While we are watching Vehicle Voltron:

Keith: Ready...set...THRUST!
Me: If you ever yell out 'ready, set, thrust' during sex, I am leaving you.
Hubby: Leaving me castrated?
Me: ... You think that would be fair?
Hubby: Probably.

The dryer has taken to making stranger thumping noises when first turned on. It even does this when empty, although it eventually sorts itself out. The drum is probably out of alignment, but I don't want to pay $40 for a service call; that's one dollar for each year of the dryer's life. It's not drying properly, either, and I don't think it's just ( Read more... )

*overheard over the cubicle wall*
Coworker 1: So are the turtles keeping you up at night?
Me: Practicing ninjitsu...
Coworker 1: ...ordering pizzas...
Me: ...talking to the rat...
Coworker 2: *who's kids actually have the turtles* You two are weird.
Me: ...reporters and guys from other dimensions going in and out all the time...
Coworker 1: *laughs ( Read more... )

Me: Well, I have no idea how the mustard teleported in there, but think about it: have you seen me leave the kitchen or living room since I handled the mustard pickles?
Steve: Well, there was that brief period where I was unconscious and thought I was being abducted by aliens.
Me: That happens every time you blink.
Steve: Huh. ... OH MY GOD IT ( Read more... )

Overheard at work: "I've got plenty of proof to show how much muscle I have! It's piled eight feet high at the end of my driveway!"

This is no joke. We had three feet over snow overnight Sunday. Pics to come.


( Read more... )

After a discussion about why the bedroom is warmer than any other room in the house, despite being set to the same temperature, Hubby decides to explain to me how the heating system works, and I come out with this gem: "I know how a therma - therm...thing...works! *pause* Thermomistat!"

Oy.

Hubby: *hearing the washer start up* Oh God! I just heard the sound of money kicking in! * a moment later* Why are you starting that up now, when we're leaving in a few minutes ( Read more... )

Sometimes it isn't always Hubby...

Bengali: The [plant] monster must have been created by the pressures when the planet reformed!
Myself: That's not how you create a plant monster!
Hubby: Oh? And just how are plant monsters created?
Myself: Pft. Radiation! Everybody knows thatInternet points and cookies if you know the name of the show we were ( Read more... )

This is a conversation between my brother and my niece, Saturday at my grandmother's. She's three except she totally shouldn't be because I'm sure that much time hasn't passed.

My bro:Paige, tell everyone what we have on top of our tree.
Paige:Barbie!
Everyone:*cracks up*
My bro:*trying not to laugh too hard* No, sweetie, it's not Barbie. It's an ( Read more... )

Steve: So if the people who were here earlier come back, we'll invite them in and say "Don't mind us, we're just having supper." And if they say "Supper? This late?" we'll tell them "Yeah, well, first we have to perform The Ritual ( Read more... )