i guess he was right, i was never in love with him. i mean, it felt so much like it, and chances are its going to be the closest i get to it for a long time, but if it was in fact love, i would have not gave up. and for the most part i do have feelings for him, because those arent just going to disappear overnight, but, sometimes things are never ( Read more... )

Wow, I swear to the world that I am not pretending nor faking this, but I honestly feel over him. I've just been thinking about Mason hardcore, and I know that all the things I felt for him may somehow connect with Nick, but all the things Mason felt for me never touched anything that Nick said. And I believed Mason, and, yeah. It's weird how these ( Read more... )

I was reading through and old journal. It was going great, I was laughing at the way I was, and the things I had said, and then it stopped. I got to the days where Mason returned. "Well, you were always perfect for me. I knew it then, and I feel it now, but I'm not doing this to you anymore. I'm not trying to ignite an old flame, just trying to ( Read more... )

I'm in the process of letting go. And I have a weird feeling, with everything that has been going on, and all the thinking i've been doing....this wont take long ( Read more... )

AAAAAaaahaha. my mom is so funny....
There is a knock at the door, and I know it's Matt and them. So she was like "Are you home?" and I said "No" Because yeah, I'm vunerable and I know something would happen. So she answers the door and it's just him. and..

Is Alex here?
No. She spend the night at that one girls house.
Alaina's?No, the other girl ( Read more... )

Oh man. Complicated shit. Apparently I'm trying to ruin shit with Nick and Amanda, even though I dont talk to Amanda, perhaps I'm talking to her through my mind and we're telepathic pals. Yeah, that must be it ( Read more... )

I wonder how long it will take to get over this. ... so my doctor calls me every Friday because I'm so cool and dying like that. And I told him that I was getting sick really often. He asked me if there was anything that was making me stressed or sad or angry in my life, and I said yes to all three. He told me that the way the brain works, I guess ( Read more... )

I guess I'm a liar. I said I stopped updating, I said I was over it, I said alot of things I dont mean. Oh well, deal.....Today was, calm. Kerk came by. We went to the Mall and hung out around here. It was the first time we hung out since he ran up to me and kissed me a long time ago. He's really cool, and a good listener. It wasnt weird like i had ( Read more... )

i guess saying goodbye comes easier to some people. but it always hurts both people, even if it is just a little. and i'm going back to my not writing in there for a little bit. i just. i've lost it all.

So I'm over it I guess. I let it go and gave it up. I sort of just realized that if he really loved me then he wouldnt be with her, and if he gave a shit at all then maybe he'd let me know. But he makes no effort and he's so Nick, so, I mean. Whatever. Feelings have to end sometime so I'll be up for it when they do. As for Matt I really do not care ( Read more... )