My urine smells of corned beef, my cock smells of vagina - my not nearly enough, yeah kids? lol lol lol lol lol - and I managed to shave an unsightly chunk out of my left-side sideburn.

And I'm supposed to get a job? With all that going on? Pffh, get real, Granddad.

Christ I think I just put down a deposit on pussy ( Read more... )

Smarter than you, better connected than you and sneakier than a lady. Consider your chips well and truly pissed upon sir. Revenge, like cucumber, is best served cold, and with a nice dip.

If I was God - and we don't know one another so well, really, like we haven't kissed or taught one another to drive or been trapped in an elevator for ages whilst one of us gets uncomfortable holding in a fart and we make small talk that eventually slides into one of us sitting legs akimbo on the dirty elevator floor crying whilst the other pet pet ( Read more... )

Can you believe it?!?! I'll be producing the next Lil' Wayne record! Amazing huh ( Read more... )

5. KC & The Sunshine Band

4. The Munch Bunch

3. Phillip Pullman & His Dark Materials

2. Washstand & Hand Towels

1. The Extended Oxford English Reference Dictionary & Thesaurus

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samlesbury_witchesRead more... )

She's twenty, slender, pale. She learned to exploit her sex when other girls were still figuring out which fingers to stick in it. Stripper at 18, retired now. She's white; whiter than white, like White-Out white. She has a dirty laugh and she laughs at dirty jokes ( Read more... )

Once dispersed, together we again come, coagulating. Like separate strands of jism in a full bathtub. We accumulate at the self-service check-out ( Read more... )

Doing 90 in a 60 zone, we dropped gears like they were listed on the NASDAQ. Swung in left, and found a space. Tires burnt streaks in to the tarmac. Only five minutes left. Fuck, they were already dragging a train of trolleys in. A boy in a paper thin work shirt pulled a string of trolleys by their tail; like early hominids would drag their ( Read more... )