NAME
HARRY FUCKING POTTER

HOUSE
GRYFFINDOR

THE NAME OF WHO I TURNED INTO
PANSY FUCKING PARKINSON

THE HOUSE OF WHO I TURNED INTO
FUCKING SLYTHERIN

INSTRUCTIONS BLAH BLAH BLAH

IS THIS YOUR FIRST TIME POLYJUICING?  IF NOT, HOW HAS THIS TIME DIFFERED FROM PREVIOUS EXPERIENCES?ER...OF FUCKING COURSE.  DO I LOOK LIKE A POLYJUICER?  WHAT KIND OF ( Read more... )

I FUCKING HATE CHILDREN.

THE LOT OF THEM.

YOU KNOW, I'M STARTING TO FIND THIS WHOLE GAY THING REALLY ANNOYING ( Read more... )

I JUST LOVE THIS TIME OF YEAR, WHEN A FAMILY COMES TOGETHER TO CELEBRATE THE HOLIDAY.

OH WAIT, I DON'T HAVE ONE.

I HOPE YOU INSENSITIVE JINGLEBALLS ARE ENJOYING HAVING CHRISTMAS WITH YOUR FAMILIES AND RUBBING IT IN MY FACE. I WILL JUST LOOK BACK AT SOME TIMES I WAS ANGRY. LIKE THIS ONE, WHICH IS SO BRILLIANT I THINK I WILL REPOST IT.

THE ( Read more... )

GOD, I'M SO ANGRY.

THE STUPID MUGGLE STUDIES PROFESSOR KEEPS FOLLOWING ME AROUND.  I'M STARTING TO GET REALLY UPSET WITH HER.  WHAT'S HER DEAL?  I DON'T KNOW WHO SHE THINKS SHE IS, BUT SHE'S GETTING IN THE WAY OF VERY IMPORTANT STUDIES.

WELL, SHE'S GIVEN ME A BIT OF HELP ON ONE OF MY ESSAYS, BUT I'M NOT EVEN IN MUGGLE STUDIES ( Read more... )

I FELT LIKE RUNNING.

ALL RIGHT, VOLDEMORT (YES, I SAID YOUR NAME, WOOOH, LOOK AT ME), DO YOU HAVE TESTICLES WHERE YOUR BRAIN SHOULD BE? I'VE BEEN TOLD YOU TRIED GETTING INTO THE GRYFFINDOR COMMON ROOM FIRST BY KNOCKING ('OH WHO'S THERE? YOU-KNOW-WHO? OH COME IN, I'VE JUST MADE TEA!'), THEN BY BADGERING THE FAT LADY (WHO IS A PAINTING, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU NOTICED) ( Read more... )

I CANNOT BELIEVE IT.

WHICHEVER ONE OF YOU STUCK THAT PERFORMING PLANT IN MY DORMITORY IS REALLY GOING TO GET IT.

I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF A DANCEOFFIT JUST GOT SERIOUS, COLIN, IF YOU WERE TRYING TO SABOTAGE MY AWE-INSPIRING MOVES, I'M REALLY GOING TO PUT A PRICE ON YOUR HEAD, AND ALSO YOUR LEGS, BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE, LOSER MCLOSELOSE! YOU' ( Read more... )

WOW, I'M SO GLAD EVERYBODY THAT WAS AT THE PARTY AT THE GHETTO LAST NIGHT GOT DRUNK, TRASHED THE HOUSE, AND IS NOW HIDING IN BED OR THE LOO NOW, REALLY.

BECAUSE IT WOULD REALLY SUCK IF I HAD TO DO IT ALL BY MYSELF.

OH WAIT, NO, I AM DOING IT BY MYSELF, YOU UNHELPFUL DOUCHEGIMPS! VOLDEMORT KILLED MY PARENTS, BUT YOU DON'T SEE ME USING THAT AS AN ( Read more... )

ALL RIGHT, SO I DIDN'T WALK ALL THE WAY TO HOGWARTS. I WALKED LONG ENOUGH TO GET A NICE WORKOUT AND A BURRITO, AND THEN I DECIDED TO HITCHHIKE, AND I WAS SIMPLY STANDING ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD WITH AN INNOCENT SIGN THAT SAID, 'WILL DEFEAT DARK LORD FOR RIDE' WHEN THE KNIGHT BUS COMES AND TAKES ME ( Read more... )