The troubles with love
So I asked the youniverse for a loving and caring partner. I asked for someone that sees me, that makes me vulnerable, that likes to resolve conflicts and that makes me feel safe. I asked for someone I deserve. And Sir dived back into my life like a beacon. Ive been spending weeks now, analysing how I feel. Making sure that what I feel is not a reflection of old trauma or old wounds.
So I've had to do a lot of self work, a lot of self reflection. Just to figure this out. And for every day that passes, I just feel it stronger. Like a roaring fire burning everything inside of me into cinder and ash. It's like a whirlwind just taking on strength. The sheer force feels destructive. And it makes me cry, every day. Because its so overwhelming.
The more sure I get of what I want. The more I know of what direction I want to move, it's like the youniverse wants to test my resolve. Enter O. Very sweet, caring, and oh so readily attached. So much so I've had to establish strong boundaries. After all, the agreement with Sir is a very free one. Even so.. The more days that pass, the more I only want Sir. And nothing else.
I want to tell him these things. But everything inside of me just closes up. I have troubles verbalizing myself. Words fail me and my emotions take the best of me away. I become a fumbling idiot trying to express myself. I get jelouse, scared, worried, insecure. All because my emotions gets the beat of me. I'm in a state of attachment. Most likely because I'm suppressing my emotions from Sir. I'm afraid to let them know how deeply I feel. I know they have feelings too in this.. But what if they reject me anyway?