O ( Read more... )

this little blog of mine has become quite the self reflection.  it was never my intention to write about myself so much.  i'm either extremely narcissistic or this is the only outlet to vent my neurotic behavior... probably a bit of both.  i wanted to use this journal to write characters, stories, poems, philosophical thoughts.  it seems that i don ( Read more... )

i came to a sobering conclusion today.  this has been happening quite frequently ( Read more... )

ants/guilty/dad

i stole my subject line from my favorite drag queen antics book.  you should check it out if you're into that sort of thing.

first things first, it's about that time of the year where i decide i'm going to 'express myself' artistically.  i'm very talented at starting projects and never finishing them.  but i'm really going to try and push through ( Read more... )

i had a teacher in college once that said something that will most likely seem very insignificant to you but it stays imprinted in my brain.  it comes out every once and awhile when i'm feeling depressed or at random times like a tangent, firing neuron.  he said "i just have a fundamental probelm with being mortal."  this didn't just stick in my ( Read more... )

ok so i gave it about 2 minutes.  to hell with this!  i'm like a kid who wants to cookie and every time i reach to grab it someone slaps my hand away.  except i'm not a kid.  and it isn't someone slapping my hand away, it's me.  my scared, pathetic pysche.  i'm too scared to even feel sorry for myself.  i'm afraid it insults those who are worse off ( Read more... )

i just typed and then erased everything i said for about 30 minutes.  my mind is buzzing.  nothing good could come of it ( Read more... )

i really don't like when i accuse someone of being a fraud when it turns out i've been the fraud all along.

i want to apologize for all the malicious things i've done to other people.  how long do you think that will take?

i feel like a horrible person.  i have given myself one task to complete for one person who is beyond important to me and i keep procrastinating it.  i keep telling myself it's because i don't have time.  but i have time, i always have time.  you know time isn't as elusive as we all think.  i measure time in days and hours but really there's only ( Read more... )