FIC: Join a gym (1/1) HIMYM
Barney opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again, looking non-plussed. "You or her?" He asked, eventually.
This confused the hell out of Ted. "What do you mean, me or her?"
Barney gave him a look. "When which one of you is forty? You or her?"
Ted laughed. "I didn't even think about it!" He'd only brought the whole "back-up wife" thing up because Barney was being particularly… Barney… that night.
"Only… If it's you… that's actually not that long. Nine years in fact! Do you really think that nine years is long enough for you to find a wife?" Barney's expression was starting to look a little panicked. "Wow, we need to start getting you into shape right now! Tomorrow morning, I'm taking you to my barber, my tailor… and for Christ's sake Ted, join a gym! You think any girl is willing to accept a cute, chubby guy anymore?"
Ted frowned. "Chubby?"
"Ted, you're sketchy. You've got the word sketchy written through you like a stick of freakin' rock! What the hell are you doing with all these one night stands? It's a known fact that eighty-three percent of chicks are turned off by a guy who's too promiscuous. And then there's the possibilities of STDs…" Barney's voice had reached a level of hysteria that Ted had only previously thought possibly when confronted with the possibility of a four-way.
So he did the only sensible thing and slapped Barney hard around the face.
Barney clutched at his cheek, breathing hard. "Thanks… Dude… Needed that."
"Jesus!" Ted said, sipping his beer. "It was a joke. It was totally a 'bit', Barney. Robin and me - never gonna happen. You're safe to woo her."
"Woo her?" Barney looked up, a picture of disgust.
"You know, romance her."
Barney still looked blank.
"Nail her?" Ted tried again.
Barney grinned and nodded, his eyes lighting up. "Now you're talking my language…"
Ted laughed.
"But you're still joining a gym. Ted, seriously…"
"Okay, Barney. Okay."
.
This confused the hell out of Ted. "What do you mean, me or her?"
Barney gave him a look. "When which one of you is forty? You or her?"
Ted laughed. "I didn't even think about it!" He'd only brought the whole "back-up wife" thing up because Barney was being particularly… Barney… that night.
"Only… If it's you… that's actually not that long. Nine years in fact! Do you really think that nine years is long enough for you to find a wife?" Barney's expression was starting to look a little panicked. "Wow, we need to start getting you into shape right now! Tomorrow morning, I'm taking you to my barber, my tailor… and for Christ's sake Ted, join a gym! You think any girl is willing to accept a cute, chubby guy anymore?"
Ted frowned. "Chubby?"
"Ted, you're sketchy. You've got the word sketchy written through you like a stick of freakin' rock! What the hell are you doing with all these one night stands? It's a known fact that eighty-three percent of chicks are turned off by a guy who's too promiscuous. And then there's the possibilities of STDs…" Barney's voice had reached a level of hysteria that Ted had only previously thought possibly when confronted with the possibility of a four-way.
So he did the only sensible thing and slapped Barney hard around the face.
Barney clutched at his cheek, breathing hard. "Thanks… Dude… Needed that."
"Jesus!" Ted said, sipping his beer. "It was a joke. It was totally a 'bit', Barney. Robin and me - never gonna happen. You're safe to woo her."
"Woo her?" Barney looked up, a picture of disgust.
"You know, romance her."
Barney still looked blank.
"Nail her?" Ted tried again.
Barney grinned and nodded, his eyes lighting up. "Now you're talking my language…"
Ted laughed.
"But you're still joining a gym. Ted, seriously…"
"Okay, Barney. Okay."
.