#42 Jessi and the Dance School Phantom, chapters 5-9
Chapters 1-4
Previously, on Gilmore Girls...
Jessi lands the lead in Sleeping Beauty, the Phantom of the Opera starts sabotaging scenery... I mean, someone sneaks her toe shoes out of her bag causing her abject embarrassment, K. Ron decides a pet show is a good idea, Jessi starts getting SCARY NOTES.
This week, on Gilmore Girls...
We arrive at the second SB rehearsal, and "Princess Aurora [is] Princess Prepared". That's touching. Princess Prepared has brought an entire spare dance outfit: "Two pairs of pink tights. Two black leotards. Two hair-ties (it wouldn’t do to have my hairtie disappear and have to dance with my hair in my face - Mme Noelle would be furious). Two pairs of leg warmers (one white, one purple) and two baggy old gray sweat shirts, for warm-ups. I wasn’t taking any chances". My question is why the heck she doesn't bother to, say, lock up that dance outfit in her locker (isn't that the purpose of a LOCKer?). They start class. Mme goes through the records to choose their warm-up music. 1991 was a long time ago, but I think by that time, they had these newfangled inventions called cassette tapes? If my memory serves, it was somewhere around 1991 that my parents got our first CD player, actually. I realize that AMM is perpetually stuck in the 1960s, but you'd think we could get at least a couple ghosties who bring us around to the early 90s. Mme begins working out the steps to teach them. I know I went through this in the first four chapters, but SERIOUSLY. What kind of ballet school rehearses for a show with no parts except for the lead, two vague supporting, and a bunch of random chorus members? That's like trying to rehearse Peter Pan (hah) with only Peter Pan, Smee, Tiger Lily, and a random bunch of Lost Boys, Indians, and pirates. Again, I ponder... did the writers not know or not care?
So ah anyway, they begin rehearsal, and Jessi, Carrie, and Lisa are requested to demonstrate some routine of French words. In the middle of said demonstration, Carrie loses her balance, knocks Jessi over, and accuses Jessi of being a klutz. Jessi looks at Mme and opens her mouth to defend herself, but sees a K. Ron style Look on dear Madame, who clearly has not forgotten the toe shoe episode. If Mme is that kind of a bitch about 11-14 year old girls forgetting this or ever messing up, she is clearly in the WRONG field, because, ah, people occasionally mess up. Especially MS kids, who are dealing with pre-pubescent hormones. Rehearsal continues, badly, and at the end, Jessi goes into the lockless room, and SURPRISE.... someone took her ENTIRE SPARE DANCE OUTFIT. I still fail to see how anyone could get away with this sort of stuff without someone else noticing. And I also fail to see why on earth a locker room at a supposedly reputable dance school DOESN'T HAVE LOCKS ON THE LOCKERS. I mean, we were told to put locks on our *gym* lockers, and I don't know who on earth would want to steal my smelly t-shirts and gym shorts. Toe shoes, which are actually expensive, would presumably be more likely taken, so why don't we have locks? Seriously? The Phantom of the Opera this time has left a note! Not to be confused with the notes that Michael Crawford left Andre, Firmin, and Carlotta, in case you weren't sure. This note is *gasp* written in blood. Oh wait, she looks more closely and it's red pen. I don't know how on earth you could mix up the two of those, but whatevs. Someone, apparently, really is out to get her, but again in true BSC form, Jessi doesn't tell anyone.
When she gets home, Becca has the PET SHOW INVITATION. Well darn, I had nearly forgotten about it. Sigh. She starts spazzing out that she loves Misty (their hamster), but Misty could never compete against dogs or cats, and Becca's soooo sad that Misty would never get first place. Since obviously nobody in the BSC has ever been to a pet show before, or has any idea about how to NOT create a bunch of disappointed kids, Jessi doesn't think to say "Well, there will be more than one prize there", and instead just lets Becca spaz appropriately.
Chapter 6 is completely unnecessary. High points: K. Ron suddenly thinks this pet show isn't such a great idea, because the Thomas/Brewer kids, along with neighborhood pals, are all also spazzing about who's going to win first prize at the pet show. Somehow, it doesn't occur to Kristy either that there can be a variety of prizes, and she spends the entire job trying to run reconnaisance among the spazzy kids. And this is the alleged "Idea Machine"? I call foul.
Back to something more interesting. Jessi has purchased an entirely new outfit for her next rehearsal. She's so serious about ballet, why exactly doesn't she have a whole drawer full of leotards and leg warmers? That's what I would expect, anyway. And she *also* bought a new dance bag- with a zipper padlock! Did I call this or what? I'm not fully convinced that this is actually an upgrade though, because then someone would just steal the whole dance bag, instead of just taking the outfit. This apparently didn't occur to Jessi (and doesn't occur to the Phantom of the Opera either), as she waits for everyone to vacate the lockless room and then locks up the bag and puts the key on a chain around her neck. I've been sitting here trying to come up with a better approach than a chain around the neck, and strangely can't think of one. Of course, if this were real life, there would be locks on the lockers and we wouldn't have to go through this.
So rehearsal is going peachily, until the girls are waiting for Mme's directions, and OH NOES the necklace falls off! Jessi bends to pick it up, and in the process of putting it on, she completely misses Mme's instructions. And there's a good chance she'll have to go first! The tension of this situation is KILLING me! She frantically asks Carrie what the directions were, and Carrie says tour jetés, one at a time, across the room. This doesn't really seem like learning anything related to Sleeping Beauty, but why am I even questioning this anymore. Jessi, naturally, has to lead off, and does, nearly perfectly, until the landing... "like a sack of potatoes, sprawled out all over the floor". Nice imagery, Ellen. Curiously, someone has spilled something on the floor and it's all slick. I beg, again. How the HELL does someone sabotage the floor like that IN THE MIDDLE OF A REHEARSAL? Yeah, the PTO has a water bottle hidden in her leotard (Honest, Mme, it's nothing!), and spilled some on the floor when nobody else was looking. Anyway, Madame checks out "zee onkle", and pronounces it a strain, but requires that Jessi go to the doctor. She also tells Jessi that she cannot "donce" for a couple of days, and Katie Beth will rehearse Aurora's parts for those rehearsals. I know I've said this already, but again. There are parts in a ballet that can be rehearsed without Aurora! Seriously, during the first act, she's a baby anyway. Do some of THAT work. Jessi calls her dad, and while he's on his way, she finds ANOTHER NOTE in her dance bag. I'm not going to bother asking how the PTO got it there in the middle of rehearsal. It says "I TOLD YOU SO. FROM NOW ON, WATCH OUT". Jessi suddenly realizes that someone might be TRYING to sabotage her. I just peed my pants.
Man, all this and we're only on chapter 8. This book is too much. Jessi is at Dr. Dellenkamp's office. In the department of things Ann knows nothing about, Dr. Dellenkamp doesn't seem to have a single appointment, and is available to see Jessi immediately. I always thought that's why they started the whole ER business. Well, it is just a strain, and Jessi needs to stay off it for 3 days, which is only one rehearsal, thankfully. At said rehearsal, Jessi watches from a chair as the other girls rehearse, and it's so sad I nearly shed a tear. Not really. At the end, the others are suitably sympathetic, except for the PTO, who puts a note in Jessi's locker that says "IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE. TOO BAD IT WASN’T". I just peed my pants again.
Jessi seems to be getting really worried! As well she should, any sensible person would have taken all this to Madame by now. But I'm sure you all know that involving adults is NEVER the answer - the BSC can do anything! Next BSC meeting, Jessi tells all. Geez. Mal, in a burst of sense and sensibility, suggests Jessi tell Madame. Jessi says, AND I QUOTE, “I can’t do that. She’d never believe that such things were going on in her school. She’d think I was making it all up.” ............ And when you SHOW her the notes you got, she'll say that you wrote those yourself? Geez. The girls say that they'll come to the next rehearsal and be objective observers. Well, that's almost like a solution. Then they talk about the pet show, which has not yet started being interesting.
Obligatory baby-sitting chapter. Nothing of note other than that the BSC are idiots, and let kids fight over who's going to enter the family pet rather than telling them the obvious, to enter said pet together.
And that takes us about 2/3 of the way through this masterpiece. Coming up next time, a BSC stakeout, the Phantom of the Opera sings "The Point of No Return" and Christine exposes his face to the audience, and the pet show is about as pathetic as we've been expecting!
Previously, on Gilmore Girls...
Jessi lands the lead in Sleeping Beauty, the Phantom of the Opera starts sabotaging scenery... I mean, someone sneaks her toe shoes out of her bag causing her abject embarrassment, K. Ron decides a pet show is a good idea, Jessi starts getting SCARY NOTES.
This week, on Gilmore Girls...
We arrive at the second SB rehearsal, and "Princess Aurora [is] Princess Prepared". That's touching. Princess Prepared has brought an entire spare dance outfit: "Two pairs of pink tights. Two black leotards. Two hair-ties (it wouldn’t do to have my hairtie disappear and have to dance with my hair in my face - Mme Noelle would be furious). Two pairs of leg warmers (one white, one purple) and two baggy old gray sweat shirts, for warm-ups. I wasn’t taking any chances". My question is why the heck she doesn't bother to, say, lock up that dance outfit in her locker (isn't that the purpose of a LOCKer?). They start class. Mme goes through the records to choose their warm-up music. 1991 was a long time ago, but I think by that time, they had these newfangled inventions called cassette tapes? If my memory serves, it was somewhere around 1991 that my parents got our first CD player, actually. I realize that AMM is perpetually stuck in the 1960s, but you'd think we could get at least a couple ghosties who bring us around to the early 90s. Mme begins working out the steps to teach them. I know I went through this in the first four chapters, but SERIOUSLY. What kind of ballet school rehearses for a show with no parts except for the lead, two vague supporting, and a bunch of random chorus members? That's like trying to rehearse Peter Pan (hah) with only Peter Pan, Smee, Tiger Lily, and a random bunch of Lost Boys, Indians, and pirates. Again, I ponder... did the writers not know or not care?
So ah anyway, they begin rehearsal, and Jessi, Carrie, and Lisa are requested to demonstrate some routine of French words. In the middle of said demonstration, Carrie loses her balance, knocks Jessi over, and accuses Jessi of being a klutz. Jessi looks at Mme and opens her mouth to defend herself, but sees a K. Ron style Look on dear Madame, who clearly has not forgotten the toe shoe episode. If Mme is that kind of a bitch about 11-14 year old girls forgetting this or ever messing up, she is clearly in the WRONG field, because, ah, people occasionally mess up. Especially MS kids, who are dealing with pre-pubescent hormones. Rehearsal continues, badly, and at the end, Jessi goes into the lockless room, and SURPRISE.... someone took her ENTIRE SPARE DANCE OUTFIT. I still fail to see how anyone could get away with this sort of stuff without someone else noticing. And I also fail to see why on earth a locker room at a supposedly reputable dance school DOESN'T HAVE LOCKS ON THE LOCKERS. I mean, we were told to put locks on our *gym* lockers, and I don't know who on earth would want to steal my smelly t-shirts and gym shorts. Toe shoes, which are actually expensive, would presumably be more likely taken, so why don't we have locks? Seriously? The Phantom of the Opera this time has left a note! Not to be confused with the notes that Michael Crawford left Andre, Firmin, and Carlotta, in case you weren't sure. This note is *gasp* written in blood. Oh wait, she looks more closely and it's red pen. I don't know how on earth you could mix up the two of those, but whatevs. Someone, apparently, really is out to get her, but again in true BSC form, Jessi doesn't tell anyone.
When she gets home, Becca has the PET SHOW INVITATION. Well darn, I had nearly forgotten about it. Sigh. She starts spazzing out that she loves Misty (their hamster), but Misty could never compete against dogs or cats, and Becca's soooo sad that Misty would never get first place. Since obviously nobody in the BSC has ever been to a pet show before, or has any idea about how to NOT create a bunch of disappointed kids, Jessi doesn't think to say "Well, there will be more than one prize there", and instead just lets Becca spaz appropriately.
Chapter 6 is completely unnecessary. High points: K. Ron suddenly thinks this pet show isn't such a great idea, because the Thomas/Brewer kids, along with neighborhood pals, are all also spazzing about who's going to win first prize at the pet show. Somehow, it doesn't occur to Kristy either that there can be a variety of prizes, and she spends the entire job trying to run reconnaisance among the spazzy kids. And this is the alleged "Idea Machine"? I call foul.
Back to something more interesting. Jessi has purchased an entirely new outfit for her next rehearsal. She's so serious about ballet, why exactly doesn't she have a whole drawer full of leotards and leg warmers? That's what I would expect, anyway. And she *also* bought a new dance bag- with a zipper padlock! Did I call this or what? I'm not fully convinced that this is actually an upgrade though, because then someone would just steal the whole dance bag, instead of just taking the outfit. This apparently didn't occur to Jessi (and doesn't occur to the Phantom of the Opera either), as she waits for everyone to vacate the lockless room and then locks up the bag and puts the key on a chain around her neck. I've been sitting here trying to come up with a better approach than a chain around the neck, and strangely can't think of one. Of course, if this were real life, there would be locks on the lockers and we wouldn't have to go through this.
So rehearsal is going peachily, until the girls are waiting for Mme's directions, and OH NOES the necklace falls off! Jessi bends to pick it up, and in the process of putting it on, she completely misses Mme's instructions. And there's a good chance she'll have to go first! The tension of this situation is KILLING me! She frantically asks Carrie what the directions were, and Carrie says tour jetés, one at a time, across the room. This doesn't really seem like learning anything related to Sleeping Beauty, but why am I even questioning this anymore. Jessi, naturally, has to lead off, and does, nearly perfectly, until the landing... "like a sack of potatoes, sprawled out all over the floor". Nice imagery, Ellen. Curiously, someone has spilled something on the floor and it's all slick. I beg, again. How the HELL does someone sabotage the floor like that IN THE MIDDLE OF A REHEARSAL? Yeah, the PTO has a water bottle hidden in her leotard (Honest, Mme, it's nothing!), and spilled some on the floor when nobody else was looking. Anyway, Madame checks out "zee onkle", and pronounces it a strain, but requires that Jessi go to the doctor. She also tells Jessi that she cannot "donce" for a couple of days, and Katie Beth will rehearse Aurora's parts for those rehearsals. I know I've said this already, but again. There are parts in a ballet that can be rehearsed without Aurora! Seriously, during the first act, she's a baby anyway. Do some of THAT work. Jessi calls her dad, and while he's on his way, she finds ANOTHER NOTE in her dance bag. I'm not going to bother asking how the PTO got it there in the middle of rehearsal. It says "I TOLD YOU SO. FROM NOW ON, WATCH OUT". Jessi suddenly realizes that someone might be TRYING to sabotage her. I just peed my pants.
Man, all this and we're only on chapter 8. This book is too much. Jessi is at Dr. Dellenkamp's office. In the department of things Ann knows nothing about, Dr. Dellenkamp doesn't seem to have a single appointment, and is available to see Jessi immediately. I always thought that's why they started the whole ER business. Well, it is just a strain, and Jessi needs to stay off it for 3 days, which is only one rehearsal, thankfully. At said rehearsal, Jessi watches from a chair as the other girls rehearse, and it's so sad I nearly shed a tear. Not really. At the end, the others are suitably sympathetic, except for the PTO, who puts a note in Jessi's locker that says "IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE. TOO BAD IT WASN’T". I just peed my pants again.
Jessi seems to be getting really worried! As well she should, any sensible person would have taken all this to Madame by now. But I'm sure you all know that involving adults is NEVER the answer - the BSC can do anything! Next BSC meeting, Jessi tells all. Geez. Mal, in a burst of sense and sensibility, suggests Jessi tell Madame. Jessi says, AND I QUOTE, “I can’t do that. She’d never believe that such things were going on in her school. She’d think I was making it all up.” ............ And when you SHOW her the notes you got, she'll say that you wrote those yourself? Geez. The girls say that they'll come to the next rehearsal and be objective observers. Well, that's almost like a solution. Then they talk about the pet show, which has not yet started being interesting.
Obligatory baby-sitting chapter. Nothing of note other than that the BSC are idiots, and let kids fight over who's going to enter the family pet rather than telling them the obvious, to enter said pet together.
And that takes us about 2/3 of the way through this masterpiece. Coming up next time, a BSC stakeout, the Phantom of the Opera sings "The Point of No Return" and Christine exposes his face to the audience, and the pet show is about as pathetic as we've been expecting!