Barney opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again, looking non-plussed. "You or her?" He asked, eventually.

This confused the hell out of Ted. "What do you mean, me or her?"

Barney gave him a look. "When which one of you is forty? You or her?"

Ted laughed. "I didn't even think about it!" He'd only brought ( Read more... )

Isn't it rich? Isn't it queer,
Losing my timing this late in my career?
And where are the clowns? There ought to be clowns.
Well, maybe next year.

She spent that Saturday at Lily and Marshall's place, she and Lily swathed in flannel PJs, eating Ben and Jerry's ice cream and watching chick flicks. She'd found out that the ( Read more... )

Send in the clowns

2020

Just when I'd stopped opening doors,
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours,
Making my entrance again with my usual flair,
Sure of my lines, no one is there.

Robin stopped herself, hand in her purse, rummaging for the key to his apartment. She ran her hand through her long, unruly locks, rubbed her eyes ( Read more... )

He sat on the grass verge at the side of the road, his head spinning, his bare feet pressed into the grit. The wet road shone like liquorish in the moonlight.

Where were his shoes?

He curled his toes and frowned. He was vaguely horny, vaguely high and really fucking bored.

Where in the fuck were his shoes?

( Read more... )

Newfoundland lobster trap

She feels something slither between her legs and curl around one thigh. There's a faint hissing sound and a snake, a huge fucking snake rears its head from between her legs, its forked tongue flicking across her clit, sending wave after wave of pleasure through her. She can feel his dick, moving smoothly and ( Read more... )

Answers

Barney went to church.

Nobody went to church anymore, which he thought was a sad indictment on their modern culture. Certainly no zombies went to church.

He, however, thought it was time he had a serious chat with the big guy.

"Yo," he said with a tilt of his head at the life-size wood carving of Jesus on ( Read more... )

Why do I get stupidly excited when I win stuff? While I was away in London today, the winners of the mature_himym  smut duel were announced! I won Best Slash for my story HIMYM/Horrible crossover story Cumin and was also Smut Princess (runner up behind the deserved queen snogged ).

Thank you if you voted for me! I'm ridiculously grateful! Yay! And thanks to readergirl13  who ( Read more... )

Frozen

1.

Barney begins to slow down, like a clock that needs winding. Robin sees it in little ways and she worries - not that he'll attack her, or their friends, or Sam. Just that she'll lose him again.

Then one day, he won't get out of bed. He'll barely talk to her. He just opens his eyes and there's a white film across them ( Read more... )

Bad boys

1. Father Stinson

Barney pressed the tiny silver cross between Robin's breasts with his thumb until it was buried in her cleavage, then he swirled his tongue around her nipple.

"Bless me… father… for I have… sinned…" She said, gasping between each thrust. He could go on for hours and she knew it. But she was getting ( Read more... )

Canadian Sex Acts

She should never have told them her story. It was a pretty sweet story, but now all they could do was obsess about sex. And, okay, they always obsessed about sex but now it was Canadian sex and they (by they, read Lily) just wouldn't let it lie. They seemed determined to find out every detail of every single Candian sex ( Read more... )