Subspace
If you give a broken mind a place where it feels safe, it will want to stay there, and /or re-enter that space as soon as it leaves it.
There are few times in my life where I've felt safe with other people. There are few times when I've even felt safe in my own mind, as my demons have been needing a lot of time and love to stop trying to kill me from the inside..
First time anyone made feel safe enough to enter subspace was T. I had just gotten out of one of my most destructive relationships. And during a normal, healthy, session, I entered subspace - I felt safe. Unfortunately, it made me completely nauseous, it made me physically sick down into my bones. And it's no wonder. I was 24, and had never felt safe ever before that point, in my life.
I did the only thing I knew, which was to run. Leave it behind. Move forward. Next time I entered subspace was in October 2020. My first dom.
The amount of work I've done with myself through the years is massive. I still felt awkward, going into that space, but it didn't make me want to run. Unfortunately it was a very short relationship, and I felt so very lost, for a long while after that.
Until now. Into my life, Sir enters in a new guise. And suddenly I find myself longing to get back into subspace under Sir's control. I feel safe, and I feel unafraid. And my mind keeps pulling me into that direction. The escape from the scars, the wounds, the demons, the shadows. One place where I can just be me, in my smallest - but also brattiest - form. Where I know that I will come to no harm.
It's triggered a new set of exclusivity in my emotional state. A tender, warm, loving nature, where I feel like I can glow, give, but also receive love in a wide format. It's all I want, only place I want to be.
I've asked the youniverse for so long to help me find that place of safety AND love, a place of trust, loyalty, care. And the youniverse brought me this. Where I don't have to choose safety over happiness. I get safety with happiness, and love.
And damn it! I deserve it ❤️