A friend asked what people think melancholy is, and to be specific.  This was my response:

Melancholy is an acidic feeling as feelings go. A low, grey, Seattle in October feeling with no sunbreaks in sight. Melancholy is relentless, and lasting. It's not just an afternoon lull. It stays, it's gloomy, it's deep, cold, and dark. I feel melancholy ( Read more... )

I actually thought I might have dreamed it.  But asked my son, and nope, it did happen. He had a sudden feeling of needing to have his tag out of his shirt.  Never has he ever had an issue with tags.  Ever. So I know this is PANS.

But he still has no issues wearing clothes. He does like to wear the same outfit a lot, takes some cajoling to get him ( Read more... )

I can't say for sure, won't be confident.  It's like a fear of saying it makes the demon of this disease (PANS/Covid19 post syndrome??) wake and start things up.  We had a few hell weeks, really.  But since I stopped writing, each day has been a little brighter.  Gotta admit, we've not been really doing school much either.  Just enjoying the ( Read more... )

So, we started Azithromycin and dropped the antifungal medication last week.  The days were better as we went .  My husband and I even went out for supper (we called our local adult son over).  My 9 year old was able to get along well, and follow directions.  Because the local public school was out of Friday, we treated our kids as if it was a day ( Read more... )

So, before I post how my son's day went, I will just say that I'm living on breathing prayers often.  I jump between being scared and researching, to distracting myself, to doing what I need to do to run this house and educate my children, to prayer, to searching the internet, to looking at bible verses, to bargaining, and to reading about this ( Read more... )

My 9 year old had a really bad morning the day before yesterday.  I freaked out, contacted the doctor, (we've had a bad week with intrusive thoughts and the odd behaviors).  I knew we needed a change, and I do think we really DO need a change.  What though?  I think IVIG should have been done already.  The doctor ordered some blood work to test for ( Read more... )

Today, I was able to get a moment of truth and frankness from my son.  I asked him what he was thinking at church when he was drawing a gun on the page. "I wanted to kill myself, that's why I drew that."  Matter of factly.  My 9 year old precious blue eyed boy of whimsy, my joy, my heart.  And in the place where I feel most at home and safe with ( Read more... )

He painted the wind,

the divine breath

of creation

the bend of the wheat

the dance of the cornflower

like the wave of the ocean

in liquid pigment

he froze

motion.

DML

Today, my 9 year old woke a little tired and slow, but not abnormal.  Ate breakfast, got ready for church, and got in the car (in fact was outside waiting for the rest of us to get going and get there for a bit).  Went to Sunday school, nothing to report, I think all was well.  Sent him with snacks, granola bar, and string cheese.  Must have eaten ( Read more... )

This morning my 9 yr old woke up a bit later, but not "deep" late.  Around 9ish.  Medication, then breakfast. Cheerios and milk again.  Roughly 1/2 and hour of a game with his 11 yr old sis because he did make the bed, brush the teeth, and clean up, and he did exit the game when asked.  After that we had Bible read aloud for about 20 minutes.  Then ( Read more... )