Unhooked

Feb 21, 2007 09:27

Last week there was an article in the Globe about the book Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both, which examines "hookup culture" among college-aged women ( Read more... )

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journeystar February 21 2007, 15:28:08 UTC
I'd say that it is very, very prevalent. I find that in college and a little beyond, it's hard to find someone who will actually call you "girlfriend" or admit in public that they are your "boyfriend." People will say they don't like labels, or that those terms aren't 'modern.'

I think there is a lot of casual sex going on at colleges (duh). Not that there is anything wrong with that at all,as long as it is protected and consensual, and both parties are honest with each other about what they expect to get out of it.

However, I think (from listening to the complaints of my friends who are still in college) a lot of girls participating in these activities will "hookup" with guys in the attempts to get the boy in question to "like them," call them his girlfriend or pursue a serious relationship with her. This almost never happens because neither party communicates their desires accurately to each other. I have a friend who has been trying to find a boyfriend for four years. She's cute, funny, and smart, but she just keeps using sex to try and convince guys to be in a relationship with her and it's backfitring big time.

A little before meeting Frenchy, I went on a few dates with a young man who I was pretty into . He said point blank that he'd like to have a friendship with me that had physical aspects to it, but he wasn't in the market for a relationship. I was impressed by his honesty. I told him that even though I liked him too, I *was* in the market for a relationship, so our desires wouldn't meld so harmoniously, and I didn't think it was a good idea to pursue anything else. We agreeably decided to remain good friends(and still are) and things worked out fine. Ideally, all encounters in the "hookup culture" should work this well, but I think young people are often so afraid of rejection that they can't be this blunt or honest with each other. Honestly, it can be hard to do some times in such emotional situations when you have not yet developed a lot of confidence.

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lillibet February 21 2007, 16:13:22 UTC
Honestly, it can be hard to do some times in such emotional situations when you have not yet developed a lot of confidence.

You said it, sugar! I think that's true regardless of the particular experiences involved in getting to that point.

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