FIC: Pain and Heaven

[lls_mutant]

Title: Pain and Heaven
Author: lls_mutant
Pairing: How many combinations of Dee, Narcho, Hoshi, and Gaeta can you have? Well, there's Dee/Gaeta, Narcho/Hoshi, Narcho/Gaeta, Gaeta/Hoshi, Dee/Hoshi, Dee alone (with additional bonus Gaeta/Hoshi/Narcho), Dee/Narcho, Gaeta/Hoshi again, Gaeta/Hoshi/Dee/Narcho, and Hoshi alone.
Rating: R to NC-17
Summary: Five sexual encounters that never happened in my universe, and five that did.
Notes: This works best if you've read the universe I write, which currently consists of Youth's Final Luxury / A Lot to Live Up To / Softly Tread the Sand Below Your Feet. If you haven't, it's still plenty easy to follow along as that universe follows canon, with some additions that don't affect the outcomes of the story RDM told. Written for the bsg_pornbattle.



How it Could Have Been After the Attacks on the Colonies…

Dee didn't smoke, but now seemed like as good a time as ever to start. She took the cigarette Felix extended to her, took a small drag and promptly burst into a spasm of coughing.

"Maybe you should stick to the booze instead," Felix suggested.

They were sitting in a storage room, on crates marked Toilet Paper, side by side, pressed together at shoulder and thigh. A bottle of whiskey kept changing hands.

"I can't sleep," Dee complained. "I keep thinking that they're coming for us again. Every time I drift off, I jerk back awake and look at the clock. If it's been more than thirty three minutes, I can get back to sleep, but if it hasn't, I can't."

Felix nodded. "It keeps hitting me, too" he confessed. "I'm fine when I'm working, but every time I have a quiet moment, I think of another thing that's gone. The last one was Apranee cookies. There might be some in the Fleet, but do you realize no one will ever be able to make another Apranee cookie again? Those were my favorites. Every time I think I can go forward, I remember something else I'll never do again or never get to do at all."

"I always wanted to visit the temples on Leonis," Dee said. "They're supposed to be beautiful."

Felix nodded. "I always wanted to go parasailing."

"I always wanted to try duck liver."

"You know what I never did? I never saw The Prince's Return. It's a classic, and everyone says it's one of the best movies ever made, and I never saw it," Felix sighed.

Dee took a drink and grinned, setting the bottle between their legs. "I never read the Risblen Chronicles." Felix looked at her blankly. "They're a Sagittaron fantasy novel. Very popular. Religious porn."

"Oh." Felix looked vaguely intrigued by that. "I never climbed Mount Nike."

"I never got to go to University."

Felix picked up the bottle and took a drink at that one. "I never jumped out of a plane," he said.

Dee drank. "I never went skinnydipping."

Felix grinned wolfishly, and then drank. Then he laughed. "I've never had sex with a woman," he said. Dee drank. "Wait, what?"

"Once," Dee said, laughing at his expression. "Back in my last year of school. It wasn't all it's cracked up to be." She studied him. "I've never had sex with a man," she said, taking another drink because she was fully lying.

Felix didn't reach for the bottle.

"No. NO! Felix, you're joking. You are not-"

"I'm not," he said, shifting uncomfortably. "I mean, I've fooled around a bit. But it just never…" he shrugged. "You didn't see me in high school," he said. "Believe me, you wouldn't have frakked me, either."

"So you're a-"

"Don't say it so loud!"

"No one's going to hear us!" She turned on the crate. "You could really die a virgin," she said, not sure if she was amused or horrified.

"Well, yeah." He flushed. "You can stop laughing at me now, Dee."

"No. No, I can't," she said. "But this is a serious matter."

"If it was serious, you wouldn't be laughing so- hey. Hey! What are you doing?" he asked, as she got up on her knees and took his rank pins off his collar.

"Making it so I don't break regulations."

"What, you think if the pins aren't on, I'm not a lieutenant and you're not an NCO?"

"For the next ten minutes, yes."

Felix took a moment to process that. Then, "Ten minutes?"

Dee grinned, beginning to unbutton her jacket. "Prove me wrong?" she suggested.

Felix swallowed hard, and then nodded. Dee shrugged off her jacket, straddled over his lap, and went to work on his.

Felix caught her hands in his. "Why are you doing this?" he asked her quietly.

"I'm drunk," she admitted. "I'm alone. And I just want to forget all the things we've lost."

"If we got caught, we'd get into so much trouble for this," he said. But he released her, and now his hands were hesitantly ghosting over her ribcage, like he was afraid to touch.

"Then," Dee said, leaning over so their foreheads touched, "you'll have to try not to scream." She kissed him.

Felix was an awkward kisser, and she soon discovered he was an even more awkward lover. But at the same time, he was eager and he was willing to be led, and Dee appreciated those traits greatly. She set the pace with his arms wrapped around her and his body warm and alive under her hands. It ended with him breathing hard into her shoulder, and then letting her guide his hand to where it could be a little more useful. Felix Gaeta had always been a fast learner at anything he touched, and Dee quickly found out that this was no different. His fingers were gentle but firm, and she came quickly, her thighs trembling as she gasped his name.

"There," she said as she climbed off his lap, her legs still shaking. "At least there was one thing you got to cross off your 'I never' list."

"Yeah." He looked at her with wide eyes, then shook his head and laughed. "It wasn't quite how I expected it, but…" he glanced down, realized his pants were still halfway down his thighs, and hastily pulled them back up. "Um, thanks?"

Dee laughed. "Thank you. I might actually sleep tonight."

And How It Really Was….

There were pictures in his locker, just a few. Noel looked at them. That sunset on the beach of Scorpia… it was gone, tainted by nuclear bombs. His mother? She was gone, vaporized in a cloud of smoke if she was lucky. He hoped she had been. Chris and Kara and their baby, Donis and Annie, Tom… gone, gone, gone. He threw the pictures into the locker and slammed the door shut as hard as he could. Everything was gone.

He'd never go back to Scorpia, never go back to Gemenon, never go back to Leonis… at least, if he did, his only purpose would be to kill Cylons. And if he had his way, he'd kill every last-

He punched the locker again, because it was easier than thinking.

Anything was easier than thinking.

The hatch swung open, and Noel turned to see who the intruder was, and then froze. Louis stood there, looking at him silently. Louis, who hadn't entered this rack in the past two years, whom he'd barely spoken to… but had been aware of every time they were in the same room.

"I heard you were injured," Noel said, and around the lump in his throat.

"Not badly," Louis answered.

Noel closed his eyes for just a moment. "I'm glad," he said, and then he closed the space between them in three swift steps, pulling Louis in roughly and kissing him hard. The smell of him, the taste of him… even the feel of him- Louis still kissed the same after all this time- were so familiar. Louis kissed him back, just as hard, wrapping his arms around Noel's neck. Noel pushed him up against a locker, grabbing his hand and slamming it against the metal. Louis moaned, and his hips bucked against Noel's.

"You're alive," Noel whispered into his neck, his hands beginning to work at Louis's pants. "You're alive, you're safe, you're here."

There was no response for that, and he knew it was because Louis understood exactly what he meant. Louis shoved Noel's pants down and waited impatiently while Noel kicked them off and then fumbled in a locker for lube. He pushed Louis back up against the locker and hooked one of Louis's legs around his own waist and then entered him in one smooth thrust. There was no real foreplay, no hesitation, just a familiar hot friction as they fell back into their old rhythms, their old dance. Louis's fingernails were clawing his back, but he didn't care. He drove in, his face against Louis's neck as he held him up against the locker. This was safety, this was shelter, even if it was only temporary.

They found themselves on the floor afterwards, shoulder to shoulder, both gasping for breath.

"Wow," Noel said.

"Yeah. Wow."

"That was…"

Louis shook his head. "They say every cloud has a silver lining. I guess the silver lining for the apocalypse is survival sex."

Noel laughed breathlessly, his hand settling on Louis's knee. "You haven't changed much, have you?" he asked.

"We've been on the same ship for the past two years, Noel."

"But we haven't spoken."

"Not if we could help it, no."

Noel rubbed his face with his free hand. "Maybe we should. Maybe we should…"

"Don't even say it," Louis warned, readjusting his clothing.

Noel shrugged. "All right. But the one thing these bastards did was make us remember, remember everything that's lost. And when you remember how you loved one of the few people that's left…."

"I know." They sat in silence for a long while.

"We could try again," Louis finally said into the silence. "It won't work, but we could try."

Noel's hand fumbled for his. "It's all we've got left. At least until we get through the worst of it."

Their hands were joined, but the silence still stretched on.

How it Could Have Been after New Caprica….

There was another funeral. Cole Taylor, former Colonial Fleet captain and Pegasus Viper pilot, CAG, husband and friend. And another name that Felix has given the Eight, another person he'd tried to save and couldn't.

The service ended, and he turned away, one of the first to leave the room. He'd barely known the man being remembered, but he felt he owed it to him to be there.

"Hey."

Felix picked up his pace a little. Word of what he'd done on New Caprica was streaking around the ship, but Felix didn't fully believe the Admiral when he promised that there would be no more vigilante justice. He rounded a corner.

"Hey!" the man was getting closer. "Gaeta, I'm talking to you!"

He realized he wouldn't run right at the same time that his pursuer grabbed his arm and turned him around. Narcho, his mind supplied, another Pegasus pilot. "What do you want?" he asked dully.

Narcho pulled back and punched him, sending Felix reeling. Or he would have, if Narcho hadn't still had a death grip on his arm. He came up, tasting blood in his mouth.

"What the frak?" he asked, but it didn't have the fire it should have. He touched his lips with his free hand, glaring at Narcho.

Narcho shoved him against a wall, looked around, and spotted the causeway door. He opened it quickly and yanked Felix inside. "There," he said, breathing hard. "I've been wanting to do that since I found out Cole died."

"Well," Felix said, shrugging. "Then you're good." He broke out of Narcho's grip and tried to walk by him.

"No, I'm not," Narcho said, blocking his path.

"What do you want from me?" Felix asked. "I can't bring him back to life."

"I know." Narcho was sizing him up, looking up and down his body with a narrow-eyed glance. "I'm not asking you to."

"Then what are you asking?"

Narcho yanked him close and kissed him. It took Felix a minute to realize that was what he was doing, because although his mouth was on his, it was sharp and biting, bruising in its intensity. He pushed Narcho away.

"Forgive me if I find this a bit confusing," he sneered, his heart pounding harder. Because he wasn't sure if he was afraid, and what was more, he wasn't sure if he wanted to be.

"Then don't think about it," Narcho ordered. He seized Felix's head and held him still as he kissed him again. "Because I've been wanting to do that since I first saw you." He lined their bodies up, chest to chest, hip to hip, thigh to thigh.

Felix closed his eyes. "Then do it," he said, because he recognized the note of desperation that he'd once felt, too. He couldn't give Narcho his friend back, he couldn't bring people back to life, he couldn't even share a memory or offer proper consolation. All he could give was this moment.

Narcho's hands were on him, and Felix obediently melded to him, although he had to admit it felt good to have someone touching him like this. As he opened his mouth under Narcho's, it dawned on him that someone wanted him. Wanted him alive, wanted him not out the airlock, wanted whatever this was. Obedience melted to heat, and Felix began to kiss back fiercely. Narcho's body was shaking under his hands, with arousal and with something else.

Felix shoved him up against the wall, dropping to his knees. Narcho nodded, and Felix undid the fly of Narcho's pants, sliding them down his hips. Narcho wasn't as ready for this as he was pretending; he was only half hard, and his hand on Felix's head was gentler than the rest of his demeanor would have implied. So not just vengeance, but solace and consolation.

Felix could give all three.

He took Narcho into his mouth, choking a bit as they tried to figure out each other's rhythms with no communication at all. They found one that worked together and Felix let himself move, the grating hard under his knees as he knelt in front of this man he barely knew. He fumbled for the fly of his own pants, because taking care of himself was the only way this could go if it was going to be right. He felt Narcho's body curl as he looked down, and fingers ran gently over his ear for a moment. Felix ignored it.

He closed his eyes, taking Narcho as deep as he could, barely refraining from gagging. In a strange way, it felt good, and he reveled in the discomfort. Narcho began to thrust harder, and Felix's hand moved faster as they both submitted to each other.

Narcho came first, Felix made sure of that. He swallowed hard, and then let himself come. There was relief, but no real pleasure in it, and that made it right in itself.

For a long moment he leaned his head against Narcho's abdomen, Narcho's hand on his shoulder. He was gentle now, moving his fingers over Felix's uniform, stroking his curls carefully.

"You did what you could," Narcho whispered.

Felix looked up at him. "But it wasn't enough." He stood up, fastening his pants. "See you around, Narcho."

And he was gone before Narcho could say a word.

And How It Really Was….

"He really made a remote control car?" Felix laughed as they walked down the hall.

"Noel's good with his hands," Louis said, in the tone of someone closing the subject. He laced their fingers together. "But I'm much more interested in seeing how good you are with yours."

"You're on."

They managed to get the hatch open, and to Felix's relief the racks were empty. He glanced quickly at Louis, decided hell with propriety, and kicked off his boots, tossing them outside of the hatch. The fact that Louis's boots landed next to his less than a half a second later only confirmed that he was reading this exactly right. He pushed the hatch closed, and they stared at each other, standing in their full uniforms and stocking feet.

"Okay," Felix said, feeling awkward for the first time since they'd started talking that evening. "Now what?"

Louis laughed and closed the distance between them, cupping Felix's cheek. "I think we should just get down to what we came in here to do," he said, and kissed Felix.

Louis kissed sweetly, completely straightforward. There was nothing to figure out here, no hidden agenda like there had been with Gaius or the Eight. Just passion and desire born from mutual liking. Felix relaxed into Louis's embrace, responding to him eagerly. Louis moaned into his mouth, sending a chill down Felix's spine.

They helped each other out of their uniforms, laughing as they got tripped up on underwear and socks, stripping off each other's tanks, learning each other's bodies eagerly. Felix discovered that Louis had ticklish ribs, and that the hollows of his hips were extremely sensitive. Louis caught on that kissing Felix's neck was a surefire way to get him to agree to just about anything.

"So what do you want to do?" Louis asked, sitting down on his rack and pulling Felix into his lap, teasing his neck with his lips.

What do you want to do? The question made Felix almost stop in his tracks, because while he'd be the first to say his previous experiences had been entirely consensual, What do you want to do? was not a question either Gaius or the Eight had ever asked.

He shrugged. "Whatever you want to do."

"That's not an answer," Louis murmured. He ran his hands down Felix's arms, and then one skimmed across his stomach and down to lightly stroke his erection. Felix shuddered at the firm but gentle touch that Louis was using.

"It's an answer," Felix managed to say. He shifted, more than willing to return the favor. Louis was hard and hot under his hands, and he swallowed hard as Felix's fingers traced his shaft.

"It's not the answer I was looking for," Louis finally said.

"Well, then, what answer were you looking for?"

"The truth."

"The truth." Felix opened his mouth to continue, but no words came out. For a moment, he just sat still.

Louis's eyes narrowed, just a little bit, and then before Felix could react, he pushed him down onto the rack. "Okay," he said. "I'll decide then." He lay down beside Felix and kissed him, hard. For a moment, Felix's heartbeat accelerated in the fear of the unknown, but Louis wasn't exactly the sort of person you feared. More like the kind you trusted.

Louis turned Felix on his side, so they were facing each other, and then got up to his knees, reversing his own position. "This okay?" he asked, from down near Felix's hips.

"Yeah," Felix said, a little breathless because he couldn't remember the last time he'd actually gotten a blow job. And when Louis's lips closed over his cock, it took a moment of serious control not to come right then and there. He closed his eyes, thought hard about Bill Adama, and was able to step back from the brink long enough to slide his lips down Louis's erection.

It wasn't easy, because Louis knew exactly what he was doing. He used just the right amount of suction, and his tongue moved in a way Felix loved but could never quite master. He tried to keep up, but eventually he had to fall back, releasing Louis and gripping the pillow, twisting the pillowcase in his fists. He came with a gasp, and he was in no way imagining the very smug expression on Louis's face as he pulled away and swallowed, wiping his mouth on his forearm. Felix's eyes widened.

"That," he managed to gasp, "was really hot."

Louis's grin widened. "Hot?" he laughed. "Not something I hear often."

"It was," Felix insisted. He took a deep breath, and turned back up onto his side. "Sorry I lost my train of thought there," he apologized, before he took Louis into his mouth again.

He shouldn't be thinking of an old lover when he was with a new one, but he couldn't help it, just for a moment. He'd done this for Gaius so many times on New Caprica, but this was so different. Not just the taste or the scent or the shape, but the intent. Louis's fingers tangled in his hair not as a demand, but as a gentle caress, and he was careful to keep from thrusting too hard into Felix's mouth. And, of course, Louis had already reciprocated. Gaius had never been that unselfish to do something like that for him. The thought that this man truly wanted him, wanted Felix Gaeta and not just a warm, wet place to stick his cock, sent lightning down his nerves and pushed him up to his knees. He rearranged himself and Louis so they were both more comfortable, and gently gripped Louis's wrists, bringing his hands back to retangle themselves in his hair.

It didn't take long for Louis to come, and Felix felt that familiar thrill, the same satisfaction that had been evident on Louis's face.

He crawled up the length of Louis's body, and Louis wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close. Felix draped his free arm heavily over Louis's waist. "Thank you," he said quietly. "That was exactly what I needed."

"I know," Louis said. He kissed Felix gently, and they both lingered in that kiss for a long time. When it broke, Louis touched Felix's cheek. "It's what we both needed."

Felix wanted to look away, but the sincerity in Louis's eyes caught and held him tight. "Yeah," he finally agreed. "What now?"

Louis shrugged. "Stay," he said simply. "Stay for the night."

Felix smiled and laid his head down on Louis's chest. "I can do that."

How It Could Have Been After Dee Lost the Baby…

Lee was out late again. Dee knew she shouldn't be surprised, but she was anyway. She sat down at the table, rubbing her forehead and staring at the scratched surface.

There was a knock on the hatch.

"Come in," Dee called, her brow furrowing. She was a little surprised to see Louis enter. "Hey," she said. "What's up?"

Louis shrugged. "Couldn't sleep," he admitted. "I thought I'd see how you were doing."

"Thanks." Dee floundered. She and Louis were speaking, but their friendship was still… strained. She gestured to the seat across from her. "Have a seat."

He pulled out the chair and sat down, and Dee wondered how he could make a simple act like sitting look so awkward. There was a slightly formal air about him, like he wasn't sure how this was supposed to work, either.

"Would you like something to drink?" Dee finally asked.

"Thank you."

"Wine?"

"Sounds good. Although I'm afraid I'll be a cheap date."

"Well, just as well then," Dee said. She got up and poured two glasses, and returned to sit across from him. He took his glass, and she drank from hers gratefully.

Forty five minutes and two glasses of wine each later, they were both laughing.

"So how does it end?" Dee asked.

"Very boringly, to tell the truth. She went in and got her son, and we could communicate just fine, he let me use the phone and I eventually got back into my apartment. But little old ladies… if the Fleet was made up entirely of them, the Cylons would never stand a chance."

"And Gods know the Admiral wouldn't."

They both laughed at the image of Adama and Tigh being chased around the halls of Galactica by little old ladies wielding canes and handbags.

"Want another glass?" Dee offered as she drained hers.

Louis hesitated, and then held his out. "I'll regret this, I'm sure, but all right."

Dee split the remaining contents of the bottle between their two glasses and settled back down. As she did, her knees brushed against Louis's under the table. He didn't seem to notice, staring down as he twisted the glass between his fingers.

"I probably shouldn't ask," he began, "but have you talked to the Admiral much?"

"I assume you don't mean about Communications."

"It was his grandchild," Louis said softly. There was a way he could have said it that it would have sounded accusing and hurtful, but his voice was gentle and sad and Dee knew he didn't mean it to hurt like this.

But it did, and the laughter fled the room.

Dee blinked hard, looking away. "I haven't," she admitted. "I'm not sure how much he thinks about it, if you want the truth."

"I'm sorry," Louis said awkwardly. "I shouldn't have said-"

"I think about it, though," she rushed on. "I think about it every time I look at him. That it should have been… that I should be…."

"Dee…."

Dee shook her head, wiping futily at her eyes. "You know what else is awful?" she said.

"What?"

"Sex."

"Sex," Louis repeated dryly. "Sex is awful."

Dee sighed. "With me and Lee, I mean. Ever since this happened, it just… it…" she thought of how the sex was now, so often stiff and awkward, with Lee afraid that he'd hurt her and both of them terrified that something would happen to break their hearts again. She pushed the wine aside and buried her face in her arms and began to cry.

"Dee," Louis said helplessly.

"I'm sorry," Dee said, looking up and trying to mop her face. "It's the wine. Normally I don't…."

"I know you don't." Louis looked around and found a handkerchief. "Come here," he ordered, tilting her face up to the light.

As soon as he touched her face, they both felt it.

The feeling of his fingers on her skin shot through Dee like… well, no. Not like lightning. It was the furthest thing from what she felt when she was with Lee. Louis's touch spread over her skin like a gentle warm breeze. It warmed her, it comforted her, but it was hardly electrifying.

She leaned forward and kissed him on the lips.

His lips were dry and chapped, and at first it wasn't a kiss, only the pressure of contact. Then his hand tentatively came up to cup the back of her head, and his tongue touched her bottom lip, and the kiss deepened.

He kissed gently, softly, and Dee found that if she wasn't careful it made him draw back like he was in pain. She let her hand slide up his arm, and as she did, his hands drifted down to her waist and he pulled her closer.

Somehow they found themselves on the bed, naked and lying together, side by side, his arm draped over her.

"You sure about this?" he whispered in her ear.

"No," she whispered back. "Are you?"

"No. But tonight…" he cupped her cheek, his thumb smoothing over her skin. "Just tonight." He pushed her back onto the bed, nudging her legs apart with his knee. She reached down and guided him in, and then tipped her head back as he moved inside her.

With Lee, every thrust shot through her and sex was heady and intoxicating, the kind where she got lost in a whirlpool. Everything would fall into place naturally, everything he did worked. With Louis, it was like riding a gentle wave. It was okay, there was pleasure there and she couldn't deny it, but her world didn't black out and explode into supernovas, and she wasn't left breathless. But his forearms were tight around her and his hands caressed her shoulders, and when she opened her eyes she saw that he was watching her.

He smiled, just an awkward half smile that flashed before he closed his eyes again and buried his face in the crook of her neck, still moving.

It lasted for what felt like a long time but would probably be minutes, until the muscles in his back tightened under her hands and goosebumps rose on his skin. He let out a shaking breath, finally stilling, and came to a rest against her. She kept her cheek against his, breathing in the closeness and not wanting him to pull away.

He did pull away a bit, pulling out and falling down beside her. "Was it okay for you?" he asked. What he meant was did you come?

"Yes," Dee said with a smile. It was a truthful answer to the first question and a lie with regards to the second, but he didn't have to know that. Because an orgasm wasn't what she had been looking for, when all was said and done. What she needed was this here, now. His hand on her arm, running up and down the length of it. His eyes fixed on her face, wide and warm. And the smile he gave her, the one that stripped away his professional veneer and showed what he was really thinking.

Dee smiled back.

"Don't let me fall asleep here," Louis warned.

It was good advice, but as Dee nestled against his chest, she really wished she could.

And How It Really Was….

Lee's breathing evened out, and he began to snore softly. Dee looked at him from the corner of her eye, and then turned her head. Lee was definitely asleep. She moved experimentally, and he didn't stir. She nudged him gently. He snuffled, turned onto his side, and began snoring again.

Dee sighed, and to be honest, she was relieved.

Sex tonight hadn't been the disaster it was the first time since she'd lost the baby, but it still had been… less than satisfactory. A little painful, and Lee was a little too gentle, and a little too much distance between them. It would take time, that's what everyone had assured her. This was normal.

But tonight, she'd really been in the mood.

At least Lee was asleep now. He would take so much offense, and Dee wasn't looking for an argument- just an orgasm. She scooted away from him, lying on her back and closing her eyes. Her hand drifted down between her legs, sliding into her underwear, and her fingers began to move.

Nothing.

She looked at Lee, and then imagined his body against hers, his hands on her roughly, his mouth devouring hers. But the image shifted into earlier that night, when he was tentative and unsure, almost fearful. When for once they just didn't fit together, but moved awkwardly and mechanically. No, Lee couldn't get it done for real tonight, and he wasn't going to work for a fantasy, either.

She huffed her frustration. She drummed her fingers against herself, feeling only pressure, no sensation.

She tried to imagine Helo. Helo, with his chiseled chest and abs, muscled arms, and high cheekbones, was absolutely perfect fantasy fodder. She imagined being in the shower and Helo coming in, his hands moving over her wet body as he pushed her up against the cold wall, kissing her and wrapping her legs around his waist….

And it became Lee again, and once again his face was concerned and his hands were timid.

Dee growled at the ceiling. This was getting ridiculous.

All right then, a fantasy that didn't involve her. She paused, thinking, her fingers circling idly. Helo and Athena… nothing. Chief and Cally… she almost giggled. A scene from that porno that she'd liked (too corny), or the one she'd watched with Felix a few years before (she could still hear him crunching popcorn), or that movie with the guy who (but the girl- ick)… Nothing, nothing, nothing. How hard was it to get off?

For some reason, she remembered a few days ago, when she'd caught Louis and Felix kissing. They'd been in the head and thought they were alone until Dee had come out of a stall. Felix had been sitting on the sinks, legs spread, Louis standing between them. They hadn't gotten far, but they were obviously planning to, judging by their flustered expressions when they looked at her.

A little thrill shivered down her spine and pooled in her stomach.

She paused for just a moment, a little alarmed at the thought of getting off to the image of Felix and Louis frakking. But when her fingers twitched she felt something, the fire racing through her nerves and making her hips move a little. Okay, then.

In real life, she'd apologized hastily and hustled out, and they'd broken apart, embarrassed. But what if she'd stayed?

Shit, no. That didn't quite work. It was too… well, she couldn't really picture Felix and Louis tearing at each other's clothes and getting all…

Well, it was just that she'd seen Louis naked, and frankly, although he wasn't bad, Felix was obviously going for personality over appearance.

Now, Noel… Noel was cut. That was… hey, wait. What if it had been Noel that walked in on them?

Don't stop on my account was what Noel would have said, giving them that leer as he washed his hands in the sink right next to them. He'd watch them in the mirror with interest.

And Felix would be feeling a bit predatory, she imagined. She knew he worried about that a little, that Noel was around and hot and he and Louis had such a history. So he'd pull Louis into a kiss again, right in front of Noel, just to assert that Louis was his, that he was the possessor.

And Noel would just laugh and say You're doing it wrong.

Oh yeah? Felix would challenge.

Yeah, Noel would say. Louis, come here.

And because no matter what they told her, Dee still saw something between Louis and Noel, and Louis was damn lucky to have two guys like Felix and Noel into him, he'd come over and let Noel kiss him. It would be different- Dee was pretty confident that Noel would be a better kisser than Felix, and he and Louis had the past and it would be rougher, more familiar, and Noel would open his eyes to gauge Felix's reaction.

And Felix wouldn't like it, but when Louis released Noel and retreated back to Felix's arms, it would make this kiss worth it.

This was good. Dee tipped her head back, her eyes screwed shut, and stifled her moan with her free hand.

Louis was perceptive, he'd see what was going on. And he'd make it clear to Noel as to who he was choosing. Felix was still sitting on the sink- Louis would drop to his knees and- well, wait, Dee moved them to the benches- yeah, that was better. Louis would drop to his hands and his knees and undo Felix's pants, pulling them down. She didn't really want to picture what Felix looked like with an erection, so Louis went straight to work, and she pictured Felix watching Noel with that satisfied, superior smirk that he had.

But nothing would put Noel Allison off, and he'd interpret it as an invitation. Which, of course, it would be exactly how Felix and Louis would have intended it.

There would be no talking- they'd all just know. Dee shuddered at that thought, and her fingers quickened even more. Noel would find- ah, frak, it didn't matter, this was a fantasy damn it- he'd just pull Louis's pants down and push in, and Louis would moan and take it, and all of them would be moving….

And then it was her with Felix's cock in her mouth and Noel up her ass because she'd always wanted to try that and Lee had a thing about that and she knew it would be-

She came, convulsing around her fingers and shaking in a glory of white light and pure pleasure, biting on her other hand and keeping her body as still as possible to avoid waking her husband.

Her body began to relax and she breathed deeply, easing her hand out of her underwear and idly wiping her fingers on the sheets. "Oh, my Gods," Dee whispered to the room at large. Then she began to giggle. If Felix, Louis, and Noel even suspected… but they wouldn't.

She stretched, her limbs growing heavy with sexual satisfaction, and her eyes finally beginning to close. That was exactly what she had needed tonight.

And beside her, Lee slept on.

On to Part 2, because I broke the posting length. Wow.