Dear Myself - Chapter 17
Title: Dear Myself
Author: neko-fish
Pairings: Akame, Ryopi
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Kazuya and Jin's relationship has been going downhill when help comes in the strangest way
Prologue// Chapter 1// Chapter 2// Chapter 3// Chapter 4// Chapter 5// Chapter 6// Chapter 7// Chapter 8// Chapter 9// Chapter 10// Chapter 11// Chapter 12// Chapter 13// Chapter 14// Chapter 15// Chapter 16
Chapter 17:
Jin stepped into the change room and took off his jacket and dropped his things off onto the ground rather carelessly. The others stared at him as he made his way towards them, he raised a brow, slightly uncomfortable, “Yes? Is something wrong?”
Nakamaru pursed his lips, “Do you have any idea where Kame is? He’s usually here by now…”
He gave a small shrug, “He left a note saying that he wouldn’t be going to practice today.”
Koki frowned, “Is he sick?”
“I guess? I mean he wasn’t there when I woke up so I wouldn’t know.”
The eldest looked around at the others, “that’s strange…it’s not like Kame to miss practice…”
Even Taguchi stopped playing his games and joined in their conversation, “I tried calling him earlier, no one picked up…”
Jin waved his hand offhandedly, “stop it, your anxiety’s getting to me.”
Ueda raised a brow, “are you saying that you’re not worried at all?”
“Of course I’m worried, but he probably has his reason right? I mean, you’re right, it’s not like Kamenashi to skip practice so he’s got to have a good reason right?”
The elder looked at him, unconvinced, but nodded anyways, “I suppose…”
He left out the part about the mysterious droplets of water on the table by the note.
-------------------------
During their first break, he was confronted by the leader of KAT-TUN, “Ueda? Is something wrong?”
The elder gave a shrug, “I’m just amazed at how much you can change after getting a good knock in the head.”
“Oh, you mean that amnesia thing?” He stuffed his hands in his pockets, “The doctor told me about it, took awhile to understand, but he basically told me that I just lost a month of my life, so I’m a month behind. That’s about right, isn’t it?”
“That would depend on how you look at it.” The elder sighed, finding it difficult to bring up the topic of Jin while he was in his amnesic-state, especially after their final conversation.
“Ne Ueda, I have a couple favors to ask of you.”
The younger man looked at him curiously, “What do you mean?”
“When I’m back to my old-self, please say welcome back to me or I won’t feel loved.”
He shook his head, “Never mind. But either way, welcome back.”
“And please, continue to look after me, because you’re like a big brother to me.”
Jin gave a happy smile, one he’d seen very often in the past month, “thanks.”
“And finally…when I’m gone, if I leave Kame alone…please take care of him for me.”
He watched as the A sauntered out of the room and frowned to himself, “idiot…I’d do it even if you didn’t ask me to…”
----------------------------
He sat there, mindlessly staring off into space, the frosty air was biting into his hands, but he didn’t care. His brain was slowly driving him insane with memories of the past month.
“Ne Kame, I’m hungry!”
Looking down, he stared at his hands that were folded on his knees and took in a shaky breath.
“Kame, let’s go already!!”
Giving a sniffle, he tried to even out his breathing, he was surprised he hadn’t been caught by the media yet; he hadn’t bothered to put on a disguise or anything.
“Huh? You don’t want to eat ramen?”
He looked up at the cloudy skies and inhaled again, closing his eyes for a moment, letting the tears fall onto his jacket as he thought of the other.
“No it’s fine, I can live without ramen for a day…why am I being so mature? I guess it’s because I love you, right?”
-------------------------------
During lunch, he was sitting around with Yamapi. When he first saw him he just stood there and stared, unused to seeing his friend in a mask. Pi looked over and sniffled, “I’m sick.”
“I can see that, but why?”
“Me and Ryo-chan were out in the rain for a couple hours.”
The A raised a brow, “…and you guys call me dumb…”
When the elder told the other that Kame had left a note and disappeared off to somewhere, the younger man stopped eating and looked at him worriedly, “Is he alright?”
He shrugged, “Probably. Why’s everyone asking me that?”
“Because…” his gaze turned downwards, he frowned at the thought of the younger man crying somewhere. The worst part was that he was probably by himself.
Jin’s brows furled slightly, “Because what? What exactly happened in this past month anyways? You’ve only told me about the part about you and Ryo-chan.”
Pi sighed and swallowed, looking over at the Ryo who was leaning against the wall by the door, lost in his thoughts. Jin didn’t notice the other’s presence behind him, he told the other quietly, “this past month? A lot of things happened Jin…”
“Good or bad?”
“That would depend on how you look at it.”
The A frowned, “I’ve been hearing that a lot too.”
Tomohisa nodded, “hey Jin…”
“Yea?”
“That night when you got into the accident,” he watched the other tense up, “were you really trying to leave Kame-chan?” He received no reply. After a bit he gave a small sheepish smile before putting his mask back on, “never mind, just ignore me.”
“Pi?”
He looked up at his best friend, “Hm? Oh yea, if you want to know what you’ve been like this past month, here,” he placed an envelope on the table, “you asked me to give it to you after you recovered.”
The elder looked confused, “What?”
“It’s a letter from yourself basically.”
“Hm?” Jin looked at it before picking it up and opening it. He took the letter out and read it, there was no doubt that he’d written it. The lack of kanji, the random English bits, the messy writing. He pursed his lips as he read it.
After he finished, he placed it back on the table with a deep breath.
Yamapi watched him curiously, “…Jin?”
When he received silence and an indifferent expression, he shot the yellow ranger by the door a helpless look. The other caught his look and frowned before stepping out of the room.
----------------------------
Awhile later, Ryo reentered the room with his phone against his ear, mask pulled down, the two looked over and watched him curiously. “Hello? …Kamenashi? Are you alright? ……what!? No, no, don’t even think about it! Do you hear me!? Kamenashi! Don’t you dare…no, stop! Please stop-don’t! Where are you? Okay, stay there, I’m on my way! Just stay where you are! Don’t do anything, okay? I’m coming now!”
Before Ryo could put his phone down, Jin had grabbed Yamapi’s keys off the table and had ran out of the room.
-------------------------------
Dear myself,
Hello, how does it feel to be back?
Who am I? Well…I’m you. Yea, it sounds weird but I’m you after you crashed your car and hit your head. I basically borrowed your body for a month, free of charge. I’d be lying if I told you that I regret you crashing. On the contrary, I’m quite glad you got amnesia or I wouldn’t be around now would I?
This is pretty cool, writing to myself.
Somehow, it feels like I’m writing to a stranger.
Hey, do you think that when a person regains his memories after getting amnesia, he’ll also remember the intentions he had at the time? I don’t think so. Because even as I regained your memories, they were just moving pictures, it was like watching a movie, watching a movie without a clue as to what the plot was. I sat there with no popcorn, and in suspense. I had no idea what you were thinking at the time.
To tell you the truth, I don’t want to leave. Not now, not ever. But no matter how much I fight it, it’s going to happen. Do you know how scary it is going to bed every night not knowing whether or not you were going to wake up again? But the main reason I don’t want to leave is because then someone precious to me would be lonely.
It feels like I’m dreaming…except when I truly wake up, I’ll be replaced by you. Every night, I think about it a bit. I think about waking up the next day and enjoying it, I suppose that’s my way of doing the best I can to be brave.
Ne, do you think feelings can be recalled if you weren’t there directly?
Honestly, I don’t think that’s possible either. Because if I couldn’t remember what you were feeling during all those memories recalled, surely all the feelings that I’ve felt are safe to call my own, right?
That would mean that my falling in love with Kame was purely me, my own feelings and not residues of your thoughts. Yea, this month, I’ve fallen in love with Kamenashi Kazuya. The same Kame that you used to love possibly just as much as I do now.
I wonder…do you still love him?
Like, does your heart go crazy whenever he smiles and laughs?
Do you ever want to just hold him and never let him go?
Does your writing turn incredibly sappy like mine does when you're writing about him?
Most of all, do you want to get rid of the loneliness in his eyes?
That’s what I want to do whenever I’m with him.
I can’t bear the thought of leaving him.
I find myself constantly worried about him.
I want to be able to tell him ‘okaeri’ when he gets back home.
What about you? Does he still make you feel that way?
If you don’t love him, please let him move on.
I won’t forgive anyone who hurts Kame.
Even if that person is me.
But assuming that you still like him, if he stays with you, please treat him better, I know I’m being bias but that’s too bad. Don’t take him for granted, ever, he’s very precious to me. It breaks my heart when he’s sad so I don’t ever want to see him crying because of anyone.
I’m sure you understand my feelings somehow…because you’re me right?
If he cries because of you, someway, I’ll come out and beat the crap out of you.
Actually, that’s stupid of me to say because I know it’s unavoidable. I guess we’re similar in the way we’re both idiots. And because we’re idiots, hurting people is inevitable isn’t it? Oh well, I suppose it’s just part of life.
I’m writing back to back on this piece of paper to save paper, ‘cause if I don’t, I’ll get yelled at by Ryo-chan. Anyways, this is the last piece of paper in the apartment.
No matter what you decide to do or what happens, you’ll continue to live on. You’ll continue to sing loudly and to dance with everything you’ve got won’t you? Because unlike me, you’re there to stay so the least you can do is be happy.
How can you not be?
You’re surrounded by wonderful friends that you can trust. If you’re ever in trouble, you know you can go to Pi and Ryo-chan, they’ll be there for you and they can probably understand you better than anyone. And KAT-TUN, please rely on them a little more because they’re your friends too, and they’re constantly on the brink of insanity because of you. And finally, you’ve got Kame…
If I wasn’t you, I’d be extremely jealous of you.
I’m really glad that they were there for me while I was around this past month. I probably wouldn’t have been able to do anything without them. The things you realize after starting anew hm?
Somehow it feels like I’ve just matured a little.
One final thing,
Take care of yourself, Jin.
Be happy, don’t worry!
Yourself,
Akanishi Jin
-------------------------
A/N: Second last chapter! What will happen next!? -insert suspenseful music- Yea...the letter's long and sappy, I'm basically writing whatever my brain spews out. Hope it wasn't intolerable. Thanks commenters! Enjoy!
Author: neko-fish
Pairings: Akame, Ryopi
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Kazuya and Jin's relationship has been going downhill when help comes in the strangest way
Prologue// Chapter 1// Chapter 2// Chapter 3// Chapter 4// Chapter 5// Chapter 6// Chapter 7// Chapter 8// Chapter 9// Chapter 10// Chapter 11// Chapter 12// Chapter 13// Chapter 14// Chapter 15// Chapter 16
Chapter 17:
Jin stepped into the change room and took off his jacket and dropped his things off onto the ground rather carelessly. The others stared at him as he made his way towards them, he raised a brow, slightly uncomfortable, “Yes? Is something wrong?”
Nakamaru pursed his lips, “Do you have any idea where Kame is? He’s usually here by now…”
He gave a small shrug, “He left a note saying that he wouldn’t be going to practice today.”
Koki frowned, “Is he sick?”
“I guess? I mean he wasn’t there when I woke up so I wouldn’t know.”
The eldest looked around at the others, “that’s strange…it’s not like Kame to miss practice…”
Even Taguchi stopped playing his games and joined in their conversation, “I tried calling him earlier, no one picked up…”
Jin waved his hand offhandedly, “stop it, your anxiety’s getting to me.”
Ueda raised a brow, “are you saying that you’re not worried at all?”
“Of course I’m worried, but he probably has his reason right? I mean, you’re right, it’s not like Kamenashi to skip practice so he’s got to have a good reason right?”
The elder looked at him, unconvinced, but nodded anyways, “I suppose…”
He left out the part about the mysterious droplets of water on the table by the note.
-------------------------
During their first break, he was confronted by the leader of KAT-TUN, “Ueda? Is something wrong?”
The elder gave a shrug, “I’m just amazed at how much you can change after getting a good knock in the head.”
“Oh, you mean that amnesia thing?” He stuffed his hands in his pockets, “The doctor told me about it, took awhile to understand, but he basically told me that I just lost a month of my life, so I’m a month behind. That’s about right, isn’t it?”
“That would depend on how you look at it.” The elder sighed, finding it difficult to bring up the topic of Jin while he was in his amnesic-state, especially after their final conversation.
“Ne Ueda, I have a couple favors to ask of you.”
The younger man looked at him curiously, “What do you mean?”
“When I’m back to my old-self, please say welcome back to me or I won’t feel loved.”
He shook his head, “Never mind. But either way, welcome back.”
“And please, continue to look after me, because you’re like a big brother to me.”
Jin gave a happy smile, one he’d seen very often in the past month, “thanks.”
“And finally…when I’m gone, if I leave Kame alone…please take care of him for me.”
He watched as the A sauntered out of the room and frowned to himself, “idiot…I’d do it even if you didn’t ask me to…”
----------------------------
He sat there, mindlessly staring off into space, the frosty air was biting into his hands, but he didn’t care. His brain was slowly driving him insane with memories of the past month.
“Ne Kame, I’m hungry!”
Looking down, he stared at his hands that were folded on his knees and took in a shaky breath.
“Kame, let’s go already!!”
Giving a sniffle, he tried to even out his breathing, he was surprised he hadn’t been caught by the media yet; he hadn’t bothered to put on a disguise or anything.
“Huh? You don’t want to eat ramen?”
He looked up at the cloudy skies and inhaled again, closing his eyes for a moment, letting the tears fall onto his jacket as he thought of the other.
“No it’s fine, I can live without ramen for a day…why am I being so mature? I guess it’s because I love you, right?”
-------------------------------
During lunch, he was sitting around with Yamapi. When he first saw him he just stood there and stared, unused to seeing his friend in a mask. Pi looked over and sniffled, “I’m sick.”
“I can see that, but why?”
“Me and Ryo-chan were out in the rain for a couple hours.”
The A raised a brow, “…and you guys call me dumb…”
When the elder told the other that Kame had left a note and disappeared off to somewhere, the younger man stopped eating and looked at him worriedly, “Is he alright?”
He shrugged, “Probably. Why’s everyone asking me that?”
“Because…” his gaze turned downwards, he frowned at the thought of the younger man crying somewhere. The worst part was that he was probably by himself.
Jin’s brows furled slightly, “Because what? What exactly happened in this past month anyways? You’ve only told me about the part about you and Ryo-chan.”
Pi sighed and swallowed, looking over at the Ryo who was leaning against the wall by the door, lost in his thoughts. Jin didn’t notice the other’s presence behind him, he told the other quietly, “this past month? A lot of things happened Jin…”
“Good or bad?”
“That would depend on how you look at it.”
The A frowned, “I’ve been hearing that a lot too.”
Tomohisa nodded, “hey Jin…”
“Yea?”
“That night when you got into the accident,” he watched the other tense up, “were you really trying to leave Kame-chan?” He received no reply. After a bit he gave a small sheepish smile before putting his mask back on, “never mind, just ignore me.”
“Pi?”
He looked up at his best friend, “Hm? Oh yea, if you want to know what you’ve been like this past month, here,” he placed an envelope on the table, “you asked me to give it to you after you recovered.”
The elder looked confused, “What?”
“It’s a letter from yourself basically.”
“Hm?” Jin looked at it before picking it up and opening it. He took the letter out and read it, there was no doubt that he’d written it. The lack of kanji, the random English bits, the messy writing. He pursed his lips as he read it.
After he finished, he placed it back on the table with a deep breath.
Yamapi watched him curiously, “…Jin?”
When he received silence and an indifferent expression, he shot the yellow ranger by the door a helpless look. The other caught his look and frowned before stepping out of the room.
----------------------------
Awhile later, Ryo reentered the room with his phone against his ear, mask pulled down, the two looked over and watched him curiously. “Hello? …Kamenashi? Are you alright? ……what!? No, no, don’t even think about it! Do you hear me!? Kamenashi! Don’t you dare…no, stop! Please stop-don’t! Where are you? Okay, stay there, I’m on my way! Just stay where you are! Don’t do anything, okay? I’m coming now!”
Before Ryo could put his phone down, Jin had grabbed Yamapi’s keys off the table and had ran out of the room.
-------------------------------
Dear myself,
Hello, how does it feel to be back?
Who am I? Well…I’m you. Yea, it sounds weird but I’m you after you crashed your car and hit your head. I basically borrowed your body for a month, free of charge. I’d be lying if I told you that I regret you crashing. On the contrary, I’m quite glad you got amnesia or I wouldn’t be around now would I?
This is pretty cool, writing to myself.
Somehow, it feels like I’m writing to a stranger.
Hey, do you think that when a person regains his memories after getting amnesia, he’ll also remember the intentions he had at the time? I don’t think so. Because even as I regained your memories, they were just moving pictures, it was like watching a movie, watching a movie without a clue as to what the plot was. I sat there with no popcorn, and in suspense. I had no idea what you were thinking at the time.
To tell you the truth, I don’t want to leave. Not now, not ever. But no matter how much I fight it, it’s going to happen. Do you know how scary it is going to bed every night not knowing whether or not you were going to wake up again? But the main reason I don’t want to leave is because then someone precious to me would be lonely.
It feels like I’m dreaming…except when I truly wake up, I’ll be replaced by you. Every night, I think about it a bit. I think about waking up the next day and enjoying it, I suppose that’s my way of doing the best I can to be brave.
Ne, do you think feelings can be recalled if you weren’t there directly?
Honestly, I don’t think that’s possible either. Because if I couldn’t remember what you were feeling during all those memories recalled, surely all the feelings that I’ve felt are safe to call my own, right?
That would mean that my falling in love with Kame was purely me, my own feelings and not residues of your thoughts. Yea, this month, I’ve fallen in love with Kamenashi Kazuya. The same Kame that you used to love possibly just as much as I do now.
I wonder…do you still love him?
Like, does your heart go crazy whenever he smiles and laughs?
Do you ever want to just hold him and never let him go?
Does your writing turn incredibly sappy like mine does when you're writing about him?
Most of all, do you want to get rid of the loneliness in his eyes?
That’s what I want to do whenever I’m with him.
I can’t bear the thought of leaving him.
I find myself constantly worried about him.
I want to be able to tell him ‘okaeri’ when he gets back home.
What about you? Does he still make you feel that way?
If you don’t love him, please let him move on.
I won’t forgive anyone who hurts Kame.
Even if that person is me.
But assuming that you still like him, if he stays with you, please treat him better, I know I’m being bias but that’s too bad. Don’t take him for granted, ever, he’s very precious to me. It breaks my heart when he’s sad so I don’t ever want to see him crying because of anyone.
I’m sure you understand my feelings somehow…because you’re me right?
If he cries because of you, someway, I’ll come out and beat the crap out of you.
Actually, that’s stupid of me to say because I know it’s unavoidable. I guess we’re similar in the way we’re both idiots. And because we’re idiots, hurting people is inevitable isn’t it? Oh well, I suppose it’s just part of life.
I’m writing back to back on this piece of paper to save paper, ‘cause if I don’t, I’ll get yelled at by Ryo-chan. Anyways, this is the last piece of paper in the apartment.
No matter what you decide to do or what happens, you’ll continue to live on. You’ll continue to sing loudly and to dance with everything you’ve got won’t you? Because unlike me, you’re there to stay so the least you can do is be happy.
How can you not be?
You’re surrounded by wonderful friends that you can trust. If you’re ever in trouble, you know you can go to Pi and Ryo-chan, they’ll be there for you and they can probably understand you better than anyone. And KAT-TUN, please rely on them a little more because they’re your friends too, and they’re constantly on the brink of insanity because of you. And finally, you’ve got Kame…
If I wasn’t you, I’d be extremely jealous of you.
I’m really glad that they were there for me while I was around this past month. I probably wouldn’t have been able to do anything without them. The things you realize after starting anew hm?
Somehow it feels like I’ve just matured a little.
One final thing,
Take care of yourself, Jin.
Be happy, don’t worry!
Yourself,
Akanishi Jin
-------------------------
A/N: Second last chapter! What will happen next!? -insert suspenseful music- Yea...the letter's long and sappy, I'm basically writing whatever my brain spews out. Hope it wasn't intolerable. Thanks commenters! Enjoy!