#42 Jessi and the Dance School Phantom, chapters 1-4
Lately, I've been pulling a BSC book off my shelf to read a couple chapters while I eat breakfast. This morning, the book happened to be #42. I started reading it and thought "Man, I need to snark this thing". So, I submit to you for your consideration and (hopeful) entertainment:
Now first of all, isn't a phantom like a ghost? Though I wouldn't put it past any BSC members to suspect that a ghost might be doing things like stealing toe shoes and leaving nasty notes, nobody ever suspects in this book that it might be a ghost, they all spend the non-babysitting chapters scoping out the other girls and deciding which ones might be suspects.
Second, the cover, courtesy of everyone's favorite Dibbly-Fresh:
I don't have much to say about it, other than I don't recall this scene actually happening in the book. It of course is generally accepted that among the various criteria Hodges had for what he was allowed to draw is NOT included "The scene depicted on the cover must actually occur in the book". I want to enter the contest to win a free BSC video - unfortunately it ended on May 31, 1991. I was almost 7 then. I don't think I was reading BSC quite yet then, I think I was still on LS. Uh, anyway.
Onto the first chapter! Hurray for dialogue to start a book! Good ole Mme Noelle is conducting a ballet class, and she asks them to do "pas de bourrée couru, en cinquième, with port de bras, ending in an arabesque". According to learntodance.com, Jessi's translation of what Mme Noelle wants into normal English is accurate (amazing). She doesn't mention the "en cinquième" part though, which I'm assuming means "in fifth position", but that doesn't make any sense, because the pas de bourrée couru has them moving across the floor, and I don't know how you're supposed to do that in fifth position. Anyone have experience in ballet and want to help me out on this?
Jessi explains that a ballet studio is another world (really?). She also gives us the phonetic pronunciation of the above French, because we couldn't have figured out on our own that it's not English. She's been studying ballet since she was four, and now she's eleven "so that's a long time!". Long enough, apparently, that we can expect that she will always get the lead in whatever ballet they're doing, I suppose. Oh, right, she then explains that they're doing auditions for Sleeping Beauty, that her ballet school is putting on.
Now one thing that I do appreciate about Jessi books that have ballet bits in them is that we actually get to see her interact with people other than the BSC members. Though as she describes the other girls in her class, she certainly is critical. Future Anorexic Mary is "kind of like a robot, you know?" and Over The Hill Carrie needs a starring role on her resume if she wants to get into a good ballet school after she "graduates" from this one. Someone feel free to let me know if I'm way off base on this one, but I find it difficult to believe that not getting a starring role in a ballet when someone's in the age range of 11-14 is exactly going to kill someone's career. I could see that if someone's a high school senior and wants to get into Juilliard and has never danced a starring role, she might be worried, but it always seems like Carrie is doomed to never get anywhere in her "ballet career" because she never manages to bag a starring role at the ripe old age of 14. Anyway, Lisa "worries too much about her performance in class", and Katie Beth is "kind of one of Madame's pets". Trying to compensate for something there, pal?
Auditions finally end and Madame sends them to the locker room to change while she decides the casting results. Clearly AMM and Ellen Miles have never been involved in any kind of auditions in their lives. Madame is supposedly this highly respected figure in the ballet world, and I sure doubt she got that way if she doesn't even sleep on a casting decision. And secondly, who exactly is included in this show? I can certainly see a ballet school doing a full ballet, and everyone from every class range can feel free to audition, with the little ones getting kiddie type roles, and the high school ages getting the leading roles (except this is BSC, so the leading role will go to an 11-year-old, who certainly isn't old enough to be playing a 16- year-old princess, but whatever). But shouldn't it be separate from their classes? Like the only people auditioning right now are the girls in Jessi's class. And then Madame decides that Jessi is Aurora (oops, I spoiled it... as if you were expecting any different) on the spot. I just keep picturing the sixth graders at the school where I was teaching last year, and imagining one of them auditioning for Aurora, and I just laugh... The sixth grade all-star choir at the school where Husband works did "Jungle Book for kids" last year. That's what sixth graders are doing. Not Sleeping Beauty en pointe. Seriously.
Chapter 2 rolls around and Jessi's dad picks her up. Because she's cool like that, she doesn't jump into the car and scream "I GOT THE PART", but loses it three blocks later and screams “I did it! I’m Aurora!”. Oh touching. Jessi's dad nearly causes a pile-up on whatever street you can expect them on between Stamford and Stoneybrook and then pulls to a curb and says that he's going to run into the store to buy ice cream to celebrate. Apparently a store is beyond that curb, because he just pulls over and gets out. They get home and Jessi tells her family the amazing if implausible news, and describes Sleeping Beauty to them. And gives us the standard Chapter 2 that I just skipped over entirely.
More dialogue begins chapter 3. It would appear we are at another ballet rehearsal. Despite that the only people in Jessi's class to get roles in SB are Jessi, Carrie, and Lisa, the entire class rehearses SB together, and none of the other characters are there. That almost makes sense. My next question is why on earth all the girls are in the changing room together. I'm remembering gym class in middle school and the embarrassment of just trying to get a t-shirt and gym shorts on without exposing any skin, and changing into a leotard (and presumably, putting on a sports bra and so on) involves a whole lot more exposure. Anyway, the big OH NOES moment is when Jessi's toe shoes suddenly aren't in her bag. How someone got close enough to Jessi's bag to take her toe shoes out without Jessi or anyone else noticing is a complete mystery to me, but we're supposed to believe it on face value. Jessi, understandably, freaks out. She searches the room and can't find them, so she heads out to the class barefoot. Mme is suitably unimpressed and sends the class back into the locker room to look for them. Apparently they can't rehearse without her. I'm not quite willing to buy that either, I'm sure they could work on the chorus parts without the lead being there, but whatever. I really think that Mme is being somewhat unnecessarily harsh with Jessi here too. I mean, Jessi (if we can believe what she says) is always prepared, and one might hope Mme could extend some grace to the ONE time that something happens, but apparently not, she gives Jessi a glance that clearly says “Jessica Romsey, I am most disappointed in you". Whatever. They attempt to rehearse, but with Jessi just on her tippy-toes, it just won't do, and Mme cancels the rehearsal. Then Hilary suggests they go look one more time. And they do, and magically Jessi's shoes appear in her bag. Not quite sure how the "Phantom" might have snuck them back in either, but why bother questioning at this point in time. Rehearsal sucks because Jessi is so frazzled, and when she gets BACK into the locker room, there's a NOTE in her BAG that says BEWARE... "Nothing more, nothing less. Just... BEWARE". Since this is BSC, Jessi doesn't immediately go to Mme and say "Um, sorry to bother you, but just so you know..."
GOD in HEAVEN, this is chapter FOUR and we have to endure MORE exposition. I'm just going to delete it all from the e-book so I don't even have to look at it. SNIP! Oh, right, we're at a BSC meeting. Claudia mentions some girl named Jennifer Cooke, who I don't believe has ever been mentioned before or since. She's not in the CG either. Apparently she looked like a cross between Princess Di and Minnie Mouse. I have no idea what this would look like. A polka dot top with big diamond-like jewelry? Seems Jenny has won some beauty pageants (are we sure we're not talking about Sabrina Bouvier?), and that apparently entitles her to wear a lot of makeup, which according to Stacey is "too much". I'd give that one a pot calling the kettle Jessi. Actually, since I mention that, this book is quite tolerable in terms of OMG JESSI IS BLACK. She mentions it, but doesn't dwell on it. Well, I appreciate it. Back to the meeting, they do some business, Jessi tells them about her disastrous rehearsal and Kristy completely ignores her, because OMG SHE HAS A GREAT IDEA. She says, and I quote, “It seems to me that we haven’t done anything really special with the kids we sit for lately. You know, there hasn’t been a big party, or a carnival, or anything - not for a long time". And that's...... bad.....????? I bet all the parents are sitting around thanking their favorite deity that they haven't had to truck their kid to some stupid event recently. Well folks, enjoy it while it lasts, because the Idea Machine has decided they're going to have a PET SHOW. Barf. Kristy decides that Dawn and MA are going to host it, and Dawn says she's sure her mother wouldn't mind. Actually, Sharon and Richard had rather been enjoying their opportunity to get some without small children crawling under their bed, but I guess they need to enjoy that while it lasts too. They spend the rest of the meeting planning, and Jessi "almost" forgets about her disastrous rehearsal. But not quite.
Coming up next... Jessi is Princess Prepared, kids start spazzing out over the pet show, and I pretend to care!
Now first of all, isn't a phantom like a ghost? Though I wouldn't put it past any BSC members to suspect that a ghost might be doing things like stealing toe shoes and leaving nasty notes, nobody ever suspects in this book that it might be a ghost, they all spend the non-babysitting chapters scoping out the other girls and deciding which ones might be suspects.
Second, the cover, courtesy of everyone's favorite Dibbly-Fresh:
I don't have much to say about it, other than I don't recall this scene actually happening in the book. It of course is generally accepted that among the various criteria Hodges had for what he was allowed to draw is NOT included "The scene depicted on the cover must actually occur in the book". I want to enter the contest to win a free BSC video - unfortunately it ended on May 31, 1991. I was almost 7 then. I don't think I was reading BSC quite yet then, I think I was still on LS. Uh, anyway.
Onto the first chapter! Hurray for dialogue to start a book! Good ole Mme Noelle is conducting a ballet class, and she asks them to do "pas de bourrée couru, en cinquième, with port de bras, ending in an arabesque". According to learntodance.com, Jessi's translation of what Mme Noelle wants into normal English is accurate (amazing). She doesn't mention the "en cinquième" part though, which I'm assuming means "in fifth position", but that doesn't make any sense, because the pas de bourrée couru has them moving across the floor, and I don't know how you're supposed to do that in fifth position. Anyone have experience in ballet and want to help me out on this?
Jessi explains that a ballet studio is another world (really?). She also gives us the phonetic pronunciation of the above French, because we couldn't have figured out on our own that it's not English. She's been studying ballet since she was four, and now she's eleven "so that's a long time!". Long enough, apparently, that we can expect that she will always get the lead in whatever ballet they're doing, I suppose. Oh, right, she then explains that they're doing auditions for Sleeping Beauty, that her ballet school is putting on.
Now one thing that I do appreciate about Jessi books that have ballet bits in them is that we actually get to see her interact with people other than the BSC members. Though as she describes the other girls in her class, she certainly is critical. Future Anorexic Mary is "kind of like a robot, you know?" and Over The Hill Carrie needs a starring role on her resume if she wants to get into a good ballet school after she "graduates" from this one. Someone feel free to let me know if I'm way off base on this one, but I find it difficult to believe that not getting a starring role in a ballet when someone's in the age range of 11-14 is exactly going to kill someone's career. I could see that if someone's a high school senior and wants to get into Juilliard and has never danced a starring role, she might be worried, but it always seems like Carrie is doomed to never get anywhere in her "ballet career" because she never manages to bag a starring role at the ripe old age of 14. Anyway, Lisa "worries too much about her performance in class", and Katie Beth is "kind of one of Madame's pets". Trying to compensate for something there, pal?
Auditions finally end and Madame sends them to the locker room to change while she decides the casting results. Clearly AMM and Ellen Miles have never been involved in any kind of auditions in their lives. Madame is supposedly this highly respected figure in the ballet world, and I sure doubt she got that way if she doesn't even sleep on a casting decision. And secondly, who exactly is included in this show? I can certainly see a ballet school doing a full ballet, and everyone from every class range can feel free to audition, with the little ones getting kiddie type roles, and the high school ages getting the leading roles (except this is BSC, so the leading role will go to an 11-year-old, who certainly isn't old enough to be playing a 16- year-old princess, but whatever). But shouldn't it be separate from their classes? Like the only people auditioning right now are the girls in Jessi's class. And then Madame decides that Jessi is Aurora (oops, I spoiled it... as if you were expecting any different) on the spot. I just keep picturing the sixth graders at the school where I was teaching last year, and imagining one of them auditioning for Aurora, and I just laugh... The sixth grade all-star choir at the school where Husband works did "Jungle Book for kids" last year. That's what sixth graders are doing. Not Sleeping Beauty en pointe. Seriously.
Chapter 2 rolls around and Jessi's dad picks her up. Because she's cool like that, she doesn't jump into the car and scream "I GOT THE PART", but loses it three blocks later and screams “I did it! I’m Aurora!”. Oh touching. Jessi's dad nearly causes a pile-up on whatever street you can expect them on between Stamford and Stoneybrook and then pulls to a curb and says that he's going to run into the store to buy ice cream to celebrate. Apparently a store is beyond that curb, because he just pulls over and gets out. They get home and Jessi tells her family the amazing if implausible news, and describes Sleeping Beauty to them. And gives us the standard Chapter 2 that I just skipped over entirely.
More dialogue begins chapter 3. It would appear we are at another ballet rehearsal. Despite that the only people in Jessi's class to get roles in SB are Jessi, Carrie, and Lisa, the entire class rehearses SB together, and none of the other characters are there. That almost makes sense. My next question is why on earth all the girls are in the changing room together. I'm remembering gym class in middle school and the embarrassment of just trying to get a t-shirt and gym shorts on without exposing any skin, and changing into a leotard (and presumably, putting on a sports bra and so on) involves a whole lot more exposure. Anyway, the big OH NOES moment is when Jessi's toe shoes suddenly aren't in her bag. How someone got close enough to Jessi's bag to take her toe shoes out without Jessi or anyone else noticing is a complete mystery to me, but we're supposed to believe it on face value. Jessi, understandably, freaks out. She searches the room and can't find them, so she heads out to the class barefoot. Mme is suitably unimpressed and sends the class back into the locker room to look for them. Apparently they can't rehearse without her. I'm not quite willing to buy that either, I'm sure they could work on the chorus parts without the lead being there, but whatever. I really think that Mme is being somewhat unnecessarily harsh with Jessi here too. I mean, Jessi (if we can believe what she says) is always prepared, and one might hope Mme could extend some grace to the ONE time that something happens, but apparently not, she gives Jessi a glance that clearly says “Jessica Romsey, I am most disappointed in you". Whatever. They attempt to rehearse, but with Jessi just on her tippy-toes, it just won't do, and Mme cancels the rehearsal. Then Hilary suggests they go look one more time. And they do, and magically Jessi's shoes appear in her bag. Not quite sure how the "Phantom" might have snuck them back in either, but why bother questioning at this point in time. Rehearsal sucks because Jessi is so frazzled, and when she gets BACK into the locker room, there's a NOTE in her BAG that says BEWARE... "Nothing more, nothing less. Just... BEWARE". Since this is BSC, Jessi doesn't immediately go to Mme and say "Um, sorry to bother you, but just so you know..."
GOD in HEAVEN, this is chapter FOUR and we have to endure MORE exposition. I'm just going to delete it all from the e-book so I don't even have to look at it. SNIP! Oh, right, we're at a BSC meeting. Claudia mentions some girl named Jennifer Cooke, who I don't believe has ever been mentioned before or since. She's not in the CG either. Apparently she looked like a cross between Princess Di and Minnie Mouse. I have no idea what this would look like. A polka dot top with big diamond-like jewelry? Seems Jenny has won some beauty pageants (are we sure we're not talking about Sabrina Bouvier?), and that apparently entitles her to wear a lot of makeup, which according to Stacey is "too much". I'd give that one a pot calling the kettle Jessi. Actually, since I mention that, this book is quite tolerable in terms of OMG JESSI IS BLACK. She mentions it, but doesn't dwell on it. Well, I appreciate it. Back to the meeting, they do some business, Jessi tells them about her disastrous rehearsal and Kristy completely ignores her, because OMG SHE HAS A GREAT IDEA. She says, and I quote, “It seems to me that we haven’t done anything really special with the kids we sit for lately. You know, there hasn’t been a big party, or a carnival, or anything - not for a long time". And that's...... bad.....????? I bet all the parents are sitting around thanking their favorite deity that they haven't had to truck their kid to some stupid event recently. Well folks, enjoy it while it lasts, because the Idea Machine has decided they're going to have a PET SHOW. Barf. Kristy decides that Dawn and MA are going to host it, and Dawn says she's sure her mother wouldn't mind. Actually, Sharon and Richard had rather been enjoying their opportunity to get some without small children crawling under their bed, but I guess they need to enjoy that while it lasts too. They spend the rest of the meeting planning, and Jessi "almost" forgets about her disastrous rehearsal. But not quite.
Coming up next... Jessi is Princess Prepared, kids start spazzing out over the pet show, and I pretend to care!