should anyone care the real sob stories of my life are contained here... http://spaces.msn.com/raynefaerie/

Old patterns die hard... Only 7 weeks since baby bliss arrived and my ed is back in full swing. I struggle to eat once a day and then only because I know I have to in order to keep nursing. 8 fucking years of trying to get it under control and the fat of pregnancy has once again caused me to slide. My only resolve to keep eating is that another ( Read more... )

wow... just wow, so sorry for anyone who read my pregnancy ranting... wow..

Baby is here and cute as a button. february 8 at 3:21 am, 7lbs 10 oz, 21 inches... blah blah blah. She looks like daddy and is too cute for words, well she is mine too you know.

Well Rayne's birthday and party has come and gone for another year. I should not be nearly as happy about that as I am but being pregnant put added strain on it this year. I went way overboard on everything but I feel awful that with the baby arriving so close to xmas this year might end up pretty tight, so of course I had to make the b-day extra ( Read more... )

I have had my share of turmoil in this life, I have had more than my share of sorrow and now i am as defeated as a person can get and still be alive. I do not want this life, I do not want this pregnancy and I do not want that certain someone as a father for my child. I want to hide, i want to be utterly and totally alone and yet I am so afraid of ( Read more... )

HA! HA! HA! Who needs men anyhow? All the grief and anguish they cause... I am now on two waiting lists for subsidy housing, hate to go back to that point but it needs to be done, both of them offer prioroty to pregnant women and both were very accomodating, perhaps I will be able to stay in Edmonton. But that goes back to the "do I really want to ( Read more... )

Everyday brings some new shit to my hell. A pal showed me a program that lets you see if people are blocking you on msn and yahoo so I try it out using names of people who would "NEVER" block me and AHA! Low and behold the father of my soon to br born child is blocking my ass. Now what the fuck does that mean anyhow? I have had more than enough of ( Read more... )

I need a labour coach. Cam is just too unreliable and seeing as how I never even talk to him anymore I somehow doubt he is going to be changing anytime soon. Just can't see myself running around like a chicken with my head cut off while in labour trying to get a hold of him. This whole situation is so fucked. I am going to go back to edmonton at ( Read more... )

I have got to stop with the making baby crap, this kid will never use half of the blasted hats, mitts, booties, blankets and bibs I have made. I just can't quite get a handle on the fact that I am pregnant so I crochet useless things in an attempt to start "feeling" maternal. I just end up feeling like a farm granny and like I need a rocking chair ( Read more... )

Had a nasty panic attack last night, couldn't move and the bed felt like stone under me. I haven't had a panic attack in a long time. It came on so sudden and strong. After it had passed I was totally unable to sleep, just kept thinking my situation over and over in my head. I think the reality of what is going on has sunk in. Not a good feeling. ( Read more... )