I have never felt so lost in my life. Maybe he is right to not want to grow up and have to face the harsh realities of life. I've never wanted to run to the vast open spaces of his embrace. I have never been so confused and misguided.

I woke up this morning and I just felt out of place. I don't know what's wrong but I can't seem to control the water works. I seem to be falling out of time. I just wish I could be sure of what I'm doing. Am I making the right decisions and did I do whats right? I wanna run to the the place I feel the safest. Yet I don't know if I can anymore...

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I'm so lost right now. We all have a different perspective. I just want to wake up and not feel like I'm going to lose someone in my life because of this. I've learned there is no right or wrong answer. All I know is that I'm not perfect, and don't wish to be. No ones perfect. I know and can admit that I've fucked up. I won't judge, I can't judge. ( Read more... )

I care to much. But I have to let them go. Their feelings matters more than hurting me. I guess, he was right. Never compromise yourself for anyone. Cause in the end all you have is yourself. Yet I might be lucky enough to have a couple of people.

In life you never really think about growing. Well, I didn't. I have always thought about my future and nothing more. Yet now after all I have gone through, growing and person growth are so important. And for myself today I have had a break through. I went to visit Thomas's mother and father to discuss Zoee and also to check on them. When I got ( Read more... )

Embracing change. I just want all my hard work and determination to pay off. I know nothing in life comes easy, yet after all the shit I have had to deal with due to the biological parentals, you think I would have a little break here and there. But I will make things happen for myself. I deserve to have a sense of self worth, appreciation, and ( Read more... )

So I thought coming here would not just help my grand father but my mother as well. And I was wrong. I was under the impression that since I was here my mother would stop drinking so much. That has not changed. After being here for two or three days, she got drunk and told me I could get the fuck out. And that's is what I'm going to do. I'm going ( Read more... )

It's so weird to be here around my family again. I will say that being at the airport was one of the hardest things to do.

I pull up to the airport. I get out of the car and I couldn't let myself cry. I gave Jain a hug and turned to Thomas. I hugged him, an embrace so sweet. I looked at him and could see he was crying. Even though I hate it when ( Read more... )

One this day I want you to know that I love you with all my heart. I want to tell you that you are all I want. You are the first man I have ever loved. And I'm still in love with you. And that will never change ( Read more... )

I think the hardest thing is to saying good bye, even when it's see you later. I have been feeling more and more emotional on the subject of leaving. I am a firm believer in living for you, even at the cost of hurting others. Yet what do you do when it's also hurting you? As each day passes I feel like I'm unraveling. I feel alone. I feel like I ( Read more... )