Jaejoong's Lyric | Verse 23/26: love

love_cassiopeia

Jaejoong's Lyric | Verse 23/26

Oct 25, 2008 13:49

Jaejoong's Lyric
Author: love_cassiopeia
Summary: Jaejoong - a poor yet talented musician with an impossible dream. Yunho - an educated SM producer who had the power to make Jaejoong’s unreal dream come true. They needed each other to succeed, and they were delighted they had met that magical day. But, will love get in the way of dreams? Will the two be captured by love rather than work? Only his song will tell.
Rated: NC-17
Disclaimer: I don’t own the five members, I’m simply borrowing them.
Warnings: NC-17 material, language, some angst
Genre: Romance/Angst
Pairings: YunJae | YunChun (2U/To-You)
Verse 23: Hope

Verse 23: Hope

You could almost, just almost, categorize this as the perfect moment.

But no, not completely. Not ever. Not when the friction between the two of you died long ago; not when love he had for you was broken. Not when he’s sick, fatigued, and almost dying in a hospital room.

However, if you choose to ignore every negative that came your way, the moments you’ll spend here with him today will be classified as flawless.

To love the one you treasured was a blessing, no matter how many holes were in your relationship.

It was unusually strange; feeling his cold body temperature against yours. The last few times you embraced him-slept with him-he was filled with radiant warmth, unhesitant to warm your icy heart up until your body screamed with passion. But yet, this time, ice met ice, and there was no doubt bitterness in your embrace. However, when your frozen heart met his, both hearts began to thaw and melt.

What a strange way the world worked.

Never had you thought you would be this eager to see him. You kept yourself in denial (no matter how ridiculous it was), and wasn’t able to admit the answers your heart was admitting now.

Your Yunho breaks apart from you to catch his breath. Then coughs-not just slightly, but rigorously into the blankets. It shatters your soul to see such pain inflicted on him. Yunho deserved a punishment, but not this.

In your attempts to stop him from coughing, your tears begin to fall (for who knows what number of times it has since you met him). You just can’t take all this in. It’s just… too much.

“Stop crying.” He orders, trying to recover from his sudden cough. “You don’t like to cry in front of an audience, remember?” He reminds.

His teasing was making it harder and harder to hold back the tears. “Shut up! I’m not afraid to cry!” You explain stubbornly. “I’m just afraid to cry in front of you!”

His feeble smile fades, and is replaced by astonishment on his handsome features. “Why?” He asks-more of a statement than a question. “I’m not worth it, Jaejoong.”

“Yes you are!” You’re so sick of his lies-whether they were close to the truth or not. “I never chose to let out my tears in front of you because I’m afraid. I’m afraid that I’ll hurt you; that my tears will lead you to your own. I’m afraid to lose you, and yet, I want to lose you. I have every reason to hold back my tears, so I will!”

He grins once again as you wipe away the tiny liquid particles off your face. You just can’t escape him, no matter how hard you want to. You were crazy for him.

You decide to break the bitter silence that was stretching out between the two of you.

“So, I heard you were drinking at bar, in order to forget about me.”

He’s astonished of how much you know, but still nods to agree with your statement. He seems somber-guilty, almost.

“Why?” This time, you decide to ask the question. “Why must you hurt yourself even more?”

The idiot before you refuses to answer. You think he’s stubborn, or ever afraid to give you an apparent response. You can’t blame him though; not after all he’s been through.

So instead, you take the brave road and answer for him.

“Yunho, I know how hard it is to live… especially after what happened.” You explain. “It’s difficult for everyone to let go-even if you’re the strongest person alive. But if you can’t let go, then don’t even try to let go.” You place your hand on his frozen arm to offer the sick man some comfort. “It’s been so hard these past few months-with this singing career, without you guiding me through this. Everything was such a mess I had wanted to abandon it all. I tried so hard to erase you from my mind, but the harder I tried, the clearer your image came striking back.”

There was a familiar silence after your uncontrolled statement. You wish there wouldn’t be. You just wished he would talk directly instead of spreading silence into the room.

“You’re wearing the cross necklace.” He remarks irrelevantly.

You laugh. “I see you are, too.”

“When did you choose to retrieve your necklace?” He asks, the most suspicious tone in his voice.

“Well, let’s just say your Park Yoochun returned it to me a while ago.” You explain concisely. “Oh, and don’t worry, I’m not going to ask you why it was in his hands in the first place.” You comment sarcastically.

He sighs. “So he’s the one who took it.”

You nod, looking into his pupils with confidence. You missed this Yunho. You missed the innocent, vulnerable, truthful, genuine Yunho you first met at the audition. And here he was again, before your very eyes. Although a part of him was familiar, you knew the other part has drastically changed.

“I’m going to make a deal with you.” You suggest when an idea lights up in your mind. “If you are able to accomplish this task, I will forgive everything that you’ve done, and accept your emotions for me. However, if you don’t, then you can forget about me once and for all.”

His face lights up with astonishment. “Task, what task?”

“It’s easy.” You explain. “I’m having an album showcase in a few days, and I will be performing for a crowd of 30,000 guests. All I’m asking is for you to show up at the event, nothing more.”

He lifts an eyebrow in confusion. “How will you know that I’m here when you’re performing for a crowd of so many?”

You can’t help but grin at his ridiculous question. “My fan-club will be holding red glow sticks to represent themselves. However, I will inform the guards at the main gate to give you a green one. If I am able to see a single green light among the red, I will know that it is you.”

Although your preparations were well-planned, you couldn’t help but notices holes on its foundation. Yunho was horrendously sick; how was he going to be able to attend your concert?

It might as well be futile-

“I’ll come.” He promises, breaching your trail of worries. “No matter what condition I’m in, I’ll go.” He vows.

You didn’t know whether it was tears or laughter that came about you after his last statement. All you can do is hold out a pinky and utter the word “promise?” to him.

He entangles his pinky in yours and nods-not just a normal nod, but a nod that carried your promise vigilantly. He had kept true to the first promise you proposed to him (even after all the modifications), so why not this one?

You give him another one of your bright grins. “Thank you.” You tell him. “I’ll be looking forward to everything.”

As the hours flew by, you continued to stay beside him, holding his hands and praying for his health to recover. It wasn’t until eight in the evening when the nurse entered, warning you that visitor’s hours were about to come to a conclusion.

Although Yunho was asleep by then, you could still feel the pain he experienced when you silently left the room. No matter how many rules you would break, you wanted to stay beside him, forever, making sure he was okay.

With you, Yunho doesn’t need a doctor or a nurse anymore. You would risk your own life to keep him alive.

As you enter your car and drive away from the hospital, you feel as if nothing in your life has changed. Tomorrow would be the same as today: filled with interviews, recordings and senseless promotions. It was just so pointless; you wanted to toss away everything.

Yunho was your melody. Without him, a note was unable to escape your dry throat.

You just wish-with all your heart-that he will be there for the concert. Because if he doesn’t, all this will end, no matter how many sugary memories he had created with you.

And yet, you still love him. You want to, and yet, you don’t.

***

One day before Kim’s Jaejoong’s album showcase.

***

You were so sick of it. Sick of this world. Sick of everything. Out of everything you have, you just don’t see how you can deserve it.

You never would’ve signed up to be a musician if you were informed beforehand about the consequences it brought along. The life of a vocalist as you imagined was different: with hours of composing music, adjusting recordings, and singing at the top of your lungs. However, the job description for your career was different. And you couldn’t change it, no matter how much you desired to.

Instead of composing music, you were asked to compose advertisements, all of which were needed to promote your up-coming albums and singles. Instead of letting you adjust your own recordings, the producers did, leaving you to avoid the paparazzi that tailed closely behind you, stalking your every move. And instead of singing at the top of your lungs, your heart scram at the top of its lungs, wishing you would have your old life back. Do you remember, Jaejoong? Those auspicious months you spent with Jung Yunho, the man whom you were crazy over? Do you remember?

Of course you do, how could you forget it?

Luckily, the darkest days of your music career were coming to a desperate finale (although you admit those weren’t the last of them). The past few days have been considerate of you, offering a showcase concert you were eager to prepare for. Instead of autograph sessions and interviews, your schedule was filled with rehearsals and vocal sessions-most of which you had no problem committing to. In fact, you rehearsed day and night, staying in the studio until one AM to adjust the errors in your guitar chords and singing mistakes. You need to be 150% prepared for this, because he will be there, and you had no intention whatsoever to disappoint him.

It has been over a week since you last came face to face with him. Without him beside you, you couldn’t help but feel so far away from him (almost like you didn’t have any connection with him at all). It didn’t make sense, not when you held his hand in yours but couldn’t feel his touch upon your fingertips.

Due to your busy schedule, you were prohibited to contact him or visit the hospital to accompany him. Even though you were frustrated at your tight schedule, you perfectly understood that a part of you was unable to see him. You had proposed a deal with him-that if he attended your concert, he would be declaring the fact that his love for you was genuine. However, if he doesn’t come, all of this will come to a dead end, no matter how much you’ll wish for it to continue.

But it was for your own good, was it not? If you continued to stay with a person who paid no attention to your emotions, then you will be the only person who will get hurt in the end.

Day by day, the rehearsals tripled in size. As it got closer and closer to the big event, all that was left on your mind was Yunho. Yunho, Yunho, Yunho. You couldn’t think about another thing more, and it was getting harder and harder to concentrate on your task at hand.

What if he never shows up? What if he’s too sick to show up? What if he chooses to abandon your love? Would it end like that? Would months and memories of being together with him all end in that one last moment?

But it can’t, you will never allow such a horrible event to occur. Which is why you rehearse every moment, perfecting every note that strode from your lips until they were polished enough for Yunho’s own ears to hear.

You need to be Jaejoong for this concert; the Jaejoong Yunho fell in love with-no one else. You need to perform flawlessly, and direct him into your love with your melody.

You hope at all costs that he would be able to make it.

…because deep inside you, you knew you missed him, you knew you wanted him…

And with no doubt, you knew you loved him.

Let’s perform.

jaejoong's lyric