FIC: A Lot to Live Up To (Part 16/16)
Title: A Lot to Live Up To, Part 16/16
Author: lls_mutant
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Dee, Hoshi, Gaeta, and Narcho
Pairings: Dee/Lee, Hoshi/Gaeta, and past Hoshi/Narcho.
Summary: Sometimes, hope just isn't enough.
Spoilers: Through Sometimes a Great Notion, with vague spoilers through the end
Author's Note: Thanks to my awesome beta trovia!
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Pain and Heaven | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15
"Alone she sleeps in the shirt of man, with my three wishes clutched in her hand…"
The song send chills racing up and down Dee's spine, and for a horrible moment she just wanted to turn around and flee the infirmary. But she steeled herself and took a deep breath, and then finished the walk to Felix's cubicle.
It looked like no one had visited; a testament to Louis's anal-retentive neatness. She stared at the chair sitting neatly in its place, the folded clothing lying on the bedside table… anything to avoid looking at the man in the bed.
The music stopped; Felix had noticed her. Dee forced that bright smile back onto her face immediately.
"I didn't know you could sing," she said, because it was the best she could come up with in a situation where there were no right words.
Felix's eyes had a dull sheen to them. "I used to take lessons. Back on Picon."
"A lifetime ago." Dee dragged the chair over and sat down by the bed. Involuntarily, her eyes dragged down Felix's body and to the remains of his leg. She didn't want to see it, and she didn't want to stare. She just wanted to see her friend, not the missing pieces. Felix saw her expression and smiled bitterly.
"Go ahead, Dee. Get it over with."
"Felix…" Dee began, but her throat closed. He looked terrible, gray and sweating, hooked to tubes and monitors. She didn't know what to do or what to say, but her hand moved involuntarily, reaching out and closing around his. It was the one gesture of comfort Dee knew that Felix was comfortable with, and his fingers tightened around his in response.
Don't ask me about it, he pleaded with his eyes, and Dee settled more comfortably in the chair, turning so she was looking at his face. "So," she said lightly. "You used to sing. Were you in the choir?"
Felix snorted, and she didn't imagine his look of gratitude. "No," he said. "Musicals."
"Musicals?"
Felix managed a smile. "I sang the lead in Prince of Ephyra when I was in high school."
Dee considered this. "I find it hard to believe. I've seen you dance."
They both winced in the ensuing hurt, but Felix mustered a grimace that was meant to be a smile. "They changed the choreography. A lot."
"Oh."
An awkward silence settled between them, and Dee sat, holding Felix's hand. "I know Louis has been down," she finally said, her voice sounding strange in her own ears.
"Yes." Felix sighed. "He's going to wear himself out," he said. "Ishay and Cottle let him stay because… well…"
"He's Louis," Dee said with a small smile.
Felix nodded. "He said at least his hours in the infirmary paid off for something. But he left this morning for duty and…" Felix broke off, grimacing in pain. The pain intensified until he was nearly bent over, biting back tears and his hands blindly clutching at his leg. Dee stared at him in useless horror.
"Should I get Cottle?" she asked, trying not to panic.
Felix shook his head, and after a moment he lay back on the bed, sweating and trembling. "They tell me it's normal," he said, eyes closed. "Normal," he repeated sourly. "I don't even want to think about what's going to be normal for me from now on."
Dee didn't want to, either, even though common sense told her somewhere down the line, Felix would be so adept on a prosthetic leg that unless you knew what had happened, you might not realize he had a disability at all. A lost limb was hard, but it was by no means an ending of a life. But she could tell Felix didn't want to hear that right now, and she couldn't blame him. It was like everyone saying maybe it was for the best, and she and Lee could always try again.
They sat in silence for a long time, and when the pains got worse again, Felix began to sing. Dee's voice was nothing like his, but she could manage a tremulous harmony to his melody.
It didn't help, but they both pretended it did.
***
If Dee, Noel, and Louis had had their way, one of them would have been in the infirmary at every moment, helping Felix, keeping the darkness and the pain at bay. But Starbuck hadn't just brought an injured soldier home with her; she'd brought an entire baseship of Cylons as well. And there was no time for friendship and solidarity, only for attack plans, drills, and endless hours of duty.
"Has Adama come down to visit you?" Dee asked Felix, when she managed to snag a fifteen minute break.
Felix's eyes were glazed over. Doc Cottle had mentioned that he was still prescribing morpha for the pain. He took a long moment to even process Dee's question, and it seemed like it took a lot of effort to answer it.
"I think so," Felix said, wonderingly. Then, more firmly, "Yes. For a few minutes, at any rate. He gave me the 'we need you back in CIC, get better soon' speech."
"It couldn't have been that dismiss-" Felix closed his eyes before Dee could deny it, and Dee sighed heavily. A monitor beeped, and Felix breathed deeply. "Felix?"
"It's okay," he murmured. "The medicine…."
"Ah."
"Dee? What's been happening?" Felix asked, eyes heavily lidded. "I know that we brought the Cylons back, but no one will tell me anything."
"I don't know for sure," Dee admitted. "I just know that we're gearing up for something big."
"Tom visited," Felix said groggily. "He was upset. Things are bad, aren't they?"
Dee nodded. "Things are bad," she agreed. She glanced at the clock on the wall. "I need to get back to duty," she said.
Felix closed his eyes and nodded.
***
"An alliance with the Cylons," Noel raged. "It's not right. It's not frakking right."
"But if they give us the Resurrection Hub-" Louis argued.
"If," Noel emphasized. "If. I'm not so sure I want to wager the little I've got left on one hell of an if."
"It's a risk worth taking," Louis disagreed. "They seem-"
"They seem?" Noel demanded. "Seem? Louis, you'd better be shitting me, or Admiral Cain is going to come back and shoot you in the frakking head."
"Shut the frak up, Noel This would be one of those times they told us about in basic, where it's good not to have an opinion. We've got orders, that's all that matters."
"Until someone shoots you in the head for not following them."
"Both of you, shut up," Dee ordered, pressing the palms of her hands to her temples. Her mind was a whirl of rumors and stories, Cylons and humans. "Admiral Adama wouldn't steer us wrong. We know that."
"You have a lot of faith, Dee," Noel said sourly. "I hope it's well placed, but given that Adama hasn't even asked about what happened to Felix's leg-"
"When it calms down," Dee insisted. "When everything calms down, he'll investigate."
"No he won’t," Noel predicted, "because it has to do with Starbuck."
"He will," Louis argued. "Something this serious, and to his Senior Officer of the Watch… he'll investigate."
"He won't," Noel said darkly. "Just wait and see."
***
The DRADIS screen looked odd with that baseship lurking on it. Dee remembered back when the Pegasus had joined the Fleet and she'd had to become accustomed to a new dot on the screen, a new frequency on the wire. She settled into her station, slipping on her headphones. She was tired, and all she wanted to do was sleep, and wake up with everything back to how it had been two months ago.
Dee sighed, remembering the night that Felix had left on the Demetrius. He'd been wrapped around Louis, both of them so comfortable and happy. Down at the tactical station, Louis was rubbing his eyes when he thought no one was watching, and even from where she sat Dee could see the shadows of exhaustion and worry. His uniform was rumpled, and he hadn't shaved since Felix came back. She looked over at Adama; he didn't seem to be wondering why one of the CIC officers seemed to be suddenly falling apart. But then, it wasn't like Louis hadn't been working double shifts the whole time.
The comm buzzed. "Galactica, Hot Dog. Checking in. We've got all the Vipers on the baseship now."
"Hot Dog, Galactica, copy that," Dee said. She couldn't resist the question. "What's it like over there?"
"I don't like it," Hot Dog said, his voice flat and dry. "The sooner I'm back on the Galactica, the better."
"Copy that," Dee said. She looked down at Louis, who was bent over his console, a pencil flying across paper. "The sooner all this is over, the-" the line cackled with static and feedback, and Dee winced. "Hot Dog? Hot Dog, do you copy? FRAK!"
On the DRADIS screen, the baseship disappeared.
***
The CIC still felt like chaos even after sixteen hours, and from what Dee was understanding as she walked through the halls, the rest of the Fleet wasn't much different. The abduction of the President of the Colonies was almost unthinkable.
"It's funny," Petty Officer Sian had observed when she relieved Dee for a short break. "The President has cancer; we all know she'll be gone someday. But it still turns the Fleet upside down to have her gone."
"Well," Dee had pointed out, "I suppose there's a difference between 'gone' and 'taken by the Cylons that were meant to be allies.'" She couldn't help the bitterness that raged through her voice, the way her heart was lodged in her throat. It wasn't just the President that was on that baseship.
Sian had made a face, and Dee had retreated from her station, at least long enough to get something to eat and a couple of minutes of rest before she was due back in the CIC. She slipped into the mess hall.
The wireless was turned on, and for a long moment, Dee didn't register what was being said. But everyone was leaning over it, silent and still.
"I, Leland Joseph Adama, do now vow and affirm…."
"I, Leland Joseph Adama, do now vow and affirm…."
"That I take the office of President of the Twelve Colonies of Kobol without any moral reservation or mental evasion…."
Dee burst out laughing.
Everyone turned and stared at her, and there were a few angry shushes, but Dee couldn't compose herself. "You're kidding me," she gasped, leaning over a table for air. "You're frakking kidding me. Who pulled this together?"
"It's not a joke," Showboat said, a flash of understanding crossing her face. There was something about her delivery that made Dee stop cold. The laughter slipped from her immediately, leaving her frozen as she listened to the inauguration of President Lee Adama.
"We have been assured that this Presidency is likely to be very short-lived," the reporter was saying, "as representatives from the military assure us that there is a very good chance President Roslin is still alive, and that a plan is in place for her return. We will keep you updated on this situation as it develops."
"Could have been First Lady, huh?" a specialist said to her. "Bet you're regretting walking away now."
Dee glared at him, turned on her heel, and left the mess. President Lee Adama.
And the funny thing was, even though the very thought was ludicrous, she wished she could call and congratulate him.
***
"Lieutenant Dualla?"
"Yes?" Dee turned to see Krista, one of the daycare workers, holding Hera Agathon in her arms. "Oh, no… come here, sweetie." She held her arms out to Hera. "How are you doing?"
"I want Daddy," Hera snuffled.
"Captain Agathon didn't come to pick her up, and when I asked around, they said he's with President Roslin," Krista looked at Dee meaningfully.
"Daddy had a mission," Dee explained to Hera. "But I'm sure he'll be back soon. I'm going to stay with you tonight."
Hera sniffed and nodded. Dee thought it was amazing how the child could be so adaptable, but then, it was a skill she'd probably learned. Gods knew that with all the times the Cylons found them… Dee hugged Hera tight.
"Listen, I need to talk to Miss Krista, okay? Can you play with your Raptor over there for a minute?"
"I wouldn't let her go too far," Krista commented. "Galactica is getting restless."
"It won't take long." Dee set Hera down and Hera scampered away.
"Is Helo all right?"
Dee shook her head. "We don't know anything. We can't get any sort of transmission with the baseship."
"Nothing at all? Even with all those Raptors and Vipers that went over?"
"They're too far out of range." Dee sighed. "I'll certainly stay with her until Helo gets back, that's not a problem at all," she said, and Krista set her mouth and nodded. "What I wanted to ask is if I should take her down to see Athena. I was thinking that it might help her to know that her mother's still alive and safe, but at the same time, I didn't know if that would upset her more, to see her mom locked up."
Krista considered it. "The Admiral has said that she's not to have any contact with her mother," Krista said. "I don't think he means it as a punishment on Hera, but on Athena for shooting that Cylon. But right now…"
"If it was you?"
"If I had the clearance, I'd take her down," Krista said firmly. "Hera deserves to know that her mother is all right, and with everything that's happened, Athena deserves to know that her child isn't being harmed." Dee nodded. "It would help her, Lieutenant."
"It would." Dee sighed. "I'll see what I can do. Thank you, Krista."
"Any time."
***
If people are upset, they should go through the proper channels.
Felix had told her that, so long ago. She remembered how he looked then, young and confident, his hair cut so short the curls weren't in evidence, whole and leaning against the sinks, arms crossed. Dee held Hera's hand as they walked through the halls, trying to keep her conversation casual and not betray how badly her heart was pounding.
She knew she should ask the Admiral. After all, as Krista had said, the situation had changed. He might very well consent to Hera visiting her mother in the brig. But Dee didn't want to risk him saying no. It wasn't that she couldn't face Hera- Dee had the sense not to tell Hera where they were going. It was that she couldn't face the Old Man as he looked her in the eye and forbade a child to see her mother.
There was a Marine at the brig. Dee took a deep breath and stepped forward. Predictably, he moved to block her way. "No one is allowed to see the prisoner."
"The Admiral changed his plans," Dee said. "He's granting fifteen minutes." The Marine glanced down at Hera, and Dee stepped closer to him. "Captain Agathon was on the baseship. The Admiral felt that in light of the situation, the child's welfare must come first."
The Marine measured her with his eyes, and Dee couldn't tell whether he believed her or not. But he stepped aside, gun down, and said, "Fifteen minutes."
"Come on, Hera," Dee said. "Let's go see your mommy."
Hera's eyes flared open, and she nearly ran into the brig. Dee stood back, her mouth dry and her eyes wet as she watched Athena kneel down and talk to Hera through the bars. The scene was emotional, yes, but the idea that she had deliberately circumvented the Admiral and knew that she was right… it was unthinkable.
The proper channels were failing all over the place. Dee wondered how much longer it would be before they crumbled entirely.
***
"Can I see the pictures?" Hera asked.
Dee had brought Hera back to the racks in order to quickly claim a few of her own items. Hera had noticed the snapshots in her locker.
"Sure," Dee said, holding Hera up so she could see.
"Who's that?" Hera asked, pointing at the ones that Dee had hung.
"That's me, when I was a little girl," Dee said.
Hera cocked her head. "Were you three?"
"No. I was five in that picture."
"What's that?" Hera asked, and Dee's eyes widened with surprise.
"It's a bike," she explained. "You ride it." Hera had never seen a bike before. Dee's heart nearly broke at that.
"Like a Raptor?"
"Not quite like a Raptor. It's very different. You ride it outside, and the wind blows through your hair…" Dee trailed off, thinking of those long afternoons riding her bike up and down the sidewalk outside her family's brownstone house on Sagittaron. She remembered the heat, the way the airwaves would appear in front of her, especially when she went over a vent, and the smell of cheap oil frying and onions and hot peppers, drifting down from open windows.
"Will I ever ride a bike?" Hera asked.
"I don't know. Maybe." Dee made a mental note to talk to Noel, to see if he could try to build one from the otherwise unusable scraps that were around. It wouldn't be a motorcycle, but it would be something.
Hera noticed that Dee had pictures in her rack. She slithered down Dee's body and climbed up on her bed, sitting on her knees and studying the other pictures. "That's Narcho," she said, pointing. "And Louis and Felix. Are they being silly?"
Dee remembered how drunk they were that night and smiled. "Very silly."
Hera cocked her head. "That's Apollo."
"Yes."
"I've never seen Apollo in a long time."
"I know. He hasn't been on Galactica for a few months." Dee almost added that he was President now, but held her tongue. The barrage of questions (starting with "what's a President?") wasn't worth dispensing the knowledge. "Come on, sweetie. Let's go back to your place."
"All right." Hera clambered down and clutched Dee's hand. For the kind of day this child had had, she seemed like she was in a remarkably good mood. Dee stared at her wonderingly, wishing that she could just let the things she didn't understand wash over her head. "Can we color?" Hera asked.
"We can definitely color. Let's go."
***
She wasn't surprised when Narcho knocked on the Agathon's door late that night, and she let him in without comment. He was tired and beaten down- she could see the worry written across his face. "It could have been my squad," Noel said. "And it's going to be my squad. They'll send us after them."
"I know," Dee said. She glanced over at Hera's bed, where Hera was sprawled on her back over the covers, softly snoring.
"I don't want to send my pilots on a suicide mission," Noel said.
"I know."
Noel sat down. "Do you really think it will work, Dee? Do you really think we can blow up the Resurrection Hub, find Earth, and have everyone start over?"
"I don't know." Dee sat down across from him.
Noel rested his hand on his chin. "Louis doesn't. It scares me when the Tactical Officer doesn't think that the plan is a good one."
"Louis is overcautious most days. You know that."
"And he doesn't believe in Earth," Noel agreed.
"If Earth's not real, all the more reason to go after the Hub," Dee pointed out. "It gives us a chance… what?"
Noel was tracing something on the table. "Dee," he said slowly, "what if Earth is real?"
"What do you mean?" Dee asked warily, the memory of his body against hers coming forcibly to the forefront. She didn't want to discuss this, not now.
But that was the furthest thing from Noel's mind. "I mean, what if we get to Earth, and we find a thriving population? What if the Ones and Fours and Fives follow us there? Or what if the Twos and Sixes and Eights have yet another change of heart? We've heard this we were wrong bullshit before, before we settled on New Caprica. It didn't last. What if we get to Earth, and we find out all we've done is lead a legion of nuke-happy Cylons down on yet another population?"
"Oh, Gods…" Dee whispered, because she'd never thought of that. "They must… Admiral Adama and President Roslin must have thought about that. They…" she trailed off, shivering.
Noel looked worried. "Maybe I shouldn't have said anything."
"Maybe you should have said something sooner. Noel, you have to ask the Admiral about this. If he hasn't thought of it, he needs to and…" Dee felt like throwing up.
"Can you help me?" Noel asked. "Tomorrow, before you go on your shift, can we go to the Admiral together? He won't listen to me- I'm a Pegasus pilot and a new squadron leader afraid of losing more pilots, and he'll chalk it all up to that. I'm not tactical, I'm not strategy. But you… the Admiral listens to you. Will you help me do this?"
Dee extended her hand. "Absolutely," she said, looking Noel straight in the eye. "We'll do this together."
Noel took her hand.
They slept together in the Agathon's bed that night, Noel's arm tight around Dee's waist, Dee's back against the solidity of his chest.
***
"Admiral?" Dee almost poked her head into the hatch, and then smartly pulled herself together, jerking to attention. This would go so much better if she addressed the Admiral as professionally as possible. "Admiral Adama?"
Adama turned. He looked as bad as… as bad as Louis had been looking, Dee realized. She wondered if this was the best time. Colonel Tigh was sitting on the couch, looking as worried as Dee felt.
"Lieutenant," Adama said. "What can I do for you?"
"Sir, Lieutenant Allison," she gestured with her chin to Noel, "expressed some concerns about finding Earth. They are concerns I've never heard addressed, and-"
"We'll find Earth," Adama said. "But right now that's not our concern."
"No, sir, I realize that, but-"
"Lieutenant," Tigh overrode her, "now's really not the time."
Noel touched Dee's shoulder, and Dee saluted. "Yes, sir."
"We need you on shift in CIC," Tigh told her.
"I'm headed there now, sir." Adama didn't look up; he just continued to study some papers on his desk.
Tigh glanced at Noel, and a thought seemed to snap into his head. "Go down to the deck and tell Chief Laird to get a Raptor prepped," he ordered.
Noel saluted. "Yes, sir."
They left the study. "We'll try again later," Dee promised Noel. "After they get the baseship back."
"Or after the Admiral has admitted that they're not going to," Noel agreed darkly.
They looked at each other, and then Noel leaned over and kissed Dee carefully, on her cheek, right next to her lips. "I'd better go," he said.
"Yeah. Me, too." She smiled at him, and touched his bicep tentatively. "If they send you out… come back."
"I will." He cupped her cheek briefly, and there was light in his eyes as he did so. Then the gesture turned to a gentle pat, and he headed down the hall, whistling as he went.
Dee headed the opposite way to the CIC.
***
"Admiral on deck!" someone shouted.
Like everyone, Dee stood. But the last thing she expected was Tigh walking in, the Admiral's pins clear on his collar.
"Sit down," Tigh commanded. "It's only temporary. The Old Man will be back." A few people obeyed, but hesitatingly. "Sit down!" Tigh ordered again, this time more stridently. "You all know how this ship runs, so do it!"
Dee turned back to her console, but she watched Tigh discreetly as he went over to Louis and said something. Louis nodded, and turned back to his station.
"Dee," Louis said over the wireless, and Dee jerked her attention back to the console, "notify the ships captains that we're jumping. I'm transmitting the coordinates to you."
"I've got it, Louis. Dee watched as the numbers flicked up on her screen. "Wait a minute… I'm getting a transmission that Raptor six two-"
"Dee?" Adama's voice was deep and gravelly in her ear. "Put me through to Admiral Tigh."
"Yes, sir." Dee directed the transmission. "Good luck, sir," she said, even though she had no clear idea what he was doing.
"Thanks, Dee. Take care of Galactica for me. Saul?"
Dee tuned out of the conversation almost automatically. Louis looked up at her, brows furrowed, and she shrugged. Although as she thought about it, the pieces of Adama's plan began to come together. Jump the Fleet to a new, secure location, leave a Raptor tailing at the rendezvous point, waiting just in case that basestar came back. It was risky, but only risky to the Raptor pilot.
Adama was waiting for Roslin. It would be romantic, Dee thought, if it wasn't so frakking stupid. She looked down at Tigh, standing uncomfortably in Adama's place and tugging unconsciously at his collar. If Adama was killed… she closed her eyes and shook her head. Stupid was exactly the right word.
And yet, a part of her wished if she was on that baseship, someone would wait in a Raptor for her.
***
Felix was sitting up in bed, picking at his food and talking to Louis when Dee managed to get to the sickbay. Neither of them looked happy, and they were both talking in the sort of low voices that Dee remembered hearing her parents use to discuss politics and finances.
"What's going on?" she asked.
Felix looked back down at his tray, but Louis sighed and sat back in his chair. "They're releasing him tomorrow. He needs to be back on duty."
"On duty?" Dee asked, shocked.
Louis nodded stiffly, and Dee looked to see what monitors Felix was still hooked to. She was a little surprised to realize that he wasn't hooked to any. It was a testament to the fact she hadn't been down in a few days.
"I'm sorry-" she began, but Felix waved her quiet.
"Don't worry about it," he said. "Louis and Tom have both been keeping me up to date, and believe me, Dee. I understand. It's exactly why I have to get back to work." He said that, but he still looked so tired and sick. He lay back against the pillow and closed his eyes. Louis exchanged worried glances with Dee.
Dee stood awkwardly, looking at the two of them. It took her a long minute to realize that she was staring at them because she was trying to avoid staring at Felix's leg. She flushed uncomfortably, but Felix's eyes were still closed and Louis didn't notice.
"I should get back to the CIC," she said awkwardly.
Felix opened his eyes and nodded. "I'll be back there tomorrow," he said. "Let Admiral Tigh know, would you?"
Dee managed to smile. "You got a good laugh out of that, didn't you?" she asked lightly.
"Sure," Felix agreed, although Dee had the feeling he wasn't laughing much about anything right now. She stepped in and kissed him on the forehead, and then pulled away.
"I'll see you later. Are you staying in the infirmary one more night?"
"Yes. I'm going straight from here to the CIC tomorrow," Felix said.
"Okay." She nodded to Louis, and then left and headed back towards her racks.
The racks felt strange when she entered. Granted, she really hadn't spent much time in them. There had been a few nights after she'd left Lee, and then she'd spent two months in the Agathon's quarters… so of course they didn't feel right. But the truth was that all of Galactica felt strange without the Old Man.
She sighed and slid into her own rack, embracing her knees as she looked around. She wished she had more pictures. There were the two of herself when she was a child that were in her locker, the picture she had of herself and Lee, and the picture of Louis, Felix and Noel that Hera noticed. There was one of the Admiral with Lee, and one of the Agathon family. She didn't have many pictures of her parents or her brother, but she pulled out what she had: her parents in a locket and her brother's high school picture. She laid them all neatly on her bed and then rested her head against her knees, humming a little tune under her breath as she looked at them. All the pieces of her life, there before her.
She was still staring at the pictures when the hatch opened and Louis entered. He came over to her rack and looked down for a long moment.
"No Hera today?" he asked.
"Tigh sent her down to her mother," Dee said. "You know, I looked at pictures the night before we launched the rescue op on New Caprica. Why do I feel like I'm doing the same thing right now?"
"When did you last sleep?" Louis asked her.
"When did you?" Dee looked up at him. His eyes were bloodshot and there were dark circles under them, and he still hadn’t shaved.
Louis opened his locker and found his towel and a razor. "I'm going to sleep after I take a shower," he said.
"Cottle chased you out of the infirmary?"
"Yeah." He shut the locker door. "Plus, Felix said that Zarek usually visits him late at night. I really don't feel like meeting up with him." He sighed. "Although I feel less guilty about sleeping when I know Zarek's there."
Dee nodded absently, looking back down at her pictures. "If Felix is back on duty tomorrow, are you off?"
"You don't know?" Louis teased her half-heartedly. He scrubbed at his face with his hands. "No. I'll be in the CIC in," he glanced at his watch, "six hours, just like you."
"I'm surprised they never gave you any time off," Dee mused. "Well, no. I guess I'm not."
"I don't think the brass know about me and Felix anyway," Louis said. He looked over Dee's shoulder again and down at her pictures. "We've been keeping it quiet. Wouldn't want anyone to think we're sleeping our way into our positions." He grinned at her.
Dee didn't smile back, but not because she was offended. She picked up the picture of Felix, Noel, and Louis. "Did you ever get a copy of this?"
"I don't think so. Dee, go to sleep. You need it."
She moved her pictures a little closer together. "I will. In just a minute." Louis shot her one more worried look and then left to take his shower. As he did, Dee laid her cheek against her knees again, and touched the pictures gently, still humming her song.
***
The CIC door clanged open, and Dee looked up, heart in her throat. This time, it was what she was waiting for, and Felix came in, navigating slowly on his crutches. Doc Cottle was with him, which didn't surprise Dee. Tom Zarek also was with him, which did. It was an odd honor guard, and one that she could tell Tigh was not overly pleased to see.
Felix surveyed the CIC. He looked tired already; Dee was a little surprised that Cottle hadn't forced him into a wheelchair. Cottle made his way down to talk to Tigh, and Felix and Zarek started down more slowly. She could barely stand to watch him struggling along like this, with a part of himself literally missing.
Next to her, Timmins started clapping. Dee touched his shoulder and shook her head, and when she looked back at Felix, relief was clear on his face. The fewer people staring at him, the better.
From his station, Louis was watching as well. Dee knew what this must be costing him, not to go over and help. But even she had to admit that it was right this way. She didn't like Zarek, but he was still the Vice President of the Fleet, and the way he was helping Felix could only be construed as an honor due to a man who had made a sacrifice in the search for Earth. Zarek could help Felix in the CIC because he was his superior; help from an equal would make both Felix and Louis look weaker and unprofessional.
And yet, when Dee was standing down at the war table and Felix dropped his pills, she couldn't stop herself from picking them up for him, even knowing that it was a step back in his struggle. She retreated back to the table, studying the readout screens with blind eyes.
"DRADIS contact!" Felix's voice was sudden and strong in its functionality. Dee automatically looked at the DRADIS screen and there it was, bright and steady, clear in its position in the Fleet. The Cylon baseship. "Another contact, same bearing. It's a Raptor," Felix turned around, hope clear in his eyes. "Our people are back, sir."
Tigh bowed his head, just a quick expressive gesture of a weight taken off his shoulders. Dee couldn't blame him one bit.
***
She hadn't seen Lee since he took office, and it was a bit of a shock to see him stride into the CIC, wearing a pinstriped suit. He glanced at her, and for a moment she saw something flash in his eyes. Some recognition of what they'd been, some… something. But now wasn't the time for somethings.
Dee grabbed her clipboard and took her place beside Tigh in the war room. Now was the time to plan.
The Admiral strode into the CIC. He was back in his uniform, and Dee felt that unfailing feeling when she saw him, that the world was all right again. She knew it wasn't, not at all, and she was still terrified. But the sight of the Admiral walking in made her feel like they'd come through it… somehow.
Across the room, Lee met her eyes for a brief instant. He felt the same, she could see it flutter across his face before he turned into President Adama.
"All right," the Admiral said, looking right at Lee. "Let's figure out how to get our people back."
***
Dee thought that it would be possible to cut the tension in the CIC with a knife. It hung about, thick and heavy, worse than any combat situation because there was nothing anyone could do. It was a matter of waiting. She gazed around the CIC. She'd had the deck many, many times before, but this was easily the most nerve-wracking of all.
The phone buzzed, and she controlled herself from lunging at it.
"CIC," she said in her calm, measured voice as she picked it up. "Dualla."
"Dee?" it was Lee.
"Yes, Mr. President?"
Lee took a deep breath, and it almost sounded like it was shaking and upset. Dee firmed her shoulders. "I need you down in launch tube 5A," he said.
"Yes, sir." She paused. "Do we have them, sir?"
"We have one of them."
Dee glanced at the clock. Given how little time had passed, the Cylon must have been on Galactica. She shivered. "Right away, sir." She hung up the phone. "Mr. Hoshi," she said, because Felix still looked gray and was taking a lot more pain medicine than the commanding officer should be taking, "you have the deck."
"Aye, sir."
They had a Cylon, and Lee was upset about it. Dee was willing to bet any money that the Cylon was Kara Thrace, and he wanted Dee because Dee would force what needed to be done. Dee wouldn't let him back down on this. The only other person on board Galactica that Lee would be able to rely on for that would be Felix, and there was no way Felix could make it to the other end of the ship in time.
So it was a complete and utter shock when Dee entered the small compartment and saw Saul Tigh standing in the launch tube, hands tied behind his back.
For a moment, she could only stand still as the memories flashed in front of her eyes…. Tigh giving her orders the first day of her duty, Tigh's drunken rantings, Tigh pouring her a glass of whiskey and telling her to show Hoshi who was boss, Tigh coming back aboard the Galactica after New Caprica, Tigh holding back her hair…. They flashed so quickly she could barely recognize them for what they were, memories of someone who was family.
She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and took her place by Lee's side.
"Have you spoken to him?" she asked quietly.
"No," Lee said. "I was waiting for you."
Dee's eyes widened, but she couldn't say anything. She nodded, staring forward at the man- no, at the Cylon standing in the launch tube. She wondered how the Admiral had taken it. "I'm ready," she told Lee.
"Thank you." Lee left the control room and, with a pair of Marines at his side, entered the launch tube. And Dee wasn't surprised when Lee's fist hit Tigh's face.
"Where are the others?" he demanded.
"Where's the Old Man?" Tigh responded.
The phone buzzed. "Dualla," Dee said as she picked it up.
"Dee, CIC," Louis said at the other end. "Is President Adama there?" The tone of his voice meant trouble.
"He is," Dee began.
"Get him," Louis ordered. "I've got the baseship."
"Right away." Dee covered the receiver and hit the intercom button. "Mr. President? The CIC. D'Anna's on the line."
Lee strode back in and took the phone from her. "This is the President," Lee said, in the same gray metal voice he'd once said, "This is the Commander."
Dee could make out D'Anna's voice. "Mr. President, you're running out of time."
"No, you are. You harm another one of my people- you so much as blacken one of their eyes- and I flush Saul Tigh out of a launch tube."
Gooseflesh rose on the back of Dee's neck, and she stared at the XO. Lee meant it.
"We have no wish for further bloodshed," Dee heard D'Anna say. "Let us speak with the Admiral."
"No," Lee said, "you deal with me. You have ten minutes to release my people, or you can kiss one of your precious Final Five goodbye." He hung up the phone and pushed the intercom button. "You want to save the Fleet?" he asked Tigh. Tigh's head snapped around. "I need the others, and I need them now."
For a long, tense moment it seemed like Tigh wouldn't answer. Then finally he said, "They've got Tory Foster. The other two are Anders and Tyrol."
It took every ounce of control that Dee had to keep her mouth from dropping open. Anders and Tyrol? She wished she could sit down, she wished she could punch something… she wished she could make some sense of this whole frakking mess.
"You'd better be right," Lee growled. He released the intercom button and turned toward the control room door, where Marines were standing guard. "Sergeant Harden," he ordered, "go and get Samuel Anders and Galen Tyrol."
"Yes, sir."
A long silence ensued. Dee glanced up at Lee, and wished she could ask him what he was thinking. But his face was set like she'd never seen it before, determined and angry, fiercely protective. She'd seen hints of this when he'd come off the Viper or stood in the Pegasus CIC. But she'd never seen it in full bloom like she was seeing it now.
President Adama. She'd laughed when she heard it. And now she felt a raw sort of triumph, that she had been right. The man she'd loved did exist, and he was standing right here beside her, ready to do what had to be done to protect the people of the Fleet.
She didn't want him back, but Dee had never loved Lee more than she did in that control room, waiting for the other two Cylons to be brought in.
"Were they sleepers?" she asked Lee quietly.
"I don't know," Lee said shortly. "They must have been."
"Or there's more to Cylon history then we've been told," Dee surmised. The thought chilled her. Were there baseships out there of Tighs, Tyrols, Anders, and Fosters? They'd destroyed resurrection- would they manage to destroy one Cylon threat only to bring another on their heads? Or had these models all been wiped out by the seven they knew?
She snapped out of her thoughts as Tyrol and Anders were brought into the launch tube. They didn't struggle at all, and that was the worst sort of confirmation. "Get the baseship on the line." Lee ordered.
Dee snatched up the phone. "Mr. Hoshi," she said, her voice rough with anger, "we need the baseship."
"Right away, sir," Louis said. Dee heard the clicks and the feedback, and then Louis confirmed, "baseship is on the line." Dee handed Lee the phone.
"Are you ready to come to your senses, Mr. President?" D'Anna asked, all confidence.
Lee's eyes hardened. "Galen Tyrol and Samuel Anders have just joined Saul Tigh in the launch tube. Now, they have an express ride into the vacuum. You want them alive? Stand down." He hung up the phone. "They'll stand down," he said to Dee. "They have to."
The phone rang again. Dee answered it.
"Tactical." She heard Felix's voice. "The Cylon nukes just went hot."
"Copy that, Tactical. Stand by for orders."
"Aye, sir."
Dee replaced the phone slowly. "Mr. President," she said, and she was amazed her voice didn't tremble, "The baseship nukes just went hot. If any of our Fleet starts spooling up…" she trailed off in horror.
"They won't have time to jump before the Cylons fire," Lee finished. But instead of backing down, he just stood like an iron wall. "Sergeant Harden, clear the tube of everyone but Tigh."
Oh Gods. It was really coming to this. Tigh was really a Cylon, and Lee was really going to kill him. Tigh. Dee looked up at Lee. He'd once told her that killing a man would cost a piece of a soul. He'd been talking about Felix at the time, but she could see it… killing Tigh would cost him a piece of his.
And if that's what Lee Adama had to sacrifice to save humanity, that's what Lee Adama would sacrifice.
"Give me the key," he ordered her when Tigh was standing alone in the launch tube.
She took her strength from his and handed him the key without faltering, without fumbling. He thrust it into the lock and turned it, and the light flared red. A deep breath, another turn, and the green came up.
"What are you waiting for, Apollo?" Tigh shouted. "Do it!" he ordered, in a strangled whisper.
The door exploded open, and like the whirlwind she was, Kara Thrace slammed her hand over the button. "Stop! Please stop. These three frakking Cylons just gave us Earth."
Earth.
***
"It can't be real," Louis said when Dee handed him a cup of coffee. "There's no frakking way it can be real." But his eyes were lighting up, and he watched Felix across the CIC anxiously.
"If it really is real…" Felix said when she brought him his, hope almost palpable in his voice. He looked back over his shoulder at where Louis was working. "Maybe it will be worth it after all."
"Is it real?" Noel asked her over a line from the ready room. "There's all these crazy rumors, and I keep hearing that we know where Earth is. Is it real?"
Dee didn't know how to answer any of them, because she could barely breathe. Because if Kara Thrace had found Earth, Dee would happily kiss her feet from here until the day that she died.
***
It was real, or at least Admiral Adama thought so. He gave the instructions, handed out orders like this was any other jump. But they all knew it, and there was a serenity in the way the CIC operated, a quiet joy that could barely be contained.
"Board is set to green," Felix told her.
Dee swallowed. "Ready to jump, Admiral," she announced clearly.
The Admiral looked at peace as well. He turned to Laura Roslin, who stood by the war table. "Madam President, without you, we wouldn't have made it. Give the order."
We're going home. We're going home. We're almost there, and I don't care what it's like, we're going HOME. The words were running through Dee's head like a mantra. Roslin was trying to keep herself together, her face expressing everything Dee felt inside. "It's been a long time coming," she said. She wiped her eyes and pulled herself straight. "Take us to Earth."
Adama nodded at Dee, and she looked at the board. "Jumping in five, four, three, two, one… jump."
They jumped.
Dee held her breath, the disorientation evaporating as quickly as ever. The signals flashed to green in front of her, the reassuring data printing out. "Jump completed," she said.
"DRADIS is clear," Felix confirmed.
"Fleet is checking in," Louis added.
"Nav," Adama ordered.
"Confirming position." The entire CIC waited with bated breath, until Felix turned around slowly, a smug smile at being the first to know. "Visible constellations are a match."
Dee's eyes flooded with tears. Visible constellations are a match. Earth. They were really here. She looked at the Admiral, looked at Lee… her eyes scanned the entire CIC and she couldn't have said a word if she wanted to.
Adama picked up an intercom. "Women and men of Galactica. People of the Fleet. Three years ago, I promised to lead you to a new home. We've endured a difficult journey. We've all lost, we've all suffered, and the truth is, I questioned whether this day would ever come. But today, our journey is at an end. We have arrived... at Earth." He replaced the mouthpiece and reached out and drew Roslin into his arms, and somehow, that more than anything confirmed that they were here.
The CIC exploded.
All around her, people were screaming, cheering, celebrating. The President and the Admiral were still embracing, laying down their burdens already. Lee was watching them, still and silent, taking it all in. Louis crossed the CIC in swift steps, extending his hand to Felix, who immediately discarded propriety and pulled Louis in for a tight embrace, both of them laughing.
Dee stood still, unable to move because then it all might shatter.
The spell broke, but in such a glorious way. Lee whooped and jumped on the console, taking off his coat. He tossed it to her, and the gesture freed Dee. She doubled over laughing, missing the coat but catching the joy, reveling in the feeling. They were here. She laughed until the tears broke free and streamed down her face, until all of these people turned into blurs of color and light.
Whatever Earth was, whatever they found here… it was worth it. They were home.
***
"Dee."
Dee turned around to see Felix trying to catch up to her, painfully awkward on his crutches. "Felix. What's up?"
"Listen, can you do me a favor?" Felix asked.
"Sure. What is it?"
"It's kind of silly, but I just really… when you get down to Earth, if you find any flowers, could you bring a few back?"
"Flowers," Dee said dryly.
Felix flushed. "I told you it was silly," he said. "But Louis has done so much for me, and I…" he looked away, regaining his grip on his crutches. "Once we're down there, everything will calm down. I'll find myself again and I think maybe someday…" he struggled over the words and then gave up, but Dee understood what he meant and smiled. "But just for now, I'd like to surprise him. It's the stupidest gesture in the world, but at the same time…" he shrugged.
"Flowers," Dee said. "Check."
"Thanks, Dee." Felix limped off. "I'll owe you one."
***
She climbed aboard a Raptor with the President and the Admiral, with Helo and Sharon. She looked out the window and saw Noel waving at her from the cockpit of his Viper. Belatedly, she turned to the Admiral.
"Sir?" she asked. "What if the other faction of Cylons is still following us? What if they find us?"
"First things first, Dee," Adama said. "Who knows what defenses Earth will have?"
The safe feeling washed over her again. Of course. Why hadn't she and Noel ever considered that? The Colonies had had a defense system that should have worked, but that had clearly been compromised in some manner. But they could keep that from happening again. They could. This time it would be-
"Sir, I'm picking up something odd on the scanners," Helo said.
Adama leaned forward. "What's wrong?"
"I'm not seeing any life."
"Uninhabited?" Roslin said. She exchanged looks with Adama. "Well, we can work with uninhabited," she said. "Or maybe it's just the area."
"Maybe," Helo said darkly, but when they landed and took in the gray skies, the ruins, and the dust and rubble, they all knew that those were straws to grasp at.
***
Dee stood on the shore, tears streaking down her face as she stared at the gray expanse in front of her. Felix had said several times he wanted to see an ocean again.
She wished he'd never gotten his wish. She wondered, too, how she'd tell him that there were no flowers to bring back, that Earth had nothing to give.
She saw Noel in the distance, cresting a hill, a silhouette at first and then resolving into features. And when she saw his face, ruined and sad, she knew exactly how her own looked. She turned away from him, and he turned away from her.
The water lapped against her boots. She'd already been warned about the radioactivity, but the water still seemed so harmless. She knelt and cupped it in her hands, letting it run through her fingers. She knew that the other Raptors and Vipers were searching the planet, praying desperately that this was some casualty of a war, and that the victors were alive elsewhere, secure in their dominance.
Something moved in the water, and Dee knelt to see what it was.
It wasn't a fish, and it wasn't a reflection. Instead, it was something small and spiked, with such perfect symmetry that it had to be manufactured. Dee knelt down to pick up the last thing in the world she ever would have expected… a set of jacks.
She'd played jacks as a child, kneeling on the sidewalk in front of her house, the cracked cement hot under her knees. She'd taunted her friends that she could pick up more, that she was the reigning jacks champion, that she could never be beat. The childhood memories were dull under the radioactive clouds, failing to glisten in her hand.
She laid a hand on her stomach. She wasn't pregnant, she knew that for a fact. But she'd hoped that her child would play jacks in the sun on Earth, jump rope and ride her bike.
She broke down and began to cry.
***
Sunlight. Warm sunlight on her shoulders.
She was a child, running through the fields of weeds that looked like wildflowers. She was home in her house, the warmth and the safety surrounding her, her mother calling her and her brothers to supper. She was with her father as he helped her study, his hand on her shoulder. She was reporting for duty on the Galactica, she was with the Admiral.
She was in Billy's arms, his ring on her finger. She was waiting for Lee as she rocked a baby on her shoulder. She was watching Noel from a distance as he and Louis chased Dee's daughter, and Felix sat beside her weaving daisy chains instead of working on the accounts. In the distance, the sound of horses neighing cut through the summer humidity.
She was with them all, she was flying and she was grounded, she was a part of something and she was solidity by herself. She was at peace.
Dee opened her eyes.
A grassy hill was before her, and she began to climb it. It was hard going in her dress, a floaty white skirt tangling her legs, but it never stained. She climbed for what felt like hours.
A man was sitting on the hill. He came into focus slowly, and she stopped as she saw his face.
"Louis?"
The man smiled. It was Louis's smile and Louis's eyes, but it was not Louis's face. "No," he said. "Thomas." He extended his hand. He was sitting, his legs stretched out and his face tilted up to the sun. He had long gray hair tied back in a ponytail, a worn vest and earth-stained hands. "You're Dee."
"You know me?"
"I've been watching you. Figured you'd come this way." He patted the ground beside him. "Have a seat."
"I'm tired," Dee admitted, but she stayed standing.
"That why you did it?"
Dee blinked, and then she nodded. To her surprise, it hurt.
"Well, can't say I blame you," Thomas said. He was chewing on a stalk of grain.
Silence stretched between them, but it was warm and companionable. Dee felt like this man knew everything in her heart with no words, and she knew everything in his. And there was no doubt in her mind that this was the man that had raised Louis Hoshi, and that he was a good man.
"I saw you once before," she said slowly. "With my baby."
"You saw what you wanted to see," he said, shrugging.
"Is that what I'm seeing now?" Dee asked.
Thomas shook his head. "No. Funny enough, this is real."
"So what happens now?" she asked.
"Just waiting," Thomas said. "I imagine we're waiting for the same thing. And if I'm right, we'll be having some company in a bit."
"Is it always like this?" Dee asked.
"You've figured that out already," Thomas answered, and Dee understood. Those parts of her she'd felt, those reverberations of her soul were no less real than this one right here. This was only a fragment of her, and this fragment belonged here.
"Why don't you go on?" she asked him. "Why don't you finish climbing?"
Thomas shifted the stalk of grain in his mouth. "It will never be paradise until they're all with me," he said. "All of my children. Six of them are home. It's just the last one." He smiled. "I hope I'm here for a long time still. But I'll wait until the world ends for him to come home."
Dee nodded. "I'll wait with you, if you like."
"I thought you would. Have a seat, young lady. We've got a while, and the view is good from here." So Dee sat beside Thomas Hoshi on a sharp grassy hill.
The sun was warm on her shoulders, the grass was soft under her hands. Thomas was real enough that she could feel the warmth of him as she sat close. As they waited, they talked and laughed and cried, and watched as the world unfolded and took shape. And even here on this hillside, the world made sense and Dee felt at peace.
She knew that one day soon they'd be joined by Noel and Felix, one right after the other. They'd climb that hill and they'd sit there, Felix lounging with his two legs stretched out before him, Noel tinkering with some little project in his hands. Thomas would smile to see them, and the four of them would rest. They would wait for Louis to finish his work and his life, and then they would all go home together.
Author: lls_mutant
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Dee, Hoshi, Gaeta, and Narcho
Pairings: Dee/Lee, Hoshi/Gaeta, and past Hoshi/Narcho.
Summary: Sometimes, hope just isn't enough.
Spoilers: Through Sometimes a Great Notion, with vague spoilers through the end
Author's Note: Thanks to my awesome beta trovia!
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Pain and Heaven | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15
"Alone she sleeps in the shirt of man, with my three wishes clutched in her hand…"
The song send chills racing up and down Dee's spine, and for a horrible moment she just wanted to turn around and flee the infirmary. But she steeled herself and took a deep breath, and then finished the walk to Felix's cubicle.
It looked like no one had visited; a testament to Louis's anal-retentive neatness. She stared at the chair sitting neatly in its place, the folded clothing lying on the bedside table… anything to avoid looking at the man in the bed.
The music stopped; Felix had noticed her. Dee forced that bright smile back onto her face immediately.
"I didn't know you could sing," she said, because it was the best she could come up with in a situation where there were no right words.
Felix's eyes had a dull sheen to them. "I used to take lessons. Back on Picon."
"A lifetime ago." Dee dragged the chair over and sat down by the bed. Involuntarily, her eyes dragged down Felix's body and to the remains of his leg. She didn't want to see it, and she didn't want to stare. She just wanted to see her friend, not the missing pieces. Felix saw her expression and smiled bitterly.
"Go ahead, Dee. Get it over with."
"Felix…" Dee began, but her throat closed. He looked terrible, gray and sweating, hooked to tubes and monitors. She didn't know what to do or what to say, but her hand moved involuntarily, reaching out and closing around his. It was the one gesture of comfort Dee knew that Felix was comfortable with, and his fingers tightened around his in response.
Don't ask me about it, he pleaded with his eyes, and Dee settled more comfortably in the chair, turning so she was looking at his face. "So," she said lightly. "You used to sing. Were you in the choir?"
Felix snorted, and she didn't imagine his look of gratitude. "No," he said. "Musicals."
"Musicals?"
Felix managed a smile. "I sang the lead in Prince of Ephyra when I was in high school."
Dee considered this. "I find it hard to believe. I've seen you dance."
They both winced in the ensuing hurt, but Felix mustered a grimace that was meant to be a smile. "They changed the choreography. A lot."
"Oh."
An awkward silence settled between them, and Dee sat, holding Felix's hand. "I know Louis has been down," she finally said, her voice sounding strange in her own ears.
"Yes." Felix sighed. "He's going to wear himself out," he said. "Ishay and Cottle let him stay because… well…"
"He's Louis," Dee said with a small smile.
Felix nodded. "He said at least his hours in the infirmary paid off for something. But he left this morning for duty and…" Felix broke off, grimacing in pain. The pain intensified until he was nearly bent over, biting back tears and his hands blindly clutching at his leg. Dee stared at him in useless horror.
"Should I get Cottle?" she asked, trying not to panic.
Felix shook his head, and after a moment he lay back on the bed, sweating and trembling. "They tell me it's normal," he said, eyes closed. "Normal," he repeated sourly. "I don't even want to think about what's going to be normal for me from now on."
Dee didn't want to, either, even though common sense told her somewhere down the line, Felix would be so adept on a prosthetic leg that unless you knew what had happened, you might not realize he had a disability at all. A lost limb was hard, but it was by no means an ending of a life. But she could tell Felix didn't want to hear that right now, and she couldn't blame him. It was like everyone saying maybe it was for the best, and she and Lee could always try again.
They sat in silence for a long time, and when the pains got worse again, Felix began to sing. Dee's voice was nothing like his, but she could manage a tremulous harmony to his melody.
It didn't help, but they both pretended it did.
***
If Dee, Noel, and Louis had had their way, one of them would have been in the infirmary at every moment, helping Felix, keeping the darkness and the pain at bay. But Starbuck hadn't just brought an injured soldier home with her; she'd brought an entire baseship of Cylons as well. And there was no time for friendship and solidarity, only for attack plans, drills, and endless hours of duty.
"Has Adama come down to visit you?" Dee asked Felix, when she managed to snag a fifteen minute break.
Felix's eyes were glazed over. Doc Cottle had mentioned that he was still prescribing morpha for the pain. He took a long moment to even process Dee's question, and it seemed like it took a lot of effort to answer it.
"I think so," Felix said, wonderingly. Then, more firmly, "Yes. For a few minutes, at any rate. He gave me the 'we need you back in CIC, get better soon' speech."
"It couldn't have been that dismiss-" Felix closed his eyes before Dee could deny it, and Dee sighed heavily. A monitor beeped, and Felix breathed deeply. "Felix?"
"It's okay," he murmured. "The medicine…."
"Ah."
"Dee? What's been happening?" Felix asked, eyes heavily lidded. "I know that we brought the Cylons back, but no one will tell me anything."
"I don't know for sure," Dee admitted. "I just know that we're gearing up for something big."
"Tom visited," Felix said groggily. "He was upset. Things are bad, aren't they?"
Dee nodded. "Things are bad," she agreed. She glanced at the clock on the wall. "I need to get back to duty," she said.
Felix closed his eyes and nodded.
***
"An alliance with the Cylons," Noel raged. "It's not right. It's not frakking right."
"But if they give us the Resurrection Hub-" Louis argued.
"If," Noel emphasized. "If. I'm not so sure I want to wager the little I've got left on one hell of an if."
"It's a risk worth taking," Louis disagreed. "They seem-"
"They seem?" Noel demanded. "Seem? Louis, you'd better be shitting me, or Admiral Cain is going to come back and shoot you in the frakking head."
"Shut the frak up, Noel This would be one of those times they told us about in basic, where it's good not to have an opinion. We've got orders, that's all that matters."
"Until someone shoots you in the head for not following them."
"Both of you, shut up," Dee ordered, pressing the palms of her hands to her temples. Her mind was a whirl of rumors and stories, Cylons and humans. "Admiral Adama wouldn't steer us wrong. We know that."
"You have a lot of faith, Dee," Noel said sourly. "I hope it's well placed, but given that Adama hasn't even asked about what happened to Felix's leg-"
"When it calms down," Dee insisted. "When everything calms down, he'll investigate."
"No he won’t," Noel predicted, "because it has to do with Starbuck."
"He will," Louis argued. "Something this serious, and to his Senior Officer of the Watch… he'll investigate."
"He won't," Noel said darkly. "Just wait and see."
***
The DRADIS screen looked odd with that baseship lurking on it. Dee remembered back when the Pegasus had joined the Fleet and she'd had to become accustomed to a new dot on the screen, a new frequency on the wire. She settled into her station, slipping on her headphones. She was tired, and all she wanted to do was sleep, and wake up with everything back to how it had been two months ago.
Dee sighed, remembering the night that Felix had left on the Demetrius. He'd been wrapped around Louis, both of them so comfortable and happy. Down at the tactical station, Louis was rubbing his eyes when he thought no one was watching, and even from where she sat Dee could see the shadows of exhaustion and worry. His uniform was rumpled, and he hadn't shaved since Felix came back. She looked over at Adama; he didn't seem to be wondering why one of the CIC officers seemed to be suddenly falling apart. But then, it wasn't like Louis hadn't been working double shifts the whole time.
The comm buzzed. "Galactica, Hot Dog. Checking in. We've got all the Vipers on the baseship now."
"Hot Dog, Galactica, copy that," Dee said. She couldn't resist the question. "What's it like over there?"
"I don't like it," Hot Dog said, his voice flat and dry. "The sooner I'm back on the Galactica, the better."
"Copy that," Dee said. She looked down at Louis, who was bent over his console, a pencil flying across paper. "The sooner all this is over, the-" the line cackled with static and feedback, and Dee winced. "Hot Dog? Hot Dog, do you copy? FRAK!"
On the DRADIS screen, the baseship disappeared.
***
The CIC still felt like chaos even after sixteen hours, and from what Dee was understanding as she walked through the halls, the rest of the Fleet wasn't much different. The abduction of the President of the Colonies was almost unthinkable.
"It's funny," Petty Officer Sian had observed when she relieved Dee for a short break. "The President has cancer; we all know she'll be gone someday. But it still turns the Fleet upside down to have her gone."
"Well," Dee had pointed out, "I suppose there's a difference between 'gone' and 'taken by the Cylons that were meant to be allies.'" She couldn't help the bitterness that raged through her voice, the way her heart was lodged in her throat. It wasn't just the President that was on that baseship.
Sian had made a face, and Dee had retreated from her station, at least long enough to get something to eat and a couple of minutes of rest before she was due back in the CIC. She slipped into the mess hall.
The wireless was turned on, and for a long moment, Dee didn't register what was being said. But everyone was leaning over it, silent and still.
"I, Leland Joseph Adama, do now vow and affirm…."
"I, Leland Joseph Adama, do now vow and affirm…."
"That I take the office of President of the Twelve Colonies of Kobol without any moral reservation or mental evasion…."
Dee burst out laughing.
Everyone turned and stared at her, and there were a few angry shushes, but Dee couldn't compose herself. "You're kidding me," she gasped, leaning over a table for air. "You're frakking kidding me. Who pulled this together?"
"It's not a joke," Showboat said, a flash of understanding crossing her face. There was something about her delivery that made Dee stop cold. The laughter slipped from her immediately, leaving her frozen as she listened to the inauguration of President Lee Adama.
"We have been assured that this Presidency is likely to be very short-lived," the reporter was saying, "as representatives from the military assure us that there is a very good chance President Roslin is still alive, and that a plan is in place for her return. We will keep you updated on this situation as it develops."
"Could have been First Lady, huh?" a specialist said to her. "Bet you're regretting walking away now."
Dee glared at him, turned on her heel, and left the mess. President Lee Adama.
And the funny thing was, even though the very thought was ludicrous, she wished she could call and congratulate him.
***
"Lieutenant Dualla?"
"Yes?" Dee turned to see Krista, one of the daycare workers, holding Hera Agathon in her arms. "Oh, no… come here, sweetie." She held her arms out to Hera. "How are you doing?"
"I want Daddy," Hera snuffled.
"Captain Agathon didn't come to pick her up, and when I asked around, they said he's with President Roslin," Krista looked at Dee meaningfully.
"Daddy had a mission," Dee explained to Hera. "But I'm sure he'll be back soon. I'm going to stay with you tonight."
Hera sniffed and nodded. Dee thought it was amazing how the child could be so adaptable, but then, it was a skill she'd probably learned. Gods knew that with all the times the Cylons found them… Dee hugged Hera tight.
"Listen, I need to talk to Miss Krista, okay? Can you play with your Raptor over there for a minute?"
"I wouldn't let her go too far," Krista commented. "Galactica is getting restless."
"It won't take long." Dee set Hera down and Hera scampered away.
"Is Helo all right?"
Dee shook her head. "We don't know anything. We can't get any sort of transmission with the baseship."
"Nothing at all? Even with all those Raptors and Vipers that went over?"
"They're too far out of range." Dee sighed. "I'll certainly stay with her until Helo gets back, that's not a problem at all," she said, and Krista set her mouth and nodded. "What I wanted to ask is if I should take her down to see Athena. I was thinking that it might help her to know that her mother's still alive and safe, but at the same time, I didn't know if that would upset her more, to see her mom locked up."
Krista considered it. "The Admiral has said that she's not to have any contact with her mother," Krista said. "I don't think he means it as a punishment on Hera, but on Athena for shooting that Cylon. But right now…"
"If it was you?"
"If I had the clearance, I'd take her down," Krista said firmly. "Hera deserves to know that her mother is all right, and with everything that's happened, Athena deserves to know that her child isn't being harmed." Dee nodded. "It would help her, Lieutenant."
"It would." Dee sighed. "I'll see what I can do. Thank you, Krista."
"Any time."
***
If people are upset, they should go through the proper channels.
Felix had told her that, so long ago. She remembered how he looked then, young and confident, his hair cut so short the curls weren't in evidence, whole and leaning against the sinks, arms crossed. Dee held Hera's hand as they walked through the halls, trying to keep her conversation casual and not betray how badly her heart was pounding.
She knew she should ask the Admiral. After all, as Krista had said, the situation had changed. He might very well consent to Hera visiting her mother in the brig. But Dee didn't want to risk him saying no. It wasn't that she couldn't face Hera- Dee had the sense not to tell Hera where they were going. It was that she couldn't face the Old Man as he looked her in the eye and forbade a child to see her mother.
There was a Marine at the brig. Dee took a deep breath and stepped forward. Predictably, he moved to block her way. "No one is allowed to see the prisoner."
"The Admiral changed his plans," Dee said. "He's granting fifteen minutes." The Marine glanced down at Hera, and Dee stepped closer to him. "Captain Agathon was on the baseship. The Admiral felt that in light of the situation, the child's welfare must come first."
The Marine measured her with his eyes, and Dee couldn't tell whether he believed her or not. But he stepped aside, gun down, and said, "Fifteen minutes."
"Come on, Hera," Dee said. "Let's go see your mommy."
Hera's eyes flared open, and she nearly ran into the brig. Dee stood back, her mouth dry and her eyes wet as she watched Athena kneel down and talk to Hera through the bars. The scene was emotional, yes, but the idea that she had deliberately circumvented the Admiral and knew that she was right… it was unthinkable.
The proper channels were failing all over the place. Dee wondered how much longer it would be before they crumbled entirely.
***
"Can I see the pictures?" Hera asked.
Dee had brought Hera back to the racks in order to quickly claim a few of her own items. Hera had noticed the snapshots in her locker.
"Sure," Dee said, holding Hera up so she could see.
"Who's that?" Hera asked, pointing at the ones that Dee had hung.
"That's me, when I was a little girl," Dee said.
Hera cocked her head. "Were you three?"
"No. I was five in that picture."
"What's that?" Hera asked, and Dee's eyes widened with surprise.
"It's a bike," she explained. "You ride it." Hera had never seen a bike before. Dee's heart nearly broke at that.
"Like a Raptor?"
"Not quite like a Raptor. It's very different. You ride it outside, and the wind blows through your hair…" Dee trailed off, thinking of those long afternoons riding her bike up and down the sidewalk outside her family's brownstone house on Sagittaron. She remembered the heat, the way the airwaves would appear in front of her, especially when she went over a vent, and the smell of cheap oil frying and onions and hot peppers, drifting down from open windows.
"Will I ever ride a bike?" Hera asked.
"I don't know. Maybe." Dee made a mental note to talk to Noel, to see if he could try to build one from the otherwise unusable scraps that were around. It wouldn't be a motorcycle, but it would be something.
Hera noticed that Dee had pictures in her rack. She slithered down Dee's body and climbed up on her bed, sitting on her knees and studying the other pictures. "That's Narcho," she said, pointing. "And Louis and Felix. Are they being silly?"
Dee remembered how drunk they were that night and smiled. "Very silly."
Hera cocked her head. "That's Apollo."
"Yes."
"I've never seen Apollo in a long time."
"I know. He hasn't been on Galactica for a few months." Dee almost added that he was President now, but held her tongue. The barrage of questions (starting with "what's a President?") wasn't worth dispensing the knowledge. "Come on, sweetie. Let's go back to your place."
"All right." Hera clambered down and clutched Dee's hand. For the kind of day this child had had, she seemed like she was in a remarkably good mood. Dee stared at her wonderingly, wishing that she could just let the things she didn't understand wash over her head. "Can we color?" Hera asked.
"We can definitely color. Let's go."
***
She wasn't surprised when Narcho knocked on the Agathon's door late that night, and she let him in without comment. He was tired and beaten down- she could see the worry written across his face. "It could have been my squad," Noel said. "And it's going to be my squad. They'll send us after them."
"I know," Dee said. She glanced over at Hera's bed, where Hera was sprawled on her back over the covers, softly snoring.
"I don't want to send my pilots on a suicide mission," Noel said.
"I know."
Noel sat down. "Do you really think it will work, Dee? Do you really think we can blow up the Resurrection Hub, find Earth, and have everyone start over?"
"I don't know." Dee sat down across from him.
Noel rested his hand on his chin. "Louis doesn't. It scares me when the Tactical Officer doesn't think that the plan is a good one."
"Louis is overcautious most days. You know that."
"And he doesn't believe in Earth," Noel agreed.
"If Earth's not real, all the more reason to go after the Hub," Dee pointed out. "It gives us a chance… what?"
Noel was tracing something on the table. "Dee," he said slowly, "what if Earth is real?"
"What do you mean?" Dee asked warily, the memory of his body against hers coming forcibly to the forefront. She didn't want to discuss this, not now.
But that was the furthest thing from Noel's mind. "I mean, what if we get to Earth, and we find a thriving population? What if the Ones and Fours and Fives follow us there? Or what if the Twos and Sixes and Eights have yet another change of heart? We've heard this we were wrong bullshit before, before we settled on New Caprica. It didn't last. What if we get to Earth, and we find out all we've done is lead a legion of nuke-happy Cylons down on yet another population?"
"Oh, Gods…" Dee whispered, because she'd never thought of that. "They must… Admiral Adama and President Roslin must have thought about that. They…" she trailed off, shivering.
Noel looked worried. "Maybe I shouldn't have said anything."
"Maybe you should have said something sooner. Noel, you have to ask the Admiral about this. If he hasn't thought of it, he needs to and…" Dee felt like throwing up.
"Can you help me?" Noel asked. "Tomorrow, before you go on your shift, can we go to the Admiral together? He won't listen to me- I'm a Pegasus pilot and a new squadron leader afraid of losing more pilots, and he'll chalk it all up to that. I'm not tactical, I'm not strategy. But you… the Admiral listens to you. Will you help me do this?"
Dee extended her hand. "Absolutely," she said, looking Noel straight in the eye. "We'll do this together."
Noel took her hand.
They slept together in the Agathon's bed that night, Noel's arm tight around Dee's waist, Dee's back against the solidity of his chest.
***
"Admiral?" Dee almost poked her head into the hatch, and then smartly pulled herself together, jerking to attention. This would go so much better if she addressed the Admiral as professionally as possible. "Admiral Adama?"
Adama turned. He looked as bad as… as bad as Louis had been looking, Dee realized. She wondered if this was the best time. Colonel Tigh was sitting on the couch, looking as worried as Dee felt.
"Lieutenant," Adama said. "What can I do for you?"
"Sir, Lieutenant Allison," she gestured with her chin to Noel, "expressed some concerns about finding Earth. They are concerns I've never heard addressed, and-"
"We'll find Earth," Adama said. "But right now that's not our concern."
"No, sir, I realize that, but-"
"Lieutenant," Tigh overrode her, "now's really not the time."
Noel touched Dee's shoulder, and Dee saluted. "Yes, sir."
"We need you on shift in CIC," Tigh told her.
"I'm headed there now, sir." Adama didn't look up; he just continued to study some papers on his desk.
Tigh glanced at Noel, and a thought seemed to snap into his head. "Go down to the deck and tell Chief Laird to get a Raptor prepped," he ordered.
Noel saluted. "Yes, sir."
They left the study. "We'll try again later," Dee promised Noel. "After they get the baseship back."
"Or after the Admiral has admitted that they're not going to," Noel agreed darkly.
They looked at each other, and then Noel leaned over and kissed Dee carefully, on her cheek, right next to her lips. "I'd better go," he said.
"Yeah. Me, too." She smiled at him, and touched his bicep tentatively. "If they send you out… come back."
"I will." He cupped her cheek briefly, and there was light in his eyes as he did so. Then the gesture turned to a gentle pat, and he headed down the hall, whistling as he went.
Dee headed the opposite way to the CIC.
***
"Admiral on deck!" someone shouted.
Like everyone, Dee stood. But the last thing she expected was Tigh walking in, the Admiral's pins clear on his collar.
"Sit down," Tigh commanded. "It's only temporary. The Old Man will be back." A few people obeyed, but hesitatingly. "Sit down!" Tigh ordered again, this time more stridently. "You all know how this ship runs, so do it!"
Dee turned back to her console, but she watched Tigh discreetly as he went over to Louis and said something. Louis nodded, and turned back to his station.
"Dee," Louis said over the wireless, and Dee jerked her attention back to the console, "notify the ships captains that we're jumping. I'm transmitting the coordinates to you."
"I've got it, Louis. Dee watched as the numbers flicked up on her screen. "Wait a minute… I'm getting a transmission that Raptor six two-"
"Dee?" Adama's voice was deep and gravelly in her ear. "Put me through to Admiral Tigh."
"Yes, sir." Dee directed the transmission. "Good luck, sir," she said, even though she had no clear idea what he was doing.
"Thanks, Dee. Take care of Galactica for me. Saul?"
Dee tuned out of the conversation almost automatically. Louis looked up at her, brows furrowed, and she shrugged. Although as she thought about it, the pieces of Adama's plan began to come together. Jump the Fleet to a new, secure location, leave a Raptor tailing at the rendezvous point, waiting just in case that basestar came back. It was risky, but only risky to the Raptor pilot.
Adama was waiting for Roslin. It would be romantic, Dee thought, if it wasn't so frakking stupid. She looked down at Tigh, standing uncomfortably in Adama's place and tugging unconsciously at his collar. If Adama was killed… she closed her eyes and shook her head. Stupid was exactly the right word.
And yet, a part of her wished if she was on that baseship, someone would wait in a Raptor for her.
***
Felix was sitting up in bed, picking at his food and talking to Louis when Dee managed to get to the sickbay. Neither of them looked happy, and they were both talking in the sort of low voices that Dee remembered hearing her parents use to discuss politics and finances.
"What's going on?" she asked.
Felix looked back down at his tray, but Louis sighed and sat back in his chair. "They're releasing him tomorrow. He needs to be back on duty."
"On duty?" Dee asked, shocked.
Louis nodded stiffly, and Dee looked to see what monitors Felix was still hooked to. She was a little surprised to realize that he wasn't hooked to any. It was a testament to the fact she hadn't been down in a few days.
"I'm sorry-" she began, but Felix waved her quiet.
"Don't worry about it," he said. "Louis and Tom have both been keeping me up to date, and believe me, Dee. I understand. It's exactly why I have to get back to work." He said that, but he still looked so tired and sick. He lay back against the pillow and closed his eyes. Louis exchanged worried glances with Dee.
Dee stood awkwardly, looking at the two of them. It took her a long minute to realize that she was staring at them because she was trying to avoid staring at Felix's leg. She flushed uncomfortably, but Felix's eyes were still closed and Louis didn't notice.
"I should get back to the CIC," she said awkwardly.
Felix opened his eyes and nodded. "I'll be back there tomorrow," he said. "Let Admiral Tigh know, would you?"
Dee managed to smile. "You got a good laugh out of that, didn't you?" she asked lightly.
"Sure," Felix agreed, although Dee had the feeling he wasn't laughing much about anything right now. She stepped in and kissed him on the forehead, and then pulled away.
"I'll see you later. Are you staying in the infirmary one more night?"
"Yes. I'm going straight from here to the CIC tomorrow," Felix said.
"Okay." She nodded to Louis, and then left and headed back towards her racks.
The racks felt strange when she entered. Granted, she really hadn't spent much time in them. There had been a few nights after she'd left Lee, and then she'd spent two months in the Agathon's quarters… so of course they didn't feel right. But the truth was that all of Galactica felt strange without the Old Man.
She sighed and slid into her own rack, embracing her knees as she looked around. She wished she had more pictures. There were the two of herself when she was a child that were in her locker, the picture she had of herself and Lee, and the picture of Louis, Felix and Noel that Hera noticed. There was one of the Admiral with Lee, and one of the Agathon family. She didn't have many pictures of her parents or her brother, but she pulled out what she had: her parents in a locket and her brother's high school picture. She laid them all neatly on her bed and then rested her head against her knees, humming a little tune under her breath as she looked at them. All the pieces of her life, there before her.
She was still staring at the pictures when the hatch opened and Louis entered. He came over to her rack and looked down for a long moment.
"No Hera today?" he asked.
"Tigh sent her down to her mother," Dee said. "You know, I looked at pictures the night before we launched the rescue op on New Caprica. Why do I feel like I'm doing the same thing right now?"
"When did you last sleep?" Louis asked her.
"When did you?" Dee looked up at him. His eyes were bloodshot and there were dark circles under them, and he still hadn’t shaved.
Louis opened his locker and found his towel and a razor. "I'm going to sleep after I take a shower," he said.
"Cottle chased you out of the infirmary?"
"Yeah." He shut the locker door. "Plus, Felix said that Zarek usually visits him late at night. I really don't feel like meeting up with him." He sighed. "Although I feel less guilty about sleeping when I know Zarek's there."
Dee nodded absently, looking back down at her pictures. "If Felix is back on duty tomorrow, are you off?"
"You don't know?" Louis teased her half-heartedly. He scrubbed at his face with his hands. "No. I'll be in the CIC in," he glanced at his watch, "six hours, just like you."
"I'm surprised they never gave you any time off," Dee mused. "Well, no. I guess I'm not."
"I don't think the brass know about me and Felix anyway," Louis said. He looked over Dee's shoulder again and down at her pictures. "We've been keeping it quiet. Wouldn't want anyone to think we're sleeping our way into our positions." He grinned at her.
Dee didn't smile back, but not because she was offended. She picked up the picture of Felix, Noel, and Louis. "Did you ever get a copy of this?"
"I don't think so. Dee, go to sleep. You need it."
She moved her pictures a little closer together. "I will. In just a minute." Louis shot her one more worried look and then left to take his shower. As he did, Dee laid her cheek against her knees again, and touched the pictures gently, still humming her song.
***
The CIC door clanged open, and Dee looked up, heart in her throat. This time, it was what she was waiting for, and Felix came in, navigating slowly on his crutches. Doc Cottle was with him, which didn't surprise Dee. Tom Zarek also was with him, which did. It was an odd honor guard, and one that she could tell Tigh was not overly pleased to see.
Felix surveyed the CIC. He looked tired already; Dee was a little surprised that Cottle hadn't forced him into a wheelchair. Cottle made his way down to talk to Tigh, and Felix and Zarek started down more slowly. She could barely stand to watch him struggling along like this, with a part of himself literally missing.
Next to her, Timmins started clapping. Dee touched his shoulder and shook her head, and when she looked back at Felix, relief was clear on his face. The fewer people staring at him, the better.
From his station, Louis was watching as well. Dee knew what this must be costing him, not to go over and help. But even she had to admit that it was right this way. She didn't like Zarek, but he was still the Vice President of the Fleet, and the way he was helping Felix could only be construed as an honor due to a man who had made a sacrifice in the search for Earth. Zarek could help Felix in the CIC because he was his superior; help from an equal would make both Felix and Louis look weaker and unprofessional.
And yet, when Dee was standing down at the war table and Felix dropped his pills, she couldn't stop herself from picking them up for him, even knowing that it was a step back in his struggle. She retreated back to the table, studying the readout screens with blind eyes.
"DRADIS contact!" Felix's voice was sudden and strong in its functionality. Dee automatically looked at the DRADIS screen and there it was, bright and steady, clear in its position in the Fleet. The Cylon baseship. "Another contact, same bearing. It's a Raptor," Felix turned around, hope clear in his eyes. "Our people are back, sir."
Tigh bowed his head, just a quick expressive gesture of a weight taken off his shoulders. Dee couldn't blame him one bit.
***
She hadn't seen Lee since he took office, and it was a bit of a shock to see him stride into the CIC, wearing a pinstriped suit. He glanced at her, and for a moment she saw something flash in his eyes. Some recognition of what they'd been, some… something. But now wasn't the time for somethings.
Dee grabbed her clipboard and took her place beside Tigh in the war room. Now was the time to plan.
The Admiral strode into the CIC. He was back in his uniform, and Dee felt that unfailing feeling when she saw him, that the world was all right again. She knew it wasn't, not at all, and she was still terrified. But the sight of the Admiral walking in made her feel like they'd come through it… somehow.
Across the room, Lee met her eyes for a brief instant. He felt the same, she could see it flutter across his face before he turned into President Adama.
"All right," the Admiral said, looking right at Lee. "Let's figure out how to get our people back."
***
Dee thought that it would be possible to cut the tension in the CIC with a knife. It hung about, thick and heavy, worse than any combat situation because there was nothing anyone could do. It was a matter of waiting. She gazed around the CIC. She'd had the deck many, many times before, but this was easily the most nerve-wracking of all.
The phone buzzed, and she controlled herself from lunging at it.
"CIC," she said in her calm, measured voice as she picked it up. "Dualla."
"Dee?" it was Lee.
"Yes, Mr. President?"
Lee took a deep breath, and it almost sounded like it was shaking and upset. Dee firmed her shoulders. "I need you down in launch tube 5A," he said.
"Yes, sir." She paused. "Do we have them, sir?"
"We have one of them."
Dee glanced at the clock. Given how little time had passed, the Cylon must have been on Galactica. She shivered. "Right away, sir." She hung up the phone. "Mr. Hoshi," she said, because Felix still looked gray and was taking a lot more pain medicine than the commanding officer should be taking, "you have the deck."
"Aye, sir."
They had a Cylon, and Lee was upset about it. Dee was willing to bet any money that the Cylon was Kara Thrace, and he wanted Dee because Dee would force what needed to be done. Dee wouldn't let him back down on this. The only other person on board Galactica that Lee would be able to rely on for that would be Felix, and there was no way Felix could make it to the other end of the ship in time.
So it was a complete and utter shock when Dee entered the small compartment and saw Saul Tigh standing in the launch tube, hands tied behind his back.
For a moment, she could only stand still as the memories flashed in front of her eyes…. Tigh giving her orders the first day of her duty, Tigh's drunken rantings, Tigh pouring her a glass of whiskey and telling her to show Hoshi who was boss, Tigh coming back aboard the Galactica after New Caprica, Tigh holding back her hair…. They flashed so quickly she could barely recognize them for what they were, memories of someone who was family.
She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and took her place by Lee's side.
"Have you spoken to him?" she asked quietly.
"No," Lee said. "I was waiting for you."
Dee's eyes widened, but she couldn't say anything. She nodded, staring forward at the man- no, at the Cylon standing in the launch tube. She wondered how the Admiral had taken it. "I'm ready," she told Lee.
"Thank you." Lee left the control room and, with a pair of Marines at his side, entered the launch tube. And Dee wasn't surprised when Lee's fist hit Tigh's face.
"Where are the others?" he demanded.
"Where's the Old Man?" Tigh responded.
The phone buzzed. "Dualla," Dee said as she picked it up.
"Dee, CIC," Louis said at the other end. "Is President Adama there?" The tone of his voice meant trouble.
"He is," Dee began.
"Get him," Louis ordered. "I've got the baseship."
"Right away." Dee covered the receiver and hit the intercom button. "Mr. President? The CIC. D'Anna's on the line."
Lee strode back in and took the phone from her. "This is the President," Lee said, in the same gray metal voice he'd once said, "This is the Commander."
Dee could make out D'Anna's voice. "Mr. President, you're running out of time."
"No, you are. You harm another one of my people- you so much as blacken one of their eyes- and I flush Saul Tigh out of a launch tube."
Gooseflesh rose on the back of Dee's neck, and she stared at the XO. Lee meant it.
"We have no wish for further bloodshed," Dee heard D'Anna say. "Let us speak with the Admiral."
"No," Lee said, "you deal with me. You have ten minutes to release my people, or you can kiss one of your precious Final Five goodbye." He hung up the phone and pushed the intercom button. "You want to save the Fleet?" he asked Tigh. Tigh's head snapped around. "I need the others, and I need them now."
For a long, tense moment it seemed like Tigh wouldn't answer. Then finally he said, "They've got Tory Foster. The other two are Anders and Tyrol."
It took every ounce of control that Dee had to keep her mouth from dropping open. Anders and Tyrol? She wished she could sit down, she wished she could punch something… she wished she could make some sense of this whole frakking mess.
"You'd better be right," Lee growled. He released the intercom button and turned toward the control room door, where Marines were standing guard. "Sergeant Harden," he ordered, "go and get Samuel Anders and Galen Tyrol."
"Yes, sir."
A long silence ensued. Dee glanced up at Lee, and wished she could ask him what he was thinking. But his face was set like she'd never seen it before, determined and angry, fiercely protective. She'd seen hints of this when he'd come off the Viper or stood in the Pegasus CIC. But she'd never seen it in full bloom like she was seeing it now.
President Adama. She'd laughed when she heard it. And now she felt a raw sort of triumph, that she had been right. The man she'd loved did exist, and he was standing right here beside her, ready to do what had to be done to protect the people of the Fleet.
She didn't want him back, but Dee had never loved Lee more than she did in that control room, waiting for the other two Cylons to be brought in.
"Were they sleepers?" she asked Lee quietly.
"I don't know," Lee said shortly. "They must have been."
"Or there's more to Cylon history then we've been told," Dee surmised. The thought chilled her. Were there baseships out there of Tighs, Tyrols, Anders, and Fosters? They'd destroyed resurrection- would they manage to destroy one Cylon threat only to bring another on their heads? Or had these models all been wiped out by the seven they knew?
She snapped out of her thoughts as Tyrol and Anders were brought into the launch tube. They didn't struggle at all, and that was the worst sort of confirmation. "Get the baseship on the line." Lee ordered.
Dee snatched up the phone. "Mr. Hoshi," she said, her voice rough with anger, "we need the baseship."
"Right away, sir," Louis said. Dee heard the clicks and the feedback, and then Louis confirmed, "baseship is on the line." Dee handed Lee the phone.
"Are you ready to come to your senses, Mr. President?" D'Anna asked, all confidence.
Lee's eyes hardened. "Galen Tyrol and Samuel Anders have just joined Saul Tigh in the launch tube. Now, they have an express ride into the vacuum. You want them alive? Stand down." He hung up the phone. "They'll stand down," he said to Dee. "They have to."
The phone rang again. Dee answered it.
"Tactical." She heard Felix's voice. "The Cylon nukes just went hot."
"Copy that, Tactical. Stand by for orders."
"Aye, sir."
Dee replaced the phone slowly. "Mr. President," she said, and she was amazed her voice didn't tremble, "The baseship nukes just went hot. If any of our Fleet starts spooling up…" she trailed off in horror.
"They won't have time to jump before the Cylons fire," Lee finished. But instead of backing down, he just stood like an iron wall. "Sergeant Harden, clear the tube of everyone but Tigh."
Oh Gods. It was really coming to this. Tigh was really a Cylon, and Lee was really going to kill him. Tigh. Dee looked up at Lee. He'd once told her that killing a man would cost a piece of a soul. He'd been talking about Felix at the time, but she could see it… killing Tigh would cost him a piece of his.
And if that's what Lee Adama had to sacrifice to save humanity, that's what Lee Adama would sacrifice.
"Give me the key," he ordered her when Tigh was standing alone in the launch tube.
She took her strength from his and handed him the key without faltering, without fumbling. He thrust it into the lock and turned it, and the light flared red. A deep breath, another turn, and the green came up.
"What are you waiting for, Apollo?" Tigh shouted. "Do it!" he ordered, in a strangled whisper.
The door exploded open, and like the whirlwind she was, Kara Thrace slammed her hand over the button. "Stop! Please stop. These three frakking Cylons just gave us Earth."
Earth.
***
"It can't be real," Louis said when Dee handed him a cup of coffee. "There's no frakking way it can be real." But his eyes were lighting up, and he watched Felix across the CIC anxiously.
"If it really is real…" Felix said when she brought him his, hope almost palpable in his voice. He looked back over his shoulder at where Louis was working. "Maybe it will be worth it after all."
"Is it real?" Noel asked her over a line from the ready room. "There's all these crazy rumors, and I keep hearing that we know where Earth is. Is it real?"
Dee didn't know how to answer any of them, because she could barely breathe. Because if Kara Thrace had found Earth, Dee would happily kiss her feet from here until the day that she died.
***
It was real, or at least Admiral Adama thought so. He gave the instructions, handed out orders like this was any other jump. But they all knew it, and there was a serenity in the way the CIC operated, a quiet joy that could barely be contained.
"Board is set to green," Felix told her.
Dee swallowed. "Ready to jump, Admiral," she announced clearly.
The Admiral looked at peace as well. He turned to Laura Roslin, who stood by the war table. "Madam President, without you, we wouldn't have made it. Give the order."
We're going home. We're going home. We're almost there, and I don't care what it's like, we're going HOME. The words were running through Dee's head like a mantra. Roslin was trying to keep herself together, her face expressing everything Dee felt inside. "It's been a long time coming," she said. She wiped her eyes and pulled herself straight. "Take us to Earth."
Adama nodded at Dee, and she looked at the board. "Jumping in five, four, three, two, one… jump."
They jumped.
Dee held her breath, the disorientation evaporating as quickly as ever. The signals flashed to green in front of her, the reassuring data printing out. "Jump completed," she said.
"DRADIS is clear," Felix confirmed.
"Fleet is checking in," Louis added.
"Nav," Adama ordered.
"Confirming position." The entire CIC waited with bated breath, until Felix turned around slowly, a smug smile at being the first to know. "Visible constellations are a match."
Dee's eyes flooded with tears. Visible constellations are a match. Earth. They were really here. She looked at the Admiral, looked at Lee… her eyes scanned the entire CIC and she couldn't have said a word if she wanted to.
Adama picked up an intercom. "Women and men of Galactica. People of the Fleet. Three years ago, I promised to lead you to a new home. We've endured a difficult journey. We've all lost, we've all suffered, and the truth is, I questioned whether this day would ever come. But today, our journey is at an end. We have arrived... at Earth." He replaced the mouthpiece and reached out and drew Roslin into his arms, and somehow, that more than anything confirmed that they were here.
The CIC exploded.
All around her, people were screaming, cheering, celebrating. The President and the Admiral were still embracing, laying down their burdens already. Lee was watching them, still and silent, taking it all in. Louis crossed the CIC in swift steps, extending his hand to Felix, who immediately discarded propriety and pulled Louis in for a tight embrace, both of them laughing.
Dee stood still, unable to move because then it all might shatter.
The spell broke, but in such a glorious way. Lee whooped and jumped on the console, taking off his coat. He tossed it to her, and the gesture freed Dee. She doubled over laughing, missing the coat but catching the joy, reveling in the feeling. They were here. She laughed until the tears broke free and streamed down her face, until all of these people turned into blurs of color and light.
Whatever Earth was, whatever they found here… it was worth it. They were home.
***
"Dee."
Dee turned around to see Felix trying to catch up to her, painfully awkward on his crutches. "Felix. What's up?"
"Listen, can you do me a favor?" Felix asked.
"Sure. What is it?"
"It's kind of silly, but I just really… when you get down to Earth, if you find any flowers, could you bring a few back?"
"Flowers," Dee said dryly.
Felix flushed. "I told you it was silly," he said. "But Louis has done so much for me, and I…" he looked away, regaining his grip on his crutches. "Once we're down there, everything will calm down. I'll find myself again and I think maybe someday…" he struggled over the words and then gave up, but Dee understood what he meant and smiled. "But just for now, I'd like to surprise him. It's the stupidest gesture in the world, but at the same time…" he shrugged.
"Flowers," Dee said. "Check."
"Thanks, Dee." Felix limped off. "I'll owe you one."
***
She climbed aboard a Raptor with the President and the Admiral, with Helo and Sharon. She looked out the window and saw Noel waving at her from the cockpit of his Viper. Belatedly, she turned to the Admiral.
"Sir?" she asked. "What if the other faction of Cylons is still following us? What if they find us?"
"First things first, Dee," Adama said. "Who knows what defenses Earth will have?"
The safe feeling washed over her again. Of course. Why hadn't she and Noel ever considered that? The Colonies had had a defense system that should have worked, but that had clearly been compromised in some manner. But they could keep that from happening again. They could. This time it would be-
"Sir, I'm picking up something odd on the scanners," Helo said.
Adama leaned forward. "What's wrong?"
"I'm not seeing any life."
"Uninhabited?" Roslin said. She exchanged looks with Adama. "Well, we can work with uninhabited," she said. "Or maybe it's just the area."
"Maybe," Helo said darkly, but when they landed and took in the gray skies, the ruins, and the dust and rubble, they all knew that those were straws to grasp at.
***
Dee stood on the shore, tears streaking down her face as she stared at the gray expanse in front of her. Felix had said several times he wanted to see an ocean again.
She wished he'd never gotten his wish. She wondered, too, how she'd tell him that there were no flowers to bring back, that Earth had nothing to give.
She saw Noel in the distance, cresting a hill, a silhouette at first and then resolving into features. And when she saw his face, ruined and sad, she knew exactly how her own looked. She turned away from him, and he turned away from her.
The water lapped against her boots. She'd already been warned about the radioactivity, but the water still seemed so harmless. She knelt and cupped it in her hands, letting it run through her fingers. She knew that the other Raptors and Vipers were searching the planet, praying desperately that this was some casualty of a war, and that the victors were alive elsewhere, secure in their dominance.
Something moved in the water, and Dee knelt to see what it was.
It wasn't a fish, and it wasn't a reflection. Instead, it was something small and spiked, with such perfect symmetry that it had to be manufactured. Dee knelt down to pick up the last thing in the world she ever would have expected… a set of jacks.
She'd played jacks as a child, kneeling on the sidewalk in front of her house, the cracked cement hot under her knees. She'd taunted her friends that she could pick up more, that she was the reigning jacks champion, that she could never be beat. The childhood memories were dull under the radioactive clouds, failing to glisten in her hand.
She laid a hand on her stomach. She wasn't pregnant, she knew that for a fact. But she'd hoped that her child would play jacks in the sun on Earth, jump rope and ride her bike.
She broke down and began to cry.
***
Sunlight. Warm sunlight on her shoulders.
She was a child, running through the fields of weeds that looked like wildflowers. She was home in her house, the warmth and the safety surrounding her, her mother calling her and her brothers to supper. She was with her father as he helped her study, his hand on her shoulder. She was reporting for duty on the Galactica, she was with the Admiral.
She was in Billy's arms, his ring on her finger. She was waiting for Lee as she rocked a baby on her shoulder. She was watching Noel from a distance as he and Louis chased Dee's daughter, and Felix sat beside her weaving daisy chains instead of working on the accounts. In the distance, the sound of horses neighing cut through the summer humidity.
She was with them all, she was flying and she was grounded, she was a part of something and she was solidity by herself. She was at peace.
Dee opened her eyes.
A grassy hill was before her, and she began to climb it. It was hard going in her dress, a floaty white skirt tangling her legs, but it never stained. She climbed for what felt like hours.
A man was sitting on the hill. He came into focus slowly, and she stopped as she saw his face.
"Louis?"
The man smiled. It was Louis's smile and Louis's eyes, but it was not Louis's face. "No," he said. "Thomas." He extended his hand. He was sitting, his legs stretched out and his face tilted up to the sun. He had long gray hair tied back in a ponytail, a worn vest and earth-stained hands. "You're Dee."
"You know me?"
"I've been watching you. Figured you'd come this way." He patted the ground beside him. "Have a seat."
"I'm tired," Dee admitted, but she stayed standing.
"That why you did it?"
Dee blinked, and then she nodded. To her surprise, it hurt.
"Well, can't say I blame you," Thomas said. He was chewing on a stalk of grain.
Silence stretched between them, but it was warm and companionable. Dee felt like this man knew everything in her heart with no words, and she knew everything in his. And there was no doubt in her mind that this was the man that had raised Louis Hoshi, and that he was a good man.
"I saw you once before," she said slowly. "With my baby."
"You saw what you wanted to see," he said, shrugging.
"Is that what I'm seeing now?" Dee asked.
Thomas shook his head. "No. Funny enough, this is real."
"So what happens now?" she asked.
"Just waiting," Thomas said. "I imagine we're waiting for the same thing. And if I'm right, we'll be having some company in a bit."
"Is it always like this?" Dee asked.
"You've figured that out already," Thomas answered, and Dee understood. Those parts of her she'd felt, those reverberations of her soul were no less real than this one right here. This was only a fragment of her, and this fragment belonged here.
"Why don't you go on?" she asked him. "Why don't you finish climbing?"
Thomas shifted the stalk of grain in his mouth. "It will never be paradise until they're all with me," he said. "All of my children. Six of them are home. It's just the last one." He smiled. "I hope I'm here for a long time still. But I'll wait until the world ends for him to come home."
Dee nodded. "I'll wait with you, if you like."
"I thought you would. Have a seat, young lady. We've got a while, and the view is good from here." So Dee sat beside Thomas Hoshi on a sharp grassy hill.
The sun was warm on her shoulders, the grass was soft under her hands. Thomas was real enough that she could feel the warmth of him as she sat close. As they waited, they talked and laughed and cried, and watched as the world unfolded and took shape. And even here on this hillside, the world made sense and Dee felt at peace.
She knew that one day soon they'd be joined by Noel and Felix, one right after the other. They'd climb that hill and they'd sit there, Felix lounging with his two legs stretched out before him, Noel tinkering with some little project in his hands. Thomas would smile to see them, and the four of them would rest. They would wait for Louis to finish his work and his life, and then they would all go home together.