I realize I haven't updated this journal in far too long... in fact, when I think about it, I haven't really stopped to think and reflect about my life in a while.  i think in some ways I've been going and doing and finding new projects or new things to obsess about so I don't have to stop and think or ponder, though I'm not exactly sure why... ( Read more... )

I don't think I'm ever really going to stop missing my college group.  I'm not sure if I'll ever get a friend group like that back again, and it grieves my heart.  Like C.S Lewis says- I've lost parts of all of them and of myself because we're not together.  I miss my girlfriends who I don't need to explain myself to and who always know when ( Read more... )

i seriously think it's unethical for families to decide to withdraw on a patient, but wait 3 or more days before they do it; in their minds, i'm sure they're thinking "well, we're trying to wait until it's more convenient for everyone to get there and say goodbye" but what they're really saying is "we're going to let them go on, but first we're ( Read more... )

I am really losing patients with my roommates. They NEVER seem to EVER make any consideration for the fact that I may be sleeping; I think in general they just forget about me; and i know (or want to trust) it's not meanspirited or spiteful, but it's still freaking annoying; i just got woken up (granted, only 15 minutes before my alarm was going ( Read more... )

so, i'm horrible about updating at life...

i'm trying out vlogging- giving it a whirl, i suppose... we'll see what happens. I decided to do VEDA, so you can catch a daily vlog from me there- www.youtube.com/erni414

also, shaphan and i broke up tonight; as amicably as possible.  i'm sad, and i'm going to miss him a lot, but we both have a peace about ( Read more... )

sometimes it surprises me how just listening to some indelible grace and reading my bible can calm me down.  it doesn't necessarily give me any answers, but it gives me a peace.  that even though i feel lonely and frustrated and isolated and confused that god is still with me right here, and he does know what he's doing, and i can trust him and ( Read more... )

i'm having one of those nights where i just desperately wish someone who really knows me was awake and available to talk, because i just... feel lonely, i guess.  i'm sitting in my room crying trying not to cry too loud because my roommates are sleeping, and i don't even really know why i'm crying, except i just miss everyone and everything.  i ( Read more... )

it's annoying when i come home and the front door is chained; both doors have never been still chained at the same time, but still... do we really need to chain the doors every night? whatevs ( Read more... )

So I'm feeling a wide mixture of emotions ( Read more... )

people laughing when you're tired and trying to force yourself to wake up (or tired and trying to sleep) is one of the most annoying sounds in the world ( Read more... )