fic: Ink and Gossip
Title: Ink and Gossip
Author: slacker_d
Pairing/Characters: Rachel/Santana, Puck, Brittany, Quinn, Kurt, Mercedes, Tina, Artie, Will
Rating: R
Summary: "Why is everyone surprised that I don't like stupid, slutty girls draping themselves all over my girlfriend?"
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Word Count: ~4,000
Spoilers: Not really.
A/N: This one is for helionwolfchild whom I wrongly placed blame on in the A/N of the last story. I really do welcome ideas from any source.
2nd A/N:Since this is the 7th story, I figured I should probably name the damn thing. So here is the 7th installment of In Which People Underestimate Rachel and Santana Inadvertently Falls in Love
3rd A/N: Unbeta’ed, so all mistakes are mine.
Cuffed | Physics and Golf | The Student Becomes the Master | Breaking Into School is Easy to Do | Keeping Up Appearances | Games People Play
Rachel's incredibly relieved that it's Friday night and that it's just her and Noah. Ever since Michelle Jamieson, Santana has been a bit possessive. It's a complete 180 from when they first started dating where they pretty much ignored each other, unless Santana wanted to make out.
It probably doesn't help that Michelle is still randomly flirting with Rachel. It's usually just a wink while passing in the halls, but it's enough to irk Santana. Also, a few of the Cheerios have been extremely touchy feely lately. It's great for Rachel's ego, no so good for her relationship.
Now Santana is practically glued to Rachel's side. And since where ever Santana is, Brittany is, Rachel essentially has two Cheerio shaped shadows following her around. She feels like she hasn't had a moment alone.
Rachel was half expecting Santana to suggest cancelling their usual separate Friday nights instead of attending the Cheerios' party.
Thankfully, Brittany seemed to sense Rachel's exasperation and dragged Santana to the party, literally.
Rachel's also surprised that Noah hasn't suggested crashing the party. Maybe when he gets a bit more drunk.
…
Puck is astonished that Rachel is actually drinking tonight, really drinking. When she'd first told him to bring extra beer, he thought she was joking. And yet here they sit, getting smashed together like proper bros.
He knows Rachel's been having some issues with Santana and that it's most likely the reason for the drinking, but he's not complaining. He only hopes that they work out whatever's going on. He'd hate it if they broke up.
Oddly, Rachel's been rather quiet tonight. They're watching TV and it's obvious that she's not paying attention. Therefore, he's been waiting for the patented Rachel Berry monologue explaining the situation. They've been sitting and drinking for almost two hours and there hasn't really been a peep out of Rachel. It's a bit unnerving.
Puck bites the bullet and asks, "So how's it going with you and S?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
Puck blinks and then starts to scan the room. Rachel Berry doesn't want to talk about it? Is he being punk'd?
…
"Something's bothering you, Rach," Puck tries. "Just talk about it already. The wait's killing me."
Two hours later, Rachel is still eerily silent as she sips cheap beer.
"Then stop waiting," Rachel snaps back.
"C'mon," Puck says. "I'm your bro. I'm here to help."
Rachel sighs. "If I tell you, will you leave me alone?"
"Probably."
"Santana's driving me crazy."
"What?"
"She won't leave me alone," Rachel explains. "It used to be that we'd see each other between class, a bit at lunch and in glee. But now she and Britt follow me everywhere. I'm suffocating."
Puck laughs loudly.
"What are you laughing?" Rachel huffs.
"I just never thought I'd hear you say that about Santana."
"Yes, well, life is strange, isn't it?"
…
"…and now she won't lay off this whole tattoo thing," Rachel complains. "Which I don't understand. It's not like it can be anywhere people can see it. I have to think about my future acting career. I can't have a visible, distinguishable tattoo."
Two more beers later, talkative Rachel Berry has returned.
Puck shrugs. "Maybe she wants the commitment of a tattoo."
"So what? She doesn't trust me?" Rachel asks. "You'd think letting someone fist you would ensure a higher level of trust."
Puck spits out his beer. "Jeez, Berry, warn a guy before you say shit like that."
"Noah, that's disgusting. You're lucky you didn't get any on me."
"It's your fault," Puck replies. "You can't say that while I'm drinking and not expect a reaction."
"What am I going to do about Santana?"
"I think you should just get the damn tattoo," Puck tells her. "Just make her get one too."
"She did say she would," Rachel muses. "But there's no way we could get one without parental consent."
"So? Your dads would probably agree."
"I don't think Santana's mom would approve."
"But if you didn't need consent, would you?"
Rachel thinks about it. "Yes, I think I would. As long as she got one as well."
"Hold that thought," Puck says, pulling out his cell.
"Noah, what are you doing?"
"Solving your problem like a good bro should," Puck replies. "Hey, Nikki, it's Puck. Yeah. Yeah. I'm good. Listen, I need a favor."
…
Santana's feeling pretty good. It's been a tense week. She knows it's her own doing, but she's welcoming the relaxation that two long island ice teas can bring a person.
When Coach Sylvester first suggested they have a Cheerios bonding night sans her, Santana was skeptical. Yeah, the squad has only been at 99.7% verses their usual 110% this week, but that seems to happen every year about this time. Why is this year any different?
But for whatever reason, Quinn had jumped all over the idea. And if the captain approves, there's no use in fighting it.
And since it's happening on a Friday, she can't really complain about not being with Rachel, seeing as they wouldn't be together right now, anyway. Nonetheless, she was reluctant to attend. Which is probably why as soon as possible, B handed Santana the strongest drink available and ordered her to drink. Brittany was in fact so adamant about it that Santana has to wonder if her best friend is getting annoyed with her.
She wouldn't blame her. She isn't entirely sure where this crazy possessive person came from. So once she'd consumed the first long island, she eagerly grabbed another. Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all.
…
Another long island later and Santana is feeling no pain.
Therefore, it takes her a few moments to realize that she's received a text from Rachel. The message seems out of character, so Santana stares at her phone for a long moment before actually deciding to read it.
You need to be at my house ASAP. Or else.
That's odd. And not the usual verboseness, either.
cant smashed Santana carefully types back.
The reply is quick. I don't care. Figure it out.
Well, shit. That doesn't bode well.
Still, Santana knows Rachel will cut her off if she attempts to drive drunk, so she looks around for a solution. Most of the others are passed out or stumbling drunk. It's pathetic. No one can hold their liquor.
Then Santana's eyes land on their illustrious captain.
For obvious reasons, Quinn doesn't indulge anymore. Though Santana wonders who she thinks is going to get her pregnant at this party. But since Fabray seems to be the solution to her current predicament, Santana decides to hold back her insults.
"Having fun?" Santana asks after sauntering over to the couch where Quinn is perched.
"Oh yeah," Quinn replies. "A freaking blast."
"But you're sober, right?"
"Stop rubbing it in, Lopez."
"Good," Santana continues. "Because you're driving me and B to Berry's house, right now."
"What? No way."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm not a fucking taxi!"
"Language, Q," Santana slurs mockingly. "Besides, what else are you doing?"
Quinn sighs. "Fine. But we leave right now and if either of you throw up in my car, I'm leaving you on some random street."
…
Drunk Brittany is extra touchy feely. She and Santana are in the back seat and Brittany can't keep her hands to herself. Quinn wishes Brittany would stop hugging her. It's very distracting.
"What the hell couldn't wait until tomorrow?" Quinn asks Santana. "Oh god. This isn't a booty call is it?"
"Of course not. Why would I insist on B coming with?"
"I don't know," Quinn replies. "Maybe it's a threesome. You and Berry are freaks."
"It's not a booty call," Santana says. "I don't know what it's about. Rachel just demanded I come over.
Quinn laughs. "You are so whipped, Lopez."
"Shut up."
…
Puck answers the door. Santana and Brittany stumble in.
"Who drove you?"
"Who do you think?" Santana asks. "Drunken mistake. Too afraid to indulge."
"She didn't come in with you?"
"Quinn likes to pretend she still hates Rachel," Brittany offers.
"She would," Puck says. "Well, it's probably better she's gone, anyhow. C'mon."
Santana and Brittany follow Puck into the living room.
"What the hell is this all about, Puckerman?"
"Hi Rachel," Brittany chirps.
"What the fuck?" Santana growls.
Rachel is laying on the couch with her shirt up and pants undone. Hovering over her is a very tall, skinny redhead.
"Guys," Puck says. "This is Nikki. Nikki this is Brittany and Santana."
"Hey." Nikki doesn’t look up from her work as she continues to tattoo Rachel.
"She's getting the tattoo you've been pushing for, Lopez."
Santana blinks owlishly. "For real?"
"Totally."
"I figured we'd at least talk about what it be or whatever," Santana mumbles.
"You're getting one too," Puck continues.
"I am?"
"Yep. And don't worry," Puck says. "My bro's got it all figured out."
"So," Santana replies. "Can I see?"
"No way," Rachel says. "It's a surprise. You have to wait just like everyone else."
"Hmph. Well, can I at least know what mine is supposed to be?"
"No. Please recall my previous statement."
"Yay!" Brittany claps. "This is super exciting."
…
Immediately after Nikki's done with Rachel's, it's bandaged up and Rachel sits up.
"You're next," Nikki says.
"Okay," Santana replies. "I was thinking it should probably go--"
"Don't worry," Nikki interrupts. "Your girl figured it all out. Just lie down and do exactly what she did."
"I don’t even get placement choice?" Santana whines.
"Don't worry, S," Brittany says. "Rachel knows what she's doing."
"I know, but that doesn't mean--"
"Santana," Rachel hisses. "Just lay down already."
Santana glares at Rachel, who just glares back. They do this for a minute or so until the sound of Brittany counting distracts them.
"Fine," Santana huffs. "But only cause the room is spinning a bit."
"Whatever makes you feel better," Puck mocks.
Nikki just chuckles and gets to work.
…
"Do I even want to know how you got a tattoo artist over her at midnight on a Friday?" Santana asks as the four of them are sprawled on the couch.
"Probably not," Puck replies.
"Are you ever going to tell me what the tattoos are?" Santana asks Rachel.
"Eventually."
"It'll be a fun surprise," Brittany interjects. "I think they're awesome."
"How the hell do you know what they are?" Puck asks. "Berry wouldn't tell me, either."
"She figured it out in Spanish Wednesday," Brittany replies.
"Wednesday?!"
"So you were planning this all along?" Santana asks.
"Not necessarily," Rachel replies. "But figuring them out helped me make my decision."
"So now what?" Puck asks.
"Time for bed," Brittany says.
"Who's sleeping where?"
"Everyone in my bed," Rachel announces.
"Hell no!" Santana says, standing.
"There's plenty of room, Santana," Rachel replies. "And it's just sleeping."
"Fine."
The four of them trudge up the stairs. In Rachel's room, Puck grabs his usual and heads into the bathroom. Rachel finds something for Brittany to wear because while her offer to sleep naked sounds intriguing, Rachel's pretty sure it won't lead to anything she wants to deal with at the moment.
Puck wisely knocks before he reenters Rachel's room. The four of them crawl into bed: Puck, Rachel, Santana and Brittany. It's a tight fit, but it works. Santana protests Puck being next to Rachel, but both point out that this is a weekly occurrence for them.
"That's still not a comforting thought," Santana growls.
"We share a bed every week too, S," Brittany points out.
Santana groans and prepares for the onslaught of wrath from her girlfriend. There isn't any. Instead, there's just a triumphant smirk as they snuggle into bed.
There's more room once Rachel and Santana are curled together, both trying to avoid putting pressure on their new tattoos.
Puck sighs.
"What now, Puckerman?"
"This sucks," he replies. "I'm finally in bed with three hot chicks and all I'm going to do is sleep."
Rachel and Santana chuckle.
"There's always drunk Cheerios," Brittany says. "Maybe next weekend we can have a party."
"Yeah, maybe," Puck allows. "Still sucks though."
"Go to sleep, Noah."
…
Thanks to the massive alcohol consumption by all four of them, no one stirs until almost noon. Santana desperately needs to pee, but trying to get out of the cocoon of bodies proves to be more difficult than she thought.
When she returns from her extended bathroom visit, she finds that Brittany has taken her place in Rachel's arms. It's adorable, even with Puck spooning Rachel.
It's official, Rachel Berry has turned Santana Lopez into a complete fucking sap.
That thought reminds her that she has no idea what she drunkenly allowed to be tattooed on her. So Santana pulls down the waist band of the boxers she's wearing and carefully removes the gauze. It takes a moment to comprehend it because she's still half asleep and it's technically upside down. But when she does, she's definitely not pleased. She stalks over to the bed and yanks the covers off.
"Rachel Barbra Berry, wake up!"
Both Puck and Rachel sit up hastily, trying to figure out what's going on. Brittany simply yawns and stretches.
"What the hell is this?!"
Rachel blinks a couple times and then her eyes follow Santana's finger as it points to the tattoo now on her right hip.
"It's a tattoo."
Puck is awake enough now to read it and bursts out laughing.
It reads, Rachel Berry's Bitch. The apostrophe is a gold star.
"You don't like it?" Rachel asks a little too innocently.
"I am nobody's bitch," Santana snarls.
"Are you sure about that Lopez?" Puck asks.
"Just relax, Santana," Rachel says, crawling out of bed. Standing, she peels off the gauze on her left hip and reveals her tattoo to Santana.
It says, Property of Santana Lopez.
"Hmmm."
"Feel better?" Rachel questions.
"A bit."
…
Because they're all awake now, Rachel decides brunch is in order. So after reattaching her bandage, she heads downstairs to see what food is around.
Puck is still chuckling about Santana's tattoo.
"I can't believe she got you to tattoo that on you."
"Shut up, Puckerman," Santana snaps. "I was wasted."
"But now you don't have to be jealous of all the girls around Rachel," Brittany points out. "And so we don't have to follow her around anymore."
"Yeah," Puck agrees. "You've been trailing around after Rachel like a lovesick puppy. Don't you trust her, Lopez? Cause my bro doesn't cheat."
"Yeah, well, still doesn't mean those damn Cheerios need to be all over her like that."
"They're just doing it to piss you off," Brittany says. "Well and Rachel is smokin' hot."
"Of course she's hot," Santana replies. "She's my girlfriend."
"Seriously," Puck says. "Did Berry put some sort of weird sex spell on you? Cause you've been acting really, I don't know, possessive and weird lately."
"Why is everyone surprised that I don't like stupid, slutty girls draping themselves all over my girlfriend?"
"Because you never minded when it happened to me," Puck replies.
"She sorta did," Brittany interjects. "Remember when you were dating Mercedes?"
"Yeah, I guess I forgot about that."
Santana finally notices what Puck is wearing and starts laughing. "Nice shirt, Puckerman. It's Berry-tastic."
"You're like a big grape," Brittany adds.
"Like yours is any better," Puck snaps.
Santana is wearing pink and black plaid boxers with a white tank top that has a large gold star on it.
"What about me?" Brittany asks.
Brittany is wearing an oversized t-shirt with a mad looking penguin wearing a red rubber glove on his head.
"You're adorable, B," Santana replies.
"You kinda are." Puck sounds disgusted. "God. I need to surround myself with more testosterone."
"Yeah, you definitely need more," Santana quips. "You practically have boobs."
"I wish," Puck replies. "Then at least I could've touched some last night."
"Breakfast!" Rachel calls from downstairs.
The three of them tromp down the stairs and into the kitchen to find the table filled with food. There's pancakes, toast, bacon, orange juice and coffee.
All three of them stare at the food.
"How'd you do all this so fast?" Puck asks.
"Practice."
"Not that we don't appreciate the effort, babe," Santana says. "Because we do. But I'm not so sure about all the vegan stuff."
Rachel sighs. "It's not." She holds up a plate. "This is for me. Dad and daddy aren't vegan, so we have plenty of quote unquote normal food in the house. You guys would know that if you consumed anything else in this house besides beer."
Santana and Puck look mildly guilty, but just shrug as they all sit down to eat.
…
Once Britt and Puck leave, Rachel makes Santana read all the tattoo information that Nikki left as well as things Rachel found in her research.
"The first few days after are crucial to promote healthy healing and longevity for your tattoo," Rachel informs Santana.
Santana just nods and reads because she doesn't want anything to go wrong. Mostly because it was painful to acquire and Santana knows if she fucks it up, Rachel will just make her go through the whole process again; which she definitely does not want to do.
They spend the rest of the day lounging in Rachel's room watching movies and fooling around.
…
Monday morning, Brittany and Santana walk the halls, pinkies linked, sans Rachel.
"So what'd your master want Friday night Lopez?" Quinn asks when she finds the par at their lockers.
"None of your beeswax, Quinn," Brittany says.
"You mean business?"
"Yeah."
"Whatever. So?" she asks Santana.
"Like I'd tell you," Santana replies.
"That's fine," Quinn says. "I'll just ask B."
"Yay!"
"She'll tell me," Quinn continues.
"No I won't."
"What?"
"Rachel said I can't. So I can't."
"Brittany," Quinn says. "Rachel isn't your boss. And I'm your captain."
"But Rachel's the glee club captain."
"You were a Cheerio before you joined glee," Quinn points out.
"Yeah, but Rachel's squishier than you, Quinn," Brittany replies. "She's like a walking teddy bear. You're more like a duck ice sculpture. Visually awesome, but there's no touching."
Santana tries really hard not to laugh out loud. She's only moderately successful.
Quinn glares at her. "So did you kick Puck out when you got there?" Quinn asks, changing the subject.
"Naw," Santana replies. "He was drunk off his ass. Where was he going to go?"
"So what? He spent the night? What about Britt?"
"I spent the night too," Brittany says.
"The four of you?"
"It wasn't like that, Fabray," Santana snaps. "Get your mind out of the gutter."
"I suppose not," Quinn replies. "Otherwise Puck would have been skipping through the halls this morning."
"And singing," Brittany adds. "Rachel's a bad influence."
"Well, at least we can agree on that," Quinn says.
…
While Kurt and Rachel have reached an understanding of sorts and might even be considered friends in some circles, he's never been more glad to see her not sitting at their usual lunch table. He's heard some sensational gossip and he wouldn't be able to discuss it with her there.
However, as he sits down to the table, Mercedes beats him to the punch.
"Oh my god, Kurt. Did you hear about Rachel and Santana and Brittany and Puck?"
"You too?' he replies.
"What?" Artie asks
"Apparently someone overheard Brittany, Santana and Quinn talking this morning and Brittany told Quinn that the four of them spent the night together."
"Was it Jacob Ben Israel?" Tina questions. "Because he isn't the most reliable source."
"Actually he is in matters that require evidence," Kurt throws out. "But no, it wasn't him."
"So the four of them…" Artie mumbles. "Jesus, why does Puck have all the luck?"
Tina smacks him on the arm.
"I'm a teenage boy," Artie counters. "I'm allowed."
"Yeah, well, I'm going to have nightmares," Kurt says.
"Me too," Mercedes adds.
"What does it matter?" Tina asks. "As long as they don't act all weird in glee, I don't see what the big deal is."
"You don't think a foursome is a big deal?" Mercedes asks, incredulous.
"I'm not saying that," Tina replies. "But it's certainly none of our business."
"You're a real kill joy, you know that?" Kurt says.
…
Will is a bit concerned about Rachel. He's been hearing a lot of rumors about her these past couple months and they're not exactly comforting. However, this week he's been hearing things about her, Santana, Brittany and Puck. He knows getting too involved in his students romantic entanglements is dangerous, but he worries that the other three's well documented promiscuity is having ill effects on Rachel. At least that's what the rumors imply to him.
Will knows he shouldn't put too much stock in gossip, but he has noted some definite changes in Rachel since she started dating Santana. And yes, one of those chances seems to be mellowing out somewhat, for which he is extremely grateful. And honestly, Santana has softened slightly as well; which he appreciates even more. Will gets enough daily snark from Sue.
Still, as an educator, Will feels that it's his duty to guide his students in the right direction. He feels he's doing well with Rachel in terms of her divaness, but this relationship with Santana is out of his league. He supposes he should talk to Emma about it, but it's still a somewhat delicate between them.
He briefly considers going to Sue, but dismisses it so quickly he almost gives himself mental whiplash. Mostly because he's not even sure where that idea came from. Voluntarily going to Sue for advice is like volunteering for electric shock therapy, painful, dangerous and stupid.
So Will is at a loss. He can only hope that Rachel will come to him if she's having real issues.
…
In glee, everyone is trying to discretely watch Rachel, Santana, Brittany and Puck to figure out if the rumors are true. None of them have acknowledged the gossip floating about. This is typical for Rachel and Brittany, but everyone's amazed that Puck isn't announcing it constantly. At least that's what they expect from him.
Finn's a little hurt. Though he's glad for the stronger relationship with Kurt, he feels he's lost his best friend to his ex. Just not in a way he expected. That being said, he never, ever thought he'd hear about Rachel participating in an orgy. Sure, Santana, Puck and Brittany, but not Rachel. He desperately wants to ask her if it's true, but can't seem to work up the courage. He can just imagine the look she would give him if it isn't true.
Kurt and Mercedes are huddled together comparing notes. Puck and Rachel are chatting about something, though Rachel is leaning against Santana who's whispering with Brittany. Everything seems normal. It's disappointing.
Tina can't believe how invested Kurt and Mercedes seem to be in confirming the gossip. If she cared more, she would just ask Rachel. Tina knows Rachel would tell her. Everyone agrees that Rachel is a bit of an over sharer. Which is why Tina doesn't understand Kurt and Mercedes; she supposes they just enjoy the speculation more than she does.
…
Rachel is fully aware of the circulating gossip. She's pretty sure Noah is as well. And it gives her warm fuzzies that he isn't bragging. He could. And they both know it. Neither Brittany or Santana would care. Well, Santana might care on Rachel's behalf, but certainly not for herself. Though Rachel isn't entirely sure why. The shit that's already been said about Rachel at McKinley is incredibly cruel and has made her immune to anything whispered in the halls.
Besides, though she'd never admit it to Santana, Rachel's finding the slight burning sensation of her new tattoo comforting. And knowing her girlfriend is experience something similar negates all the other bullshit surround her.
So Rachel is her usual self through glee, ignoring the too obvious stares and questioning looks, including the one coming from Mr. Schue. And afterward, she fist bumps Noah good bye and follows Santana and Brittany out the door. After all, Rachel does enjoy watching her girlfriend in her Cheerios skirt.
Author: slacker_d
Pairing/Characters: Rachel/Santana, Puck, Brittany, Quinn, Kurt, Mercedes, Tina, Artie, Will
Rating: R
Summary: "Why is everyone surprised that I don't like stupid, slutty girls draping themselves all over my girlfriend?"
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Word Count: ~4,000
Spoilers: Not really.
A/N: This one is for helionwolfchild whom I wrongly placed blame on in the A/N of the last story. I really do welcome ideas from any source.
2nd A/N:Since this is the 7th story, I figured I should probably name the damn thing. So here is the 7th installment of In Which People Underestimate Rachel and Santana Inadvertently Falls in Love
3rd A/N: Unbeta’ed, so all mistakes are mine.
Cuffed | Physics and Golf | The Student Becomes the Master | Breaking Into School is Easy to Do | Keeping Up Appearances | Games People Play
Rachel's incredibly relieved that it's Friday night and that it's just her and Noah. Ever since Michelle Jamieson, Santana has been a bit possessive. It's a complete 180 from when they first started dating where they pretty much ignored each other, unless Santana wanted to make out.
It probably doesn't help that Michelle is still randomly flirting with Rachel. It's usually just a wink while passing in the halls, but it's enough to irk Santana. Also, a few of the Cheerios have been extremely touchy feely lately. It's great for Rachel's ego, no so good for her relationship.
Now Santana is practically glued to Rachel's side. And since where ever Santana is, Brittany is, Rachel essentially has two Cheerio shaped shadows following her around. She feels like she hasn't had a moment alone.
Rachel was half expecting Santana to suggest cancelling their usual separate Friday nights instead of attending the Cheerios' party.
Thankfully, Brittany seemed to sense Rachel's exasperation and dragged Santana to the party, literally.
Rachel's also surprised that Noah hasn't suggested crashing the party. Maybe when he gets a bit more drunk.
…
Puck is astonished that Rachel is actually drinking tonight, really drinking. When she'd first told him to bring extra beer, he thought she was joking. And yet here they sit, getting smashed together like proper bros.
He knows Rachel's been having some issues with Santana and that it's most likely the reason for the drinking, but he's not complaining. He only hopes that they work out whatever's going on. He'd hate it if they broke up.
Oddly, Rachel's been rather quiet tonight. They're watching TV and it's obvious that she's not paying attention. Therefore, he's been waiting for the patented Rachel Berry monologue explaining the situation. They've been sitting and drinking for almost two hours and there hasn't really been a peep out of Rachel. It's a bit unnerving.
Puck bites the bullet and asks, "So how's it going with you and S?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
Puck blinks and then starts to scan the room. Rachel Berry doesn't want to talk about it? Is he being punk'd?
…
"Something's bothering you, Rach," Puck tries. "Just talk about it already. The wait's killing me."
Two hours later, Rachel is still eerily silent as she sips cheap beer.
"Then stop waiting," Rachel snaps back.
"C'mon," Puck says. "I'm your bro. I'm here to help."
Rachel sighs. "If I tell you, will you leave me alone?"
"Probably."
"Santana's driving me crazy."
"What?"
"She won't leave me alone," Rachel explains. "It used to be that we'd see each other between class, a bit at lunch and in glee. But now she and Britt follow me everywhere. I'm suffocating."
Puck laughs loudly.
"What are you laughing?" Rachel huffs.
"I just never thought I'd hear you say that about Santana."
"Yes, well, life is strange, isn't it?"
…
"…and now she won't lay off this whole tattoo thing," Rachel complains. "Which I don't understand. It's not like it can be anywhere people can see it. I have to think about my future acting career. I can't have a visible, distinguishable tattoo."
Two more beers later, talkative Rachel Berry has returned.
Puck shrugs. "Maybe she wants the commitment of a tattoo."
"So what? She doesn't trust me?" Rachel asks. "You'd think letting someone fist you would ensure a higher level of trust."
Puck spits out his beer. "Jeez, Berry, warn a guy before you say shit like that."
"Noah, that's disgusting. You're lucky you didn't get any on me."
"It's your fault," Puck replies. "You can't say that while I'm drinking and not expect a reaction."
"What am I going to do about Santana?"
"I think you should just get the damn tattoo," Puck tells her. "Just make her get one too."
"She did say she would," Rachel muses. "But there's no way we could get one without parental consent."
"So? Your dads would probably agree."
"I don't think Santana's mom would approve."
"But if you didn't need consent, would you?"
Rachel thinks about it. "Yes, I think I would. As long as she got one as well."
"Hold that thought," Puck says, pulling out his cell.
"Noah, what are you doing?"
"Solving your problem like a good bro should," Puck replies. "Hey, Nikki, it's Puck. Yeah. Yeah. I'm good. Listen, I need a favor."
…
Santana's feeling pretty good. It's been a tense week. She knows it's her own doing, but she's welcoming the relaxation that two long island ice teas can bring a person.
When Coach Sylvester first suggested they have a Cheerios bonding night sans her, Santana was skeptical. Yeah, the squad has only been at 99.7% verses their usual 110% this week, but that seems to happen every year about this time. Why is this year any different?
But for whatever reason, Quinn had jumped all over the idea. And if the captain approves, there's no use in fighting it.
And since it's happening on a Friday, she can't really complain about not being with Rachel, seeing as they wouldn't be together right now, anyway. Nonetheless, she was reluctant to attend. Which is probably why as soon as possible, B handed Santana the strongest drink available and ordered her to drink. Brittany was in fact so adamant about it that Santana has to wonder if her best friend is getting annoyed with her.
She wouldn't blame her. She isn't entirely sure where this crazy possessive person came from. So once she'd consumed the first long island, she eagerly grabbed another. Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all.
…
Another long island later and Santana is feeling no pain.
Therefore, it takes her a few moments to realize that she's received a text from Rachel. The message seems out of character, so Santana stares at her phone for a long moment before actually deciding to read it.
You need to be at my house ASAP. Or else.
That's odd. And not the usual verboseness, either.
cant smashed Santana carefully types back.
The reply is quick. I don't care. Figure it out.
Well, shit. That doesn't bode well.
Still, Santana knows Rachel will cut her off if she attempts to drive drunk, so she looks around for a solution. Most of the others are passed out or stumbling drunk. It's pathetic. No one can hold their liquor.
Then Santana's eyes land on their illustrious captain.
For obvious reasons, Quinn doesn't indulge anymore. Though Santana wonders who she thinks is going to get her pregnant at this party. But since Fabray seems to be the solution to her current predicament, Santana decides to hold back her insults.
"Having fun?" Santana asks after sauntering over to the couch where Quinn is perched.
"Oh yeah," Quinn replies. "A freaking blast."
"But you're sober, right?"
"Stop rubbing it in, Lopez."
"Good," Santana continues. "Because you're driving me and B to Berry's house, right now."
"What? No way."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm not a fucking taxi!"
"Language, Q," Santana slurs mockingly. "Besides, what else are you doing?"
Quinn sighs. "Fine. But we leave right now and if either of you throw up in my car, I'm leaving you on some random street."
…
Drunk Brittany is extra touchy feely. She and Santana are in the back seat and Brittany can't keep her hands to herself. Quinn wishes Brittany would stop hugging her. It's very distracting.
"What the hell couldn't wait until tomorrow?" Quinn asks Santana. "Oh god. This isn't a booty call is it?"
"Of course not. Why would I insist on B coming with?"
"I don't know," Quinn replies. "Maybe it's a threesome. You and Berry are freaks."
"It's not a booty call," Santana says. "I don't know what it's about. Rachel just demanded I come over.
Quinn laughs. "You are so whipped, Lopez."
"Shut up."
…
Puck answers the door. Santana and Brittany stumble in.
"Who drove you?"
"Who do you think?" Santana asks. "Drunken mistake. Too afraid to indulge."
"She didn't come in with you?"
"Quinn likes to pretend she still hates Rachel," Brittany offers.
"She would," Puck says. "Well, it's probably better she's gone, anyhow. C'mon."
Santana and Brittany follow Puck into the living room.
"What the hell is this all about, Puckerman?"
"Hi Rachel," Brittany chirps.
"What the fuck?" Santana growls.
Rachel is laying on the couch with her shirt up and pants undone. Hovering over her is a very tall, skinny redhead.
"Guys," Puck says. "This is Nikki. Nikki this is Brittany and Santana."
"Hey." Nikki doesn’t look up from her work as she continues to tattoo Rachel.
"She's getting the tattoo you've been pushing for, Lopez."
Santana blinks owlishly. "For real?"
"Totally."
"I figured we'd at least talk about what it be or whatever," Santana mumbles.
"You're getting one too," Puck continues.
"I am?"
"Yep. And don't worry," Puck says. "My bro's got it all figured out."
"So," Santana replies. "Can I see?"
"No way," Rachel says. "It's a surprise. You have to wait just like everyone else."
"Hmph. Well, can I at least know what mine is supposed to be?"
"No. Please recall my previous statement."
"Yay!" Brittany claps. "This is super exciting."
…
Immediately after Nikki's done with Rachel's, it's bandaged up and Rachel sits up.
"You're next," Nikki says.
"Okay," Santana replies. "I was thinking it should probably go--"
"Don't worry," Nikki interrupts. "Your girl figured it all out. Just lie down and do exactly what she did."
"I don’t even get placement choice?" Santana whines.
"Don't worry, S," Brittany says. "Rachel knows what she's doing."
"I know, but that doesn't mean--"
"Santana," Rachel hisses. "Just lay down already."
Santana glares at Rachel, who just glares back. They do this for a minute or so until the sound of Brittany counting distracts them.
"Fine," Santana huffs. "But only cause the room is spinning a bit."
"Whatever makes you feel better," Puck mocks.
Nikki just chuckles and gets to work.
…
"Do I even want to know how you got a tattoo artist over her at midnight on a Friday?" Santana asks as the four of them are sprawled on the couch.
"Probably not," Puck replies.
"Are you ever going to tell me what the tattoos are?" Santana asks Rachel.
"Eventually."
"It'll be a fun surprise," Brittany interjects. "I think they're awesome."
"How the hell do you know what they are?" Puck asks. "Berry wouldn't tell me, either."
"She figured it out in Spanish Wednesday," Brittany replies.
"Wednesday?!"
"So you were planning this all along?" Santana asks.
"Not necessarily," Rachel replies. "But figuring them out helped me make my decision."
"So now what?" Puck asks.
"Time for bed," Brittany says.
"Who's sleeping where?"
"Everyone in my bed," Rachel announces.
"Hell no!" Santana says, standing.
"There's plenty of room, Santana," Rachel replies. "And it's just sleeping."
"Fine."
The four of them trudge up the stairs. In Rachel's room, Puck grabs his usual and heads into the bathroom. Rachel finds something for Brittany to wear because while her offer to sleep naked sounds intriguing, Rachel's pretty sure it won't lead to anything she wants to deal with at the moment.
Puck wisely knocks before he reenters Rachel's room. The four of them crawl into bed: Puck, Rachel, Santana and Brittany. It's a tight fit, but it works. Santana protests Puck being next to Rachel, but both point out that this is a weekly occurrence for them.
"That's still not a comforting thought," Santana growls.
"We share a bed every week too, S," Brittany points out.
Santana groans and prepares for the onslaught of wrath from her girlfriend. There isn't any. Instead, there's just a triumphant smirk as they snuggle into bed.
There's more room once Rachel and Santana are curled together, both trying to avoid putting pressure on their new tattoos.
Puck sighs.
"What now, Puckerman?"
"This sucks," he replies. "I'm finally in bed with three hot chicks and all I'm going to do is sleep."
Rachel and Santana chuckle.
"There's always drunk Cheerios," Brittany says. "Maybe next weekend we can have a party."
"Yeah, maybe," Puck allows. "Still sucks though."
"Go to sleep, Noah."
…
Thanks to the massive alcohol consumption by all four of them, no one stirs until almost noon. Santana desperately needs to pee, but trying to get out of the cocoon of bodies proves to be more difficult than she thought.
When she returns from her extended bathroom visit, she finds that Brittany has taken her place in Rachel's arms. It's adorable, even with Puck spooning Rachel.
It's official, Rachel Berry has turned Santana Lopez into a complete fucking sap.
That thought reminds her that she has no idea what she drunkenly allowed to be tattooed on her. So Santana pulls down the waist band of the boxers she's wearing and carefully removes the gauze. It takes a moment to comprehend it because she's still half asleep and it's technically upside down. But when she does, she's definitely not pleased. She stalks over to the bed and yanks the covers off.
"Rachel Barbra Berry, wake up!"
Both Puck and Rachel sit up hastily, trying to figure out what's going on. Brittany simply yawns and stretches.
"What the hell is this?!"
Rachel blinks a couple times and then her eyes follow Santana's finger as it points to the tattoo now on her right hip.
"It's a tattoo."
Puck is awake enough now to read it and bursts out laughing.
It reads, Rachel Berry's Bitch. The apostrophe is a gold star.
"You don't like it?" Rachel asks a little too innocently.
"I am nobody's bitch," Santana snarls.
"Are you sure about that Lopez?" Puck asks.
"Just relax, Santana," Rachel says, crawling out of bed. Standing, she peels off the gauze on her left hip and reveals her tattoo to Santana.
It says, Property of Santana Lopez.
"Hmmm."
"Feel better?" Rachel questions.
"A bit."
…
Because they're all awake now, Rachel decides brunch is in order. So after reattaching her bandage, she heads downstairs to see what food is around.
Puck is still chuckling about Santana's tattoo.
"I can't believe she got you to tattoo that on you."
"Shut up, Puckerman," Santana snaps. "I was wasted."
"But now you don't have to be jealous of all the girls around Rachel," Brittany points out. "And so we don't have to follow her around anymore."
"Yeah," Puck agrees. "You've been trailing around after Rachel like a lovesick puppy. Don't you trust her, Lopez? Cause my bro doesn't cheat."
"Yeah, well, still doesn't mean those damn Cheerios need to be all over her like that."
"They're just doing it to piss you off," Brittany says. "Well and Rachel is smokin' hot."
"Of course she's hot," Santana replies. "She's my girlfriend."
"Seriously," Puck says. "Did Berry put some sort of weird sex spell on you? Cause you've been acting really, I don't know, possessive and weird lately."
"Why is everyone surprised that I don't like stupid, slutty girls draping themselves all over my girlfriend?"
"Because you never minded when it happened to me," Puck replies.
"She sorta did," Brittany interjects. "Remember when you were dating Mercedes?"
"Yeah, I guess I forgot about that."
Santana finally notices what Puck is wearing and starts laughing. "Nice shirt, Puckerman. It's Berry-tastic."
"You're like a big grape," Brittany adds.
"Like yours is any better," Puck snaps.
Santana is wearing pink and black plaid boxers with a white tank top that has a large gold star on it.
"What about me?" Brittany asks.
Brittany is wearing an oversized t-shirt with a mad looking penguin wearing a red rubber glove on his head.
"You're adorable, B," Santana replies.
"You kinda are." Puck sounds disgusted. "God. I need to surround myself with more testosterone."
"Yeah, you definitely need more," Santana quips. "You practically have boobs."
"I wish," Puck replies. "Then at least I could've touched some last night."
"Breakfast!" Rachel calls from downstairs.
The three of them tromp down the stairs and into the kitchen to find the table filled with food. There's pancakes, toast, bacon, orange juice and coffee.
All three of them stare at the food.
"How'd you do all this so fast?" Puck asks.
"Practice."
"Not that we don't appreciate the effort, babe," Santana says. "Because we do. But I'm not so sure about all the vegan stuff."
Rachel sighs. "It's not." She holds up a plate. "This is for me. Dad and daddy aren't vegan, so we have plenty of quote unquote normal food in the house. You guys would know that if you consumed anything else in this house besides beer."
Santana and Puck look mildly guilty, but just shrug as they all sit down to eat.
…
Once Britt and Puck leave, Rachel makes Santana read all the tattoo information that Nikki left as well as things Rachel found in her research.
"The first few days after are crucial to promote healthy healing and longevity for your tattoo," Rachel informs Santana.
Santana just nods and reads because she doesn't want anything to go wrong. Mostly because it was painful to acquire and Santana knows if she fucks it up, Rachel will just make her go through the whole process again; which she definitely does not want to do.
They spend the rest of the day lounging in Rachel's room watching movies and fooling around.
…
Monday morning, Brittany and Santana walk the halls, pinkies linked, sans Rachel.
"So what'd your master want Friday night Lopez?" Quinn asks when she finds the par at their lockers.
"None of your beeswax, Quinn," Brittany says.
"You mean business?"
"Yeah."
"Whatever. So?" she asks Santana.
"Like I'd tell you," Santana replies.
"That's fine," Quinn says. "I'll just ask B."
"Yay!"
"She'll tell me," Quinn continues.
"No I won't."
"What?"
"Rachel said I can't. So I can't."
"Brittany," Quinn says. "Rachel isn't your boss. And I'm your captain."
"But Rachel's the glee club captain."
"You were a Cheerio before you joined glee," Quinn points out.
"Yeah, but Rachel's squishier than you, Quinn," Brittany replies. "She's like a walking teddy bear. You're more like a duck ice sculpture. Visually awesome, but there's no touching."
Santana tries really hard not to laugh out loud. She's only moderately successful.
Quinn glares at her. "So did you kick Puck out when you got there?" Quinn asks, changing the subject.
"Naw," Santana replies. "He was drunk off his ass. Where was he going to go?"
"So what? He spent the night? What about Britt?"
"I spent the night too," Brittany says.
"The four of you?"
"It wasn't like that, Fabray," Santana snaps. "Get your mind out of the gutter."
"I suppose not," Quinn replies. "Otherwise Puck would have been skipping through the halls this morning."
"And singing," Brittany adds. "Rachel's a bad influence."
"Well, at least we can agree on that," Quinn says.
…
While Kurt and Rachel have reached an understanding of sorts and might even be considered friends in some circles, he's never been more glad to see her not sitting at their usual lunch table. He's heard some sensational gossip and he wouldn't be able to discuss it with her there.
However, as he sits down to the table, Mercedes beats him to the punch.
"Oh my god, Kurt. Did you hear about Rachel and Santana and Brittany and Puck?"
"You too?' he replies.
"What?" Artie asks
"Apparently someone overheard Brittany, Santana and Quinn talking this morning and Brittany told Quinn that the four of them spent the night together."
"Was it Jacob Ben Israel?" Tina questions. "Because he isn't the most reliable source."
"Actually he is in matters that require evidence," Kurt throws out. "But no, it wasn't him."
"So the four of them…" Artie mumbles. "Jesus, why does Puck have all the luck?"
Tina smacks him on the arm.
"I'm a teenage boy," Artie counters. "I'm allowed."
"Yeah, well, I'm going to have nightmares," Kurt says.
"Me too," Mercedes adds.
"What does it matter?" Tina asks. "As long as they don't act all weird in glee, I don't see what the big deal is."
"You don't think a foursome is a big deal?" Mercedes asks, incredulous.
"I'm not saying that," Tina replies. "But it's certainly none of our business."
"You're a real kill joy, you know that?" Kurt says.
…
Will is a bit concerned about Rachel. He's been hearing a lot of rumors about her these past couple months and they're not exactly comforting. However, this week he's been hearing things about her, Santana, Brittany and Puck. He knows getting too involved in his students romantic entanglements is dangerous, but he worries that the other three's well documented promiscuity is having ill effects on Rachel. At least that's what the rumors imply to him.
Will knows he shouldn't put too much stock in gossip, but he has noted some definite changes in Rachel since she started dating Santana. And yes, one of those chances seems to be mellowing out somewhat, for which he is extremely grateful. And honestly, Santana has softened slightly as well; which he appreciates even more. Will gets enough daily snark from Sue.
Still, as an educator, Will feels that it's his duty to guide his students in the right direction. He feels he's doing well with Rachel in terms of her divaness, but this relationship with Santana is out of his league. He supposes he should talk to Emma about it, but it's still a somewhat delicate between them.
He briefly considers going to Sue, but dismisses it so quickly he almost gives himself mental whiplash. Mostly because he's not even sure where that idea came from. Voluntarily going to Sue for advice is like volunteering for electric shock therapy, painful, dangerous and stupid.
So Will is at a loss. He can only hope that Rachel will come to him if she's having real issues.
…
In glee, everyone is trying to discretely watch Rachel, Santana, Brittany and Puck to figure out if the rumors are true. None of them have acknowledged the gossip floating about. This is typical for Rachel and Brittany, but everyone's amazed that Puck isn't announcing it constantly. At least that's what they expect from him.
Finn's a little hurt. Though he's glad for the stronger relationship with Kurt, he feels he's lost his best friend to his ex. Just not in a way he expected. That being said, he never, ever thought he'd hear about Rachel participating in an orgy. Sure, Santana, Puck and Brittany, but not Rachel. He desperately wants to ask her if it's true, but can't seem to work up the courage. He can just imagine the look she would give him if it isn't true.
Kurt and Mercedes are huddled together comparing notes. Puck and Rachel are chatting about something, though Rachel is leaning against Santana who's whispering with Brittany. Everything seems normal. It's disappointing.
Tina can't believe how invested Kurt and Mercedes seem to be in confirming the gossip. If she cared more, she would just ask Rachel. Tina knows Rachel would tell her. Everyone agrees that Rachel is a bit of an over sharer. Which is why Tina doesn't understand Kurt and Mercedes; she supposes they just enjoy the speculation more than she does.
…
Rachel is fully aware of the circulating gossip. She's pretty sure Noah is as well. And it gives her warm fuzzies that he isn't bragging. He could. And they both know it. Neither Brittany or Santana would care. Well, Santana might care on Rachel's behalf, but certainly not for herself. Though Rachel isn't entirely sure why. The shit that's already been said about Rachel at McKinley is incredibly cruel and has made her immune to anything whispered in the halls.
Besides, though she'd never admit it to Santana, Rachel's finding the slight burning sensation of her new tattoo comforting. And knowing her girlfriend is experience something similar negates all the other bullshit surround her.
So Rachel is her usual self through glee, ignoring the too obvious stares and questioning looks, including the one coming from Mr. Schue. And afterward, she fist bumps Noah good bye and follows Santana and Brittany out the door. After all, Rachel does enjoy watching her girlfriend in her Cheerios skirt.