As I often do, I switch the terms "boys" for "girls" in the article. "Some boys can handle this; others … are exhausted physically, emotionally and spiritually by it." - yeah, I think that's probably true. But you wouldn't say it that way if it was really about boys, right? And what's with the change in reference from women to girls? Girls are little and vulnerable, while women are adults. I think the analysis of the author's slant says a lot about what she thinks of her own experiences and casts aspersions on her telling of what's really happening.
I think it says a lot about the competitive culture we engender earlier on and I think it says a lot about how superficial the expectations we place on each other can be during some very vulnerable years for both men and women.
I think we are fooling ourselves to believe that sex or no sex is going to solve the bigger picture of how to relate meaningfully with each other or to being honest with ourselves. Now THOSE are classes worth taking. The idea of courting someone, getting to know them, wanting to connect...those are the skills that need more focus. Sex is sex. It has been a road to intimacy for many, many generations but I think that maybe that's what's changing. Something that used to have a very intimate meaning is now being seen for the act it is and only has meaning if the people involved in it give it context.
And I think it doesn't HAVE to mean that. I think it's important that people, individuals, provide the context with each other. And if they want a real relationship, they need to make the time for it, nurture it and invest in making it real. There's no getting over the teenage testing period - I think it's important to learn your boundaries and I think it's important to teach people to be safe (use birth control, use condoms, get tested regularly...) and that making mistakes is part of the process. If they learn in college that meaningless hookups aren't fulfilling, maybe they'll figure out how to change that or how to ask the questions that will help them prevent that from happening again.
You can't protect people from themselves. And much like any experience, some people can learn from others' mistakes, some have to live through them themselves.
I think it says a lot about the competitive culture we engender earlier on and I think it says a lot about how superficial the expectations we place on each other can be during some very vulnerable years for both men and women.
I think we are fooling ourselves to believe that sex or no sex is going to solve the bigger picture of how to relate meaningfully with each other or to being honest with ourselves. Now THOSE are classes worth taking. The idea of courting someone, getting to know them, wanting to connect...those are the skills that need more focus. Sex is sex. It has been a road to intimacy for many, many generations but I think that maybe that's what's changing. Something that used to have a very intimate meaning is now being seen for the act it is and only has meaning if the people involved in it give it context.
And I think it doesn't HAVE to mean that. I think it's important that people, individuals, provide the context with each other. And if they want a real relationship, they need to make the time for it, nurture it and invest in making it real. There's no getting over the teenage testing period - I think it's important to learn your boundaries and I think it's important to teach people to be safe (use birth control, use condoms, get tested regularly...) and that making mistakes is part of the process. If they learn in college that meaningless hookups aren't fulfilling, maybe they'll figure out how to change that or how to ask the questions that will help them prevent that from happening again.
You can't protect people from themselves. And much like any experience, some people can learn from others' mistakes, some have to live through them themselves.
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