just a few random things that have been on my mind...
i had a teacher in college once that said something that will most likely seem very insignificant to you but it stays imprinted in my brain. it comes out every once and awhile when i'm feeling depressed or at random times like a tangent, firing neuron. he said "i just have a fundamental probelm with being mortal." this didn't just stick in my head because he was best teacher i've ever had (and he was gorgeous and i had a huge crush on him) but because it seemed like such an intimate detail. this air seemed to stretch a little thinner when he spoke the words. the awkwardness of such deep meaning. i think ... well actually i know we all have a fundamental problem with the fact that we're mortal but even more than that there are so many facts about our human features that I can't get over. i've always said that i have an annoying knack for breaking down and sorting human traits/features into evolutionary theories. but there is one trait in particular that we as humans have that i really can't wrap my head around. it is our ability (or curse really) to build immunities. for example i can't stand the fact that there is not one song ive ever heard that i don't get sick of. i want the same elated feeling i got when i heard this song:
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the thousandth time i hear it. i never want to fall out of love with anything. i never want to lose an attraction to anyone. i never want to be immune to relish.
my whole life i have had people tell me that i remind them of someone. i actually wouldn't be surprised if i've already written about this earlier in my journal. i can't even muster up a "oh really?" anymore. i've heard it so many times (i guess i'm immune..). i've spent the better part of my life trying to figure out if i should take great offense to this. because basically if i were to be a pessimist (which i mostly am.. unfortunately) it sounds like i'm a plain jane. it sounds like i posess no traits that are distinctly my own. but i figured that what's the hurt in seeing the sunny side? what if, and this is a huge if, (damnit! there i go being a pessimist again!) i just remind people of the generally desirable traits they see in a person they label their friend? what if i'm like the proto-type best friend!? what if i am just such a damn good person that i radiate warm feelings!? what if i remind them of the ones they loved and lost or those in their life that flourish and bloom around them coating them in fuzzy feelings!?! i could be the reincarnation of the hindu god mitra!!! wow, i'm a really good opitmist! look at the crazy shit i can think up to void myself of remembering why i am reminded on a daily basis that i posess nothing remotely unique!!
boo...
since i first started taking a interest in philosophy freshman year in college i keep having this reoccuring thought that maybe the only reality i'm experiencing is truely the one i create (like the matrix). and i thought that could either be really awesome or really, really scary.
awesome because if i've made all this up in my head, this whole world, this whole universe? i am one creative motha. and that's all i really ever hope for in life.
scary because if it's true then i am more alone than i could ever make up in some pseudo-reality. and that could possibly make me want to just die.
that's all my random thoughts i've had lately. i should get this out into cyber space more often... whew!
more songs that have taken up residence in my brain. may they never lose the warmth they bring!:
embed> "ringa ringa" off the slumdog millionaire soundtrack
embed> "a falling through" ray lamontagne
embed> "the wolves act 1 and 2" bon iver
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the thousandth time i hear it. i never want to fall out of love with anything. i never want to lose an attraction to anyone. i never want to be immune to relish.
my whole life i have had people tell me that i remind them of someone. i actually wouldn't be surprised if i've already written about this earlier in my journal. i can't even muster up a "oh really?" anymore. i've heard it so many times (i guess i'm immune..). i've spent the better part of my life trying to figure out if i should take great offense to this. because basically if i were to be a pessimist (which i mostly am.. unfortunately) it sounds like i'm a plain jane. it sounds like i posess no traits that are distinctly my own. but i figured that what's the hurt in seeing the sunny side? what if, and this is a huge if, (damnit! there i go being a pessimist again!) i just remind people of the generally desirable traits they see in a person they label their friend? what if i'm like the proto-type best friend!? what if i am just such a damn good person that i radiate warm feelings!? what if i remind them of the ones they loved and lost or those in their life that flourish and bloom around them coating them in fuzzy feelings!?! i could be the reincarnation of the hindu god mitra!!! wow, i'm a really good opitmist! look at the crazy shit i can think up to void myself of remembering why i am reminded on a daily basis that i posess nothing remotely unique!!
boo...
since i first started taking a interest in philosophy freshman year in college i keep having this reoccuring thought that maybe the only reality i'm experiencing is truely the one i create (like the matrix). and i thought that could either be really awesome or really, really scary.
awesome because if i've made all this up in my head, this whole world, this whole universe? i am one creative motha. and that's all i really ever hope for in life.
scary because if it's true then i am more alone than i could ever make up in some pseudo-reality. and that could possibly make me want to just die.
that's all my random thoughts i've had lately. i should get this out into cyber space more often... whew!
more songs that have taken up residence in my brain. may they never lose the warmth they bring!:
embed> "ringa ringa" off the slumdog millionaire soundtrack
embed> "a falling through" ray lamontagne
embed> "the wolves act 1 and 2" bon iver