FIC: A Lot to Live Up To (Part 14)
Title: A Lot to Live Up To, Part 14
Author: lls_mutant
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Dee and her boys
Pairings: Dee/Lee, Hoshi/Gaeta, and past Hoshi/Narcho.
Summary: The trial of Gaius Baltar.
Spoilers: Eventually through the end, but this part just through Crossroads II
Author's Note: Thanks to my awesome beta trovia!
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Pain and Heaven | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13
Dee took a deep breath and opened the hatch to her quarters. As she expected, Lee was sitting at the desk, wearing a stretched-out sweater and a pair of jeans, leaning over his notes. At least Lampkin wasn't there. Lee looked up, flashing her a brief smile. "Hey. Good shift?"
"Nothing too exciting, so yes," Dee said, keeping her voice was light. "Having a good day?"
"I am." Lee sat up and pushed the papers back, and then ran a hand through his hair. "I think I've found something that's going to help us. There's a sort of precedent back on Leonis, in terms of…" he launched off into some legal jargon, but Dee mostly tuned it out, nodding at appropriate times. She felt guilty, but she was tired and the last thing she wanted to hear about was the legal defense of Gaius Baltar.
But Lee… Lee looked alive. Not so much happy, but like he had a purpose. You were CAG, Dee wanted to say. You had a purpose. They were depending on you. Not just the pilots, but all of us, because what happens to the Fleet if the pilots aren't ready?
But that wasn't something you could say.
"Are you all right?" Lee asked.
"Lee? Do you really think Baltar's innocent?" Dee asked.
Lee sat back. "Not innocent," he corrected her. "The term is 'not guilty.'"
Dee wasn't interested in semantics. "Do you really think he's not guilty, then?"
Lee sighed. "I don't know," he said. "I really don't. But I do believe that he's entitled to a fair trial, and for the trial to be fair, he needs representation that actually does its job, not just people going through the motions."
"Is that what Lampkin's doing?"
"No, he's actually taking it seriously." Lee frowned. "I think. Truthfully, he's a bit of a nutcase."
Dee could hear Felix saying, No, really? as clearly as if he'd been there. She smirked. "But why? Why all this for Gaius Baltar?"
Lee sighed. "You know," he said, sitting back and not quite looking at her, "back around Colonial Day, Tom Zarek said something."
"Not Zarek!"
"Dee, I know you don't like him, but every now and then the man has a good point. Our old way of life… the Colonies, everything we knew, it's all in ruins. We have to redefine everything that we once had, judge what works for us now and discard what doesn't. One of those things I don't want to see discarded is every human's right to a fair trial. If we make an exception for Gaius Baltar, then what happens next? Do we make an exception for a rapist or a murderer and say, 'no, what you've done is too horrible, you don't get a trial'? And then once we've accepted that, do we make exceptions for thieves or attempted murders or embezzlers? We don't, because you know what happens? If we start allowing people- any people, no matter how despicable we think they are- to be denied trials, they lose their chance at defense. And then what happens is we kill innocent people. If we allow our civilization to lose this, then people like Felix Gaeta go flying out the airlock and into space."
"Right," Dee conceded, and in principle, she couldn't disagree with him.
But she still didn't like Lee defending Baltar.
***
"Come in."
Dee took a deep breath and entered. The Admiral was sitting on his couch, reading a book. Oddly, that made Dee feel guiltier than if he'd been working, knowing that she was interrupting a rare bit of free time. But he put the book aside and smiled at her.
"Dee. What can I do for you?"
Dee sat down in "her" chair, tacitly letting him know this was his daughter-in-law visiting, not his Communications Officer. She saw Adama get the message- his smile warmed and he stayed where he was, relaxed and easy. "I'm sorry to bother you," she said.
"It's not bother at all."
Dee sighed. "Sir, I was wondering if you could tell me a little bit more about your father."
Adama's eyebrows raised. "My father?"
"Yes, sir. Your father."
Adama sighed. "This doesn't have anything to do with my son's recent foray into the legal practice, does it?" he said, knowing the answer perfectly well. Dee had to admit she was pleased to see her own reservations written all over Adama's face.
"I asked him why he was so invested in defending Baltar," she said. "And I understand his reasoning. But it's still Baltar. I look at what he's done, not only to the entire Fleet but to my closest friends, and I can't help but…" she shook her head.
"Start establishing precedent with the guy who didn't sell out the entire human race," Adama agreed. "Trouble is, the scum who did sell out the human race is the one who sets the best precedent. I'm like you. I understand why we need to give him a trial, but that doesn't mean I like it."
"I thought if I could just understand how Lee got here, I might accept it better."
Adama took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. "You're not asking anything I haven't asked myself," he admitted. "But I do know that my father would have taken Baltar's case."
"Would you, sir?"
Adama smiled. "I'm not a lawyer."
"Neither is Lee," Dee pointed out, and Adama snorted at that. "But you know that's not what I mean."
He heaved a sigh. "The military and the law are connected," he admitted, "but their very imperative is different. The military doesn't protect the laws, it protects the Colonies, no matter which laws the Colonies choose to uphold." He made a face. "You know, Sharon told me something at one point. That humanity has to ask itself if it's worthy of surviving. And that's something that we," he gestured between himself and Dee, "don't often have the luxury of asking. In a way, we give up certain freedoms to protect those of others. It's our imperative."
"Imperative," Dee said wryly. Adama cocked his eyebrows at her, and Dee smiled apologetically. "It's just something that Hoshi said after the Cylons occupied New Caprica that's stuck with me for a long time. He said that war is our imperative. He was quoting Admiral Cain, but it just really… it was very much how I felt at the time." She bit her lip. "And it's very much how I feel now."
"You gave up a lot to be in the military," Adama observed. "I'm not surprised you feel that way."
"Lee doesn’t, does he?" Dee asked. As she said it her stomach twisted, because it was something she'd been suspecting for a while- a long while- and she hadn't wanted to admit.
"No," Adama agreed, looking very much like Dee felt. "He doesn't."
Dee had loved Lee from when he first set foot on Galactica, a shining name and a stellar soldier. She'd loved him for his strength, for his courage, for his desperate belief in humanity and what was right, for his determination to fight. And intellectually, she could see that all those same traits that she loved were still there, just channeled into a new direction.
But still, she had the disconcerting feeling that the man she'd love never existed at all, except for in her mind.
***
"You're being ridiculous about this! Roslin is-"
"She's not the goddess that everyone- including you, I might add- makes her out to be!"
"I'm not saying she's a goddess! I'm saying she's the President of the godsdamned frakking Colonies, and it wouldn't kill you to show a little respect!" Louis snapped.
"She's not even in the room!" Felix retorted. "How is criticizing a President's policies not showing respect?"
Dee looked from Felix to Louis, both of whom had half-turned when she opened the door to the officers' racks but were still obviously deep in their argument. Louis was sitting at the table, Felix was poised as if for flight.
"I'll come back later," Dee said.
"No," Felix huffed. "Don't bother." He glared at Louis one more time. "You two can sit around and talk about Roslin and her religious crap and divine right. I'm leaving." He stormed out the door, slamming the hatch as best he could. Louis winced.
"Should I-" Dee began.
Louis shook his head. "Leave him alone," he said sourly. "He's been in a mood all day."
Dee glanced back over her shoulder at the closed hatch. "So I see. Are you? Because I've seen your moods, and frankly, if you're in one, I'm leaving, too."
Louis rubbed his temples. "Please stay," he said simply. Dee nodded and sat down cautiously. Louis looked at her and then snorted. "It's not that bad," he said, and Dee had the feeling he was mocking her. "It's not like we fight like this all the time."
"I assumed," Dee said.
"He has to meet with Cassidy tonight, to discuss his testimony for Baltar's trial."
"Which explains why you were fighting about President Roslin, of all things."
Louis shrugged.
"What did you want to talk to me about?" Dee asked.
He sighed and sat back. "The trial, as it happens. I wanted to ask you a favor."
"What?"
"One of us should go with Felix, don't you agree?" he asked, leaning in and raising his eyebrows.
"You want me to cover for you?" Dee said.
"No. I want to be in CIC that day."
Dee stared at him. "You're kidding," she said.
"No. I'm not. Look, Dee, I know what went on between Felix and Baltar. And I know that's part of what's killing him over this. He won't admit it, but there's a part of him that still loves Baltar, and always will." Louis looked down at his hands as he said it, but Dee caught a glimpse of his face. His eyes were hard and angry as he said that. "This whole trial is going to be rough enough on Felix. The last thing he needs to be thinking about is me."
Dee considered that. "Do you really think he'd be that worried about it?"
Louis shrugged. "Yes," he said dubiously, and Dee wondered if Felix and Louis had fought about this before.
"You're worried how you'll take it," she realized. Louis looked away. "Louis, that is the most pathetic, most selfish-"
"It is not!" Louis flared. "It's not that simple, Dee!"
"It seems pretty simple to me," Dee insisted. "He needs you there, and you're not going."
Louis's eyes narrowed. "You're assuming a lot there, Dee. Don't."
Dee took a deep breath, reining in her anger and reminding herself that she'd regret slapping Louis later if she did it. "What am I assuming?" she asked icily.
"That he wants me there," Louis said.
"Did he say he didn’t?" Dee demanded. Louis nodded, and the anger ebbed from her. "Oh. I mean… he actually asked you not to come?"
"No," Louis said, "his exact words were, 'I really wish you didn't have to see it.' I told him I don't, if he doesn't want me there. He did that thing where he doesn't say anything, but you know what he's really thinking… that he wants to ask you something and doesn't." Louis shrugged. "He doesn't want me there, and I understand. Sometimes you need a friend more than a lover."
"All right," Dee said. "We'll make sure it happens. I'll be there." She sighed heavily. "I was going to go anyway."
***
The alarm went off only a few hours after Dee had managed to fall asleep. Lee groaned, reached over Dee and turned it off. He rubbed at his face, grabbed his towel, and then headed for the shower. Dee lay in bed with her eyes open, staring at the wall.
Lee came back in and began to pull on his suit, and Dee propped herself up on her elbow, watching him. "Good morning," he said, flashing her a smile.
"Good morning." Dee stretched. "Today's the big day, huh?"
"Yeah." Lee gave her another harried smile, and she could see that he was already going over the case again in his mind. He was separating his duty blues from Dee's, where they lay entangled on the floor.
"Are you nervous?" Dee asked lightly.
Lee chuckled. "I don't know," he answered honestly.
"Just picture them all naked."
He gave her a mock glare and then shuddered. "I can do without picturing Gaius Baltar naked." They both laughed, and Lee leaned down to kiss her. "Are you going to be there?"
"Hoshi's covering the CIC," she confirmed.
"Good." Lee hesitated. "Dee," he said, "you know that I'm okay if we lose this trial, right? That I'm not so much fighting to protect Gaius Baltar's life, but fighting to protect the system?"
Dee nodded.
"Good." He kissed her again. "I'll see you later." He gave her one last smile, and then walked out the hatch.
Dee sighed and sat up. She'd be glad when this was all over.
***
The trial was held on the Galactica for security reasons. And they were good reasons, Dee thought, as she looked around the room. So many faces were stamped with bitterness and hate, with anger and the thirst for revenge. She shivered, grateful she had never mustered out and settled on New Caprica, and guilty for the feeling.
She arrived early and found Felix sitting in a chair halfway up the section, talking in a low voice to Helo. Helo spotted her first and waved at her, and she smiled back in gratitude. She casually took the seat on the other side of Felix. He nodded to her, but he kept his conversation with Helo deliberately light and on course, discussing the dire need for equipment repair. But when she sat down, the two of them flanking him like defiant guards, Felix squeezed her hand.
Lee was part of his own guard, sitting to the one side of Baltar while Romo Lampkin sat on the other. In his uniform, he should have looked straight and tall, the image of a soldier bent on defending the world. But for some reason, he didn't. Although he hadn't put on any extra weight, the way he sat at the table reminded Dee forcibly of how he'd been in orbit around New Caprica. She bit her lip in worry.
She saw the Admiral sitting at the bench, his face set in an expression that Dee knew meant he was not happy about being here. She'd known he was going to be on the tribunal, of course- it had been in the papers. But although no one ordered it explicitly, it was something that wasn't discussed on Galactica, and most certainly not in his earshot. She felt a rush of affection for her father-in-law, especially as he glared in Baltar's general direction.
The judge also serving as moderator was Doyle Franks, captain of the Prometheus. She banged a gavel on the desk top for silence. "This court is now in session," she said, as the murmuring began to quiet. "The trial of Gaius Baltar will begin."
***
When the trial let out for the day, Louis was waiting for them. Dee glanced at Felix's face and saw him light up, like a burden had been stripped away as he left the courtroom. He reached out and touched Louis's shoulder, and Louis smiled back at him.
"Well?" he asked. "How did it go?"
Helo sighed. "It's going to be a long, brutal one," he predicted. "Were you listening?"
"I heard parts of it, when I could tune in. I heard Zarek's testimony, not that there was much to it, and I heard Playa Palacios's. They mentioned Tigh was testifying today?"
"They tore the Colonel apart," Dee sighed.
"They went for the drinking?" Louis asked.
"And Ellen." There was a surprising bit of sympathy in Felix's voice. "Apparently he…" Felix shook his head. "Get someone else to tell you the story later," he said. Louis glanced at Dee, and she nodded acknowledgement that she would.
Louis changed the subject. "How's Lee doing?"
"Good. I guess." Dee didn't feel like talking about it. "I don't know- they're really just getting started."
"Only a few more days," Felix said, in the tone of someone reminding himself. "Then this can all go back to normal."
"When is anything ever normal in this Fleet?" Helo asked. "Come on," he said to Felix, "I have a half hour before I said I'd be home. Let's go get a drink."
"All right. Louis?"
"I'll be there in a minute. I just want to update Dee on some CIC stuff."
"Right." Felix gave Louis another smile, and then headed down the corridor with Helo.
"You're just dying to know what happened with Tigh, aren't you?" Dee asked as they began walking the opposite way.
"Well, yes, but I also wanted to tell you that they figured out how the Cylons are tailing us- the tylium ship's radiation signature is giving us away."
"Are they fixing it?"
"We're starting to schedule the repairs. Sian's holding them off until you get back into the CIC, and then I believe you're coordinating it."
"All right, then. Anything else?"
"Just tell me what the frak happened with Tigh already. Ellen?"
Dee shivered. "Yeah. I guess Ellen collaborated on New Caprica."
Louis stopped in his tracks. "Ellen collaborated, and he found it fit to try to throw Felix out of an airlock?"
"He killed Ellen for it."
The color drained from Louis's face. "My Gods."
"I know." Dee shivered again. "He said that it she would have been killed anyway, and it was better he did it. I knew… I mean, I knew that something awful had happened to Colonel Tigh on New Caprica, but I thought it was just the torture." She laughed hollowly. "Just the torture. Right. But then to have it dragged out in public like this…."
"What was the point of it?" Louis wondered. "Why did the court have to know that?"
"Discrediting the witness, I guess? Tigh brought her up, said she'd done more to help fight against the Cylons than Baltar ever had. And Lampkin just ran with it."
They were far, far away now from Joe's, but Louis turned around like he could see where Felix had gone. "That's what Lee and Lampkin going to do to Felix, isn't it? Drag him through the dirt, pull out all his secrets?"
Dee nodded, and Louis closed his eyes. He swallowed hard, and then turned and continued their walk towards the CIC.
"When you schedule with the tylium ship, make sure you get the best crew over there," he said, his voice bland and professional. "We're only a few jumps away from the nebula, and the sooner we get there, the sooner we find Earth."
"Yes, sir."
***
Dee flipped off the comm unit and stretched. It had taken two hours, but everything was coordinated, from the maintenance crews to the Raptors to fly them over to the temporary housing of some of the tylium ship's residents. And Gods, she had a headache. She closed her eyes and massaged her temples.
"Lieutenant Dualla."
Dee looked up to see the Admiral standing in front of her, and snapped back into attention. "Sir. We've got the crews headed out for the tylium ship in two hours, sir."
"Belay that."
"Yes, sir."
"And get Lieutenant Gaeta in here as soon as possible."
"Yes, sir." His face was thunderous. "Sir, are you all right?" It wasn't a question she would have dared ask her Admiral, but was a question she wanted to ask her father-in-law.
Adama managed a small smile for her. "Not particularly, Dee. But you and I, we'll hold this boat together no matter what comes our way, right?"
Dee nodded and smiled, but it made her blood run cold. Adama was warning her about something, but she really wasn't sure what.
***
When she arrived back in her quarters, there was a canvas bag by the hatch. Dee peered into it, and with a start recognized Lee's duty blues. His duty blues, his BDUs, his dress grays… even his tanks. Her stomach twisted over, and she realized she'd known this was coming for a lot longer than she'd let on.
She opened the hatch and saw Lee sitting at the table, dressed in a ratty t-shirt and jeans and going over a case file. He didn't look up when she walked in.
"What's all this?" Dee asked. "Why are your uniforms outside?
"I've got to say, I've probably got the nicest quarters any civilian on Galactica has ever had since Ellen Tigh tied. Since she was killed." Lee's mouth twisted in an expression that Dee recognized as pain. "Perks of being married to an officer."
"Lee…"
"I'm not an officer anymore, did you know that?" Lee looked up at her. His eyes were bright with anger. "I don't have… don't have enough integrity to be an officer."
"Have you been drinking?"
"Doesn't matter. I don't have to answer to him now. I don't have to answer to anyone now- well, not like that. I can frakking drink if I want to."
"What happened? Talk to me, Lee."
"My father. He was upset about Tigh."
"Understandably so," Dee said.
Lee shrugged. "It's not like I knew what would happen," he said. "I thought… look, I figured that we'd find out Ellen was killed by the Cylons, and maybe Tigh had to watch it. It sounds like the sick sort of thing the Ones would do, doesn't it? I honestly thought that's what happened to her. But if you ask my father, I knew it all and fed it straight to Romo. Thinks I stabbed Tigh in the back." He looked at Dee. "Did you know?"
"About Ellen? No." Dee had wanted to throw up when Tigh had confessed to killing her, not only because of the horror of it, but because the last thing she wanted to do was understand how he could have done what he did to Felix. "I don't think anyone did."
"Exactly," Lee said as if it proved a point.
"But it wasn't relevant," Dee said. "As horrible as it was- and as much as I hate Gaius Baltar- the fact that Colonel Tigh killed his wife for collaborating wasn't relevant to Baltar's crimes."
Lee wagged a finger at her. "But we didn't know that's what he was going to say," he said. "It's the risk that we take."
"Tigh didn't ask to take that risk. He was ordered up there."
"Do you really think he would have blurted it out of he wasn't drunk?"
Dee pressed her lips together for a long moment. "So this is how the trial is going to go?" she asked. "Discrediting witnesses by showing that they're too frakked up to say anything credible against Baltar? What are you going to do to the others, Lee? What are you planning on calling them out on?"
"Hopefully nothing," Lee snapped. "Look, what happened with Tigh was a fluke, okay? How was I supposed to have any idea that he killed Ellen? Tigh might be a drunk and Ellen slept with any man that had a pulse, but everyone on this boat knows he adored her. Worshipped the ground she walked on and all that. If you can tell me how I was supposed to be inspired that this was there… Look at the other witnesses called today. Zarek came out smelling like roses, and despite the fact that she admitted to having an affair with Baltar, Palacios did, too. Tigh blundered. It's the cost of justice, Dee."
"The cost of justice," she repeated sourly. "Tell me something, Lee. What else is justice going to cost? Are you going to drag Laura Roslin through the mud? How about Galen Tyrol? What's justice going to cost Felix?"
He looked at her, eyes suddenly sober and serious, scrambling for focus. "You know I can't tell you that, Dee."
"I know you know that Felix slept with Baltar. Are you going to use that in court?"
"I can't tell you that."
Dee sighed. "Lee," she said finally, "don't bring it up. Please."
"Dee, I have to-"
"No. You don't. Felix was Baltar's chief of staff, but more than that, he's worshipped Baltar since the moment- no, since before the attacks. He was literally Felix's hero. They were friends. There is enough reason there to understand just how much Felix Gaeta hates Gaius Baltar without doing to him what you did to Tigh. I'm not asking you to go easy on him; grill him, if you really must. But don't make him get up there on that witness stand and confess to everyone how badly Baltar broke him."
"I can't promise anything, Dee," Lee said, but he looked sympathetic and Dee clung to that. "But I'll try."
"Thank you." Dee began slipping out of her uniform. "I'm going to bed."
"I'll be there in a minute," Lee said.
It was hard to sleep, even lying still and with her eyes closed. So Dee was still awake two hours later, when she heard Lee snoring from the chair.
***
"Madam President, aren't you alive today because of Gaius Baltar?" Lee asked.
"I'm alive today because the insurgents managed to stop the execution," President Roslin answered.
"Well, they saved you from a Cylon firing squad, but... wasn't it Baltar who saved your life when you were dying from cancer?"
Dee's heart stopped. She and Felix exchanged glances, both of them immediately seeing where this was going, where Lee was headed. Dee knew Roslin wasn't Louis, and she knew that the situations were completely different, but she couldn't imagine there was any way in which Laura Roslin appreciated her health issues being displayed publicly.
"Relevance?" the prosecutor asked.
Lee floundered, and Lampkin half stood. "Hostile witness, your honors, if the court would grant us just a little latitude."
"We'll allow it."
Lee was shaken, his stride broken. Dee knew him well enough to see that. "Um... did Gaius Baltar save your life when you were dying from cancer?"
President Roslin wasn't giving an inch. "Dr. Baltar's scientific knowledge did save my life indeed."
"Can you be more specific? How did he save your life on that occasion?"
"He injected me with the blood of a half-Cylon, half-human baby." Dee and Felix both glanced at Helo, who was facing forward with a stony expression on his face.
"And your cancer vanished."
"Completely."
"Where is he going with this?" Felix whispered. "He's not trying to convince us she should be grateful to the Cylons for her cancer disappearing, is he?"
"During your illness, what sort of medication were you on?"
"You know, I was taking a lot of medications at the time, and I don't remember all their names."
"Did you take something called chamalla extract?"
"Oh." Felix whispered. "Oh, frak."
"Yes," President Roslin admitted.
"Isn't it true that one of the side effects of taking chamalla is a propensity to experience hallucinations?"
Although Roslin still looked calm and composed, the tells were there if you were looking for them. She was nervous, and Dee had a feeling that whatever Lee was building up to, it was worse than yesterday. Worse than Tigh. "Yes," Roslin admitted, "that is one of the possible side effects of chamalla."
"And isn't it also true that the visions that you once described as messages from the Gods were actually the result of a pharmacological reaction from taking chamalla?"
"The chamalla did enable me to see certain things that were foretold by the scriptures. Things that will help this fleet find its way to Earth. You of all people should know that, Major."
Felix leaned in, and Dee expected a rant about Roslin's religious beliefs. What she got was, "Tell me he's not going there."
"Going where?" Dee asked, her eyes still on Lee.
Before Felix could answer, Lee asked, "Madam President, are you taking chamalla at this time?"
"'Captain Apollo'," Roslin mused. "You remember that? I always thought it had such a nice ring to it. I am so, so sorry for you now."
"Chamalla, Madam President. Perhaps dissolved in your tea to mask the bitterness?"
Felix looked at Dee meaningfully, and Dee understood. In all its horrible glory, Dee understood. Because whatever even Felix, staunch Tom Zarek supporter and atheist, might say about Laura Roslin, he would never, ever say she was a drug addict.
Adama had reached the same conclusion- or already knew the answer. "Don't answer," he ordered the President. "I'm putting a stop to this right now."
"Your honors," Lee interrupted, "if she is on drugs, it goes to her credibility as a witness."
"Witness is dismissed!" Adama thundered.
"Your honors," Lampkin said, "I have to strongly object. He's obviously trying to cover something up here."
"One more word from you, and you'll both be held for contempt," Adama said.
"Admiral! I'd like to hear the witness answer the question."
"As would I."
Lee wheeled on the President, and suddenly Dee knew exactly how he looked in the cockpit of a Viper, right before he made a kill. "Madam President, are you taking chamalla again?"
"Yes, I am," Roslin admitted.
"He shouldn't have…" Felix whispered. "Louis is going to… oh, Gods."
"No further questions," Lee said, as if leaving it dangling was going to be any better.
The President saw that too. "Mr. Adama, aren't you going to ask me why?"
"I'm sorry?" Lee asked.
"Why am I taking chamalla again?" Roslin prompted.
"It's not strictly relevant."
"Well, perhaps it's not relevant to you, but it's relevant to me. Go ahead. Ask me why. Finish what you started."
"Why are you taking the chamalla again, Madam President?"
"I am taking chamalla again because my cancer has returned."
The courtroom erupted into babble, and Dee had never hated Lee Adama more.
***
She didn't hear a word that Felix or Helo said to her as she drifted out of the courtroom. She didn't hear the Admiral's words, or hear the questions a reporter was trying to ask the wife of Baltar's attorney. She only heard the words in her mind.
It's over. It's over. It's over.
Justice. She knew what justice was, and there was no way it was this. And the Lee Adama she had loved would never believe that this was justice either.
She found herself humming as she floated through the corridors, removed from reality and her feet barely touching the floor. And a part of her was scared, because that's how she knew that she was going through with this, no matter what he said.
Six-five-nine-seven. She pushed the numbers for the last time, and the lock clicked open. She opened the hatch and looked around the room.
She didn't own much, not really.
She mechanically began to pile things into boxes that she found in a closet. After all, she wouldn't have room for much in the officer's rack. Where had she gotten the candlesticks? She stared at them, finally remembering they were from Cain's table in the Pegasus. A jewelry box, her elephants, a book that she'd read a thousand times. Her copy of the Scriptures, unopened for most of her tenure in the military and marked with a childish version of her own hand. Photos albums and her clothing, those would go into bags so she could bring them to the racks. She couldn't find her father's knife, but she must have left it in the CIC.
The hatch opened, and she didn't look back.
"What are you doing?"
As Lee spoke, the spell shattered. The illusion of unreality broke away, leaving her in the cold, gray, bitter now. She looked over her shoulder and saw him standing there, pathetic and angry. "Leaving," she said simply.
"Why?"
"You know why." She put her bras into the bag. "What you did to President Roslin was unforgivable."
Lee was silent for a long moment, watching her pack. "I didn't do it to be nasty, Dee. I like President Roslin."
"I know." She folded her BDUs more neatly.
"And I'm still going to keep my promise to you. I won't mention that Gaeta was sleeping with Baltar."
"That's nice."
"Dee…"
She said nothing.
Lee huffed in exasperation. "You know, the fact that she's having hallucinations is relevant to Baltar's defense. That's the way the system works, Dee. The accused has a right to challenge the credibility of witnesses against him. That's just the way it is."
That's just the way it is. The Lee Adama she knew never would have said that. When had Lee Adama ever accepted what he was told as unchangable?
Except when the Cylons had invaded New Caprica.
"The system is broken, Lee," Dee snapped. "The system elected that man to be President, and the system's trying to let him walk. That is not a system that deserves to be defended. It deserves to be taken apart and put back together again."
"You know, I wish... I wish I could make you understand."
"I do understand, Lee. And it's why I'm leaving." She checked her locker, and she had everything. She looked at Lee one last time, and told herself she felt nothing. Then she flung the bag over her shoulder and walked out.
She heard Lee shouting at her as she walked down the hall, but she didn't stop.
The officer's hatch was unlocked when she arrived. She opened it up, and to her utmost relief saw Felix, alone, sitting on his bed.
"Dee?" he asked, jumping to his feet.
"I left him," Dee said, and she started to tremble. "I left him."
"Oh, Gods." Felix stood up and pulled her into his arms. "Dee…"
"Don't say anything," she whispered. "I'll get through it. Just tell me that what happened today wasn't justice."
"It wasn't justice," Felix agreed. "Justice shouldn't cost the innocent more than it costs the guilty."
"He'll do it to you, too," Dee warned him.
Felix made a face. "He's welcome to try."
***
The plan was that she would sleep in Felix's rack that night, and Felix would sleep with Louis. The reality was the three of them and Noel sat in Joe's until far too late, talking about matters that were completely unrelated.
When Dee was in high school, her grandmother had died. She'd loved her grandmother, so it had been a loss. But at the same time, they'd all known it was coming, and when her grandmother left this life for the one beyond, there was almost a sense of relief. The adults all talked about that, but Dee had been too heartbroken at the time to truly understand it.
But after the funeral, they'd all gone out to a lunch. Dee's cousins had been in from Edessa, a quarter of a way around the world. They hadn't seen each other in so long, and what began as a solemn and serious event had ended up with them shrieking in laughter and the waiter asking whose graduation they were celebrating, and being very taken aback when he was told it was a funeral.
The night Dee left Lee, she danced with Felix, won a drinking contest with Louis, and compared notes on the Marines with Noel. She hit on Hot Dog, who flirted outrageously with her and promised that another night, he'd give her the best frakking of her life. She and Seelix reminisced about outfits they'd had before the fall, and threatened to give Anders a full makeover. She didn't announce that she'd left Lee Adama, but somehow, the whole bar knew.
When she finally collapsed into Felix's rack, she had two hours before duty. And that was when she finally allowed herself to cry.
***
She had intended to be in the courtroom for Felix's testimony, but Adama juggled the schedule so that she was working Communications and Louis was on Tactical for the day. She wondered if Adama considered it a punishment or a gift. But she tuned into the wireless broadcast, and when Felix was called to the stand, she waved Louis over.
They listened, huddled together like survivors waiting for news. The prosecution didn't ask Felix anything about his personal relationship with Baltar; they merely focused on the execution order that Felix insisted Baltar signed.
Louis expression changed as he listened to that. "What?" Dee asked.
"He wasn't there," Louis said slowly. "He told me about when he saw the order on his desk, and confronting Baltar. He's lying."
"You're sure?"
"I'm sure." Louis sighed. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but… I'm glad."
Dee nodded. "He's probably not really lying anyway," she said, even as Baltar protested his own innocence. "Do you really see Baltar making a stand against the Cylons at the end of the occupation, when he didn't lift a finger before?"
Louis shook his head. "Gods," he said. "I know what it's going to do to him, but in the end it will be- hey, wait. What?" He cocked his head at the speaker. "The defense isn't questioning him? Why?"
Dee thought of Lee's promise. She wasn't sure that it really meant anything to him- more likely they thought it wasn't worth it to break Felix, precisely because of what she'd said. Even if they proved that Felix hadn't seen Baltar sign the order, there was no way to prove that Baltar had resisted. But she was still grateful, because what Lee could do to- and what Baltar could probably do to Felix wasn't something Dee even wanted to think about.
The reported announced a recess, and Dee turned the wireless off as Louis went back to his station. She sighed, and reached over and turned it back on.
The CIC fell back into its comfortable rhythm, and Dee fell right back into it. She was tired and she was heartsore, and she almost missed what was happening on the wireless. It was only the sound of Lee's voice going on for a while that made her take note. And when she heard what he was saying, she turned it up.
"…And we've had to be. Because... Because we're not a civilization anymore. We are a gang. And we're on the run. And we have to fight to survive. We have to break rules. We have to bend laws. We have to improvise. But not this time, no. Not this time. Not for Gaius Baltar. No. You, you have to die. You have to die, because... Well, because we don't like you very much. Because you're arrogant. Because you're weak. Because you're a coward. And we the mob, we want to throw you out the airlock because you didn't stand up to the Cylons, and get yourself killed in the process. That's justice now. You should've been killed back on New Caprica, but since you had the temerity to live, we're gonna execute you now. That's justice!"
The entire CIC was still and silent, listening to the words.
"This case... This case is built on emotion. on anger, bitterness, vengeance. But most of all, it is built on shame. It's about the shame of what we did to ourselves back on that planet. And it's about the guilt of those of us who ran away. Who ran away. And we are trying to dump all that guilt and all that shame onto one man, and then flush him out the airlock and hope that that just gets rid of it all. So that we can live with ourselves. But that won't work. That won't work. That's not justice. Not to me. Not to me."
"So say we all," someone murmured. Dee glanced up, but she didn't catch who.
Louis had the deck. He stood up, looking around at the different faces, absorbing them all. "Back to work," he ordered, and the soldiers obeyed.
But when the announcement of the verdict came, Dee turned the wireless up all the way, and they all listened.
"Gaius Baltar, after carefully weighing the evidence, this tribunal, in a vote of three to two, finds you not guilty."
Silence thundered through the CIC again, and again, Louis was the one to speak up. "Don't even think about it," he ordered. "We have jobs. Do them."
There were angry murmurs and grateful prayers of thanks, but Dee ruminated that the CIC of the Galactica had to be the calmest place in the entire Fleet at this moment.
As the CIC rumbled into action again, Dee noticed she was still wearing her wedding ring. She held her hand out, studying it. A simple, plain, platinum band that signified so much.
She took it off, took off her tags, and slipped the ring onto the chain. Her hand was bare now, and Dee looked at it for a long time, ruthlessly deciding it looked better that way. Then she hung the chain around her neck and went back to work.
On to Part 15
Author: lls_mutant
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Dee and her boys
Pairings: Dee/Lee, Hoshi/Gaeta, and past Hoshi/Narcho.
Summary: The trial of Gaius Baltar.
Spoilers: Eventually through the end, but this part just through Crossroads II
Author's Note: Thanks to my awesome beta trovia!
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Pain and Heaven | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13
Dee took a deep breath and opened the hatch to her quarters. As she expected, Lee was sitting at the desk, wearing a stretched-out sweater and a pair of jeans, leaning over his notes. At least Lampkin wasn't there. Lee looked up, flashing her a brief smile. "Hey. Good shift?"
"Nothing too exciting, so yes," Dee said, keeping her voice was light. "Having a good day?"
"I am." Lee sat up and pushed the papers back, and then ran a hand through his hair. "I think I've found something that's going to help us. There's a sort of precedent back on Leonis, in terms of…" he launched off into some legal jargon, but Dee mostly tuned it out, nodding at appropriate times. She felt guilty, but she was tired and the last thing she wanted to hear about was the legal defense of Gaius Baltar.
But Lee… Lee looked alive. Not so much happy, but like he had a purpose. You were CAG, Dee wanted to say. You had a purpose. They were depending on you. Not just the pilots, but all of us, because what happens to the Fleet if the pilots aren't ready?
But that wasn't something you could say.
"Are you all right?" Lee asked.
"Lee? Do you really think Baltar's innocent?" Dee asked.
Lee sat back. "Not innocent," he corrected her. "The term is 'not guilty.'"
Dee wasn't interested in semantics. "Do you really think he's not guilty, then?"
Lee sighed. "I don't know," he said. "I really don't. But I do believe that he's entitled to a fair trial, and for the trial to be fair, he needs representation that actually does its job, not just people going through the motions."
"Is that what Lampkin's doing?"
"No, he's actually taking it seriously." Lee frowned. "I think. Truthfully, he's a bit of a nutcase."
Dee could hear Felix saying, No, really? as clearly as if he'd been there. She smirked. "But why? Why all this for Gaius Baltar?"
Lee sighed. "You know," he said, sitting back and not quite looking at her, "back around Colonial Day, Tom Zarek said something."
"Not Zarek!"
"Dee, I know you don't like him, but every now and then the man has a good point. Our old way of life… the Colonies, everything we knew, it's all in ruins. We have to redefine everything that we once had, judge what works for us now and discard what doesn't. One of those things I don't want to see discarded is every human's right to a fair trial. If we make an exception for Gaius Baltar, then what happens next? Do we make an exception for a rapist or a murderer and say, 'no, what you've done is too horrible, you don't get a trial'? And then once we've accepted that, do we make exceptions for thieves or attempted murders or embezzlers? We don't, because you know what happens? If we start allowing people- any people, no matter how despicable we think they are- to be denied trials, they lose their chance at defense. And then what happens is we kill innocent people. If we allow our civilization to lose this, then people like Felix Gaeta go flying out the airlock and into space."
"Right," Dee conceded, and in principle, she couldn't disagree with him.
But she still didn't like Lee defending Baltar.
***
"Come in."
Dee took a deep breath and entered. The Admiral was sitting on his couch, reading a book. Oddly, that made Dee feel guiltier than if he'd been working, knowing that she was interrupting a rare bit of free time. But he put the book aside and smiled at her.
"Dee. What can I do for you?"
Dee sat down in "her" chair, tacitly letting him know this was his daughter-in-law visiting, not his Communications Officer. She saw Adama get the message- his smile warmed and he stayed where he was, relaxed and easy. "I'm sorry to bother you," she said.
"It's not bother at all."
Dee sighed. "Sir, I was wondering if you could tell me a little bit more about your father."
Adama's eyebrows raised. "My father?"
"Yes, sir. Your father."
Adama sighed. "This doesn't have anything to do with my son's recent foray into the legal practice, does it?" he said, knowing the answer perfectly well. Dee had to admit she was pleased to see her own reservations written all over Adama's face.
"I asked him why he was so invested in defending Baltar," she said. "And I understand his reasoning. But it's still Baltar. I look at what he's done, not only to the entire Fleet but to my closest friends, and I can't help but…" she shook her head.
"Start establishing precedent with the guy who didn't sell out the entire human race," Adama agreed. "Trouble is, the scum who did sell out the human race is the one who sets the best precedent. I'm like you. I understand why we need to give him a trial, but that doesn't mean I like it."
"I thought if I could just understand how Lee got here, I might accept it better."
Adama took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. "You're not asking anything I haven't asked myself," he admitted. "But I do know that my father would have taken Baltar's case."
"Would you, sir?"
Adama smiled. "I'm not a lawyer."
"Neither is Lee," Dee pointed out, and Adama snorted at that. "But you know that's not what I mean."
He heaved a sigh. "The military and the law are connected," he admitted, "but their very imperative is different. The military doesn't protect the laws, it protects the Colonies, no matter which laws the Colonies choose to uphold." He made a face. "You know, Sharon told me something at one point. That humanity has to ask itself if it's worthy of surviving. And that's something that we," he gestured between himself and Dee, "don't often have the luxury of asking. In a way, we give up certain freedoms to protect those of others. It's our imperative."
"Imperative," Dee said wryly. Adama cocked his eyebrows at her, and Dee smiled apologetically. "It's just something that Hoshi said after the Cylons occupied New Caprica that's stuck with me for a long time. He said that war is our imperative. He was quoting Admiral Cain, but it just really… it was very much how I felt at the time." She bit her lip. "And it's very much how I feel now."
"You gave up a lot to be in the military," Adama observed. "I'm not surprised you feel that way."
"Lee doesn’t, does he?" Dee asked. As she said it her stomach twisted, because it was something she'd been suspecting for a while- a long while- and she hadn't wanted to admit.
"No," Adama agreed, looking very much like Dee felt. "He doesn't."
Dee had loved Lee from when he first set foot on Galactica, a shining name and a stellar soldier. She'd loved him for his strength, for his courage, for his desperate belief in humanity and what was right, for his determination to fight. And intellectually, she could see that all those same traits that she loved were still there, just channeled into a new direction.
But still, she had the disconcerting feeling that the man she'd love never existed at all, except for in her mind.
***
"You're being ridiculous about this! Roslin is-"
"She's not the goddess that everyone- including you, I might add- makes her out to be!"
"I'm not saying she's a goddess! I'm saying she's the President of the godsdamned frakking Colonies, and it wouldn't kill you to show a little respect!" Louis snapped.
"She's not even in the room!" Felix retorted. "How is criticizing a President's policies not showing respect?"
Dee looked from Felix to Louis, both of whom had half-turned when she opened the door to the officers' racks but were still obviously deep in their argument. Louis was sitting at the table, Felix was poised as if for flight.
"I'll come back later," Dee said.
"No," Felix huffed. "Don't bother." He glared at Louis one more time. "You two can sit around and talk about Roslin and her religious crap and divine right. I'm leaving." He stormed out the door, slamming the hatch as best he could. Louis winced.
"Should I-" Dee began.
Louis shook his head. "Leave him alone," he said sourly. "He's been in a mood all day."
Dee glanced back over her shoulder at the closed hatch. "So I see. Are you? Because I've seen your moods, and frankly, if you're in one, I'm leaving, too."
Louis rubbed his temples. "Please stay," he said simply. Dee nodded and sat down cautiously. Louis looked at her and then snorted. "It's not that bad," he said, and Dee had the feeling he was mocking her. "It's not like we fight like this all the time."
"I assumed," Dee said.
"He has to meet with Cassidy tonight, to discuss his testimony for Baltar's trial."
"Which explains why you were fighting about President Roslin, of all things."
Louis shrugged.
"What did you want to talk to me about?" Dee asked.
He sighed and sat back. "The trial, as it happens. I wanted to ask you a favor."
"What?"
"One of us should go with Felix, don't you agree?" he asked, leaning in and raising his eyebrows.
"You want me to cover for you?" Dee said.
"No. I want to be in CIC that day."
Dee stared at him. "You're kidding," she said.
"No. I'm not. Look, Dee, I know what went on between Felix and Baltar. And I know that's part of what's killing him over this. He won't admit it, but there's a part of him that still loves Baltar, and always will." Louis looked down at his hands as he said it, but Dee caught a glimpse of his face. His eyes were hard and angry as he said that. "This whole trial is going to be rough enough on Felix. The last thing he needs to be thinking about is me."
Dee considered that. "Do you really think he'd be that worried about it?"
Louis shrugged. "Yes," he said dubiously, and Dee wondered if Felix and Louis had fought about this before.
"You're worried how you'll take it," she realized. Louis looked away. "Louis, that is the most pathetic, most selfish-"
"It is not!" Louis flared. "It's not that simple, Dee!"
"It seems pretty simple to me," Dee insisted. "He needs you there, and you're not going."
Louis's eyes narrowed. "You're assuming a lot there, Dee. Don't."
Dee took a deep breath, reining in her anger and reminding herself that she'd regret slapping Louis later if she did it. "What am I assuming?" she asked icily.
"That he wants me there," Louis said.
"Did he say he didn’t?" Dee demanded. Louis nodded, and the anger ebbed from her. "Oh. I mean… he actually asked you not to come?"
"No," Louis said, "his exact words were, 'I really wish you didn't have to see it.' I told him I don't, if he doesn't want me there. He did that thing where he doesn't say anything, but you know what he's really thinking… that he wants to ask you something and doesn't." Louis shrugged. "He doesn't want me there, and I understand. Sometimes you need a friend more than a lover."
"All right," Dee said. "We'll make sure it happens. I'll be there." She sighed heavily. "I was going to go anyway."
***
The alarm went off only a few hours after Dee had managed to fall asleep. Lee groaned, reached over Dee and turned it off. He rubbed at his face, grabbed his towel, and then headed for the shower. Dee lay in bed with her eyes open, staring at the wall.
Lee came back in and began to pull on his suit, and Dee propped herself up on her elbow, watching him. "Good morning," he said, flashing her a smile.
"Good morning." Dee stretched. "Today's the big day, huh?"
"Yeah." Lee gave her another harried smile, and she could see that he was already going over the case again in his mind. He was separating his duty blues from Dee's, where they lay entangled on the floor.
"Are you nervous?" Dee asked lightly.
Lee chuckled. "I don't know," he answered honestly.
"Just picture them all naked."
He gave her a mock glare and then shuddered. "I can do without picturing Gaius Baltar naked." They both laughed, and Lee leaned down to kiss her. "Are you going to be there?"
"Hoshi's covering the CIC," she confirmed.
"Good." Lee hesitated. "Dee," he said, "you know that I'm okay if we lose this trial, right? That I'm not so much fighting to protect Gaius Baltar's life, but fighting to protect the system?"
Dee nodded.
"Good." He kissed her again. "I'll see you later." He gave her one last smile, and then walked out the hatch.
Dee sighed and sat up. She'd be glad when this was all over.
***
The trial was held on the Galactica for security reasons. And they were good reasons, Dee thought, as she looked around the room. So many faces were stamped with bitterness and hate, with anger and the thirst for revenge. She shivered, grateful she had never mustered out and settled on New Caprica, and guilty for the feeling.
She arrived early and found Felix sitting in a chair halfway up the section, talking in a low voice to Helo. Helo spotted her first and waved at her, and she smiled back in gratitude. She casually took the seat on the other side of Felix. He nodded to her, but he kept his conversation with Helo deliberately light and on course, discussing the dire need for equipment repair. But when she sat down, the two of them flanking him like defiant guards, Felix squeezed her hand.
Lee was part of his own guard, sitting to the one side of Baltar while Romo Lampkin sat on the other. In his uniform, he should have looked straight and tall, the image of a soldier bent on defending the world. But for some reason, he didn't. Although he hadn't put on any extra weight, the way he sat at the table reminded Dee forcibly of how he'd been in orbit around New Caprica. She bit her lip in worry.
She saw the Admiral sitting at the bench, his face set in an expression that Dee knew meant he was not happy about being here. She'd known he was going to be on the tribunal, of course- it had been in the papers. But although no one ordered it explicitly, it was something that wasn't discussed on Galactica, and most certainly not in his earshot. She felt a rush of affection for her father-in-law, especially as he glared in Baltar's general direction.
The judge also serving as moderator was Doyle Franks, captain of the Prometheus. She banged a gavel on the desk top for silence. "This court is now in session," she said, as the murmuring began to quiet. "The trial of Gaius Baltar will begin."
***
When the trial let out for the day, Louis was waiting for them. Dee glanced at Felix's face and saw him light up, like a burden had been stripped away as he left the courtroom. He reached out and touched Louis's shoulder, and Louis smiled back at him.
"Well?" he asked. "How did it go?"
Helo sighed. "It's going to be a long, brutal one," he predicted. "Were you listening?"
"I heard parts of it, when I could tune in. I heard Zarek's testimony, not that there was much to it, and I heard Playa Palacios's. They mentioned Tigh was testifying today?"
"They tore the Colonel apart," Dee sighed.
"They went for the drinking?" Louis asked.
"And Ellen." There was a surprising bit of sympathy in Felix's voice. "Apparently he…" Felix shook his head. "Get someone else to tell you the story later," he said. Louis glanced at Dee, and she nodded acknowledgement that she would.
Louis changed the subject. "How's Lee doing?"
"Good. I guess." Dee didn't feel like talking about it. "I don't know- they're really just getting started."
"Only a few more days," Felix said, in the tone of someone reminding himself. "Then this can all go back to normal."
"When is anything ever normal in this Fleet?" Helo asked. "Come on," he said to Felix, "I have a half hour before I said I'd be home. Let's go get a drink."
"All right. Louis?"
"I'll be there in a minute. I just want to update Dee on some CIC stuff."
"Right." Felix gave Louis another smile, and then headed down the corridor with Helo.
"You're just dying to know what happened with Tigh, aren't you?" Dee asked as they began walking the opposite way.
"Well, yes, but I also wanted to tell you that they figured out how the Cylons are tailing us- the tylium ship's radiation signature is giving us away."
"Are they fixing it?"
"We're starting to schedule the repairs. Sian's holding them off until you get back into the CIC, and then I believe you're coordinating it."
"All right, then. Anything else?"
"Just tell me what the frak happened with Tigh already. Ellen?"
Dee shivered. "Yeah. I guess Ellen collaborated on New Caprica."
Louis stopped in his tracks. "Ellen collaborated, and he found it fit to try to throw Felix out of an airlock?"
"He killed Ellen for it."
The color drained from Louis's face. "My Gods."
"I know." Dee shivered again. "He said that it she would have been killed anyway, and it was better he did it. I knew… I mean, I knew that something awful had happened to Colonel Tigh on New Caprica, but I thought it was just the torture." She laughed hollowly. "Just the torture. Right. But then to have it dragged out in public like this…."
"What was the point of it?" Louis wondered. "Why did the court have to know that?"
"Discrediting the witness, I guess? Tigh brought her up, said she'd done more to help fight against the Cylons than Baltar ever had. And Lampkin just ran with it."
They were far, far away now from Joe's, but Louis turned around like he could see where Felix had gone. "That's what Lee and Lampkin going to do to Felix, isn't it? Drag him through the dirt, pull out all his secrets?"
Dee nodded, and Louis closed his eyes. He swallowed hard, and then turned and continued their walk towards the CIC.
"When you schedule with the tylium ship, make sure you get the best crew over there," he said, his voice bland and professional. "We're only a few jumps away from the nebula, and the sooner we get there, the sooner we find Earth."
"Yes, sir."
***
Dee flipped off the comm unit and stretched. It had taken two hours, but everything was coordinated, from the maintenance crews to the Raptors to fly them over to the temporary housing of some of the tylium ship's residents. And Gods, she had a headache. She closed her eyes and massaged her temples.
"Lieutenant Dualla."
Dee looked up to see the Admiral standing in front of her, and snapped back into attention. "Sir. We've got the crews headed out for the tylium ship in two hours, sir."
"Belay that."
"Yes, sir."
"And get Lieutenant Gaeta in here as soon as possible."
"Yes, sir." His face was thunderous. "Sir, are you all right?" It wasn't a question she would have dared ask her Admiral, but was a question she wanted to ask her father-in-law.
Adama managed a small smile for her. "Not particularly, Dee. But you and I, we'll hold this boat together no matter what comes our way, right?"
Dee nodded and smiled, but it made her blood run cold. Adama was warning her about something, but she really wasn't sure what.
***
When she arrived back in her quarters, there was a canvas bag by the hatch. Dee peered into it, and with a start recognized Lee's duty blues. His duty blues, his BDUs, his dress grays… even his tanks. Her stomach twisted over, and she realized she'd known this was coming for a lot longer than she'd let on.
She opened the hatch and saw Lee sitting at the table, dressed in a ratty t-shirt and jeans and going over a case file. He didn't look up when she walked in.
"What's all this?" Dee asked. "Why are your uniforms outside?
"I've got to say, I've probably got the nicest quarters any civilian on Galactica has ever had since Ellen Tigh tied. Since she was killed." Lee's mouth twisted in an expression that Dee recognized as pain. "Perks of being married to an officer."
"Lee…"
"I'm not an officer anymore, did you know that?" Lee looked up at her. His eyes were bright with anger. "I don't have… don't have enough integrity to be an officer."
"Have you been drinking?"
"Doesn't matter. I don't have to answer to him now. I don't have to answer to anyone now- well, not like that. I can frakking drink if I want to."
"What happened? Talk to me, Lee."
"My father. He was upset about Tigh."
"Understandably so," Dee said.
Lee shrugged. "It's not like I knew what would happen," he said. "I thought… look, I figured that we'd find out Ellen was killed by the Cylons, and maybe Tigh had to watch it. It sounds like the sick sort of thing the Ones would do, doesn't it? I honestly thought that's what happened to her. But if you ask my father, I knew it all and fed it straight to Romo. Thinks I stabbed Tigh in the back." He looked at Dee. "Did you know?"
"About Ellen? No." Dee had wanted to throw up when Tigh had confessed to killing her, not only because of the horror of it, but because the last thing she wanted to do was understand how he could have done what he did to Felix. "I don't think anyone did."
"Exactly," Lee said as if it proved a point.
"But it wasn't relevant," Dee said. "As horrible as it was- and as much as I hate Gaius Baltar- the fact that Colonel Tigh killed his wife for collaborating wasn't relevant to Baltar's crimes."
Lee wagged a finger at her. "But we didn't know that's what he was going to say," he said. "It's the risk that we take."
"Tigh didn't ask to take that risk. He was ordered up there."
"Do you really think he would have blurted it out of he wasn't drunk?"
Dee pressed her lips together for a long moment. "So this is how the trial is going to go?" she asked. "Discrediting witnesses by showing that they're too frakked up to say anything credible against Baltar? What are you going to do to the others, Lee? What are you planning on calling them out on?"
"Hopefully nothing," Lee snapped. "Look, what happened with Tigh was a fluke, okay? How was I supposed to have any idea that he killed Ellen? Tigh might be a drunk and Ellen slept with any man that had a pulse, but everyone on this boat knows he adored her. Worshipped the ground she walked on and all that. If you can tell me how I was supposed to be inspired that this was there… Look at the other witnesses called today. Zarek came out smelling like roses, and despite the fact that she admitted to having an affair with Baltar, Palacios did, too. Tigh blundered. It's the cost of justice, Dee."
"The cost of justice," she repeated sourly. "Tell me something, Lee. What else is justice going to cost? Are you going to drag Laura Roslin through the mud? How about Galen Tyrol? What's justice going to cost Felix?"
He looked at her, eyes suddenly sober and serious, scrambling for focus. "You know I can't tell you that, Dee."
"I know you know that Felix slept with Baltar. Are you going to use that in court?"
"I can't tell you that."
Dee sighed. "Lee," she said finally, "don't bring it up. Please."
"Dee, I have to-"
"No. You don't. Felix was Baltar's chief of staff, but more than that, he's worshipped Baltar since the moment- no, since before the attacks. He was literally Felix's hero. They were friends. There is enough reason there to understand just how much Felix Gaeta hates Gaius Baltar without doing to him what you did to Tigh. I'm not asking you to go easy on him; grill him, if you really must. But don't make him get up there on that witness stand and confess to everyone how badly Baltar broke him."
"I can't promise anything, Dee," Lee said, but he looked sympathetic and Dee clung to that. "But I'll try."
"Thank you." Dee began slipping out of her uniform. "I'm going to bed."
"I'll be there in a minute," Lee said.
It was hard to sleep, even lying still and with her eyes closed. So Dee was still awake two hours later, when she heard Lee snoring from the chair.
***
"Madam President, aren't you alive today because of Gaius Baltar?" Lee asked.
"I'm alive today because the insurgents managed to stop the execution," President Roslin answered.
"Well, they saved you from a Cylon firing squad, but... wasn't it Baltar who saved your life when you were dying from cancer?"
Dee's heart stopped. She and Felix exchanged glances, both of them immediately seeing where this was going, where Lee was headed. Dee knew Roslin wasn't Louis, and she knew that the situations were completely different, but she couldn't imagine there was any way in which Laura Roslin appreciated her health issues being displayed publicly.
"Relevance?" the prosecutor asked.
Lee floundered, and Lampkin half stood. "Hostile witness, your honors, if the court would grant us just a little latitude."
"We'll allow it."
Lee was shaken, his stride broken. Dee knew him well enough to see that. "Um... did Gaius Baltar save your life when you were dying from cancer?"
President Roslin wasn't giving an inch. "Dr. Baltar's scientific knowledge did save my life indeed."
"Can you be more specific? How did he save your life on that occasion?"
"He injected me with the blood of a half-Cylon, half-human baby." Dee and Felix both glanced at Helo, who was facing forward with a stony expression on his face.
"And your cancer vanished."
"Completely."
"Where is he going with this?" Felix whispered. "He's not trying to convince us she should be grateful to the Cylons for her cancer disappearing, is he?"
"During your illness, what sort of medication were you on?"
"You know, I was taking a lot of medications at the time, and I don't remember all their names."
"Did you take something called chamalla extract?"
"Oh." Felix whispered. "Oh, frak."
"Yes," President Roslin admitted.
"Isn't it true that one of the side effects of taking chamalla is a propensity to experience hallucinations?"
Although Roslin still looked calm and composed, the tells were there if you were looking for them. She was nervous, and Dee had a feeling that whatever Lee was building up to, it was worse than yesterday. Worse than Tigh. "Yes," Roslin admitted, "that is one of the possible side effects of chamalla."
"And isn't it also true that the visions that you once described as messages from the Gods were actually the result of a pharmacological reaction from taking chamalla?"
"The chamalla did enable me to see certain things that were foretold by the scriptures. Things that will help this fleet find its way to Earth. You of all people should know that, Major."
Felix leaned in, and Dee expected a rant about Roslin's religious beliefs. What she got was, "Tell me he's not going there."
"Going where?" Dee asked, her eyes still on Lee.
Before Felix could answer, Lee asked, "Madam President, are you taking chamalla at this time?"
"'Captain Apollo'," Roslin mused. "You remember that? I always thought it had such a nice ring to it. I am so, so sorry for you now."
"Chamalla, Madam President. Perhaps dissolved in your tea to mask the bitterness?"
Felix looked at Dee meaningfully, and Dee understood. In all its horrible glory, Dee understood. Because whatever even Felix, staunch Tom Zarek supporter and atheist, might say about Laura Roslin, he would never, ever say she was a drug addict.
Adama had reached the same conclusion- or already knew the answer. "Don't answer," he ordered the President. "I'm putting a stop to this right now."
"Your honors," Lee interrupted, "if she is on drugs, it goes to her credibility as a witness."
"Witness is dismissed!" Adama thundered.
"Your honors," Lampkin said, "I have to strongly object. He's obviously trying to cover something up here."
"One more word from you, and you'll both be held for contempt," Adama said.
"Admiral! I'd like to hear the witness answer the question."
"As would I."
Lee wheeled on the President, and suddenly Dee knew exactly how he looked in the cockpit of a Viper, right before he made a kill. "Madam President, are you taking chamalla again?"
"Yes, I am," Roslin admitted.
"He shouldn't have…" Felix whispered. "Louis is going to… oh, Gods."
"No further questions," Lee said, as if leaving it dangling was going to be any better.
The President saw that too. "Mr. Adama, aren't you going to ask me why?"
"I'm sorry?" Lee asked.
"Why am I taking chamalla again?" Roslin prompted.
"It's not strictly relevant."
"Well, perhaps it's not relevant to you, but it's relevant to me. Go ahead. Ask me why. Finish what you started."
"Why are you taking the chamalla again, Madam President?"
"I am taking chamalla again because my cancer has returned."
The courtroom erupted into babble, and Dee had never hated Lee Adama more.
***
She didn't hear a word that Felix or Helo said to her as she drifted out of the courtroom. She didn't hear the Admiral's words, or hear the questions a reporter was trying to ask the wife of Baltar's attorney. She only heard the words in her mind.
It's over. It's over. It's over.
Justice. She knew what justice was, and there was no way it was this. And the Lee Adama she had loved would never believe that this was justice either.
She found herself humming as she floated through the corridors, removed from reality and her feet barely touching the floor. And a part of her was scared, because that's how she knew that she was going through with this, no matter what he said.
Six-five-nine-seven. She pushed the numbers for the last time, and the lock clicked open. She opened the hatch and looked around the room.
She didn't own much, not really.
She mechanically began to pile things into boxes that she found in a closet. After all, she wouldn't have room for much in the officer's rack. Where had she gotten the candlesticks? She stared at them, finally remembering they were from Cain's table in the Pegasus. A jewelry box, her elephants, a book that she'd read a thousand times. Her copy of the Scriptures, unopened for most of her tenure in the military and marked with a childish version of her own hand. Photos albums and her clothing, those would go into bags so she could bring them to the racks. She couldn't find her father's knife, but she must have left it in the CIC.
The hatch opened, and she didn't look back.
"What are you doing?"
As Lee spoke, the spell shattered. The illusion of unreality broke away, leaving her in the cold, gray, bitter now. She looked over her shoulder and saw him standing there, pathetic and angry. "Leaving," she said simply.
"Why?"
"You know why." She put her bras into the bag. "What you did to President Roslin was unforgivable."
Lee was silent for a long moment, watching her pack. "I didn't do it to be nasty, Dee. I like President Roslin."
"I know." She folded her BDUs more neatly.
"And I'm still going to keep my promise to you. I won't mention that Gaeta was sleeping with Baltar."
"That's nice."
"Dee…"
She said nothing.
Lee huffed in exasperation. "You know, the fact that she's having hallucinations is relevant to Baltar's defense. That's the way the system works, Dee. The accused has a right to challenge the credibility of witnesses against him. That's just the way it is."
That's just the way it is. The Lee Adama she knew never would have said that. When had Lee Adama ever accepted what he was told as unchangable?
Except when the Cylons had invaded New Caprica.
"The system is broken, Lee," Dee snapped. "The system elected that man to be President, and the system's trying to let him walk. That is not a system that deserves to be defended. It deserves to be taken apart and put back together again."
"You know, I wish... I wish I could make you understand."
"I do understand, Lee. And it's why I'm leaving." She checked her locker, and she had everything. She looked at Lee one last time, and told herself she felt nothing. Then she flung the bag over her shoulder and walked out.
She heard Lee shouting at her as she walked down the hall, but she didn't stop.
The officer's hatch was unlocked when she arrived. She opened it up, and to her utmost relief saw Felix, alone, sitting on his bed.
"Dee?" he asked, jumping to his feet.
"I left him," Dee said, and she started to tremble. "I left him."
"Oh, Gods." Felix stood up and pulled her into his arms. "Dee…"
"Don't say anything," she whispered. "I'll get through it. Just tell me that what happened today wasn't justice."
"It wasn't justice," Felix agreed. "Justice shouldn't cost the innocent more than it costs the guilty."
"He'll do it to you, too," Dee warned him.
Felix made a face. "He's welcome to try."
***
The plan was that she would sleep in Felix's rack that night, and Felix would sleep with Louis. The reality was the three of them and Noel sat in Joe's until far too late, talking about matters that were completely unrelated.
When Dee was in high school, her grandmother had died. She'd loved her grandmother, so it had been a loss. But at the same time, they'd all known it was coming, and when her grandmother left this life for the one beyond, there was almost a sense of relief. The adults all talked about that, but Dee had been too heartbroken at the time to truly understand it.
But after the funeral, they'd all gone out to a lunch. Dee's cousins had been in from Edessa, a quarter of a way around the world. They hadn't seen each other in so long, and what began as a solemn and serious event had ended up with them shrieking in laughter and the waiter asking whose graduation they were celebrating, and being very taken aback when he was told it was a funeral.
The night Dee left Lee, she danced with Felix, won a drinking contest with Louis, and compared notes on the Marines with Noel. She hit on Hot Dog, who flirted outrageously with her and promised that another night, he'd give her the best frakking of her life. She and Seelix reminisced about outfits they'd had before the fall, and threatened to give Anders a full makeover. She didn't announce that she'd left Lee Adama, but somehow, the whole bar knew.
When she finally collapsed into Felix's rack, she had two hours before duty. And that was when she finally allowed herself to cry.
***
She had intended to be in the courtroom for Felix's testimony, but Adama juggled the schedule so that she was working Communications and Louis was on Tactical for the day. She wondered if Adama considered it a punishment or a gift. But she tuned into the wireless broadcast, and when Felix was called to the stand, she waved Louis over.
They listened, huddled together like survivors waiting for news. The prosecution didn't ask Felix anything about his personal relationship with Baltar; they merely focused on the execution order that Felix insisted Baltar signed.
Louis expression changed as he listened to that. "What?" Dee asked.
"He wasn't there," Louis said slowly. "He told me about when he saw the order on his desk, and confronting Baltar. He's lying."
"You're sure?"
"I'm sure." Louis sighed. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but… I'm glad."
Dee nodded. "He's probably not really lying anyway," she said, even as Baltar protested his own innocence. "Do you really see Baltar making a stand against the Cylons at the end of the occupation, when he didn't lift a finger before?"
Louis shook his head. "Gods," he said. "I know what it's going to do to him, but in the end it will be- hey, wait. What?" He cocked his head at the speaker. "The defense isn't questioning him? Why?"
Dee thought of Lee's promise. She wasn't sure that it really meant anything to him- more likely they thought it wasn't worth it to break Felix, precisely because of what she'd said. Even if they proved that Felix hadn't seen Baltar sign the order, there was no way to prove that Baltar had resisted. But she was still grateful, because what Lee could do to- and what Baltar could probably do to Felix wasn't something Dee even wanted to think about.
The reported announced a recess, and Dee turned the wireless off as Louis went back to his station. She sighed, and reached over and turned it back on.
The CIC fell back into its comfortable rhythm, and Dee fell right back into it. She was tired and she was heartsore, and she almost missed what was happening on the wireless. It was only the sound of Lee's voice going on for a while that made her take note. And when she heard what he was saying, she turned it up.
"…And we've had to be. Because... Because we're not a civilization anymore. We are a gang. And we're on the run. And we have to fight to survive. We have to break rules. We have to bend laws. We have to improvise. But not this time, no. Not this time. Not for Gaius Baltar. No. You, you have to die. You have to die, because... Well, because we don't like you very much. Because you're arrogant. Because you're weak. Because you're a coward. And we the mob, we want to throw you out the airlock because you didn't stand up to the Cylons, and get yourself killed in the process. That's justice now. You should've been killed back on New Caprica, but since you had the temerity to live, we're gonna execute you now. That's justice!"
The entire CIC was still and silent, listening to the words.
"This case... This case is built on emotion. on anger, bitterness, vengeance. But most of all, it is built on shame. It's about the shame of what we did to ourselves back on that planet. And it's about the guilt of those of us who ran away. Who ran away. And we are trying to dump all that guilt and all that shame onto one man, and then flush him out the airlock and hope that that just gets rid of it all. So that we can live with ourselves. But that won't work. That won't work. That's not justice. Not to me. Not to me."
"So say we all," someone murmured. Dee glanced up, but she didn't catch who.
Louis had the deck. He stood up, looking around at the different faces, absorbing them all. "Back to work," he ordered, and the soldiers obeyed.
But when the announcement of the verdict came, Dee turned the wireless up all the way, and they all listened.
"Gaius Baltar, after carefully weighing the evidence, this tribunal, in a vote of three to two, finds you not guilty."
Silence thundered through the CIC again, and again, Louis was the one to speak up. "Don't even think about it," he ordered. "We have jobs. Do them."
There were angry murmurs and grateful prayers of thanks, but Dee ruminated that the CIC of the Galactica had to be the calmest place in the entire Fleet at this moment.
As the CIC rumbled into action again, Dee noticed she was still wearing her wedding ring. She held her hand out, studying it. A simple, plain, platinum band that signified so much.
She took it off, took off her tags, and slipped the ring onto the chain. Her hand was bare now, and Dee looked at it for a long time, ruthlessly deciding it looked better that way. Then she hung the chain around her neck and went back to work.
On to Part 15