As for my own experience, I did both the hookup and the serious dating thing in college and let me tell you that the emotionally abusive long term relationship I was in during college was way more damaging to me than the handful of awkward hookups with over eager college boys. While the relationship landed me in thearpy and destroyed friendships, all the hookups did was yield some embarassing eye contact avoiding aerobics in the dining hall. If anything the hookups taught me a lot about myself and what I want in another person. They taught me a lot about what I like and dislike in bed, and not to settle down with the first shmuck who pays attention to me. It taught me that I don't owe anything to anyone, and if I don't like what's going on in a relationship, no matter how casual it is, I can get up and walk away.
Yes, there were one or two of those guys who I made the mistake of thinking had relationship potential, but again, those encounters taught me valuable lessons about when to let go, and when it feels right as opposed to when you're forcing it.
But let's be serious, most of the time the reason why I was hooking up with those guys and not trying to date them was because they weren't boyfriend material in the first place and I knew it.
The author expresses concern about hooking up delaying dating and marriage, but why is delaying marriage such a bad thing? Would she rather we raced into a long term commitment with no life experience? She also sort of pooh poohs the very real concern that a serious boyfriend would take time away form a woman's studies, sports, careeers and friends. I think that is a true and serious concern. We are a generation of women who watched our moms talk the talk of feminisim but never quite walk the walk. My mom gave up everything to be a wife and mother and now that her children are grown up she's frustrated with her life. I think a lot of women our age saw that and vowed never to let our dreams take a backseat to being in a relationship. Why give everything up for a guy, especially when relationships can be so fleeting when we are young?
I feel that the reasons behind the hookup culture are twofold. Number one, being sexually open is less stigmatized now, so now we can all sleep around a little wihout fear of losing our credability. That part is pure opportunity. I'm sure if women my mom's age had the chance to experiment outside of a traditional relationship they would have. Number two, we are a generation that has watched 50% of our parents divorce. After that were aren't willing to rush into relationships. We think we can avoid being hurt and having our whole lives fall apart when a relationship ends if we can compartmentalize love/sex/and relationships.
What irritates me is that we live in a world where women pursue education, careers, and sports just as aggressively as men, but we're still expected to "get our fragile little feelings hurt" over sex. If we can run businesses and countries with men without breaking a sweat, why are we expected to behave with fragility when sex gets involved? Trust me, 9 times out of 10 we aren't sitting at home by the phone wating for that guy we took home after too many tequila shots to call. Although some people don't believe it, most of the time we're relaistic enough to know that a long term relationship isn't going to come from casual sex and if we're pursuing casual sex in the first place, a relationship probably isn't what we're looking for.
I think some people have to let go of the idea that the woman is always the one being manipulated in the situation. I've seen men strung along by women as well but somhow, nobody fears for their long term damage when that happens. Why is that? Why is it that in that entire article about college kids hooking up, most of it is focused on the impact on girls? Why is nobody writing articles about how sad it is that we're raising a generation of young men who'd rather eat nails than be seen in public with a woman they are fucking? Why is that not news? Because this article is based on the idea that women *need* relationships and men don't. While I think the article makes many good points, I'm just so very tired of that same old perspective on sex and relationships.
As for my own experience, I did both the hookup and the serious dating thing in college and let me tell you that the emotionally abusive long term relationship I was in during college was way more damaging to me than the handful of awkward hookups with over eager college boys. While the relationship landed me in thearpy and destroyed friendships, all the hookups did was yield some embarassing eye contact avoiding aerobics in the dining hall. If anything the hookups taught me a lot about myself and what I want in another person. They taught me a lot about what I like and dislike in bed, and not to settle down with the first shmuck who pays attention to me. It taught me that I don't owe anything to anyone, and if I don't like what's going on in a relationship, no matter how casual it is, I can get up and walk away.
Yes, there were one or two of those guys who I made the mistake of thinking had relationship potential, but again, those encounters taught me valuable lessons about when to let go, and when it feels right as opposed to when you're forcing it.
But let's be serious, most of the time the reason why I was hooking up with those guys and not trying to date them was because they weren't boyfriend material in the first place and I knew it.
The author expresses concern about hooking up delaying dating and marriage, but why is delaying marriage such a bad thing? Would she rather we raced into a long term commitment with no life experience? She also sort of pooh poohs the very real concern that a serious boyfriend would take time away form a woman's studies, sports, careeers and friends. I think that is a true and serious concern. We are a generation of women who watched our moms talk the talk of feminisim but never quite walk the walk. My mom gave up everything to be a wife and mother and now that her children are grown up she's frustrated with her life. I think a lot of women our age saw that and vowed never to let our dreams take a backseat to being in a relationship. Why give everything up for a guy, especially when relationships can be so fleeting when we are young?
I feel that the reasons behind the hookup culture are twofold. Number one, being sexually open is less stigmatized now, so now we can all sleep around a little wihout fear of losing our credability. That part is pure opportunity. I'm sure if women my mom's age had the chance to experiment outside of a traditional relationship they would have. Number two, we are a generation that has watched 50% of our parents divorce. After that were aren't willing to rush into relationships. We think we can avoid being hurt and having our whole lives fall apart when a relationship ends if we can compartmentalize love/sex/and relationships.
What irritates me is that we live in a world where women pursue education, careers, and sports just as aggressively as men, but we're still expected to "get our fragile little feelings hurt" over sex. If we can run businesses and countries with men without breaking a sweat, why are we expected to behave with fragility when sex gets involved? Trust me, 9 times out of 10 we aren't sitting at home by the phone wating for that guy we took home after too many tequila shots to call. Although some people don't believe it, most of the time we're relaistic enough to know that a long term relationship isn't going to come from casual sex and if we're pursuing casual sex in the first place, a relationship probably isn't what we're looking for.
I think some people have to let go of the idea that the woman is always the one being manipulated in the situation. I've seen men strung along by women as well but somhow, nobody fears for their long term damage when that happens. Why is that? Why is it that in that entire article about college kids hooking up, most of it is focused on the impact on girls? Why is nobody writing articles about how sad it is that we're raising a generation of young men who'd rather eat nails than be seen in public with a woman they are fucking? Why is that not news? Because this article is based on the idea that women *need* relationships and men don't. While I think the article makes many good points, I'm just so very tired of that same old perspective on sex and relationships.
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