Unhooked

[lillibet]

Last week there was an article in the Globe about the book Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both, which examines "hookup culture" among college-aged women

Comments

[joyeous]

It makes me a little self-conscious to admit that yeah, I probably fell into that demographic and...well, probably still do.

Very few people I knew in college had boyfriends or girlfriends. I never had a boyfriend my entire time in high school or college. I still have a very hard time finding people to date. For me, hook-ups were/are better than nothing. I think both articles do have grains of truth to them. I haven't read the book, so it's tough to slam the first article too much. I think I'd just end up getting depressed or angry by reading the book though, by feeling that it was somehow judging me.

[lillibet]

I think I'd just end up getting depressed or angry by reading the book though, by feeling that it was somehow judging me.

Yeah, it sounds like that might well be the case for me, as well.

It's kind of funny, because I didn't meet J. until I was 28 and that felt positively ancient at the time, but now doesn't seem that late to me. But here I am just having my first kid ten years later, so it's hard to say. As with all aspects of life, we're all on our own schedules.

[journeystar]

I'd say that it is very, very prevalent. I find that in college and a little beyond, it's hard to find someone who will actually call you "girlfriend" or admit in public that they are your "boyfriend." People will say they don't like labels, or that those terms aren't 'modern

[lillibet]

Honestly, it can be hard to do some times in such emotional situations when you have not yet developed a lot of confidence.

You said it, sugar! I think that's true regardless of the particular experiences involved in getting to that point.

[minkrose]

My mother actually printed out that Globe article and I couldn't get past page two of it. While she knows I'm poly, she seems to believe that it's a phase and that it is utterly impossible to be in an "actually committed" relationship with more than one person. I'm not sure what her motives were for printing out the article but she seemed to believe it was an accurate representation

[lillibet]

Hopefully this wasn't too ranty and was interesting.

Not at all and yes, very :) Thanks!

[muffyjo]

As I often do, I switch the terms "boys" for "girls" in the article. "Some boys can handle this; others … are exhausted physically, emotionally and spiritually by it." - yeah, I think that's probably true. But you wouldn't say it that way if it was really about boys, right? And what's with the change in reference from women to girls? Girls are little and vulnerable, while women are adults. I think the analysis of the author's slant says a lot about what she thinks of her own experiences and casts aspersions on her telling of what's really happening

[urban_faerie_]

As for my own experience, I did both the hookup and the serious dating thing in college and let me tell you that the emotionally abusive long term relationship I was in during college was way more damaging to me than the handful of awkward hookups with over eager college boys. While the relationship landed me in thearpy and destroyed friendships, all the hookups did was yield some embarassing eye contact avoiding aerobics in the dining hall. If anything the hookups taught me a lot about myself and what I want in another person. They taught me a lot about what I like and dislike in bed, and not to settle down with the first shmuck who pays attention to me. It taught me that I don't owe anything to anyone, and if I don't like what's going on in a relationship, no matter how casual it is, I can get up and walk away