Jaejoong's Lyric Verse 13/?

[love_cassiopeia]

 


J a e j o o n g ’ s L y r i c
Author: love_cassiopeia (Cindy)
Summary: Jaejoong - a poor yet talented musician with an impossible dream. Yunho - An SM producer who could make Jaejoong’s unreal dream come true. They needed each other to succeed, and they were delighted they had met that magical day. But, will love get in the way of dreams? Will the two be captured by love rather than work? Only his song will tell. 
Group: TVXQ/Dong Bang Shin Ki
Rated: NC-17
Disclaimer: I don’t own the five members, I’m simply borrowing them.
Warnings: Yaoi/slash, smut, language, some angst
Genre: Romance/Angst
Pairings: YunJae | YunChun (To-You)
Note: I will be starting a new fic soon~
Verse thirteen : Awake

Book Cover | Movie Poster | Promo 1 |

J a e j o o n g ’ s L y r i c

Verse 13: Awake




You remember it, do you not?

Your final days together, his final words that strode from his lips-it was all too familiar to you. The memories rained onto you like scattered pieces of anguish-most of which you could not understand. You couldn’t deny it, no matter how hard you tried, you just couldn’t forget that day. That day-when everything fell apart.

***

After a long holiday filled with uproar and commotion, the three of you-Jaejoong, Changmin, and yourself where scheduled to spend another string of endless hours in the recording studio-perfecting what you did best: music. Not long before the holidays, Junsu debuted, leaving Changmin to assist you with Jaejoong’s intense vocal training. It was this fraction of the year when the higher ups at SM began to disband people from the company-bring in new employees to fill in the positions. You’ve seen it done a couple of times, and you felt completely remorseful for the people who had left. It was extremely unreasonable, and you were fearful that one of these days-they would do the same to you.

You had received your position in SM not too long ago-two Januarys ago if you could recall the exact date. You were still a university student at the time-until Changmin hired you as an intern in hopes of assisting him in his song writing. After long days of hard work and uphill struggle, SM let off your internship and willingly hired you, leaving you free to cast new trainees as they poured in through the auditions. It looked fairly simple-as you watched Changmin do it so logically day and night. It would be a straightforward and effortless job as you suspected; no pressure, no anxiety, no-

But oh, you were so far from right.

After two years of pure impatience, you were finally able to find a reasonable vocalist that Changmin and Shiwon would approve of. With this, and a little bit of extra hours in the studio, you could make your long awaited dream come true (as well as Jaejoong’s, of course). Everything was slowly falling into place-his voice, your experience, and most of all, the love that the two of you shared.

“Jaejoong, great job. That was the best I’ve heard all day, keep it up.” You remark as he finishes the song, the last note still tingling in your ears. After three mere months, Jaejoong had improved a great deal-changing everything from his constant breathing and vocal range to his vibrato and stage presence. Everything had worked out so well, and you had thanked fate to a great extent for bringing the two of you together. Holding onto the necklace among your neckline, you smile at him, remembering the promise you shared deep within your heart.

It wasn’t until March when Jaejoong was scheduled to debut. Changmin had told you countless reasons why: how it could affect Junsu’s career, and the trouble he would have in the industry without being properly trained. However, it didn’t matter to you. Patience was a virtue, and you were more than able to endure another two months in the studio with your lover.

Looking through his songs curiously, you find his first song-he called it Silent Lovers, did he not?-You had felt that he could debut well with this song, as well as Footsteps, a song Changmin recently wrote for him. There was also Maze, and Insa, and…

Disrupting your thoughts, Changmin walks into the recording studio, a pile of papers in his hands (like always). He seems troubled-almost worried, and the usual gleam in his eyes seemed to have disappeared today. Looking upon his apprehensive visage, you help him with the pile of papers while you set them down neatly on the desk alongside the soundboard.

He smiles at you-almost weakly you could tell. Being completely curious and inquisitive, you decide to ask him what’s wrong, hoping he’ll give you an answer in return.

“Changmin… is there something wrong?”

He seems dazed, almost upset. He turns to you suddenly, sitting himself onto a chair before uttering any words.

“Yunho… I’m…”

You smile at him. “It’s okay; tell me, I’m sure it won’t be that bad, right?” You nudge at his shoulders, expecting your old friend to smile back. “I mean… I’m your friend… if you have any problems, you can always tell me.”

“Hyung…” The expression on his face deepened, revealing a vivid expression of grief and sorrow.

“Yunho… I think we should talk about this in private… and not include Jaejoong in our conversation.” He motions his hand to the glass window leading to the recording booth-where Jaejoong stood there, motionless, wondering what had brought Changmin into the studio. “Jaejoong… I’m not sure if he could handle it.” He tells you, his voice still nervous and shaking.

You nod to fulfill his request. You turn the speakers down, and tell Jaejoong to return to his rehearsing and scales. With Jaejoong completely occupied and Changmin the only one left in the room, you were prepared to hear his story-no matter how horrible it was.

“I understand you have great feelings for Jaejoong…” He begins. “That day… when I caught you guys kissing in the recording studio… I knew it was genuine-and not just a fake scene.” He looks up at you, his pupils becoming a bit darker. “I want to apologize, for making you fall in love with him only for career purposes. I know it was a wrong thing to do to hold you against your will.”

You shake your head at him, acknowledging his comment. “Not at all. Jaejoong and I have gotten along due to that reason-and in fact, I think you helped me build a stronger relationship with him.” You sigh, looking back at the beautiful boy in the studio. “He’s improved a lot, hasn’t he?”

Changmin’s worried expression tripled, making you wonder what had bothered him so significantly. He closed his eyes and sighed, preparing himself to tell you what your ears didn’t want to hear.

“Yunho… I’m sorry.” He tells you. “But…SM wants to disband you.”

“Oh really? That’s-“

Before finishing up your sentence, you refrain Changmin’s verse in your head. SM wants to disband you. Not wanting to accept his words, you repeat each word in your head, wondering what they meant.

SM. Wants. To. Disband. You.

It didn’t take long before you understood what his words intended to carry out. It was that time of year again-where Lee Soo Man* became extremely bored and threw away old employees to other companies. Being only in SM for two years, you became an obvious victim-even though not a nerve in your body was ready for it.

You stepped back, shocked at his comment. “Disband me?” You ask, repeating Changmin’s words. He nods back at you, his expression becoming blank.

“I’m sorry, Yunho. I know how much you want to work for SM but-“

“So where will I be transferring to?”

A smile seems to have reappeared on his innocent face, his voice becoming a bit brighter as he says his words. “You will be transferring to YG entertainment** headquarters in Incheon.” He informs you, his smile growing a bit wider. “I thought it would be appropriate-since you told me Yoochun works at YG and stuff-so I recommended it to Soo Man, and he seems to approve of it.”

Changmin, you idiot! You wanted to say to him. Incheon? YG? If you transferred to Incheon, you would have to deal with your old lover again! Didn’t he know how hard it was for the two of you talk together? When Yoochun met you at the café that other day, he was disappointed in you-almost apparent like he didn’t love you anymore. You wanted to break apart from him-never talk to him again, to never remind him of your broken promise. So how the hell were you supposed to go back there, and work alongside your former lover?

You sigh; bringing a hand up to your face. You put on a façade of smiles and grins, hiding the fact that inside, you were furious. You place a hand on Changmin’s shoulder, tapping him on the back gently. “Thanks… Changmin…” You lie, not meaning a single word. You look at Jaejoong-and the calm expression on his face as he sings. “I’ll be able to bring Jaejoong along, wouldn’t I? I mean… it was me who…”

Changmin exhaled, hanging his head down to look at the ground. “That’s the hard part…” He tells you. “Jaejoong will not be staying with you.” He regretfully utters. “He will be staying here in SM, while I will continue with his training for his debut in March.”

After the last words strode from his mouth, you eyed Changmin skeptically until the point when you can’t look at him anymore. You laugh gently to his story. “You’re joking, right? I mean… Jae-“

He shakes his head, looking upon the ground again. “I’m sorry, Yunho… I know how much he means to you…but…” He pauses, only to shift his feet nervously on the ground. “That’s Soo Man’s decision… he will have no way of changing it once it’s decided. For the both of you to succeed completely, you must part from each other. You will go to Incheon, and Jaejoong will stay in Seoul to continue his training in SM.”

When Changmin’s sentence was finished, you had wanted to block your ears-wishing you had heard none of this crap as you stood in the studio, speechless. You wished you had never woken up this morning-and instead stayed home with Jaejoong-with no one to interrupt you. You wished and you wished. You wished you would wake up. But no, Yunho… this is not a dream, this is your reality.

Becoming almost petrified, you tried your best to squeeze out a reply. “B-But… can’t you do anything about it? I mean… Jaejoong…” You look towards him. He was still rehearsing as hard as he could-perfecting his voice until he had no energy left to do so. “Jaejoong needs me.” You tell Changmin. “There’s no way we can part… not now, at least!”

He bit his bottom lip, swallowing hard as your last sentence made its appearance. “I’m sorry to bring you such bad news…” He apologizes, yet again-for who knows how many times he had apologized today? “But those are his plans… you know SM nowadays, and the chaos we have around here. You have to understand, Yunho…please.” He begs you, his words solemn and serious. “This is what’s best for Jaejoong-and you.”

With your shoulders drooped, you had wondered why this was happening to you-repeating itself for the second time. It was enough when Yoochun had parted from you-now fate had made itself to Jaejoong, shattering the pieces of your future together-which you will never see now. Letting out a sigh, you glance up at him-the beautiful ebony-haired beauty that captured your heart so effortlessly. You would not let him go. Never.

And even if you were left with no choice but to let him go, the aftermath would be difficult-or merely impossible to handle. It was a thought you had never thought of thinking before-but now it was here, conquering over your whole mind, bit by bit.

It had seemed like history was repeating itself, had it not? An incident like this one had happened five years ago, didn’t it? Except, that time-it was with Yoochun.

Putting on a fake smile, you tried to abstain yourself from letting out the anger that had rose so brutally inside of you. You bring yourself to a chair, letting your body sink into the soft cushion as you hoped you would finally wake up from this hell of a nightmare.

Rubbing your eyes with your fingers, you let out a sigh. “The hardest part would be telling Jaejoong.” You remind Changmin, looking upon the white ceiling with your empty eyes. “There’s no way he’ll be able to handle it.”

The brunette exhales, his eyebrows furrowing skeptically. “But you guys do live in the same apartment, right?” He questions. “So you can always tell Jaejoong when you get home-“

“Tell me what?”

A voice appeared from the doorway-a deep, raspy, sensual voice you recognized too familiarly. The boy that owned the voice leaned against the door, holding an innocent expression as he stared back curiously, wondering what was causing the uproar of commotion. Looking into his glassy eyes-you realized-you would soon have to leave this boy.

“Uh… Yunho just wanted to tell you that…” Scratching his head nervously, Changmin looked to you in puzzlement, hoping you would make up a reasonable story to give to Jaejoong.

“…that I’ll be leaving work right now.”

Jaejoong’s curious expression was replaced by a rather large grin, its brightness gathering at the corner of his lips. “That’s great! I’ll just have enough time to make you kim-bab for dinner tonight!” He grabbed his messenger bag from his chair, and slung it over his shoulders. “The earlier you get off work, the more time for us-right?”

“Yeah…” You nervously add. “About that-“

“Oh, Yunho, it’s okay. I’ll make you whatever you want! If you don’t like Kim-bab, I can always make you something else, right?”

You roll your eyes. “Right.” You add emotionlessly.

“Okay… I guess I should be leaving now, shouldn’t I?” Putting a fake smile upon his features, Changmin awkwardly walked to the nearest exit of the recording studio. “I mean… I guess I shouldn’t stick around to hear what the each of you has to tell each other, right?” Stepping his way out of the studio, he mouthed the words ‘good luck’ to you, hoping you would carry out your mission successfully.

You gaze back at Jaejoong-trying to hold back the tears that spun around at the back of your eye sockets. Putting all your effort into stopping the tears, you stood still-not once looking away from Jaejoong’s marble eyes.

He smirks, giving you a slap on arm. “Yunho, snap out of it.” He tells you. “Let’s go home, and ditch this place, k?”

Following him towards the door, you let out a silent reply. “Yeah… let’s ditch SM.”

***

“Jaejoong… this is-you didn’t have to do this!”

Feeling overwhelmed and speechless, you let your eyes scan above the table and over all its contents. To your surprise, Jaejoong had kept to his promise-making you a feast big enough to feed an entire army. He had made every dish possible-desserts, kim bab, salads-everything imaginable to anyone’s taste buds. And, as you looked down upon the feast, you couldn’t help but feel your stomach growl constantly while your eyes met up slowly with Jaejoong’s.

“It’s completely fine!” He consoles. “Besides… we finally decided on the debut, today, right? So I guess we should celebrate properly.” He pulls out a chair for you, his hamtaro apron still worn across his lean figure. “Sit down, Yunho!” He commands persuasively. “God, what’s wrong with you today? You seem all nice… and grateful, and nervous…”

“I’m not nervous.” You lie, covering up the trace of doubt that lingered unstoppably in your heart. “I’m just…surprised…”

He smiles. “Whatever, just eat.” He urges, piling a few pieces of salad onto your plate.

You growl at him, surprised to see what he had brought onto your plate. “Lettuce…” You utter. “I hate lettuce…”

He rolls his eyes, ignoring your comment. “But I made this especially for you!” He whines. “It might not seem like it, but it’s good for you!” He encourages, putting more onto your plate. “EAT IT.” He forces a bit into your mouth, adding a taste of raw vegetables and ranch dressing into your taste buds.

“Yeah… and what if I don’t?” You say in between bites, grabbing the fork out of his hands.

He lifts up his eyebrow flirtatiously. “Then I won’t sleep with you tonight.”

You snort. “Right.” You utter, unenthusiastically. “Like there’s another bed in this house.”

“Which means you’ll have to sleep on the couch!”

“But this is my house!” You counterattack, looking at him seriously.

He laughs, dropping into his seat. “I know! But knowing you… you’ll never allow me to sleep on the couch.”

“Whatever.” You state, a bit sourly than you would usually say. Picking up your chopsticks, you grab a few pieces of lettuce and shove it into your mouth. It wasn’t so bad-being that your lover had made it so that you would eat it. You wouldn’t let his food go to waste-or the love he had put into making the meal.

“Haha! I knew it! I knew you would eat it!”

Ignoring his comment, you stare at your plate, and then at the whole table. He had spent hours putting together a meal for you, and now-you would have to tell him what he never intended to hear. Looking at the cheerful expression among his face, you knew he wasn’t ready, and it pained you to see such a positive expression on his features. What would he do after you told him? What would his expression be then?

It was time to find out.

“Yunho… you seem… down.” He confronts you. “What’s wrong…?” He asks curiously.

Filled with hesitation, you decide, once and for all, to tell him. “Jae… I…”

“Yes?” He looks back at you, blinking his beautiful brown eyes so that his eyelashes were visible.

“The truth is…” You begin, wanting to shut off your ears so you were unable to hear what was about to escape your lips. “I have some bad news…” You state. “Well… some horrible news actually.” You confess.

Jaejoong looks up from his plate, taking his eyes off the food ahead of him and into your eyes. He sighs as he puts his chopsticks down, and pulls his full attention to you-his eyes glued to you like a statue.

“Life is full of bad news, is it not?” He asks you, a bit seriously. “Whatever it is, I guess we’ll have to deal with it one way or another.” He admits silently. “I believe we’ll be able to get through this-whatever it is.”

We? More like you, and him, alone. “But this is terrible news, Jaejoong!” You protest. “You might want to brace yourself for this! I’m not sure if you can handle this!”

He snorts. “What could be the worst that could happen?” He jokes. “It’s not like SM is disbanding you and you have to transfer to another company and leave me, right?” He laughs, putting his chopsticks up to his lips as he continued eating nonchalantly. “Puh-leeze!”

…

“Actually…Jaejoong… that is the bad news.” You admit shamefully.

He spits the food out of his mouth instantly and frowns at you. Slowly, a smile reappeared on his face, confusing you undeniably. “You’re kidding… right?” He laughs, leaning back in his chair. “Yunho… I’m not as gullible as you think!” He stops his giggling as he sees the melancholy expression upon your face. “Tell me that you’re joking, Yunho!” He advocates seriously. “Please!”

Of course I’m kidding! Why would SM disband me, anyway? I’m one of their best employees right? I was totally testing to see how gullible you were!-You wanted to tell him those words. You wanted to-so bad that it didn’t become a sin to lie anymore. You wanted to see the smile on his face reappear while he rolled his eyes with irritation at your lame joke. You wanted to lie to him-more than anything you had wanted to do in your entire life. But what would lying do? What would it accomplish? Nothing. That’s right-nothing at all. The only possible decision ahead of you was to tell him the solid truth (no matter how much it hurt).

“I’m not kidding.” You remark as you hang your head, losing all your appetite in the delicious food in front of you. “I just heard the news today… Changmin told me while you were rehearsing in the studio.” You grab hold of Jaejoong’s hand gently from the other end of the table, massaging it softly as you held it to your chest, allowing him to feel your thudding heart. “I will have to move to Incheon, so that I will be able to work in YG entertainment.” You disclose remorsefully. “I’m sorry…” You apologize between breaths-unable to hold the tears forming in your eyes back. “I’m so sorry, Jaejoong.” You look down, refusing to see the expression upon his beautiful features.

Moments of silence stretched between the two of you, sending daggers flying into your heart, piercing your soul into pieces. For the first time in your life-you had refused to look up and stare into his beautiful countenance. Why? Because you were afraid. You were afraid of what you might see back. You don’t want to see his pain, you don’t want to see his frown, and most importantly, you don’t want to see tears among his aesthetic visage.

So you waited, you waited for him to say something before doing anything reckless-like you always do.

An outward sigh appeared to escape his lips. “So… I’ll be staying in SM… while you move to-where again?”

“Incheon.” You repeat for him. “Soo Man had already booked me a train ticket there tomorrow. So I will probably be able to leave by tomorrow night.”

Having the courage to finally look up, you saw that Jaejoong held a calm expression-no tears, no frowns-not one single expression upon his woman-like features. He seemed to be taking maturely-the complete opposite of how expected him to take it. Staring a bit deeper into his eyes, you could swear you saw a trace of sadness-deeply hidden within his dark pupils. He hid it well-for a normal person would not have recognized it so easily.

You knew what he was doing. It was all too familiar to you. He was hiding the grief and misery within him so the pain would not be visible to you. He kept the pain inside because he didn’t want it to burden you. He locked up his tears so you would never see it, and break into tears yourself.

You knew the tactic too well. Besides, weren’t you the one using it five years ago? When Yoochun left you?

Yoochun this, Yoochun that. You wanted to forget about him, permanently. This was a time for Jaejoong-and he had no right to interrupt your thoughts at the moment. It has been five years already, it was time for you to be forgetting about him, once and for all.

However, was that possible in Incheon? When the two of you would have to work alongside each other?

Still grasping tightly onto his hands, you feel it twitch suddenly. The veins in his hands were convulsed, almost refusing to obtain the blood being pumped out by his heart.

“Jaejoong, I understand how you feel.” You console, looking into his glassy eyes with confidence. “But… I don’t have to leave you, Jaejoong. I can stay here in Seoul-and wait for you. I can stay with you until you debut and become successful as a recording artist. Incheon is not required for me-I don’t need to go there.” You admit humbly.

Silence, still-the boy ahead of you refused to speak.

He let his hand let go of your grasp rapidly. Surprised by his actions, you gasp, not being able comprehend his actions. “Stop it, Yunho!” He orders you. “Just stop it!” He demands. “Hear yourself-going on like I’m the only one in your world! You don’t need to stick around in Seoul just for me! It’s useless! I’m…” He pauses, taking a big breath before he begins again. “I’m… I’m just one person. I’m not special… I’m just Jaejoong with talent… but you, Yunho-you deserve better than just Jaejoong.”

He furrows his brows. “Look, Yunho.” He murmurs, his voice level a bit lowered. “You told me before that your dream was to become a music producer-to write songs, to manage concerts, to live a life of music! Has that all changed now? Has that all changed because I popped into your life?” He exhales heavily. “Because I love you, I want what’s the best for you! Now all that matters is if you are willing to take the chance! You will have a great time in YG! You’ll learn lots-and you’ll find someone else just as good to write music for. And besides… we will still be able to communicate through phone and email, right? It’s not like we’ll have to part mentally, right?” It looked as if he had tears upon his marble eyes now. He let a tear escape, wiping it quickly to veil his weakness. But you noticed it-it didn’t escape from your sight. “Yunho, to think that I’m a burden to you-it really upsets me.” He admits. “I miss the old Yunho… the old dream chasing, optimistic Yunho.”

You glare at him skeptically, feeling your heart pounded into fragments by his heart breaking words. “How can you say I’ve changed?” You question, curiously. “I’ve only changed because of you! Because you made my life shine-you made me different. You made me see love in a new perspective!”

He smirks, his eyes filled with anger. “Oh, that makes me feel wonderful, Yunho! To make me feel like I’m the one who’s changed the one I fell in love with into a complete stranger!” He laughs so he can hide his tears. “If the old Yunho was asked to transfer to YG-he would’ve agreed!”

…

You refused to say anymore after his sour sentence. You couldn’t believe that Jaejoong-the one you’ve treasured for so long, was now yelling at you, disappointed at you. Because of your love for him, he was slowly falling-that is, falling out of love with you.

“I’ll be leaving.”

“What?” He asks, unable to believe his ears. “You’re that mad at me?”

“No, you idiot! I’m supposed to be cleaning out my office right now!” You look at your watch. It was 8:30. The SM entertainment doors would close at 9:00. You had to hurry to the company so you could reclaim your office supplies and materials. You put your chopsticks down, leaving the unaffected meal lifeless and untouched on the table. You stand up, walking to the door to exit your large and fancy apartment.

“So I’m the idiot now, aren’t I?” You hear him say behind you. “I guess I am… cooking a meal for you that would eventually go to waste…”

That was enough! You slammed the metal door behind you, refusing to hear anymore of his insane words. Locking the door behind you, you lean against the door, unable to move as the events of tonight replayed continuously in your head. Slowly lowering yourself to the floor, you feel a light liquid in your eyes-what were they called again? Tears, was it? You haven’t felt the sensation of tears for centuries. Ever since you’ve met Jaejoong-tears was a rare sight to see on your face.

But why were you crying now? Why? You couldn’t understand.

You just loved him so much.



Seeing the tall, handsome, charismatic man depart himself from his own apartment sent needles into your heart. It didn’t make sense-why did you love him so much? Why did you have to adore him so much, that in the end, you were the one that he maimed? It made no sense. Love itself made no sense. Whatever, you didn’t expect it to make sense, anyway.

You couldn’t help but feel remorse as your eyes laid on the unfinished meal. After all the effort, all the hard work, he only ate one bite. You wanted him to eat everything-to eat it so he could fill himself up with your love.

What to do with all the food?

Throw it away? Leave it and eat it tomorrow? So what about that cake? The frosted strawberry cake you had finally perfected today? What were you going to do with that?

You didn’t want to put it all to waste-so you left it as it was, and hoped Yunho would do the same with his feelings for you.

Cleaning up the rest of the meal, you throw yourself onto your bed. Or-it was Yunho’s bed-but the two of you had made it ‘ours’ after that one night. Smelling his masculine scent on the pillows, you feel bits of liquid forming in your eyes-willing to fall out at any second.

So, you let them. You had hid them long enough already. You might as well give your muscles a rest and allow them to fall, right?

Rubbing your eyes in a frustrated manner, you wished you would wake up. You tried and tried-you even tried pinching yourself. But you couldn’t wake up from this nightmare. Why? Was there still more to this dream?

No. Because you knew that there was no more. You had refused to admit it all along, but…

You were awake.

***

*Lee Soo Man (born June 18, 1952) created the well-known Korean entertainment company SM Entertainment, specializing in K-pop groups.

**YG Entertainment (Korean: YG 엔터테인먼트) is a record label from Korea.



Oh Gosh, please don’t kill me for messing YunJae up! I know you all hate me for doing it, but please understand, okay?

Now, Yunho’s going to YG, where Chun is… and he’s leaving Jaejoong as well. Hm… Yunho needs to be a good boy and behave himself =/

Ah… 12 pages of this in one day… I seriously need some sleep now >_< Buh-bye~~~

Oh shoot, I'll have to start my new fic soon, and download the entire 3rd live tour to watch... and update this fic too... too busy >_<

Oh, and please comment~ I love your comments ^.~

~Cindy

Chance | Sing | Conversation | Interruptions | Spark |  Microphone | Flirt | Again | Flame | Gift | Miracle | Promise | Awake | Timeless |