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How do you know???
At any given moment in time I can fall into, run into someone that will tell me what they think of my life and about me as a person. My mom thinks I'm not healthy, I pick the wrong men, I don't understand her, I'm emotionally retarded and I make bad choices. My dad thinks I waste time, don't use my opportunities, waste time and am not capable of ( Read more... ) -
In All Ways Dominated....
OK so here's the deal. I've just been crushed anew by the "uber-man-child" that I was in love with for the better part of my late teens and early 20's.... He's finally been given the swiftest kick humanly possible in the ass to make him permanently go away... heart will catch up... moving on... I am writing a book about our ridiculous escapades ( Read more... ) -
Breathing In and Out
OK so we ended the speculation. All ties beyond friendship have been severed. I am officially not in his world in that way, and he is not in mine. We are friends who call each other on occasion, and have boundaries. We need effing BOUNDARIES to make sense of how our relationship should be when its healthy. OK, I get it, I was holding on to ( Read more... ) -
October 11
My best friend just got engaged this evening. I am SOOOO THRILLED for her and excited about this new chapter in her life. I mean it blows my mind! Marriage. She is on her way to marriage. To forever with someone. What am I doing but kissing bastards and waiting for the one I love to get around to wanting me. Wait he says. Wait for what. ( Read more... ) -
Bringing My Heart Back.
For those that know me well, they also seem to know EXACTLY what I'm feeling and thinking. I wear it on my sleeve, on my pocket, peeking out of my collar... its really not intentional and it is to my detriment sometimes. But it makes me deal with what's real. Which is sometimes hard to face.
I am in love with an emotionally unavailable man... who ( Read more... ) -
Staying Home
I didn't go in to work today. And it felt nice. I just physically couldn't take getting up making myself look presentable and dealing with bullshit all day long. All week long. All month long. All summer long... for however long I apparently have to put up with not having a new job. I am drained, tired, angry and over it. And that's not even ( Read more... ) -
My Heart Is Broken.
Everyone I have ever loved has rejected me. At some point or another they have left me, ignored me, not called back, given me the silent treatment, left me out of their plans, told me that I misunderstood how they felt, and repeatedly ignored my attempts to reach out. And yes, these are people that I have LOVED. People that mean something to me ( Read more... ) -
It's after 2am and I'm thinking
Intimidated by the memory of you and what you meant to him only intensified my dysfunction. I wanted to let it go, be my own person, grow within the boundary we set up for ourselves, the one that worked, the one that kept us sane, but I constantly reverted. I was enough, who I was was enough, what I have brought to the table was enough. And yet ( Read more... ) -
Better Now
I talk to my Dad every day now and it has been the coolest thing getting to know him and hear his voice and hear his concern and his interest in my life and his advice. And he has been the most supportive... and you know what that means. I had a little meltdown freak out and he was around and just took it and let me vent and then helped and then ( Read more... ) -
You
I was sitting here perplexed, thinking about the patterns in my life. The things that have made inroads in my subconscious, causing me to continually misstep in a certain place, thus continuing the cycle. I am so over the sadness. I had some joy for a good few months...things were going well, falling into place. I was reaching out to the things ( Read more... )