head Cheerio glances around the room frantically before finally saying, "A drinking contest."
"Are you serious?"
"As a heart attack."
"Fine," Rachel replies after an intense stare down.
"Quinn challenging Rachel to a drinking contest is like a cow challenging a horse to a standing upright contest," Mike quips.
"Did you just call me fat?" Quinn growls.
"Course not."
"Dude, your metaphors suck," Artie says.
"Your metaphors suck," Mike replies.
"That makes no sense," Artie tells him.
"You make no sense."
"Both of you be quiet," Tina says. "I gotta see this."
They all stand and follow Rachel who is following Quinn into the kitchen.
"What do you suggest we drink?" Rachel asks.
And suddenly out of nowhere, Puck appears. He wraps his arms around them both. "Looking for alcohol suggestions? I'm your man."
"Get your hands off me manwhore. I've challenged Berry to a drinking contest."
Puck laughs. Loudly. After a moment, Rachel punches him in the shoulder and he stops.
"Can I make a suggestion?"
"We're listening."
"Irish Car Bombs," Puck says. "It'll decide a victor very quickly."
"You can't be serious man," Mike says. "That'll annihilate them both."
"It'll decide a winner very quickly," Puck agrees. "I figured that would make both ladies happy."
"I just want to get this ridiculousness over with," Rachel adds.
"Afraid, Berry?"
"Course not, Fabray," Rachel replies. "It's just I have better things to do than deal with you tonight."
"Yeah, like her girlfriend," Brittany pipes up behind Rachel.
"Hey, Britt."
"Whatcha guys doing?"
"Quinn challenged Rachel to a drinking contest," Tina tells her.
"Awesome. Can I join in?"
Rachel shrugs. "If you want."
"I don't see the harm," Quinn agrees.
"Okay. Three Irish Car Bombs. Coming up," Puck says, gleefully.
By now a small crowd has gathered as each girl sits at the kitchen table. Everyone watches as Puck pours three mugs of Guinness and three shot glasses with Bailey's and Jamieson. He sets each pair in front of each girl.
"Okay, for those who don't know. You drop the shot in the beer and chug. And the longer it takes, the worse it tastes because the Bailey's curdles. We'll do as many rounds as it takes before someone backs down. Any questions?"
"This isn't vegan is it?" Rachel asks.
"You're gonna use your stupid diet as an excuse, Man Hands?"
"Fine, Quinn, you're going down," Rachel says quietly.
"Okay then. Three. Two. One. Drink."
The crowd watches as all three girls drop the shots into the mugs and begin drinking.
Brittany finishes first, which no one is surprised about. Rachel is second and that they do find surprising. Quinn is just a gulp behind her though and slams her mug down just a moment after Rachel.
"Round two!" someone shouts.
They push their glasses forward and Puck begins making more.
"That was extremely unpleasant," Rachel says as she watches Puck pour Guinness.
"Backing down, are we Berry?"
"As if I'd hand victory over to you so easily."
"I've been drinking a lot longer than you have."
"And I've been taught by the best," Rachel replies, pointing to Puck.
"Round two, ladies." Puck pushes the glasses and shots towards them. "Three. Two. One. Drink."
Once again, all three girls drop the shot in the glass and begin chugging. Brittany finishes first with Rachel just behind her as Quinn is still just a gulp behind.
"What the fuck is going on?" Santana asks, pushing through the crowd.
"It's like that show, Man vs. Food, except you know, with alcohol," Finn explains. "And more people."
"Quinn challenged Rachel," Tina tells Santana.
"And the only thing she could think of was a drinking contest," Artie continues.
"But then they were both stupid," Mike adds. "And let Puck pick the poison."
Quinn looks rather green as Puck mixes another round. Just as he's pouring the Jamieson onto the Bailey's, she jumps up and runs out of the room.
"One down," Puck announces. "Finish this and you're the winner, bro." He pushes the glass and shot towards Rachel and Brittany.
While Brittany grabs for both, Rachel can only stare. Silence actually falls over the kitchen as they try to figure out what she's doing.
"I can't," Rachel says finally. "I…just can't. Bad idea."
As she's saying this, Brittany finishes her and slams down the mug.
"Suck it loser," she crows.
"Britt be nice to me," Rachel groans. "I'm very, very, very, very, very--" Brittany smacks her on the back. "Drunk."
Now that the show is over, the crowd begins to disperse.
"And neither Quinn or Rachel won," Mike points out.
"Quinn's gonna be pissed later," Tina says.
"Son of a bitch!" Santana exclaims. "She's going to be a colossal bitch until this gets figured out."
"Well then she should have waited until she was sober to suggest anything," Puck says.
"San? Is that you?" Rachel calls out.
"Course it is, babe."
"I'm drunk."
"I figured. Car Bombs will do that to a gal, especially one who doesn't drink."
"And I didn't win," Rachel pouts.
"Ah, that's okay, babe," Santana replies. "You win at other things."
…
Rachel wakes up in a tangled mess of bodies feeling hung over. Looking around, she sees a bottle of water and some aspirin on her side table. If she could only reach them over the pile of people she's wrapped up in.
Five awkward minutes later, she's free and feeling more hung over. She pops four aspirin and drinks most of the water before crawling back into the huddle and falling asleep.
…
"It's not over," Brittany says later while the four eat breakfast.
"Of course not," Santana adds. "Q can't let things go. It's almost like she enjoys beating a dead horse."
"Where would Quinn get a horse?" Brittany asks.
"I agree actually," Rachel says. "But I'm not going to worry about it. I'm not scared of Quinn."
"You shouldn't," Puck says. "Not with us getting your back."
"Yes, well, as comforting as that may be, please don't kidnap and shave Quinn. I'm not sure she'd do well bald."
Santana starts laughing. "Sorry. I just pictured it."
"Coach would have a fit," Brittany adds.
…
During lunch on Monday, Quinn seeks out Rachel. She finds her having lunch with Artie, Tina, Kurt, Mercedes and Brittany.
"We still have a score to settle, Dwarf," Quinn says.
"I would think your vomit would make me the winner," Rachel replies. ” I at least managed to keep it all down. You didn't."
"Technically I won," Brittany interjects. "I drank three. You guys only had two."
"I suppose that's true, but it doesn't help with our current dilemma," Rachel tells Brittany.
"Oh. Right. How about pistols at dawn?"
"Tempting," Quinn says.
"I'd rather not kill Quinn, though, Brittany," Rachel says.
"How do you know I won't shoot you first?" Quinn asks.
"Oh Quinn, everyone knows that I'm better than you at everything," Rachel smiles sweetly.
"Vicious little bitch," Quinn growls.
"You can dish it out, but not take it, eh, Fabray?" Rachel mocks.
"At least I speak the truth, Hobbit," Quinn snaps.
"What about a baking contest?" Tina interrupts before Quinn strangles Rachel.
"No."
"That would be unfair," Rachel adds. "My baking is near perfection."
Quinn scoffs.
"Jealously does not become you, Quinn."
"How about a silence contest?" Quinn suggests. "Whoever can keep quiet the longest winds."
"Seriously?"
"You're only suggesting that because you think Rachel talks too much," Brittany says.
"And?"
"Oooh, can we also have a staring contest?" Rachel asks, mockingly. "Or better yet we could thumb wrestle."
"Keep your sarcasm to yourself, Oompaloompa," Quinn snaps. "I don't hear you coming up with any ideas."
"Archery."
Everyone at the table just stares at her.
"For reals?" Mercedes asks.
"Why would we let you two near each other with weapons?" Kurt continues.
"Didn't you say, no sharp objects?" Artie finishes.
"Arrows certainly aren't the same as a rapier," Rachel tells them. "Besides, neither one of us knows how and it should be simple enough to determine who's won. Both are key elements to this competition."
"She's not wrong," Tina says.
"Especially," Rachel continues. "The more witnesses we have. If we get our fellow glee clubers to join us, say tomorrow at lunch, we can have this all decided in a mere twenty-four hours time."
"Fine," Quinn agrees."
"Good. I'll let everyone know to be outside tomorrow for lunch," Rachel says.
…
"You're seriously going to have an archery contest with Quinn?" Santana asks Rachel that evening.
"What choice do I have? She's not going to let it go, remember?"
"Still. Archery."
"I didn't hear you suggesting anything," Rachel replies.
"Hey, I'm staying out of this little grudge match," Santana replies. "Q's got this insane agenda and it's probably better if I just stay out of it."
"Wuss."
"Can you blame me?" Santana asks. "You two in complete bitch mode is way intense. Sometimes it's just easier to stay out of the way and enjoy the spectacle of carnage."
Rachel sighs. "I suppose that's true. Still, I'd appreciate it if your neutrality wasn't so apparent."
"I'm not wearing a Team Rachel t-shirt."
"What about a hat?"
"Why are you asking questions you already know the answer to?"
…
Tuesday during third period, the glee kids all receive texts from Rachel reminding them they need to appear outside on the football field during lunch. It continues to say that if they don't show up, there will be dire consequences.
What Rachel doesn't realize is that there's no need to cajole the others to show up. Watching Quinn and Rachel go toe to toe is incredibly entertaining. Both Artie and Tina plan on bringing popcorn, in fact. Puck is taking bets on who'll win this whole crazy competition; it's fairly close.
…
"So how are we doing this, Berry?" Quinn asks once everyone arrives.
It's lunchtime and everyone is gathered on the football field. Rachel has set up two targets and measured out what she feels is an appropriate distance for beginners. She has a large quiver of arrows and two bows.
The other glee members are surrounding them in a semi circle, anxious to see the drama unfold.
"I procured these instructions for us, if you would just read over this one, I will do the same with mine," Rachel replies.
Both quickly scan over the information. Brittany reads them over Rachel's shoulder.
"That's it?" Quinn exclaims, once she's done with the two page packet.
"It's enough to keep us from injuring ourselves or others or damaging anything," Rachel explains.
"I didn't see you with any suggestions," Santana says.
"Whatever. Let's just get this over with."
"Quinn, if you don't wish to do this, I'm sure we can find another way to--"
"Save it, Berry. It's fine."
"So I think it's best if we each get five shots. We can both go at the same time and compare."
"Fine."
Quinn picks up a bow and experiments with it, getting use to holding it. She then grabs an arrow and steps up to the line. Rachel does the same.
"Whenever you're ready, Quinn," Rachel says. "We don't need to shoot at the same time."
"Shut up, Berry. I'm trying to concentrate."
"My apologies then."
As Quinn continues to attempt her bow and aim, Rachel calmly draws back the bow and lets go. Seeing this out of the corner of her eye, Quinn mutters to herself as she quickly lets go.
Both girls hit the target, neither near the center. Both repeat the process; though Quinn takes longer to aim and fire, while Rachel does the entire process smoothly, but incredibly slowly. It's a strange thing to watch.
When all five arrows have been shot, everyone looks to the bullseyes. None are near the center. And while the arrows aren't mirror images of each other, each target looks oddly like the other.
"There's no clear winner," Tina says.
"I agree," Rachel says.
"What?" Quinn exclaims. "This arrow is closer to the target than yours."
"Perhaps," Rachel allows. "But this one of mine is closer than that one of yours. Wouldn't you say?"
Everyone murmurs their agreement.
"Fine," Quinn huffs. "We'll try something else."
Rachel pulls out the arrows and everyone walks back to bows.
"Can I try?" Brittany asks.
"Of course."
Everyone quickly moves behind the line as Brittany picks up a bow and arrow. She copies what she saw Quinn and Rachel do and then lets go.
The arrow lands with a thump next to the bullseye.
"Is that good?" Brittany asks.
Rachel smacks Brittany on the arm. "You know it is," she whispers.
"Holy shit," Puck mutters.
"How'd you do that?" Mercedes asks.
Brittany shrugs. "I just aimed it at the target. Does this mean I win? Again?"
Rachel shakes her head. "What else should we attempt, Quinn?"
Still a bit dazed by Brittany's shot, Quinn just mumbles, "I don't know. Something simple."
"What about a javelin throwing contest?" Mike suggests.
"What?"
"I can get us some and we can do it after school."
"What about glee?" Kurt asks.
"We'll just have a shortened practice," Rachel says
"Who are you?" Mercedes asks.
"And what have you done with Rachel Berry?" Kurt finishes.
"There's nothing we need to prepare for," Rachel explains. "And it shouldn't take too long. And the sooner this is over, the better. Right?"
Everyone mumbles half heartedly in agreement since they're enjoying the spectacle.
"All right then," Rachel says. "It's settled. Here after school. Mike will get the javelins?"
He nods.
"Okay. Until then, Quinn," Rachel says.
The group splits up and enjoys the rest of their lunch period.
…
"I still can't believe we're skipping glee," Santana says to Rachel as they walk towards the field.
"We're not skipping it completely," Rachel points out. "Besides, Quinn isn't going to let this go until it's been decided. And the sooner she backs off, the better."
"Did anyone tell Mr. Schue?" Brittany asks.
"He'll figure it out when no one shows," Rachel replies. "Besides, he's never on time. We might actually beat him there, still."
Mike, Puck and Finn are already there when they arrive. There are two javelins on the ground and a white line drawn.
"Hey guys."
"Thanks for getting those," Rachel tells Mike.
"No prob. No one's using them at the moment, anyway."
When everyone's finally there, Rachel lays out the plan.
"We'll take turns and the farthest one wins. We each get two throws. Is that all right with you, Quinn?"
"Sounds fine. I'm going first."
She grabs a javelin, measures off some steps and readies herself. They all watch as Quinn takes several running steps and releases. It's wobbly, but flies. It lands several yards away. She then picks up the second one and repeats the process. This one goes a bit further.
"So now what?" Puck asks.
"Simple," Rachel replies. "We keep the farthest one out there and I use the other."
"But you get two throws," Finn points out.
"I realize this Finn," Rachel replies. "If my first shot is short, I'll just retrieve it and retry. If it sails past Quinn's, I won't need a second shot."
"Oh. Right." Finn trots out and grabs the closest javelin.
Rachel accepts it from him and measures out her steps. She too takes several running steps and releases. It's less wobbly, but lacks height, so it falls short of Quinn's.
Finn runs out and retrieves it.
Rachel's second shot is done with a more determined look. It sails through the air smoothly and lands just past Quinn's.
Santana and Puck let out a whoop of joy as a smile develops on Rachel's face.
"No way," Quinn interrupts.
"Don't be bitter, Fabray," Santana says. "We can all see it went further."
"So what?" Quinn counters. "Her foot went over the line, so it's a foul."
"It certainly did not," Rachel replies. "It touched the line, but did not go over."
"Your foot isn't even supposed to touch the line, Berry. The last throw doesn't count."
"Then she gets another one," Finn suggests.
"That's not how it works, Finn," Quinn snaps. "We each get two throws. No extra."
"Your foot is allowed to touch the line as long as it doesn't go over, Quinn," Rachel says.
"It isn't."
"It is."
"It isn't."
"It is."
"It isn't."
"It is."
"It isn't."
"It is."
"It--"
"Oh my god," Kurt interrupts. "We'll just figure something else out. It's not like we haven't already."
"Yeah. I can't listen to you two argue anymore," Mercedes adds.
The others nod.
"Whatever," Quinn growls.
"Fine," Rachel agrees. "We better attend glee practice before Mr. Schue thinks we've all quit."
"He wouldn't think that, would he?" Finn asks as they start walking.
"Who cares?" Santana grumbles.
"Mr. Schue is very hard to read," Artie says.
"Yeah," Brittany adds. "He doesn't have any words on him anywhere."
Part 2
Author: slacker_d
Pairing/Characters: Rachel/Santana, New Directions
Rating: light R
Summary: Quinn challenges Rachel.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Word Count: ~14,700
Spoilers: Not really.
A/N: Okay, so this took longer than it should have, so for that I apologize. Thanks to everyone who voted, I didn't realize so many people were reading the continued absurdity, but I really appreciate it. I'm sure the results will be fairly obvious in the fic. This directly follows Best Served Cold. Also, all the trivia is as true as anything else you get from Wikipedia.
2nd A/N: Unbeta’ed, so all mistakes are mine.
Flow Charts Are Never Wrong | Revelations and Confrontations | Cuffed | Physics and Golf | The Student Becomes the Master | Breaking Into School is Easy to Do | Keeping Up Appearances | Games People Play | Ink and Gossip | Like That Movie, Open Water | Berry verses Lopez | Playing With Fire | Organized Chaos Abound | Best Served Cold
Rachel spends most Tuesday slightly distracted, wondering what could possibly be on the DVD Tina handed her. The participants are remaining strangely silent about it, including Brittany. That, concerns her slightly. It probably doesn’t help that her imagination is running more wild than usual.
She doesn't really have time until that evening. Instead of starting her homework immediately like usual, she gives in to her curiosity and puts the DVD in her computer.
It starts with what looks like a blurry picture of Noah's basement. Rachel hears familiar voices and muttering off camera. Once the picture is focused, Rachel sees Jesse St. James laying on the floor, tied up.
She actually feels a wave of cold wash over her because she has a feeling that whatever's about to happen isn't particularly nice. And the fact that it's about to be done in her name, feels… she's not sure what she feels, actually.
She watches the whole thing in silence. She sees her friends mock Jesse as he tries to verbally fight back, but really just seals his fate. After seeing Santana kick Jesse in the groin, Rachel knows whatever they ended up doing was very humiliating.
The shaving she's okay with, though shaving everything seems kind of mean. But seeing Brittany pierce various parts of Jesse, Rachel now knows why Noah and Tina have been seemingly avoiding Brittany. Though she actually laughs out loud at Tina's, "There are no words for how I feel about you now."
In Rachel's mind they've gone a bit too far, but she doesn't find it surprising. She knows that Puck, Santana and even Brittany still feel like they have to do penance for their past behavior. Rachel only hopes they didn't seek Jesse out; that it was instead happenstance.
Watching them crucify Jesse is definitely too much. The sign is amusing, especially the addition of the smiley face, though the magnifying glass might just be too malicious. And the fact that they most likely left her there overnight is just too much for Rachel. She doesn't know what to think.
Rachel knows why they did it and she appreciates the sentiment, but she definitely thinks they went too far.
Sighing, she goes downstairs and begins baking. It's her best method for thanking and apologizing to people. Rachel figures tomorrow she'll be trying to apologize to Jesse, if he'll talk to her.
…
The next day when Tina goes downstairs for breakfast she finds a small box on the counter with a note from her mother on it.
Tina, this was on the front step when I went to get this morning. Mom
Curious, but a bit apprehensive, she opens it and finds a plate of cookies inside. On the inner lid of the box is a note.
Tina, I just wanted to say thanks for assistance during the revenge. It's nice to know I have friends willing to go to such lengths for me. Rachel.
The cookies are delicious, but Tina wonders why Rachel didn't just give them to her at school.
…
Santana's getting a little annoyed with her girlfriend. She knows for a fact that Tina gave Rachel the DVD yesterday and she's been waiting for nearly 24 hours for a response to it. Beyond the quick text of thanks and saying she'll watch it after school, there's been no communication from Rachel at all.
It's so out of character, that Santana finds herself a bit paranoid.
Pulling into the school parking lot, Santana braces herself for Rachel's reaction. The lack of immediate response doesn’t bode well and Santana doesn't know what mood Rachel will be in at school today.
Rachel isn't at her locker and so Santana goes to hers. There Brittany is opening Santana's locker instead of her own.
"Morning B," Santana greets. "You do know that that's my locker, right?"
"Of course, silly," Brittany replies. "It's just that Rachel said to make sure you opened your locker this morning."
"Wait, Rachel said? When did you talk to Rachel?"
"I didn't," Brittany says. "She left a plate of cookies for me to say thanks and the note said that yours were in your locker and to make sure you checked. I got tired of waiting for you, so I decided to check for you."
"Oh. And?"
Brittany hands Santana a note while she chews on a cookie.
San, Sorry these weren't at your house like everyone else's, but I ran out of time and I assumed you wouldn't mind. I really appreciate you defending my honor like that, belatedly or otherwise. Though I have major concerns about your methods and we will be talking. That being said, this is just the first part of your thank you, fear not. Use your imagination, but reality will be better. Love, Rachel
"Huh," Santana mutters, accepting a cookie from Brittany.
…
"Cookie?"
Artie looks over at Tina who's holding out a cookie.
"Uh, yeah, thanks."
"They're from Rachel," Tina explains. "She baked them to say thanks for the thing with Jesse and since you helped me with the DVD, I figured you should have some too."
"Oh cool, thanks."
"Yeah."
"So she liked it?"
"I guess so," Tina replies. "I haven't actually spoken to her about it. These were apparently left on our doorstep."
"Weird."
"Kinda. Yeah."
…
By the time first period is over, Puck's already demolished his cookies. His bro makes the best peanut butter chocolate chip cookies ever. He sends a quick text telling her how awesome they were, but doesn't get a response. He just shrugs. She's probably ”thanking” Santana or something.
…
"Where do you guys keep getting cookies?" Kurt asks Tina and Artie.
"Rachel."
"Where are our cookies?" Mercedes asks.
"They're thank you cookies," Tina explains.
"Yeah," Artie continues. "We helped out and so we got thank you cookies."
"Hmph, girl could spread the love a bit," Mercedes mutters.
"You want one?" Tina asks. She hands one to Kurt and one to Mercedes.
Both accept them grudgingly.
"Do I even want to know what favors you performed for Miss Berry?" Kurt questions.
"AV assistance," Artie supplies. "I set up a camera."
"I made a DVD," Tina answers.
"So no cookies for us then," Mercedes says.
…
It's lunchtime and Santana still hasn't heard from Rachel and what's more worrisome is her phone is turned off. It's possible her battery just died, but that still doesn't explain why she wasn't in second period. When Santana stopped by after class, Quinn had very rudely informed her that Rachel hadn't been in class.
Santana's checked in with everyone and no one's seen Rachel yet. Except for the cookies, Rachel's presence hasn't been felt all day.
It's mostly her phone being off that concerns Santana. Usually if Rachel's upset, she'll just ignore her cell, but she never turns it off. Something about always being available. for either emergencies or discoveries.
Santana's also pretty sure she's the only one who's worried. Both Puck and Brittany remind her that Rachel Berry can easily take care of herself. They try distracting her with talk of the revenge on Jesse or the stupid stunt the hockey team attempted earlier, but she's too distracted. All she can think of are various horror movie plots. What if the crazy guy in the sewer got her while she was delivering cookies?
Brittany finally gets fed up and drags Santana to Rachel's locker at the end of lunch. Britt then picks the locker and begins digging in the locker for clues.
Santana's eyes are drawn to the envelope on the top shelf with just an S on it. Grabbing it, she finds it unsealed and pulls out a note.
S, I'm fine. Stop worrying so much. I'll call you this evening. R
"See?" Brittany says, after reading over Santana's shoulder. "I told you there was nothing to worry about."
"How about the fact that she really may be psychic?" Santana counters.
"I'm cool with it."
…
Puck finds it odd that he hasn't actually seen Rachel yet. It's after lunch and he just assumed he'd see her by now. Whether it would be a thank you or a beratement, he hadn't known, but Rachel Berry always makes her presence known.
The super awesome cookies, while to many seem like a thank you, are in fact, just an acknowledgement. Rachel doesn't believe in revenge; she's quite vehement about it, actually. However, she still believes in recognizing gestures even if she doesn't agree with them
Puck figures he'll hear about it eventually. He tries to shrug it off until the inevitable confrontation and just be glad he got cookies.
…
"So how come you're freaking out?" Brittany asks Santana after Cheerios practice.
"Lots of reasons. Rachel doesn't usually skip. If she's not coming to school, she always lets me know the myriad of reasons why. She never turns her phone off."
"Oh."
"But mostly I'm worried about the whole Jesse thing. Rachel doesn't believe in revenge and I kinda think she's pissed, that's why her phone's off. I mean, yeah I guess I could have put a stop to it, but I've been wanting to do something to that douche since last year. And Rachel might have let the shaving part go, but I think we might have went too far."
"You can just say it was all my idea," Brittany supplies.
"We recorded everything, Britt, remember?"
"Dilemma then."
"Yeah, it kinda is."
"It'll be fine, S," Brittany tells her. "She's not going to break up with you for defending her honor. Besides, if she was, why would she give you cookies?"
"Because she's Rachel," Santana replies, sullenly.
"Then she wouldn't have left a note," Brittany tries.
"I guess."
"You worry too much, San," Brittany says.
"I'll just feel better once I talk to her," Santana explains.
…
Rachel spends the morning thinking. She's not angry, just concerned. The fact that they didn't bother hiding their identities, except for Tina, means Jesse knows exactly who tortured him. And while he might not be actively retaliating, he does believe in people getting what's coming to them. She hopes he doesn't call the police.
She's baked him some cookies as well. She hopes they'll at least convince him to talk to her.
She has to knock and ring the doorbell for over five minutes before the door is yanked open.
"I wondered if you'd show up," he sneers.
Rachel holds up the plate of cookies.
"Come in then."
She follows him into the kitchen and sits at the table. He goes the refrigerator and returns with a glass of milk and a bottle of water, which he hands to Rachel. He sits himself, unwraps the chocolate chips cookies and takes a large bite.
Rachel slowly opens her water, trying not to stare. Jeese's wearing a baseball cap, a sight she's never seen and the fact that he's now bald is clearly evident.
"I assume you're here to plead on behalf of your avengers."
"I wanted to apologize for their actions," Rachel explains. "While I don't agree with what they did, I do appreciate it. However, I do believe they went too far; with the piercing for example."
"And the crucification?"
"I haven't decided," Rachel replies. "Though the being left out overnight part is definitely going too far."
"So what?" Jesse asks. "You're dating Puckerman again? And he got his lackeys to revenge his latest play toy?"
"While your anger is justified, I don't appreciate your word choice, Jesse. And no, I'm not dating Noah."
"Then what?"
"We've become… friends this year and so they now feel it's their job to defend me."
"A bit late."
"It's never too late to defend someone's honor."
"You do know it's not the nineteenth century," Jesse says. "Defend your honor?"
"Jesse, I'll be straight with you. After the whole incident, I had no intention of ever willingly interacting with you ever again, but once again, my choices have been taken away from me. That being said, I've forgiven you for your transgressions against me."
"Lucky me," he snarks.
Ignoring him, Rachel continues. "However, I don't feel bad for you if others take actions against you. Something similar, though not as severe, should have been done sooner. Not for the egging, though the fact that you killed all those little chicks to torture me is completely unacceptable, but for the fact that you tried to take my greatest gift from me while following Shelby's orders." Rachel sighs. "Though I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. A performance is a performance. We're too similar for me to not understand that."
"So why the hell are you here?"
"To make sure you're not going to press charges against them."
"They're the morons that didn't bother to disguise themselves or their voices."
"Jesse."
"And why shouldn't I?" he continues. "They kidnapped me. They abused me. They shaved my entire body and then pierced me. If that doesn't deserve criminal charges, I don't know what does."
"You're not pressing charges," Rachel says. "You're going to let it go and we will file it under the whole disaster that was our relationship. We've both been humiliated. Vocal Adrenaline won Regionals and you've moved onto your big next step. There's no need to drag this out. Besides, do you really want more people to know you've been shaved and pierced? And that, more than likely, you were taken out by cheerleaders? Because I promise you that if you pursue this in a legal capacity, I will make sure everyone knows. They'll know everything you don't want people to know."
"You don't scare me."
"I have more dirt on you than you me," Rachel tells him. "And a lot has changed this past year. I've modified my views on the world. You only have yourself to blame for that."
"Oh please," Jesse scoffed.
"For example," Rachel continues. "You've already eaten three of those cookies. Did you ever stop and consider what I might have done to those cookies? As you're aware, I'm a superb baker and an intense researcher. There are a number of things I could have done to those that would make you very unhappy."
Having taken a bite of a fourth cookie, Jesse hurries to the sink and quickly spits the chewed up bits out.
"What the fuck, Rachel?!"
"So maybe you should take me a bit more seriously when I tell you to drop this."
Jesse glances back and forth between Rachel and the plate of cookies. He can only stare at the serene, but eerie look on her face as she waits for his response. At the moment, he almost doesn't recognize her.
"Fine," he says. "I'll drop it, but just this once. If one of your freaks ever lays a hand on me ever again, the consequences will be very harsh."
Rachel nods. "Good. We'll I'll leave you be." She stands. "Don't worry, I can find my way out. Good bye Jesse. And I didn't do anything to the cookies," she tells him before leaving.
…
"Where the hell have you been all day?" Santana exclaims when Rachel shows up at her house later.
"I took a personal day."
"You couldn't have called?"
"Apparently not," Rachel replies wryly.
"You're mad at me," Santana observes. "I was freaked out all morning, and you're mad at me."
"You don't think you went a little too far with the whole Jesse thing."
"We just got caught up in the moment."
"You left him crucified in just boxers over night," Rachel points out.
"He deserved it for egging you," Santana explains. "It isn't just that he egged you, cause that is definitely not cool. But that they maliciously picked something they knew would upset you as a vegan, makes it worse. Plus he spent all that time trying to get into your pants when he was just Corcoran's mole? It was justice. Besides, once B chloroformed him, there was no going back."
"I should have known it was Britt who started the whole thing," Rachel says. "That explains a lot."
"What? So now it's okay that B started it?" Santana questions. "Some days I think you like her better than me.
"Don't be ridiculous," Rachel replies. "Of course I like her better than you. I thought you knew that already."
Santana can only gape.
"Oh don't be like that," Rachel continues. "I was just kidding."
"Well I don't like you anymore," Santana says.
"And it's not okay just because Brittany started it. I just understand things better now."
"So what's the problem?"
"No problem." Rachel sighs. "You're lucky he's not pressing charges."
"He wouldn't dare."
Rachel shakes her head in disbelief. "Sometimes I think you forget that your powers at McKinley don't always extend into the real world."
"Maybe mine don't," Santana agrees. "But Coach's definitely do."
"Perhaps, but that means you would have had to go to her first," Rachel says. "To ask her to confront him."
"What for? He obviously didn't go to the police."
"But he was going to."
"You talked to him?!"
"I visited him, actually," Rachel tells her.
"What the fuck for?"
"To make sure he wasn't going to press charges. And give him some "I'm Sorry" cookies."
"You made him cookies?!"
"How can you possibly be mad about me giving him cookies?" Rachel asks.
"Because he doesn’t deserve an apology. He deserves to get his ass kicked."
"And having his entire body shaved wasn't enough?"
"No."
"And the piercings?"
"Still not enough."
"Well, trust me, they were vital to my case," Rachel says.
"What? You placated him with delicious cookies and begged him not to turn us in?" Santana spits out. "I don't understand you. At all."
"Actually, that's not even near to what happened," Rachel replies.
"You better not have blown him."
"Why would you go there?"
"Why are you being so secretive?"
"Why are you being so defensive?"
"Why shouldn't I?" Santana asks. "It's obvious you're pissed at me."
"When did I say that?"
"Well, I'm pissed at you. For groveling to that bastard."
"Perhaps I'm agitated that you would think that. Rachel Berry does not grovel."
"Then what? You went over there with cookies and then kicked his ass?"
"Don't be absurd."
"Then what?" Santana growls. "What could have possibly happened when you went over there that convinced him not to call the cops?"
"That's none of your business."
"Of course it's my business! You're my girlfriend. Who went over to your douche bag ex's house and gave him cookies. If this was a rom com, he'd be calling you tomorrow to go out."
"Well then thank god it isn't a movie," Rachel replies.
"So you're really not going to tell me?"
"Why is it so important that you know?"
"Why won't you tell me?" Santana counters.
"I'd just rather not talk about it."
Santana growls in frustration. "See it's statements like that, that make me suspicious."
Rachel sighs. "I realize the implications of the statement, but I had hoped that our history and the trust you have in me would be enough, that maybe we wouldn't have to talk about this right now."
"Well, apparently you were wrong."
"Then maybe I should go."
"Maybe you should."
Rachel shoots Santana a longing look for a moment and then stomps out.
…
On the way back to her house, Rachel acknowledges to herself that she may have over reacted. She does have a tendency to do that, especially in relationships. In a lot of ways, she and Santana are too similar; ruthless tenacity being the most obvious at the moment.
The truth is, Rachel isn't entirely comfortable with the fact that she deceived Jesse into thinking she might have poisoned him. She knows she's capable, earlier actions aside, she's always known. But she's still bothered by this knowledge. In addition, keeping up her bravado in front of Jesse when all she really wanted to do was tearfully ask him why and possibly hit him was draining. However, she knows that it would not have ended well and protecting her friends would have been less likely.
Afterwards all she had wanted to do was be with her girlfriend. She certainly hadn't been prepared for a fight, though perhaps she should have been. Santana lashes out when she feels threatened and Rachel can see how her actions would affect her girlfriend. It's just unfortunate, because Rachel really needs some time to process before she explains to Santana what she did to ensure there isn't any police involvement. Seeing Jesse just brought up too many memories and the emotion related.
Making it home and flopping onto her bed, Rachel realizes she's exhausted; so much for the personal day. It certainly didn't relax her; if anything, it had the opposite effect. If she wasn't so committed to her academic endeavors, she would skip tomorrow as well. McKinley doesn't require a note from a parent until the fourth day, so she'd be safe in that respect. Still, it galls her to skip school, so she resigns herself to going.
…
Santana paces her room for almost five minutes after Rachel leaves; that in itself being a surprise. She hadn't expected Rachel to walk out. They've said similar things to each other before, but usually the other person just ignores it and keeps pushing until the issue is resolved. It's probably why, despite their matched levels of stubbornness, they're still together.
This is the first time she's doubted that fact, though. Maybe because Rachel walked out.
She wishes she knew what caused her, admittedly, slight overreaction. Jealousy probably. She's a possessive person. Everyone knows that. Rachel knows that more than most. If she would have just told Santana what happened, they could be doing any number of more pleasurable things, instead of sulking separately.
Fed up with the situation, Santana grabs her cell phone and stares at it for a long moment before dialing.
…
Rachel is laying on her bed, eyes closed when her bedroom door opens. She assumes it's one of her fathers, though neither is due home for hours. She keeps her eyes closed and waits for him to speak.
Instead, there's the quiet hum of movement and a weight joins her on the bed.
"I know you're not sleeping, Rach," Brittany says.
Rachel doesn’t open her eyes. "How'd you get in?"
"I picked the lock, silly," Brittany tells her.
"It's very reassuring that our neighbors might have possibly seen you do that and did nothing to assist," Rachel comments.
"It's the cheerleading outfit," Brittany replies. "I’m very non threatening."
"Looks can be deceiving. Not that I'm complaining, but what are you doing here?"
"Santana called me--"
"Did she?"
"--and once she was done ranting, I decided to come over and see you."
"Thanks, I guess."
Brittany lays down next to Rachel. "I was worried you were mad at us when you didn't show up at school today."
"Not mad, exactly. I suppose I just needed some time to process."
"And stop Jesse from calling the police."
"That too."
"That was really nice, but you didn't have to," Brittany replies. "I had a plan if we got in trouble."
"Oh?"
"Yes. I was going to take full credit and play the dumb blond card. Tina never spoke, Jesse didn't know we filmed it and I'd just claim Puck and Santana were just there to scare him. That they left before anything else happened and they assumed I'd just let him sleep it off and let him go."
"You don't think your apparent ability to shave and pierce someone would counter that? Not to mention your skill at crucifying."
"I figured between being blond, the Cheerios outfit and Coach Sylvester I'd be fine," Brittany replies.
Rachel stares at Brittany for a full minute. The blonde knows because she counts. She braces herself for judgments.
"We should definitely pull a prank together, sometime," Rachel says.
"Awesome."
…
Santana feels slightly better after she talks with Brittany. She owes her girl an apology. Hopefully Rachel will hear her out. She also wonders when Brittany became so insightful. Probably Rachel. It's certainly the reason Brittany used the word laconic the other day.
The entire situation is fucked up; the revenge felt great, but it wasn't worth all this. The sooner it's over, the better Santana will feel. She'd try apologizing tonight, but Santana's not sure if she'd be well received. She'll just stop by before school and try then.
…
Santana couldn't sleep any longer, so even though it's only five in the morning, she's dressed and heading over to the Berry house. She hopes they'll have enough time to fight, apologize and have make up sex before school. Rachel will try to argue she needs to exercise and Santana will counter that sex is definitely an aerobic activity and they'll banter back and forth until Rachel feigns reluctance and gives in.
Except when she gets there, Santana finds Rachel isn't alone in bed. She can't tell who it is exactly, because the pair is buried under the blankets, but it is definitely obvious that there are two people in bed.
Beyond angry, Santana stalks over to the bed and rips the covers off.
Only to find Rachel and Brittany, adorably intertwined and blinkingly looking up at her.
"San?" Brittany asks. "What's going on?"
"You're rather early," Rachel manages, yawning.
"How do you figure that? Maybe you two just overslept."
"I have an excellent internal clock, Santana, you know that," Rachel says. "Also? It's still kind of dark out."
"Rach's alarm isn't going off for a while yet," Brittany yawns. She then tugs Santana until she falls on the bed and begins stripping her.
"She's right," Rachel adds, yanking off a shoe. "Might as well join the party."
"Fine." Santana shrugs them off and stands. She strips down to her underwear and slips in behind Rachel. "Aren't you mad at me?"
"Sleep," Rachel replies. "Cuddle now. Fight later."
…
When Rachel's alarm goes off almost two hours later, Rachel coaxes the other two out of bed and downstairs for some breakfast. All three munch on fruit and sip coffee, still not really speaking.
Brittany is waiting for the fighting to start; she knows it will, it's just a matter of when.
Santana is wary. While she's not glad that Rachel is completely ignoring her, she's still bracing herself for a fight. Though she can admit that the blame is evenly split this time; having time to cool off helps make some things more clear.
Rachel know she'll have to explain everything soon. She hopes Santana understands her reluctance, especially since now that she's had time to ponder everything, she feels that her actions were acceptable in the situation.
The trio leave for school in Santana's car, still relatively quiet. The drive there is spent listening to music Brittany has chosen and even though there's tension in the car, no one mentions it.
Before Santana and Brittany link pinkies and disappear on her, Rachel intertwines her fingers with Santana's and pulls her close.
"We'll talk over lunch?"
Santana nods.
"Good," Rachel says. She chastely kisses her and the gives Brittany a peck on the cheek before skipping into McKinley.
…
Rachel finds Noah and Tina, separately and thanks them in person. Both comment on her absence the day before, but she simply brushes it off as being sick. She's not sure if any of them believe her, but they let it go.
She's glad for this because she wants to put the entire incident behind them and possibly pretend like it never happened.
As soon as her discussion with Santana about it is over, she's never going to think about it again.
…
They decide to meet in Santana's car because it will afford them the most privacy.
Santana, to both their surprises, starts first.
"I might have over reacted yesterday," she admits. "It's just… I’m still so pissed off about what he did. Even back then, I was; I just didn't fully understand why. And thinking that you were over there, making nice with him, was just too much for me."
"I should have explained everything more clearly," Rachel replies. "I felt guilty about the means I used to ensure Jesse wouldn't call the police. And I wasn't ready to talk about it."
"Why would you feel guilty?"
"Because I told him I poisoned the cookies," Rachel says. "He ate several right away just as I assumed he would. And then, when he wouldn't listen to reason, I threw some crazy in there. It worked, but I'm not particularly proud of what I did."
"Oh."
"Most of the time, I love being a secretive badass, your secretive badass, but this time, I was worried I went too far. Protecting you, Noah and Brittany is definitely a valid reason, but I was just afraid I crossed a line."
"And you needed time to think about it," Santana finishes.
"I did," Rachel nods.
"Not to be critical, but then why did you come over? Why didn't you just go home and crash?"
"I wanted to see you," Rachel replies. "I hadn't seen you all day and I guess I missed you."
"Awww."
"It's so stupid," Rachel sulks. "I should be able to go a whole day without seeing you."
"But what if I don't want you to?"
"I don't want to either," Rachel says. "But I should be able to."
"What happened to us making it up as we go along?" Santana asks. "If you wanna see me, then you see me. It should be that simple."
"I thought we didn't want to become too codependent," Rachel points out.
"Maybe not," Santana shrugs. "But it's already happened, so might as well embrace it. Right?"
"I guess."
"So are we done fighting?" Santana asks. "Can we move on to the hot make up sex?
Rachel chuckles. "Do we have enough time?" They both check the dashboard clock.
"We'll make time," Santana says.
"I cannot miss anymore classes due to your sexual needs."
"Hey, you started it."
"You started it."
"I'm pretty sure it was you, Berry."
"Keep this up and I'm exiting this car immediately."
"No way," Santana replies. "You want it as bad as me."
"Shut up and kiss me already."
…
Friday night Puck drags Rachel to a party. He tells her it's been way too long since they've truly partied together. Rachel points out they've never really partied together.
"Then that's something we've got to change, bro," Puck replies. "I got some excellent booze and it's super close to your house so we can just walk back. We both can totally get our drink on."
"You know I'm not an enthusiastic beer drinker, Noah."
"I've got you covered bro. Trust me."
"Did you seduce the woman at the liquor store?"
"No. But I did bang the sister of a guy who works at the liquor store," Puck answers.
"Never change, Noah."
…
Noah drags Rachel into the kitchen when they arrive. He mixes her a drink and opens an expensive looking bottle of beer and stashes the rest deep in the refrigerator.
"Just try it," he shouts over the music.
Tentatively she takes a sip. It's not bad.
"Well?"
"It's drinkable."
"That'a girl," Noah says, dragging her into the living room.
"What is this?"
"The chick called it After Five," Noah shouts. "She said it was good for people who don't drink much."
Noah sees some jocks he has to carouse with and so Rachel sinks onto the couch. Sipping her drink, she looks around. Mike catches her eye and waves. She waves back. It isn't too long before she, Mike, Artie and Tina are conversing, taking up the whole couch.
Maybe it's the liquor talking, but Rachel's having a good time. Sure she's not necessarily talking to anyone new, but no one's tried to bully her or anything, so she's considering that progress.
"Treasure Trail!"
It seems she spoke too soon, or whatever.
Rachel, Mike, Tina and Artie look up at an irate Quinn Fabray.
"Yes Quinn?"
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"In attempt to avoid stating the obvious, what does it look like?"
"You know what?" Quinn says. "I’m sick of you and your attitude."
"You're allowed your opinion Quinn."
"Just because you're willing to let Santana do whatever the hell she wants to you in bed, you think you have all the power at school?"
"Uh…"
"No fucking way, Stubbles," Quinn continues. "I rule McKinley. And I will until the day I graduate. I had a fucking baby and I'm still top dog. You date a multitude of popular people and you're still just one step up from JewFro."
"Once again, Quinn, you're allowed your opinion."
"No. No more of that patronizing BS you've been giving me. You and me are throwing down."
"We're what?"
"She's challenging you," Artie whispers.
"Oooh, like a duel?" Rachel whispers back. "How very--"
"Pay attention Midget," Quinn interrupts. "So are we doing this?"
"Of course."
"Good."
"With conditions," Rachel says.
"What? No way in hell--"
"Then I won't participate, Quinn," Rachel replies. "It doesn't matter to me. This is only important to you."
"You're a manipulative little bitch, you know that, right?"
"Hey kettle? This is the pot. You're black."
"So what's the challenge going to be?" Tina interrupts before Quinn strangles Rachel.
"Rapiers at dawn?" Rachel suggests.
"Don’t be ridiculous, Johnny 5. With your knowledge of most things sharp, I'm not letting you near me with a sword."
Well, I'm sure we can come up with something appropriate that we can execute Monday," Rachel says.
"No way, we're doing this here and now," Quinn snaps.
"We're at a party. What would you suggest Quinn?"
The head Cheerio glances around the room frantically before finally saying, "A drinking contest."
"Are you serious?"
"As a heart attack."
"Fine," Rachel replies after an intense stare down.
"Quinn challenging Rachel to a drinking contest is like a cow challenging a horse to a standing upright contest," Mike quips.
"Did you just call me fat?" Quinn growls.
"Course not."
"Dude, your metaphors suck," Artie says.
"Your metaphors suck," Mike replies.
"That makes no sense," Artie tells him.
"You make no sense."
"Both of you be quiet," Tina says. "I gotta see this."
They all stand and follow Rachel who is following Quinn into the kitchen.
"What do you suggest we drink?" Rachel asks.
And suddenly out of nowhere, Puck appears. He wraps his arms around them both. "Looking for alcohol suggestions? I'm your man."
"Get your hands off me manwhore. I've challenged Berry to a drinking contest."
Puck laughs. Loudly. After a moment, Rachel punches him in the shoulder and he stops.
"Can I make a suggestion?"
"We're listening."
"Irish Car Bombs," Puck says. "It'll decide a victor very quickly."
"You can't be serious man," Mike says. "That'll annihilate them both."
"It'll decide a winner very quickly," Puck agrees. "I figured that would make both ladies happy."
"I just want to get this ridiculousness over with," Rachel adds.
"Afraid, Berry?"
"Course not, Fabray," Rachel replies. "It's just I have better things to do than deal with you tonight."
"Yeah, like her girlfriend," Brittany pipes up behind Rachel.
"Hey, Britt."
"Whatcha guys doing?"
"Quinn challenged Rachel to a drinking contest," Tina tells her.
"Awesome. Can I join in?"
Rachel shrugs. "If you want."
"I don't see the harm," Quinn agrees.
"Okay. Three Irish Car Bombs. Coming up," Puck says, gleefully.
By now a small crowd has gathered as each girl sits at the kitchen table. Everyone watches as Puck pours three mugs of Guinness and three shot glasses with Bailey's and Jamieson. He sets each pair in front of each girl.
"Okay, for those who don't know. You drop the shot in the beer and chug. And the longer it takes, the worse it tastes because the Bailey's curdles. We'll do as many rounds as it takes before someone backs down. Any questions?"
"This isn't vegan is it?" Rachel asks.
"You're gonna use your stupid diet as an excuse, Man Hands?"
"Fine, Quinn, you're going down," Rachel says quietly.
"Okay then. Three. Two. One. Drink."
The crowd watches as all three girls drop the shots into the mugs and begin drinking.
Brittany finishes first, which no one is surprised about. Rachel is second and that they do find surprising. Quinn is just a gulp behind her though and slams her mug down just a moment after Rachel.
"Round two!" someone shouts.
They push their glasses forward and Puck begins making more.
"That was extremely unpleasant," Rachel says as she watches Puck pour Guinness.
"Backing down, are we Berry?"
"As if I'd hand victory over to you so easily."
"I've been drinking a lot longer than you have."
"And I've been taught by the best," Rachel replies, pointing to Puck.
"Round two, ladies." Puck pushes the glasses and shots towards them. "Three. Two. One. Drink."
Once again, all three girls drop the shot in the glass and begin chugging. Brittany finishes first with Rachel just behind her as Quinn is still just a gulp behind.
"What the fuck is going on?" Santana asks, pushing through the crowd.
"It's like that show, Man vs. Food, except you know, with alcohol," Finn explains. "And more people."
"Quinn challenged Rachel," Tina tells Santana.
"And the only thing she could think of was a drinking contest," Artie continues.
"But then they were both stupid," Mike adds. "And let Puck pick the poison."
Quinn looks rather green as Puck mixes another round. Just as he's pouring the Jamieson onto the Bailey's, she jumps up and runs out of the room.
"One down," Puck announces. "Finish this and you're the winner, bro." He pushes the glass and shot towards Rachel and Brittany.
While Brittany grabs for both, Rachel can only stare. Silence actually falls over the kitchen as they try to figure out what she's doing.
"I can't," Rachel says finally. "I…just can't. Bad idea."
As she's saying this, Brittany finishes her and slams down the mug.
"Suck it loser," she crows.
"Britt be nice to me," Rachel groans. "I'm very, very, very, very, very--" Brittany smacks her on the back. "Drunk."
Now that the show is over, the crowd begins to disperse.
"And neither Quinn or Rachel won," Mike points out.
"Quinn's gonna be pissed later," Tina says.
"Son of a bitch!" Santana exclaims. "She's going to be a colossal bitch until this gets figured out."
"Well then she should have waited until she was sober to suggest anything," Puck says.
"San? Is that you?" Rachel calls out.
"Course it is, babe."
"I'm drunk."
"I figured. Car Bombs will do that to a gal, especially one who doesn't drink."
"And I didn't win," Rachel pouts.
"Ah, that's okay, babe," Santana replies. "You win at other things."
…
Rachel wakes up in a tangled mess of bodies feeling hung over. Looking around, she sees a bottle of water and some aspirin on her side table. If she could only reach them over the pile of people she's wrapped up in.
Five awkward minutes later, she's free and feeling more hung over. She pops four aspirin and drinks most of the water before crawling back into the huddle and falling asleep.
…
"It's not over," Brittany says later while the four eat breakfast.
"Of course not," Santana adds. "Q can't let things go. It's almost like she enjoys beating a dead horse."
"Where would Quinn get a horse?" Brittany asks.
"I agree actually," Rachel says. "But I'm not going to worry about it. I'm not scared of Quinn."
"You shouldn't," Puck says. "Not with us getting your back."
"Yes, well, as comforting as that may be, please don't kidnap and shave Quinn. I'm not sure she'd do well bald."
Santana starts laughing. "Sorry. I just pictured it."
"Coach would have a fit," Brittany adds.
…
During lunch on Monday, Quinn seeks out Rachel. She finds her having lunch with Artie, Tina, Kurt, Mercedes and Brittany.
"We still have a score to settle, Dwarf," Quinn says.
"I would think your vomit would make me the winner," Rachel replies. ” I at least managed to keep it all down. You didn't."
"Technically I won," Brittany interjects. "I drank three. You guys only had two."
"I suppose that's true, but it doesn't help with our current dilemma," Rachel tells Brittany.
"Oh. Right. How about pistols at dawn?"
"Tempting," Quinn says.
"I'd rather not kill Quinn, though, Brittany," Rachel says.
"How do you know I won't shoot you first?" Quinn asks.
"Oh Quinn, everyone knows that I'm better than you at everything," Rachel smiles sweetly.
"Vicious little bitch," Quinn growls.
"You can dish it out, but not take it, eh, Fabray?" Rachel mocks.
"At least I speak the truth, Hobbit," Quinn snaps.
"What about a baking contest?" Tina interrupts before Quinn strangles Rachel.
"No."
"That would be unfair," Rachel adds. "My baking is near perfection."
Quinn scoffs.
"Jealously does not become you, Quinn."
"How about a silence contest?" Quinn suggests. "Whoever can keep quiet the longest winds."
"Seriously?"
"You're only suggesting that because you think Rachel talks too much," Brittany says.
"And?"
"Oooh, can we also have a staring contest?" Rachel asks, mockingly. "Or better yet we could thumb wrestle."
"Keep your sarcasm to yourself, Oompaloompa," Quinn snaps. "I don't hear you coming up with any ideas."
"Archery."
Everyone at the table just stares at her.
"For reals?" Mercedes asks.
"Why would we let you two near each other with weapons?" Kurt continues.
"Didn't you say, no sharp objects?" Artie finishes.
"Arrows certainly aren't the same as a rapier," Rachel tells them. "Besides, neither one of us knows how and it should be simple enough to determine who's won. Both are key elements to this competition."
"She's not wrong," Tina says.
"Especially," Rachel continues. "The more witnesses we have. If we get our fellow glee clubers to join us, say tomorrow at lunch, we can have this all decided in a mere twenty-four hours time."
"Fine," Quinn agrees."
"Good. I'll let everyone know to be outside tomorrow for lunch," Rachel says.
…
"You're seriously going to have an archery contest with Quinn?" Santana asks Rachel that evening.
"What choice do I have? She's not going to let it go, remember?"
"Still. Archery."
"I didn't hear you suggesting anything," Rachel replies.
"Hey, I'm staying out of this little grudge match," Santana replies. "Q's got this insane agenda and it's probably better if I just stay out of it."
"Wuss."
"Can you blame me?" Santana asks. "You two in complete bitch mode is way intense. Sometimes it's just easier to stay out of the way and enjoy the spectacle of carnage."
Rachel sighs. "I suppose that's true. Still, I'd appreciate it if your neutrality wasn't so apparent."
"I'm not wearing a Team Rachel t-shirt."
"What about a hat?"
"Why are you asking questions you already know the answer to?"
…
Tuesday during third period, the glee kids all receive texts from Rachel reminding them they need to appear outside on the football field during lunch. It continues to say that if they don't show up, there will be dire consequences.
What Rachel doesn't realize is that there's no need to cajole the others to show up. Watching Quinn and Rachel go toe to toe is incredibly entertaining. Both Artie and Tina plan on bringing popcorn, in fact. Puck is taking bets on who'll win this whole crazy competition; it's fairly close.
…
"So how are we doing this, Berry?" Quinn asks once everyone arrives.
It's lunchtime and everyone is gathered on the football field. Rachel has set up two targets and measured out what she feels is an appropriate distance for beginners. She has a large quiver of arrows and two bows.
The other glee members are surrounding them in a semi circle, anxious to see the drama unfold.
"I procured these instructions for us, if you would just read over this one, I will do the same with mine," Rachel replies.
Both quickly scan over the information. Brittany reads them over Rachel's shoulder.
"That's it?" Quinn exclaims, once she's done with the two page packet.
"It's enough to keep us from injuring ourselves or others or damaging anything," Rachel explains.
"I didn't see you with any suggestions," Santana says.
"Whatever. Let's just get this over with."
"Quinn, if you don't wish to do this, I'm sure we can find another way to--"
"Save it, Berry. It's fine."
"So I think it's best if we each get five shots. We can both go at the same time and compare."
"Fine."
Quinn picks up a bow and experiments with it, getting use to holding it. She then grabs an arrow and steps up to the line. Rachel does the same.
"Whenever you're ready, Quinn," Rachel says. "We don't need to shoot at the same time."
"Shut up, Berry. I'm trying to concentrate."
"My apologies then."
As Quinn continues to attempt her bow and aim, Rachel calmly draws back the bow and lets go. Seeing this out of the corner of her eye, Quinn mutters to herself as she quickly lets go.
Both girls hit the target, neither near the center. Both repeat the process; though Quinn takes longer to aim and fire, while Rachel does the entire process smoothly, but incredibly slowly. It's a strange thing to watch.
When all five arrows have been shot, everyone looks to the bullseyes. None are near the center. And while the arrows aren't mirror images of each other, each target looks oddly like the other.
"There's no clear winner," Tina says.
"I agree," Rachel says.
"What?" Quinn exclaims. "This arrow is closer to the target than yours."
"Perhaps," Rachel allows. "But this one of mine is closer than that one of yours. Wouldn't you say?"
Everyone murmurs their agreement.
"Fine," Quinn huffs. "We'll try something else."
Rachel pulls out the arrows and everyone walks back to bows.
"Can I try?" Brittany asks.
"Of course."
Everyone quickly moves behind the line as Brittany picks up a bow and arrow. She copies what she saw Quinn and Rachel do and then lets go.
The arrow lands with a thump next to the bullseye.
"Is that good?" Brittany asks.
Rachel smacks Brittany on the arm. "You know it is," she whispers.
"Holy shit," Puck mutters.
"How'd you do that?" Mercedes asks.
Brittany shrugs. "I just aimed it at the target. Does this mean I win? Again?"
Rachel shakes her head. "What else should we attempt, Quinn?"
Still a bit dazed by Brittany's shot, Quinn just mumbles, "I don't know. Something simple."
"What about a javelin throwing contest?" Mike suggests.
"What?"
"I can get us some and we can do it after school."
"What about glee?" Kurt asks.
"We'll just have a shortened practice," Rachel says
"Who are you?" Mercedes asks.
"And what have you done with Rachel Berry?" Kurt finishes.
"There's nothing we need to prepare for," Rachel explains. "And it shouldn't take too long. And the sooner this is over, the better. Right?"
Everyone mumbles half heartedly in agreement since they're enjoying the spectacle.
"All right then," Rachel says. "It's settled. Here after school. Mike will get the javelins?"
He nods.
"Okay. Until then, Quinn," Rachel says.
The group splits up and enjoys the rest of their lunch period.
…
"I still can't believe we're skipping glee," Santana says to Rachel as they walk towards the field.
"We're not skipping it completely," Rachel points out. "Besides, Quinn isn't going to let this go until it's been decided. And the sooner she backs off, the better."
"Did anyone tell Mr. Schue?" Brittany asks.
"He'll figure it out when no one shows," Rachel replies. "Besides, he's never on time. We might actually beat him there, still."
Mike, Puck and Finn are already there when they arrive. There are two javelins on the ground and a white line drawn.
"Hey guys."
"Thanks for getting those," Rachel tells Mike.
"No prob. No one's using them at the moment, anyway."
When everyone's finally there, Rachel lays out the plan.
"We'll take turns and the farthest one wins. We each get two throws. Is that all right with you, Quinn?"
"Sounds fine. I'm going first."
She grabs a javelin, measures off some steps and readies herself. They all watch as Quinn takes several running steps and releases. It's wobbly, but flies. It lands several yards away. She then picks up the second one and repeats the process. This one goes a bit further.
"So now what?" Puck asks.
"Simple," Rachel replies. "We keep the farthest one out there and I use the other."
"But you get two throws," Finn points out.
"I realize this Finn," Rachel replies. "If my first shot is short, I'll just retrieve it and retry. If it sails past Quinn's, I won't need a second shot."
"Oh. Right." Finn trots out and grabs the closest javelin.
Rachel accepts it from him and measures out her steps. She too takes several running steps and releases. It's less wobbly, but lacks height, so it falls short of Quinn's.
Finn runs out and retrieves it.
Rachel's second shot is done with a more determined look. It sails through the air smoothly and lands just past Quinn's.
Santana and Puck let out a whoop of joy as a smile develops on Rachel's face.
"No way," Quinn interrupts.
"Don't be bitter, Fabray," Santana says. "We can all see it went further."
"So what?" Quinn counters. "Her foot went over the line, so it's a foul."
"It certainly did not," Rachel replies. "It touched the line, but did not go over."
"Your foot isn't even supposed to touch the line, Berry. The last throw doesn't count."
"Then she gets another one," Finn suggests.
"That's not how it works, Finn," Quinn snaps. "We each get two throws. No extra."
"Your foot is allowed to touch the line as long as it doesn't go over, Quinn," Rachel says.
"It isn't."
"It is."
"It isn't."
"It is."
"It isn't."
"It is."
"It isn't."
"It is."
"It--"
"Oh my god," Kurt interrupts. "We'll just figure something else out. It's not like we haven't already."
"Yeah. I can't listen to you two argue anymore," Mercedes adds.
The others nod.
"Whatever," Quinn growls.
"Fine," Rachel agrees. "We better attend glee practice before Mr. Schue thinks we've all quit."
"He wouldn't think that, would he?" Finn asks as they start walking.
"Who cares?" Santana grumbles.
"Mr. Schue is very hard to read," Artie says.
"Yeah," Brittany adds. "He doesn't have any words on him anywhere."
Part 2