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Genderfluid and Body Dysmorphia
Is this a thing? yeah, it is..
The past 6 months have been a roller coster as I've been getting to know myself on a whole other deep level. I broke my contant with my TF - this is a whole other story in it self. Carmic bonds are torturous some times. And I really need the space. I need the space so I can give myself the love I deserve. I've ( Read more... ) -
The troubles with love
So I asked the youniverse for a loving and caring partner. I asked for someone that sees me, that makes me vulnerable, that likes to resolve conflicts and that makes me feel safe. I asked for someone I deserve. And Sir dived back into my life like a beacon. Ive been spending weeks now, analysing how I feel. Making sure that what I feel is not a ( Read more... ) -
Hibernation
I haven't been writing for a while. There's too much going on, white it also seems like the world is standing still. And a lot of things I've realised I don't want written here. Some things I keep in my private journal instead. Some things just aren't for the eyes and ears of the Internet.
But I'm holding together, somewhat. This spring is a mental ( Read more... ) -
Abandonment
All those times we were left and walked away from. Abandoned. All those times we forgave and made excuses for why this happened over and over and over again.
There's not even scars yet from this. Its all open, bleeding, wounds. That's festered through time. Torn open. Bled through again and again. But never closed up to heal.
The pain and suffering ( Read more... ) -
Breathing
Ever since the move I feel like I can breathe differently. I'm making better choices for myself. I'm putting most of my focus on what's good for me. I'm even drinking more water.
Of course it could have to do with Sir being part of my life. They make me make good choices. The love, care, and encouragements is just mind blowing to me. I'm not used ( Read more... ) -
Subspace
If you give a broken mind a place where it feels safe, it will want to stay there, and /or re-enter that space as soon as it leaves it.
There are few times in my life where I've felt safe with other people. There are few times when I've even felt safe in my own mind, as my demons have been needing a lot of time and love to stop trying to kill me ( Read more... ) -
Bees
I'm having a low point, a small dip. And this is when I realise how bad I was hurting by your neglect and avoidance. You asked me earlier today if I was OK. I thought I was. But now when I'm not, I'm far from comfortable comming to you, to lean on you, to trust that you're there.
However. It didn't take me long to reach out to Sir, and let them ( Read more... ) -
Midnight mumblings
Will I ever be good at this thing with feelings? Why am I so overwhelmed? Am I clingy to them? But they seem to enjoy it, a lot. We're dealing with this in such a weird way. Distance and closeness both at once.
I just want forehead kisses and head pats.. And falling asleep hearing them snore and wrapping me up close.
Even so. This is so weird. And ( Read more... ) -
Surprises
This weekend has been full of them. And I never thought I'd find myself here, at this place, emotionally and mentally, with you.
I had the privilege to go into subspace, fully and completely. I could relax and let go, and just enjoy myself. Allowing someone to take care of me, in every way, and just exist. I've never been more authentically myself ( Read more... ) -
Pending in worlds between
Some moments it feels like it used to. And some moments it feels utterly alien and weird. You feel cautious. Like you're holding back something. But also like you're at ease and calm.
But as we're both in the midst of our own chaos on our sides. That might just be it. I'm not surprised of the path you're walking on. But I am surprised of how easy ( Read more... )