fic: Cuffed
Title: Cuffed
Author: slacker_d
Pairing/Characters: Rachel/Santana, New Directions, Will
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Kurt notices something odd about Santana.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Word Count: ~3,000
Spoilers: None really.
A/N: Unbeta’ed, so all mistakes are mine.
Kurt is the first one to notice it. He's sitting in his second period class, not really paying attention. He really could care less about Teddy Roosevelt at the moment. He catches movement in his peripheral and turns his head slightly to catch some sunlight hitting something metal on Santana Lopez's right wrist. She's doodling in her notebook, so Kurt feels comfortable enough to out right stare as he tries to figure out what it could be. It's nearly impossible because the Cheerio is still wearing her letterman jacket; which is odd. Kurt is pretty sure he's never seen her wear it around school. Plus, even though it's winter in Ohio, it's pretty warm; the administration keeps the school pretty hot during the winter. Kurt wonders if Figgins is stealing energy from somewhere; considering the constant budget problems the school seems to be under, Kurt is surprised daily that the building isn't an ice box.
It takes a good ten minutes of staring before the combination of light and shadows allows Kurt to make something out. It's metal, definitely, almost like a bracelet. And then Kurt nearly falls out of his chair when he realizes. It's a handcuff. Santana Lopez has half of a handcuff still around her wrist.
Kurt's mind goes places he never wanted it to go. His imagination is just a little too vivid and so he's hit with several images of naked girl parts and he involuntarily shudders.
Now that he knows what it is, Kurt tries not to stare. But it's like trying to not think about elephants or whatever.
Well, that explains why she's still wearing her jacket inside.
He tries to come up with scenarios that would lead to Santana Lopez showing up to school with just one handcuff on her right wrist. The fact that she's trying to hide it implies it wasn't planned.
He spends the rest of the period torn between counting down the minutes until he can confer with his cohorts and speculating about the events that led to Santana wearing just one handcuff.
…
The second the bell rings Kurt is out of his seat like a rocket. He quickly dials Mercedes.
"You've got Mercedes," she answers.
"You will not believe what I spotted around Ms. Lopez's wrist during second period."
"Probably not," Mercedes agrees. "That girl is full of surprises."
"She has on…just one handcuff."
There's silence on the other end and Kurt briefly wonders if he lost her. The signal's usually pretty good in the halls, but there have been dropped calls before.
"Just one handcuff?" she asks finally. "That's weird."
"Exactly. It looks like the other end was broken or ripped off…like maybe in a hurry, like someone got caught unexpectedly," Kurt speculates.
"So what?" Mercedes replies. "You think she's trying to hide it because she was using it with someone she shouldn't be?"
"Or maybe she's just hiding it in general," Tina adds as she joins Kurt in the hall. "Sounds kind of embarrassing to me."
"I never would've thought Santana would let someone handcuff her."
"Girl never says no," Mercedes tells him. "From her own lips."
"Still," Kurt replies. "She doesn't seem like a bottom."
"You sound like you've thought about this a lot," Tina points out.
"Hell no," Kurt says. "Except for the last twenty minutes of second period; once I figured out what it was, I couldn't not think of it."
"It's statistically proven that once an idea is planted in your head, especially one you're not comfortable with, it will become an obsession," Artie adds.
"See," Kurt says. "It's not my fault."
"Hey, guys," Rachel says, walking up to Tina and Kurt. "What's going on?"
Both Kurt and Tina hang up their phones guiltily.
"Nothing."
"Not much."
"Right…" Rachel says. "If you don't wish to tell me, it's fine. I'm certainly used to it by now."
"It's not that," Mercedes says, appearing on Kurt's left. "It's just that we were really talking about nothing. Well, not nothing. It's just Kurt was explaining…"
"Explaining why my dad chose to give me the vehicle he did," Kurt finishes. "Because while it might seem simply that it's a flashy car, which it is, there's more than that. As a mechanic, he probably took a lot more things into consideration than the average parent of a high school student. First, there's safety--"
Rachel holds up her hand. "Okay, I believe you. I was actually wondering if any of you have seen Santana today?"
"Technically, I saw her in history," Kurt replies. "But it's not like we talk."
"Right. Yes, of course," Rachel murmurs. "Very well. Thanks for your help." And Rachel flounces down the hallway.
"That was close," Tina says.
"Tell me about it," Kurt agrees.
The trio continues their trek down the hall to the AV room.
"What the hell, guys?" Artie asks as they enter.
"Sorry," Tina says, leaning in for a kiss. "Rachel appeared out of nowhere. Kurt and I kinda panicked."
"So Rachel doesn't know?" Artie questions.
We didn’t ask," Kurt replies.
The warning bell rings.
"All right," Kurt says. "We have an assignment. Pay attention. See what you can figure out about this situation."
The others nod.
…
Mercedes and Tina are conferring the girls' room during fourth when Rachel enters. Mercedes stops mid word as the door slams shut.
Feeling awkward, without knowing why, Rachel says, "Hello."
"Hey."
"What's up, Rachel?"
Still looking uncomfortable, Rachel replies, "Just wanted to wash my hands. It is flu season, you know and this school is a prime breeding ground for various bacteria and--"
"That's super," Mercedes interrupts. "Well, we'll see you around." She pushes Tina towards the door.
"Bye," Tina manages before the door slams shut.
"Well, that was just odd," Rachel mutters.
…
At lunch, Artie, Tina, Mercedes and Kurt huddle together at a table.
"I caught a glimpse of it during fourth," Artie says, quietly. "It's definitely a handcuff. But it's just the cuff. No chain or anything."
"How does that happen?" Mercedes questions.
"Wire cutters, maybe?" Tina suggests.
"Well then, why didn't they cut through the cuff too?" Mercedes asks.
"Probably the cuff was too tight," Artie replies. "The wire cutters have to be kind of thick to cut through and the blade probably wouldn't fit."
"Why are we keeping this from Rachel again?" Tina asks. "It might have been her."
"No way," Kurt says. "They've only been dating for three weeks. There's no way they've moved onto the kinky stuff yet. Assuming they're even having sex. Rachel doesn't seem like the type to give it up so fast."
"Maybe," Tina agrees. "Maybe not. But lately, she seems a little less intense, doesn't she?"
"True," Mercedes acknowledges. "But I just assumed Santana was making her tone it down."
"Making her how?" Artie asks.
"Don’t answer that," Kurt says. "I already have enough traumatizing images in my mind to scar me for life."
"So who do you think it was?" Mercedes asks.
"Brittany was naturally my first guess," Kurt replies. "But once again, I can't see her handcuffing Santana. Same with any of the Cheerios."
The other three nod in agreement.
"What about Puck?" Tina asks.
"I thought those two were avoiding each other this week," Artie volunteers.
"They are," Kurt nods.
They spend the rest of lunch naming possible candidates and coming up empty.
"I still don't understand why you're so sure it can't be Rachel," Tina says.
"My lovely step brother to be talks way too much about his dating experience that was Rachel Berry," Kurt answers. "I'm simply drawing conclusions from the evidence I have."
"But isn't that like comparing apples and oranges?" Artie asks. "Finn and Santana are similar only in the sense that they're both in glee and have hair. Surely dating each of them would be a different experience."
"Yes, but if Rachel's the same, why would that matter?"
"This is giving me a headache," Tina announces. "We should just ask Rachel."
"We can't," Mercedes replies. "Just in case it's not her. I don't want to upset the girl. Can you imagine the fall out? We've had enough drama."
"And it's not Rachel," Kurt adds. "Trust me."
…
Both Rachel and Santana are in Tina's last class of the day. Sitting in the back, she's able to easily observe them. She's never really thought about it, but the pair doesn't really act like they're dating. Brittany and Santana are still BrittanyandSantana; walking down the halls with their pinkies linked. Sure, seeing Rachel around red and white uniforms, not covered with slushie is starting to becoming a regular thing. But remembering the way Rachel used to glide down the hall attached to Finn or Jesse, makes Tina wonder if the whole dating thing is just weird elaborate April Fool's Joke.
Even now in class, the two are sitting nowhere near each other. Seating isn't assigned, so that can't be the reason. And people constantly switched desks, so that wasn't an excuse either.
Though watching Rachel take meticulous notes, Tina supposes it could be that Santana is currently sitting in the back row not so discretely texting.
However, when the bell rings, Rachel and Santana exit the room separately, not even acknowledging each other. Tina tries to remember if the couple is fully out in school. Maybe they only came out to glee and are keeping it concealed for the rest of McKinley, especially since tolerance at this school is nonexistent.
But once again, Tina is surprised when she exits the classroom to cat calls and whistles. Looking around, Tina sees Rachel and Santana in front of a row of lockers making out. There goes that theory.
Tina just shakes her head. She knows she and Artie aren't normal per say, but her limited dating history gives her no basis to understand Rachel and Santana's relationship.
…
Artie, Tina, Kurt and Mercedes are sure to arrive early to glee. They been spying and brainstorming all afternoon and they just can't seem to figure out who put the handcuff on Santana. Tina had suggested just asking.
"Oh? Well, then you ask her, T," Mercedes tells her.
The look of pure panic on her face is so comical, Kurt almost falls out of his chair laughing.
"So that's a no, then," Mercedes says.
Tina nods in defeat.
Oddly, Santana and Brittany arrive before Rachel does. They speculate that the pair was going to make out before anyone else arrived, because the look of disgust Santana gives them when she notices their presence makes them all shrink away.
"I thought dating Rachel would make her nicer," Tina stage whispers.
"It's only been three weeks," Kurt replies. "Give it time."
"What are you losers staring at?" Santana snaps.
"Someone's a little testy," Mercedes mutters.
"Wouldn't you be, if you had to hide a handcuff all day?" Kurt asks.
"There's something I never thought I'd hear," Artie says. "Especially out of your mouth."
"Ditto," Tina agrees.
"I agree," Kurt says. "It's been a traumatizing day."
"Hey," Finn says as he sits next to Kurt. "Why are you traumatized?"
"Uh…girls, just girls in general," Kurt stammers.
Finn looks confused for a moment before replying, "Yeah, I guess I get that."
Before anyone else can comment, Mr. Schuester enters looking haggard with Rachel trailing behind him.
"Today I think we should work on our choreography," Mr. Schuester suggests. "Our singing is in great shape, but I really want our dancing to be fluid."
"I thought we were going to work on a new song today, Mr. Schuester," Santana says.
Mr. Schuester nods. "We were, but Rachel and I talked about it. She convinced me that our routine could stand to be a little tighter."
"Oh, did she?" Santana mutters.
Rachel just turns and smirks at the Cheerio.
Everyone stands and lines up. Mr. Schuester motions Brad the piano player to start when Finn interrupts.
"Hey, Santana, aren't you going to take off your jacket?"
"Why should I?"
"Are you feeling all right, Santana?" Mr. Schuester asks. "You never dance in your jacket."
"I'm fine."
"Are you cold?"
"I said, I was fine," Santana snaps. "Just drop it."
Looking slightly offended, Mr. Schuester nods and Brad begins playing.
They're half way through the song when Mr. Schuester stops them.
"What'd you mess up now, Finessa?" Puck asks.
"I'm not even supposed to be doing anything right now," Finn protests.
"It's not Finn," Mr. Schuester says.
"That's a first," Santana says.
"Does anyone else hear that?" Mr. Schuester asks.
"Hear what exactly?" Rachel questions.
"I thought I hear a clinking noise."
Everyone stands still and listens.
"I don't hear anything, Mr. Schue," Rachel says.
"Me either."
"Fine. Try it again from the top."
This time it's Finn that stops them. "I hear it now, Mr. Schue," he announces.
Everyone stands still once more, quiet falls over the room again.
"Maybe it's your jacket, Santana," Rachel suggests, smirking at her girlfriend.
"I'm sure it's not, Rach," Santana spits out, her expression pinched.
"She might be right, Santana," Mr. Schuester says. "Do you mind taking if off just in case?"
Santana growls, but eventually nods. She removes her jacket and throws it at the nearest chair.
"Thank you."
"What's that around your wrist?" Finn asks.
"It's nothing," Santana tells him.
"Really?" Puck grins. "Cause it kinda looks like a handcuff."
"Why are you wearing a handcuff?" Finn asks. He turns to Kurt. "Is this some sort of weird new fashion thing I'm not going to understand?"
"Dude, don't be a moron," Puck tells him. "Seems someone decided to get a little kinky and lost the key. Tsk, tsk, Santana. You know better than that."
"Shut up Puckwad. I wasn't the one that lost the key."
Only half the room looks at Rachel. The other half looks at Brittany. The blonde just shrugs while the diva crosses her arms and stares back.
"Um, well, right then," Mr. Schuester says after the awkwardness becomes suffocating. "Why don't we try it again? I think we can all ignore the clinking noise, now that we know what it is."
"Exactly," Rachel agrees. "We mustn't let ourselves be distracted by the deviant behavior of some people."
Kurt gasps under his breath. "I knew it," he murmurs. "I told you guys it wasn't Rachel."
"Don't act like it wasn't your idea, Berry," Santana retorts. "Not to mention, you're the genius that lost the key."
"I did no such thing, Santana," Rachel replies. "You're the one that set it on my desk. It's not my fault that it wasn't there after."
Puck whoops as he smirk becomes lecherous.
"Too much information," Kurt whimpers.
"Bad, wrong images," Mercedes agrees.
"Hot," Mike says.
Finn turns away and begins muttering to himself.
"I think the rest of this discussion is best left for another time," Mr. Schuester announces.
"I don't know, Mr. Schue," Quinn says. "I think I have a few more questions."
"Careful, Q," Santana growls.
"Why didn't you just buy another pair and use that key?" Kurt asks.
Santana sighs. "Trust me, we tried that."
"Apparently the handcuffs they sell are completely different than police issued handcuffs," Rachel informs them.
The room is quiet enough to hear a pin drop for a full minute before Puck asks, "Why do you have police issue handcuffs?"
"Because, Noah," Rachel replies. "After doing a bit of research, I found that the handcuffs they sell in sex shops to be lacking. So I found something better suited to my needs."
"Does anyone else find that mildly creepy?" Mercedes asks.
Kurt, Tina, Artie, Quinn and Matt all raise their hands. After a moment, Finn does as well.
Rachel huffs and places her hands on her hips. She seems ready to begin a tirade in her defense.
"Oh, hey!" Brittany interrupts. "I can help."
"How?"
"I know how to pick locks," Brittany volunteers.
"You couldn't have told me that this morning, Britt?" Santana groans.
"I forgot," Brittany replies. "Does anyone have a paper clip or something?"
Mr. Schuester grabs a paperclip from the packet of sheet music he brought in with him and hands it to the blonde.
Brittany has Santana sit and hold her wrist out. They all watch in fascination as the blonde unbends the paperclip and precedes to dig in the key hole. After a minute or so, she lets out a triumphant, "A ha!" and the cuff falls to the ground.
Santana rubs her wrist as Brittany picks the cuff off the ground.
"Good," Mr. Schuester says, clapping. "Now can we please try practicing--"
"Actually, Mr. Schue," Puck interrupts. "I have a few more questions."
"I don't believe it would be a wise venture to ask them, Noah," Rachel says. "I have a feeling you wouldn't like the response."
Puck looks over at Santana who is being restrained by Brittany. He gulps. "Maybe you're right, Berry," he replies. "The floor's all yours Mr. Schue."
"Thank you, Puck. All right, everyone positions."
…
When glee is over, Kurt, Mercedes, Tina and Artie watch as Brittany and Santana link pinkies and exit right behind Rachel. Kurt notices Santana staring at the diva's ass and shudders.
Once everyone else is gone, Artie says, "It's always the quiet ones."
"In what world is Rachel Berry quiet?" Kurt asks.
"Well, maybe she's not quiet," Artie agrees. "But she's…"
"It's the sweaters and skits," Tina interjects. "It makes her seem just a little too Catholic school girl like."
"Wouldn't that make her seem naughtier?" Mercedes questions.
"Either way, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to scrub those images out of my brain," Kurt says. "If I wasn't gay before, I definitely am now."
"So you're saying that Rachel and Santana made you more gay?" Mercedes asks.
"That's exactly what I'm saying."
"I didn't think that was possible," Artie quips.
"Ha ha," Kurt replies. "Just remind me to keep my eyes trained away from those two. Today was very disappointing, gossip wise."
"We just need to pick better targets," Mercedes tells him as they stroll out of the choir room.
"Or we could stop gossiping," Tina suggests.
"Blasphemy," Kurt replies.
Author: slacker_d
Pairing/Characters: Rachel/Santana, New Directions, Will
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Kurt notices something odd about Santana.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Word Count: ~3,000
Spoilers: None really.
A/N: Unbeta’ed, so all mistakes are mine.
Kurt is the first one to notice it. He's sitting in his second period class, not really paying attention. He really could care less about Teddy Roosevelt at the moment. He catches movement in his peripheral and turns his head slightly to catch some sunlight hitting something metal on Santana Lopez's right wrist. She's doodling in her notebook, so Kurt feels comfortable enough to out right stare as he tries to figure out what it could be. It's nearly impossible because the Cheerio is still wearing her letterman jacket; which is odd. Kurt is pretty sure he's never seen her wear it around school. Plus, even though it's winter in Ohio, it's pretty warm; the administration keeps the school pretty hot during the winter. Kurt wonders if Figgins is stealing energy from somewhere; considering the constant budget problems the school seems to be under, Kurt is surprised daily that the building isn't an ice box.
It takes a good ten minutes of staring before the combination of light and shadows allows Kurt to make something out. It's metal, definitely, almost like a bracelet. And then Kurt nearly falls out of his chair when he realizes. It's a handcuff. Santana Lopez has half of a handcuff still around her wrist.
Kurt's mind goes places he never wanted it to go. His imagination is just a little too vivid and so he's hit with several images of naked girl parts and he involuntarily shudders.
Now that he knows what it is, Kurt tries not to stare. But it's like trying to not think about elephants or whatever.
Well, that explains why she's still wearing her jacket inside.
He tries to come up with scenarios that would lead to Santana Lopez showing up to school with just one handcuff on her right wrist. The fact that she's trying to hide it implies it wasn't planned.
He spends the rest of the period torn between counting down the minutes until he can confer with his cohorts and speculating about the events that led to Santana wearing just one handcuff.
…
The second the bell rings Kurt is out of his seat like a rocket. He quickly dials Mercedes.
"You've got Mercedes," she answers.
"You will not believe what I spotted around Ms. Lopez's wrist during second period."
"Probably not," Mercedes agrees. "That girl is full of surprises."
"She has on…just one handcuff."
There's silence on the other end and Kurt briefly wonders if he lost her. The signal's usually pretty good in the halls, but there have been dropped calls before.
"Just one handcuff?" she asks finally. "That's weird."
"Exactly. It looks like the other end was broken or ripped off…like maybe in a hurry, like someone got caught unexpectedly," Kurt speculates.
"So what?" Mercedes replies. "You think she's trying to hide it because she was using it with someone she shouldn't be?"
"Or maybe she's just hiding it in general," Tina adds as she joins Kurt in the hall. "Sounds kind of embarrassing to me."
"I never would've thought Santana would let someone handcuff her."
"Girl never says no," Mercedes tells him. "From her own lips."
"Still," Kurt replies. "She doesn't seem like a bottom."
"You sound like you've thought about this a lot," Tina points out.
"Hell no," Kurt says. "Except for the last twenty minutes of second period; once I figured out what it was, I couldn't not think of it."
"It's statistically proven that once an idea is planted in your head, especially one you're not comfortable with, it will become an obsession," Artie adds.
"See," Kurt says. "It's not my fault."
"Hey, guys," Rachel says, walking up to Tina and Kurt. "What's going on?"
Both Kurt and Tina hang up their phones guiltily.
"Nothing."
"Not much."
"Right…" Rachel says. "If you don't wish to tell me, it's fine. I'm certainly used to it by now."
"It's not that," Mercedes says, appearing on Kurt's left. "It's just that we were really talking about nothing. Well, not nothing. It's just Kurt was explaining…"
"Explaining why my dad chose to give me the vehicle he did," Kurt finishes. "Because while it might seem simply that it's a flashy car, which it is, there's more than that. As a mechanic, he probably took a lot more things into consideration than the average parent of a high school student. First, there's safety--"
Rachel holds up her hand. "Okay, I believe you. I was actually wondering if any of you have seen Santana today?"
"Technically, I saw her in history," Kurt replies. "But it's not like we talk."
"Right. Yes, of course," Rachel murmurs. "Very well. Thanks for your help." And Rachel flounces down the hallway.
"That was close," Tina says.
"Tell me about it," Kurt agrees.
The trio continues their trek down the hall to the AV room.
"What the hell, guys?" Artie asks as they enter.
"Sorry," Tina says, leaning in for a kiss. "Rachel appeared out of nowhere. Kurt and I kinda panicked."
"So Rachel doesn't know?" Artie questions.
We didn’t ask," Kurt replies.
The warning bell rings.
"All right," Kurt says. "We have an assignment. Pay attention. See what you can figure out about this situation."
The others nod.
…
Mercedes and Tina are conferring the girls' room during fourth when Rachel enters. Mercedes stops mid word as the door slams shut.
Feeling awkward, without knowing why, Rachel says, "Hello."
"Hey."
"What's up, Rachel?"
Still looking uncomfortable, Rachel replies, "Just wanted to wash my hands. It is flu season, you know and this school is a prime breeding ground for various bacteria and--"
"That's super," Mercedes interrupts. "Well, we'll see you around." She pushes Tina towards the door.
"Bye," Tina manages before the door slams shut.
"Well, that was just odd," Rachel mutters.
…
At lunch, Artie, Tina, Mercedes and Kurt huddle together at a table.
"I caught a glimpse of it during fourth," Artie says, quietly. "It's definitely a handcuff. But it's just the cuff. No chain or anything."
"How does that happen?" Mercedes questions.
"Wire cutters, maybe?" Tina suggests.
"Well then, why didn't they cut through the cuff too?" Mercedes asks.
"Probably the cuff was too tight," Artie replies. "The wire cutters have to be kind of thick to cut through and the blade probably wouldn't fit."
"Why are we keeping this from Rachel again?" Tina asks. "It might have been her."
"No way," Kurt says. "They've only been dating for three weeks. There's no way they've moved onto the kinky stuff yet. Assuming they're even having sex. Rachel doesn't seem like the type to give it up so fast."
"Maybe," Tina agrees. "Maybe not. But lately, she seems a little less intense, doesn't she?"
"True," Mercedes acknowledges. "But I just assumed Santana was making her tone it down."
"Making her how?" Artie asks.
"Don’t answer that," Kurt says. "I already have enough traumatizing images in my mind to scar me for life."
"So who do you think it was?" Mercedes asks.
"Brittany was naturally my first guess," Kurt replies. "But once again, I can't see her handcuffing Santana. Same with any of the Cheerios."
The other three nod in agreement.
"What about Puck?" Tina asks.
"I thought those two were avoiding each other this week," Artie volunteers.
"They are," Kurt nods.
They spend the rest of lunch naming possible candidates and coming up empty.
"I still don't understand why you're so sure it can't be Rachel," Tina says.
"My lovely step brother to be talks way too much about his dating experience that was Rachel Berry," Kurt answers. "I'm simply drawing conclusions from the evidence I have."
"But isn't that like comparing apples and oranges?" Artie asks. "Finn and Santana are similar only in the sense that they're both in glee and have hair. Surely dating each of them would be a different experience."
"Yes, but if Rachel's the same, why would that matter?"
"This is giving me a headache," Tina announces. "We should just ask Rachel."
"We can't," Mercedes replies. "Just in case it's not her. I don't want to upset the girl. Can you imagine the fall out? We've had enough drama."
"And it's not Rachel," Kurt adds. "Trust me."
…
Both Rachel and Santana are in Tina's last class of the day. Sitting in the back, she's able to easily observe them. She's never really thought about it, but the pair doesn't really act like they're dating. Brittany and Santana are still BrittanyandSantana; walking down the halls with their pinkies linked. Sure, seeing Rachel around red and white uniforms, not covered with slushie is starting to becoming a regular thing. But remembering the way Rachel used to glide down the hall attached to Finn or Jesse, makes Tina wonder if the whole dating thing is just weird elaborate April Fool's Joke.
Even now in class, the two are sitting nowhere near each other. Seating isn't assigned, so that can't be the reason. And people constantly switched desks, so that wasn't an excuse either.
Though watching Rachel take meticulous notes, Tina supposes it could be that Santana is currently sitting in the back row not so discretely texting.
However, when the bell rings, Rachel and Santana exit the room separately, not even acknowledging each other. Tina tries to remember if the couple is fully out in school. Maybe they only came out to glee and are keeping it concealed for the rest of McKinley, especially since tolerance at this school is nonexistent.
But once again, Tina is surprised when she exits the classroom to cat calls and whistles. Looking around, Tina sees Rachel and Santana in front of a row of lockers making out. There goes that theory.
Tina just shakes her head. She knows she and Artie aren't normal per say, but her limited dating history gives her no basis to understand Rachel and Santana's relationship.
…
Artie, Tina, Kurt and Mercedes are sure to arrive early to glee. They been spying and brainstorming all afternoon and they just can't seem to figure out who put the handcuff on Santana. Tina had suggested just asking.
"Oh? Well, then you ask her, T," Mercedes tells her.
The look of pure panic on her face is so comical, Kurt almost falls out of his chair laughing.
"So that's a no, then," Mercedes says.
Tina nods in defeat.
Oddly, Santana and Brittany arrive before Rachel does. They speculate that the pair was going to make out before anyone else arrived, because the look of disgust Santana gives them when she notices their presence makes them all shrink away.
"I thought dating Rachel would make her nicer," Tina stage whispers.
"It's only been three weeks," Kurt replies. "Give it time."
"What are you losers staring at?" Santana snaps.
"Someone's a little testy," Mercedes mutters.
"Wouldn't you be, if you had to hide a handcuff all day?" Kurt asks.
"There's something I never thought I'd hear," Artie says. "Especially out of your mouth."
"Ditto," Tina agrees.
"I agree," Kurt says. "It's been a traumatizing day."
"Hey," Finn says as he sits next to Kurt. "Why are you traumatized?"
"Uh…girls, just girls in general," Kurt stammers.
Finn looks confused for a moment before replying, "Yeah, I guess I get that."
Before anyone else can comment, Mr. Schuester enters looking haggard with Rachel trailing behind him.
"Today I think we should work on our choreography," Mr. Schuester suggests. "Our singing is in great shape, but I really want our dancing to be fluid."
"I thought we were going to work on a new song today, Mr. Schuester," Santana says.
Mr. Schuester nods. "We were, but Rachel and I talked about it. She convinced me that our routine could stand to be a little tighter."
"Oh, did she?" Santana mutters.
Rachel just turns and smirks at the Cheerio.
Everyone stands and lines up. Mr. Schuester motions Brad the piano player to start when Finn interrupts.
"Hey, Santana, aren't you going to take off your jacket?"
"Why should I?"
"Are you feeling all right, Santana?" Mr. Schuester asks. "You never dance in your jacket."
"I'm fine."
"Are you cold?"
"I said, I was fine," Santana snaps. "Just drop it."
Looking slightly offended, Mr. Schuester nods and Brad begins playing.
They're half way through the song when Mr. Schuester stops them.
"What'd you mess up now, Finessa?" Puck asks.
"I'm not even supposed to be doing anything right now," Finn protests.
"It's not Finn," Mr. Schuester says.
"That's a first," Santana says.
"Does anyone else hear that?" Mr. Schuester asks.
"Hear what exactly?" Rachel questions.
"I thought I hear a clinking noise."
Everyone stands still and listens.
"I don't hear anything, Mr. Schue," Rachel says.
"Me either."
"Fine. Try it again from the top."
This time it's Finn that stops them. "I hear it now, Mr. Schue," he announces.
Everyone stands still once more, quiet falls over the room again.
"Maybe it's your jacket, Santana," Rachel suggests, smirking at her girlfriend.
"I'm sure it's not, Rach," Santana spits out, her expression pinched.
"She might be right, Santana," Mr. Schuester says. "Do you mind taking if off just in case?"
Santana growls, but eventually nods. She removes her jacket and throws it at the nearest chair.
"Thank you."
"What's that around your wrist?" Finn asks.
"It's nothing," Santana tells him.
"Really?" Puck grins. "Cause it kinda looks like a handcuff."
"Why are you wearing a handcuff?" Finn asks. He turns to Kurt. "Is this some sort of weird new fashion thing I'm not going to understand?"
"Dude, don't be a moron," Puck tells him. "Seems someone decided to get a little kinky and lost the key. Tsk, tsk, Santana. You know better than that."
"Shut up Puckwad. I wasn't the one that lost the key."
Only half the room looks at Rachel. The other half looks at Brittany. The blonde just shrugs while the diva crosses her arms and stares back.
"Um, well, right then," Mr. Schuester says after the awkwardness becomes suffocating. "Why don't we try it again? I think we can all ignore the clinking noise, now that we know what it is."
"Exactly," Rachel agrees. "We mustn't let ourselves be distracted by the deviant behavior of some people."
Kurt gasps under his breath. "I knew it," he murmurs. "I told you guys it wasn't Rachel."
"Don't act like it wasn't your idea, Berry," Santana retorts. "Not to mention, you're the genius that lost the key."
"I did no such thing, Santana," Rachel replies. "You're the one that set it on my desk. It's not my fault that it wasn't there after."
Puck whoops as he smirk becomes lecherous.
"Too much information," Kurt whimpers.
"Bad, wrong images," Mercedes agrees.
"Hot," Mike says.
Finn turns away and begins muttering to himself.
"I think the rest of this discussion is best left for another time," Mr. Schuester announces.
"I don't know, Mr. Schue," Quinn says. "I think I have a few more questions."
"Careful, Q," Santana growls.
"Why didn't you just buy another pair and use that key?" Kurt asks.
Santana sighs. "Trust me, we tried that."
"Apparently the handcuffs they sell are completely different than police issued handcuffs," Rachel informs them.
The room is quiet enough to hear a pin drop for a full minute before Puck asks, "Why do you have police issue handcuffs?"
"Because, Noah," Rachel replies. "After doing a bit of research, I found that the handcuffs they sell in sex shops to be lacking. So I found something better suited to my needs."
"Does anyone else find that mildly creepy?" Mercedes asks.
Kurt, Tina, Artie, Quinn and Matt all raise their hands. After a moment, Finn does as well.
Rachel huffs and places her hands on her hips. She seems ready to begin a tirade in her defense.
"Oh, hey!" Brittany interrupts. "I can help."
"How?"
"I know how to pick locks," Brittany volunteers.
"You couldn't have told me that this morning, Britt?" Santana groans.
"I forgot," Brittany replies. "Does anyone have a paper clip or something?"
Mr. Schuester grabs a paperclip from the packet of sheet music he brought in with him and hands it to the blonde.
Brittany has Santana sit and hold her wrist out. They all watch in fascination as the blonde unbends the paperclip and precedes to dig in the key hole. After a minute or so, she lets out a triumphant, "A ha!" and the cuff falls to the ground.
Santana rubs her wrist as Brittany picks the cuff off the ground.
"Good," Mr. Schuester says, clapping. "Now can we please try practicing--"
"Actually, Mr. Schue," Puck interrupts. "I have a few more questions."
"I don't believe it would be a wise venture to ask them, Noah," Rachel says. "I have a feeling you wouldn't like the response."
Puck looks over at Santana who is being restrained by Brittany. He gulps. "Maybe you're right, Berry," he replies. "The floor's all yours Mr. Schue."
"Thank you, Puck. All right, everyone positions."
…
When glee is over, Kurt, Mercedes, Tina and Artie watch as Brittany and Santana link pinkies and exit right behind Rachel. Kurt notices Santana staring at the diva's ass and shudders.
Once everyone else is gone, Artie says, "It's always the quiet ones."
"In what world is Rachel Berry quiet?" Kurt asks.
"Well, maybe she's not quiet," Artie agrees. "But she's…"
"It's the sweaters and skits," Tina interjects. "It makes her seem just a little too Catholic school girl like."
"Wouldn't that make her seem naughtier?" Mercedes questions.
"Either way, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to scrub those images out of my brain," Kurt says. "If I wasn't gay before, I definitely am now."
"So you're saying that Rachel and Santana made you more gay?" Mercedes asks.
"That's exactly what I'm saying."
"I didn't think that was possible," Artie quips.
"Ha ha," Kurt replies. "Just remind me to keep my eyes trained away from those two. Today was very disappointing, gossip wise."
"We just need to pick better targets," Mercedes tells him as they stroll out of the choir room.
"Or we could stop gossiping," Tina suggests.
"Blasphemy," Kurt replies.