I had this intense dream the night before... I was sitting on a bench with my late Grandma and my late Daddy... and he was saying things like " why are you suffering so much? You weren't predisposed to it as a child..." I could see how much he was hurting that I am hurting, and then I told him ( Read more... )

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Cracked this morning worst and weak ( Read more... )

Happy New Year, hopefully I will be asleep before midnight, if not I will be watching TV in bed... I hate this pressure/expectations/anxiety of NYE... expectation that at strike of midnight everything in life will turn shiny new and bright and all the crap will go away, Cinderella style, well, we all grew out of that one, haven't we? Anxiety about ( Read more... )

I don't know what the hell is happening, but my state is deteriorating rapidly and seriously... I am terrified, I have never experienced anything like this... I am holding by a thread and I'm scared it's about to break ( Read more... )

Depression is not new to me, but I must say, since about August I have been hit with a wave of it so severe I never ever encountered anything so horrific... I am literally barely able to get out of bed. I am not really able to function. I have even went on an antidepressant that has not helped and I have been on it long enough to know... I am going ( Read more... )

I am so sick of people thinking depression is a character flaw, a weakness, something you can "snap out of"... It's a debilitating disease! It's a horrific illness that's like a cancer of the soul, robbing you of humanity and personality, of joy, hope and just about everything else ( Read more... )

About two days ago I woke up from a sudden thought: what if the love of my life didn't actually love ME? What if it was just "like" intense liking? Not love? I was tormented by this thought all day... I know it's irrelevant now to a random person, but this person changed my whole life, my DNA... forever with me, always, forever inside me as long as ( Read more... )

I never thought I will get to the point of such cynical distrust of people bordering on fear mixed with insane insecurity... I have been having hellish two damn years and I was forced pretty much to finally hit pause. Medical reasons, like my body finally collapsed catching up with my weakened mind and soul... I have been pretty much ordered 6 ( Read more... )

Grateful to be alive today... I had a pretty horrific scare... I went to the bathroom early in the morning and all of a sudden as I was standing there the ceiling was on the floor, I got very dizzy and couldn't manage to hold onto the sink and literally went flying across the WHOLE bathroom into the tub! I have no clue how on earth I didn't hit my ( Read more... )

I went out to have a drink with one of my best friends today and told him the dream I had, which I posted about previously... it's still on my mind. My friends theory about it blew me away! He said the Moooove sound is Ommm if you reverse the word and that it was possible Krishna revealing himself to me, in the image of someone I admire ( Dave ( Read more... )