Jaejoong's Lyric | Verse 22/26: love

love_cassiopeia

Jaejoong's Lyric | Verse 22/26

Oct 19, 2008 14:54

Jaejoong's Lyric
Author: love_cassiopeia
Summary: Jaejoong - a poor yet talented musican with an impossible dream. Yunho - an educated SM producer who had the power to make Jaejoong’s unreal dream come true. They needed each other to succeed, and they were delighted they had met that magical day. But, will love get in the way of dreams? Will the two be captured by love rather than work? Only his song will tell.
Rated: NC-17
Disclaimer: I don’t own the five members, I’m simply borrowing them.
Warnings: NC-17 material, language, some angst
Genre: Romance/Angst
Pairings: YunJae | YunChun (2U/To-You)
Verse 22: Lost

Verse 22: Lost

It was bit unusual for you to be walking in a public setting. In the past few weeks, you were unalloyed to be seen in public, fearing that your fans would dash up to you, nearly suffocating you with their ballpoint pens and memo pads. Fortunately, the hospital was not one of these settings. Your fan base was rarely seen among these places, and neither was happiness.

After seeing the ignorant secretary at the front desk, you headed your way up the elevator to Yunho’s room. You terribly feared what would be behind the door you eventually would stumble upon. Would Yunho be in a coma? Would he be able to wake up? Was he still alive?

These thoughts were driving you entirely insane. After arriving on his floor, you were reluctant to decide whether to run over to him or stroll slowly to your designated room. You need to see his condition as soon as possible, and yet you were also afraid to see his pain and anguish come alive. So instead of letting your ambitions run wild, you let your fear stop you, slowing you down until you can no longer walk.

You might as well have a few more minutes here, uninformed if Yunho was dead or not.

Lifting your heavy foot off the marble floor, you allow yourself one step further across the lengthy hallway. Except you can’t-not with him standing in the way.

Yoochun; it was him. There was no doubt about it. He was the one you met at the jewelry store, saw in Yunho’s photo albums, and recognized kissing Yunho months ago. Changmin told you all about him-his interests, his skills, his kindness-but never has he informed you about the angry frown that had dominated his face at the moment.

Seeing his features become distorted, you take one step back.

“Yoochun-“

“Kim Jaejoong!” He mocks, a bit humorously. “The singer, the charmer… the person who was the source of all this mess!”

You’ve never experienced such a bizarre introduction before. “Excuse me?” You ask to reply the rude comment.

He gets to his point immediately after introducing himself. “Isn’t it obvious? If Yunho had never met you, he would’ve achieved his goals by now, wouldn’t he? But you stopped him! You inflicted every sin upon him! And yet you still have it all-the number one selling single, the popularity, and the fans. You don’t deserve any of it!” He tries to stay composed after letting out his irritation, but it didn’t last for long.

“But Yoochun, you don’t unders-“

He rolls his eyes in aggravation. “I do understand! I know the details of the day you auditioned for SM; the haunting voice you had penetrated into Yunho’s ears. Don’t think for a moment that I don’t know!” He sighs, showing his vulnerability. “You seduced Yunho with your charms, and yet, you decide to hurt him, now?”

You don’t know whether to laugh or cry. You can only stand there, dumbfounded by the way the words escaped his tainted lips. Yoochun doesn’t mean anything to you, so why was he here, getting in the way of your plans?

“You don’t understand… you don’t understand how much pain I had to go through because of him.”

He laughs at you, jeering your words until you lose your sanity. “You? You think you’re the one being hurt? You think everybody is somehow against you? Oh, I suppose Yunho’s completely fine right now, isn’t he?” He teases, a bit sarcastically. Then he sighs, looking away from you. “You’re a different person than what I expected you to be, Jaejoong. You’re so contaminated with your own feelings that you don’t care at all what others have to go through because of you.”

He was right. Within those words, not a single term was used as a lie. It wasn’t the first time you heard those words; your mind had been repeating them to you for months. The only thing that was stopping them from controlling you was your pride; your disgusting, erratic, pride.

But you decide to ignore him. You have nothing to do with this man.

“Just let me see Yunho!” You want to push past him, but you can’t. You just aren’t able to lay a finger on this man who had taken everything away from you.

“What do you expect to do when you see him?” He questions inquisitively. “Do you plan to hurt him once more, to stab him until he can no longer survive? Yunho doesn’t deserve this-you do!”

A sensation as painful as tears lingered in the back of your eye sockets. But you can’t cry, not in front of him.

“I do deserve this.” You utter, putting your hands in your pockets and then pivoting your foot so your toes no longer faced Yoochun. You can’t see Yunho anymore, not with Yoochun in the way. You’ll never be able to talk to him as you did before.

You start walking away from him, away from the hospital room, away from hell. Why must there be so many obstacles between you and Yunho? Why couldn’t the things in your way all drop dead and make a path for the two of you? It was always nice to dream, but this one just wouldn’t come true.

Turning around, you expect to see your rival smirking as you walk away. But instead, you see something-something so extraordinary, you can barely keep yourself from losing your sanity.

There he was, Yoochun; crying.

“Don’t leave, Jaejoong.” He yells after you, running towards you until his tears are crystal clear to your vision. “Don’t leave like I left Yunho! He doesn’t need to repeat history all over again.” His hand is on your shoulder now, the grip on it becoming tighter. “I thought my plan would work out; that the two of you would be better off separate. But I can’t take you away from him like fate took me away from him.”

You try your best to halt your tears from escaping, mixing in with Yoochun’s. “Stop crying, Yoochun. It’s not your fault.”

“It’s all my fault.” He confesses. “I had blamed you for this mess… but I was the one who had contributed the most to this.”

You shake your head, trying to put a smile upon your face. “Don’t blame anyone for this, Yoochun. Not yourself, not me, not Yunho. A problem like this can’t be solved with blame or conflict… but only with what we have.” You wipe the single tear off Yoochun’s cheek, putting a grin on your lips. “You’ve done nothing wrong. If I was in your shoes, I would’ve made the same mistakes.”

He looks up from the marble floor, his glare tightly positioned with yours. “I’m sorry.” He apologizes. “For everything.”

Then he pulls a piece of paper out of his pockets, and directs it to you. “Here.” He offers. “It’s a new song Yunho and I composed in Incheon… you would sound great with it.”

You accept his gift, bowing your head in respect. Within moments, he was gone, walking down the stairs while looking his best, making every woman in the hospital stop and gawk.

Without hesitation, you unfold his paper, exposing the lyrics and notes to your curious eyes. The song was called 여우비 , a term that meant Fox rain. Reading the verses and playing the melody in your head, you wanted nothing more but to sing it with your whole heart, not wishing to ever stop.

Yoochun was so perfect, so smart, so wise, so-

A loud disturbance that corrupted your senses brought your conscience away from the song, and back to your surroundings in the hospital. Staring down at the floor before you, realize what it is-almost too quickly.

Something had fallen from inside the folded music notes.

And that something was none other than the delicate, strong, and lustrous cross-necklace you had paid for months ago at the jewelry store.

You lean down to pick up the delicate piece of jewelry, nonchalant about why Yoochun was in possession of it in the first place. But after all this time of being without it, you’re just happy to hold it again.

Wrapping the piece of jewelry around your neck and securing it hastily, you stand up, putting the composed song in your pocket (but not forgetting about it), and locking away your doubts in their correct places. You weren’t ready before, but now you are: to see Yunho.

No one-no-nothing, can stop you now.

You think you’d be in heaven or hell by now, but you aren’t. You’re still stuck here: in this corrupted, sinful, tarnished world you created for yourself with your sins. You want to escape; so horribly. You wish you would die, so painfully that you would not feel your wound from love ever again. You desired to pull the needle away from your veins, ending your life momentarily. But you can’t, not until you see him one last time.

Yoochun was wrong. Neither Jaejoong or himself was the cause of all this. You were.

You had a choice, did you not? You could choose whether or not to have kissed Yoochun that day, to sleep with him, to drink until your nerves were numb. Between a yes or no, you had a choice. It was your fault for not choosing the correct one.

How did you end up here?

You don’t remember. All you can recall is fainting away from excess drinking, being carried, and ending up here.

Out of boredom, you begin to hum one of Jaejoong’s current songs. Forgotten Season it was titled. It was written by sensational songwriter Shim Changmin to take place in his upcoming album. The tune takes you back to that day; that thrilling day when the two of you first met.

You want to fall apart as you remembered the details. You want to spare yourself the chore of inflicting pain on yourself before you die, and yet, you can’t find any reason not to.

All you want before death is to hear him sing for you one more time; nothing more. You kept the necklace he abandoned to remember him, to keep true to his promise, to want to love him.

You almost gave up and closed your eyes if not only for the door of the hospital room. It moved, then breached, then came to a full open towards you. You could easily recognize the man standing behind the door. He’s the one you’ve been wishing to forget, seeing in your dreams, and begging to return.

Once you’re inside Kim Jaejoong’s labyrinth, you will never escape.

He carries a frail smile as he sees you (a shock, due to the last few expressions he gave you before he left). He seems happy, yet vulnerable-like something valuable had been taken away from him. You absent mindedly wonder if that thing could be you, but your mind contradicts you, telling you that it didn’t make sense.

His weak grin turns full circle as he sees the familiar cross pendant upon your shoulders. But what was the most surprising what had ornamented his neckline. The same necklace hung across his neck, vibrantly lighting up the pale colour of his complexion.

You feel yourself shudder as he approaches you. You can’t escape from his glare, afraid you’ll lose him if you look away. His fiery touch rings throughout your body as it reaches your cheeks, disturbing your whole body’s inner peace. You loved this feeling, and it had felt like years since you last experienced it upon your skin.

“Yunho… I’m sorry.” He apologizes as he lets his hand slip from your right cheek. Without hesitation, he leans in and captures your lips his, reviving every cell that has died without his savory taste.

And your frozen heart begins to melt.

jaejoong's lyric